


My Beloved Naruto

by Taua



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Coma, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hospitalization, Language of Flowers, Letters, Limited Movement/Body limitation, Love Confessions, M/M, Medical Trauma, Memory Loss, Near Death Experiences, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Romance, Shounen-ai, Suicide Attempt, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 56
Words: 174,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8287120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taua/pseuds/Taua
Summary: After one year of coma, Naruto Uzumaki finally awakes - and finds that time altered many things in his life, and those of his friends and loved ones.The people are older and have changed in the meantime, but nobody is willing to answer his questions about Sasuke Uchiha.Only the letters seem to hold at least a bit of information. He fights his way back into the present with each envenlope he opens, however... is that really what he wants?





	1. Prolog

 

Darkness.

 

Black, bottomless darkness had engulfed him, for a felt eternity already. There was no up, no down, neither left or right. There was only this total blackness all around him, making it impossible to see or even move. It felt, almost, like he was in a deep slumber; the darkness was his only company and though there was nothing else, he still felt somewhat soothed by it.

 

But then, one day, he heard something in the heavy silence around him.

 

Bit by bit the sounds and noises became louder, tickling something in the back of his mind. He knew the sounds, at least he felt like he did, and gradually the urge to hear more noises grew. Slow enough to go unnoticed until the crave became too obvious to miss.

 

Soon he noticed something else in the darkness – there were smells, smells he remembered from sometime before the blackness, and then he could also start to feel again. Sometimes his face would feel warm, then he'd experience a chilly bite from a breeze, other times the heavy material of a fluffy blanket seemed to press him down, so much he could barely breathe.

 

And then, the day came where the noises became too loud, the smells too heavy, and the feeling too strong – and he finally opened his eyes with a frantic flutter.

 

At first he had been completely confused. The memory he once had was foggy and nearly gone; his eyes hurt when he stared forward while actually seeing nothing. While before the noises, smells, and feelings were hazy they suddenly hit him with full force, overwhelming his exhausted being so much he nearly fell back into his slumber. Yet something held him back – like he recalled there were things for him to do, things he couldn't when he fell back into sleep. He couldn't really name the reason, but his will forbade him to return into the peaceful nothingness he had been in for the last eternity.

 

When his muscles tried to flex and move he released a pained groan. The weak limps stuck onto the mattress, feeling like they were out of concrete; way too heavy for his limited force. The blanket, actually thin and white, laid so strongly on him he thought, for a fleeting moment, he was buried under a ton of earth or something as massive. Even when he clenched his eyes shut to focus more into his muscles he couldn't move as much as a single finger. How his eyelids managed to respond to his command was a mystery itself.

 

Something crashed against the floor, very close to him. While before he had no memory, his mind immediately recognized the noise – the sound of a cup falling down and breaking against the hard floor.

 

“ _Naruto!_ ”

 

The shout had been so loud he pressed his eyes harder together, groaning once again. Naruto... he knew the name. Wasn't that what people usually called him?

 

The sight before his closed eyes darkened slightly, as if a shadow was covering his grimacing face. When Naruto parted his eyelids again, his usually clear blue orbs still foggy because of his previous fainting, all he could see was heavily blurred. Fabric, dark one, filled his entire sight and for a moment Naruto feared he fell back into his slumber after all. But then the dark something disappeared, in a flash, and left him back seeing brightness instead. Everything was so light, he thought he was surrounded by whiteness. A terrible contrast to the previous, peaceful darkness; his head was already pulsing with ache because of it.

 

Suddenly steps echoed through the space, followed by a noise so loud Naruto felt like his head was about to explode. When he thought there was a shout before, what he now heard was a fucking scream.

 

“Naruto, you woke up!” How a voice, especially a female one, could scream that loudly was a mystery to Naruto. “Oh my God...! I- I can't...!” the woman added, more quietly, and he could swear he just heard her sobbing.

 

Though the voice was partly unknown to Naruto, he still felt a twinge in his chest by hearing the low cries. He felt like the woman wasn't supposed to be sad, especially because of him, and therefore he faintly licked over his too dry lips while he collected all the force he had left.

 

Gasping and in pain while he spoke, Naruto still managed to mouth a single word, suddenly knowing all too well who the unknown woman was.

 

“... Saku... ra...,” he murmured, sighing slowly once he had brought the last syllable over his lips. Why was it so hard to talk? The memory was still foggy and fragmented, yet Naruto remembered he loved to talk, sometimes doing it for several hours without as much as a pause in between the sentences.

 

“Should I get a doctor?” The question came from a male voice, much more collected than Sakura's. In fact, his voice seemed to lack every emotion thinkable, yet Naruto had the feeling he heard a faint nuance of concern in it.

 

“Yes please,” Sakura replied, coughing when she tried to hold her noises back. “I'll stay here with him. Hurry up, Sai.”

 

Steps could be heard, the man named Sai apparently leaving. Naruto wasn't all too surprised to hear Sakura's tone change from nearly devastated to nearly calm in the matter of seconds. As odd as it sounded, he had the feeling it was natural for her to be that moody. The swing was calming familiar, in fact.

 

Something scratched loudly over the floor, making Naruto grimace once again. His head throbbed with every little noise and even the mere sound of a chair being pulled closer was barely bearable to him. A hand closed around his, so warm against his skin, and held close while Sakura sunk together on the chair. “I... I can't believe you finally woke up,” she whispered, barely noticeable.

 

The statement confused Naruto. Finally? Sure, he did feel like he had had a very deep sleep, if the darkness he was engulfed in hadn't been enough of a hint, yet it couldn't be all too much time passed since he laid down. Actually, Naruto often felt that weak and without orientation when he had such a dreamless sleep.

 

But still, only a few hours must have passed since... since...

 

What had he done before bed?

 

Somehow Naruto had no clear memory of what happened before he went to sleep. Probably he had brushed his teeth and pulled on his pajama, then headed for his side of the bed and snuggled into the covers. He'd have been cold for a while before he inched closer to the source of warmth laying beside him, inches from his grasp.

 

… No.

 

Last night, he hadn't been brushing his teeth and neither had he dressed into his sleeping clothes. Actually, Naruto had trouble recalling the entire evening before he went to sleep and, somehow, it also felt like it _hadn't_ been late when darkness engulfed him to begin with. Hadn't it been daylight, then? It had been bright outside, when he had crossed-

 

Suddenly Naruto's forehead throbbed harder with pain, making him wince and turn on the bed. Ache, unbearable ache shook his entire body, his bones and muscles hurting so much he had tears in his eyes, sharp things cutting his skin open, his blood feeling burning hot when it ran over his skin – everything all too real for being just another dream.

 

“Naruto!” Sakura called, alerted, “Naruto, calm down! You're save! It's just the memory of the accident!”

 

Sakura kept speaking to him, but Naruto was too lost in his pain to listen. The memory crashed right down on him, like a giant wave in the ocean which came to crush him against the ground. He felt the pain of when the car hit him, breaking his bones and tearing his skin, his body flying through the air before he hit the tarmac with such a force he couldn't even cry out anymore. It was so vivid, the flashback provided by his mind, Naruto could smell his own blood and feel the ache of his twisted body all over again. That time he had wished to die, just so the pain could stop, and now that he lived the memory through again the same desire filled his entire being.

 

If he could just die it would be over, the pain, the fear, everything, but just when he was almost about to give in to the wish he felt something like hands clenching around his, jerking his soul out of the approaching darkness, anchoring him in the present.

 

It was a… familiar feeling.

 

Something, _somebody_ , didn't allow him to let go.

 

Naruto was still struggling with the pain by the time people filled the room and, eventually, his frantically heaving chest evened out, moving slower and slower the deeper his breathing became. Sweating heavily Naruto relaxed against the covers while his eyes slid close, his body forced to calm by the injection he got. He was thankful for it, greatly, even when the drug left him dull to the noises around him. As long as the pain stopped, he would accept pretty much any side-effect possible.

 

While Sakura and the other people talked, Naruto was left remembering. Though the memory wasn't as vivid as moments before, he still recalled how he was involved in an accident. He had crossed the street, not bothering to check the sides since he was fuming, and hence a car hit him at high speed. That fact in the back of his mind, it didn't seem all too odd he slept for such a long time – if he had been sleeping to begin with. Perhaps he had fallen into a coma, for how much he knew, and happened to awake just X days after the accident. For a moment Naruto wondered just how much time had passed since then; had he been lucky and passed out only for a couple of days? What if, in fact, a few years had passed by? The thought troubled him quite a lot, considering he had issues knowing which calendar date it was when he was fully healthy from time to time.

 

His head throbbed once again, as if telling him to stop thinking and rest instead.

 

Usually Naruto would have given in to the call of his body, however given the special circumstances he rather tried to remember as much as he could. He had the feeling something deeper was behind the reason he got hit by a car – the reason why he stormed across the street without thinking. The feelings were foggy but, if he wasn't completely mistaken, Naruto had been angry that time. Furious, even. Something had set him off so much he couldn't think straight anymore. Not that Naruto was known to be a great thinker at all, but at least he still managed to keep at least a bit of reason in his head even when angry. It was fairly difficult to fury him enough to see red.

 

He could also swear something about the entire situation was off. Hard to tell what exactly, but something was missing, something dear and important to him which also regularly pissed him off to a ridiculous degree. A tall frame appeared before his inner eye, dark hair covering a white face, the thin lips opening to whisper insults declared nicknames-

 

Stopping his breathing Naruto tore his eyes open, staring at the plain ceiling.

 

All the pain had vanished, though it felt horrible to speak with a throat that dry, as Naruto asked the next words, his voice crystal clear.

 

 

 

“Where's Sasuke?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> Look who returned from the abyss of silence lol.  
> Many things have happened in my life, so I've been out of it mostly... however now things get better and I decided to work on this again!  
> The story was originally posted back on Y! summer 2013 for a contest, but some of it has been bothering me a lot so I decided to edit the entire thing and smooth out some things in the meantime. Since I'll gonna post it back at Y! as well, I might as well make it better :D 
> 
> Some of you might already know the story; not much is gonna be changed, safe for the ending.  
> It sucked really hard compared to the huge build up, so I decided to do it new from scratch. So stay tuned 8D
> 
> Greetings,  
> -T


	2. 1st Letter - The Vow

More or less one week had passed since Naruto had awakened from his coma. Most of the time passed by with him just sleeping, his body not ready to be used and running low on stamina; it felt like he couldn't take more than an hour before his eyes slid close. But judging from how ruffled up he had been, it was close to a miracle he even managed to survive in the first place. Not many woke up after a little over a year again.

 

His bones had healed, mostly, and the cuts on his skin had closed. Naruto didn't find a scar so far either. But unfortunately his muscles had weakened greatly during the coma – he could barely lift an item, be it the remote of the small TV hanging in the far corner or a glass of water. Walking was out of the question, too; it was rehab and training for him, once he ate enough to gain some of his forces back. Though, Naruto was still far away from having _actual_ food. The stuff he was served was nothing but shallow soup and tea. At least he was welcomed to sugar it as much as he wanted, since he's need the glucose.

 

Doctors and nurses had come and left and he was to meet a psychologist the next few days. After all, it had been a shock to him waking up practically one year in the future. Naruto had no idea of the recent developments in the world, what music was in, hell, he had no clue which month it was. Frustrating, for the most part, but he was so heavily drugged he lacked the strength to be angry for too long.

 

Throughout the visits, Sakura had stayed by his side, bossing Sai around to get them either tea, snacks, or water while she would stay guard. Sometimes Naruto felt like a chick under a mother hen's watch. Though, as much as she cared for him, it was obvious the young woman kept a secret:

 

During the last few days, she had completely avoided Naruto's questions about Sasuke. He'd even go as far as to state she simply ignored whatever he asked as soon as it concerned him, which was pretty much confusing. Sure, Sasuke would be enough of a bastard to not _constantly_ be around Naruto, even when he was laying in hospital, though he expected at least a visit once in a while. He didn't ask for much, only a few spared minutes spend in intimate togetherness, where Sasuke would act like a lover and be by his side. But judging from Sakura's reaction, Naruto was inclined to believe his bastard hadn't as much as showed up in the entire passed year. That hurt, to some degree, but Naruto would lie if he said he hadn't almost... thought it would be that way.

 

It was no secret he and Sasuke had issues. Even after years of relationship, Sasuke remained the distant bastard he was, and lately it had pissed Naruto so off they ended up in a huge fight, just the day when he had the accident. Naruto had yet to figure out what exactly they argued about, but he had the strong feeling it had to do with Sasuke being his usual, insensitive bastard self.

 

But still... what could he have done which was so horrible even Sakura wouldn't speak up?

 

It was nearly time for dinner by the time Naruto gave it another shot.

 

His voice having recovered a little, he asked with a hoarse tone, “What, has Sasuke moved on or something?”

 

Immediately she looked up, avoiding Naruto's glance a second later. The chair next to his bed had turned into Sakura's favorite spot; whenever he woke up, he almost always found her sitting on it with a book in her hands. “Why bother about other people? You should focus on yourself for now. After all, you've been in a coma for over a year!”

 

… And there she changed the subject once again.

 

But Naruto was tired of playing around.

 

“Sakura,” he called, pausing until she finally looked at him. “I can take it. Just what happened? Did he find somebody else?”

 

She remained silent, turning away again after a moment.

 

Naruto opened his mouth to further ask when a third voice interfered.

 

“He left,” Sai replied, neutrally.

 

Sakura hissed loudly at him, probably as a warning, but Sai kept speaking while he stepped closer with a small tray with drinks in his hands. “At first he sat here every day, for about three weeks, and then he suddenly started coming less and less.” Sai placed the tray onto the movable cupboard, cautious to not come too close to Sakura. Apparently she was still swinging her fists when she was angry enough. “He was seen here since then, once in a while, but nobody actually knows where he is or what he is doing.”

 

“That's enough,” she snarled, snatching up one of the glasses and emptying it with huge gulps.

 

Instead of backing off, Sai stared at her with a neutral expression, not showing the slightest hint of fear. “He would have found out anyhow. Why holding back the truth?” he asked, genuinely. At least he hadn't changed in that aspect; Sai had never been one to beat around the bush but was painfully direct most of the time.

 

She slammed her fist down onto the cupboard, violently. “Naruto just woke up! There's no need to bother him with _bullshit_ like this,” she reasoned, her usually gentle eyes carrying spite and anger. Her entire body was tensed, seemingly every muscle, the mere thought about Sasuke having her anger flare up. He remembered Sakura had never particularly cared for him once he rebuffed her almost two decades ago. Still, she had turned more than sensitive once he and Naruto got closer. At first it had appeared like she was just jealous of the two being together – it had taken years for Naruto to figure out Sakura was simply worried about him, about what Sasuke, with his cold eyes, would do to him.

 

But still...

 

“It's fine,” Naruto stated out of the blue. Immediately the two stared at him and he grinned, but it never reached his eyes. “Really. There is other stuff to care about than the bastard. I'll just talk to him when he shows up, or latest when I get back home.” The smile was there, yet every word felt like a blade piercing his chest. His soul was being ripped from his body, his heart tearing apart, yet not a single tear left his eyes and his lips didn't twitch at all.

 

It wasn't the first time Sasuke would hurt him. In fact, the stupid bastard was rather good at torture, breaking Naruto's heart even in the most casual situations. Why he stayed with Sasuke was an entire mystery itself; maybe the wish to fix the broken, issued being was driving him, perhaps he just loved being in love with somebody and care for them more than the actual person. Or maybe he was simply addicted to the random moments where Sasuke would actually express his own affectionate feelings to him, as brief as his actions were.

 

Though Naruto had no clear memory, he could easily guess he was involved in the accident because it had eventually become too much to bear. Lately he failed at shaking the silent insults off, the pain growing with each day. Maybe now that he woke up alone it was time for changes – changes leading to a future away from Sasuke. The thought hurt, but staying with him seemed to be even worse at times.

 

Probably it was too soon to make up his mind though, especially since he was so drugged, but Naruto would keep the option in mind for later.

 

“Lying doesn't suit you,” Sai suddenly stated, his voice indifferent.

 

Narrowing his eyes, Naruto pulled his lips in a snarl. He wasn't ready to be figured out just yet. “Like _you_ could read faces so well.”

 

At the comment Sai started smiling – an odd, somehow fake looking play of muscles on his face – before he replied, “We haven't talked in a year. It's likely I made progress in the meantime.”

 

“Well, I can tell you still lack the ability to know when it's better to shut up.” Naruto had merely murmured his response, his voice grumpy. On the one side it was soothing his friends hadn't changed all that much, on the other side it managed to annoy the shit out of Naruto. Usually he would have crossed his arms over his chest when he was in such a mood, but he simply lacked the strength to lift them. He could only half-way sit up thanks to the hospital bed, otherwise he'd be forced to constantly lay on his back, he was so weak.

 

Sakura had just given Sai a harsh shove when the door opened and a dark-haired nurse came in. From all the people who had been around him the last week, Naruto felt she was genuinely interested in his well-being. The others were nice, but she was a tag nicer than them all.

 

If he wasn't completely wrong, her name was Shizune.

 

Smiling gently she said, “I'm afraid you guys have to leave. The visiting hours will be over soon.”

 

Sakura didn't even bother to hide her distaste. “What, already? But it's still so soon,” she complained, however still got up from her chair. Naruto wondered if she asked to spend the nights at the hospital since she was so clingy. Cute and flattering as her behavior was, he still felt guilty; what must have she been through the last year to act the way she did.

 

“You can come back tomorrow morning.” Shizune spoke gently, yet she sounded stern. Stepping away from the door she made enough room they could leave, silently demanding them to follow her order. But before telling their goodbye, Sakura placed a gentle kiss on Naruto's cheek while Sai gave him a rare, real smile.

 

“We'll come back immediately tomorrow morning. Have a good night, Naruto.” Sakura's green eyes shone with sympathy and, perhaps, a little regret as she walked away, closely followed by Sai. He only gave him an awkward wave of his hand Naruto could hardly return, his hand feeling endlessly heavy when he tried lifting it.

 

The door closed with a soft click, leaving him and Shizune alone.

 

“Supper will be brought in soon. Are you feeling hungry?” The question broke the silence as she crossed the room to check on his pulse.

 

“Kind of,” Naruto smiled. Her fingers were soft and gentle when they pressed against his skin, moving experienced while she took in his vitals. “Just... I'd be happier if it were Ramen.”

 

Shizune grimaced, as if she was truly sorry she couldn't grant him his wish. “If you recover quickly, maybe you can have some by the end of next week,” she announced before writing down the results on a small clipboard she carried along. “As far as I've known you, your body heals rather quickly. Your stomach should be fine soon.” She tilted her head, a gentle smile over her lips. “Ah, and I've got another one for you.”

 

With that she reached into one of the large twin-pockets on the front of her uniform, pulling out a simple, white envelope. Confused Naruto looked at the thing, unsure what to think. It was plain, a stamp mark in the corner and the address scribbled on the front.

 

“What's that?” he eventually asked, giving up on finding an answer on his own.

 

Shizune blinked a few times, honest confusion written across her face. “Oh? I thought your friends already told you. Since you're here, you have been receiving letters weekly.” She walked over to the nightstand on the other side of Naruto's bed. As he followed her with his eyes he, finally, noticed a large paper-box right next to himself, filled to the top with letters. They all had his name on them, an address – probably his room and the street of the hospital –, along with a large number on the left side. How had he managed to not even noticed the large pile until now?

 

She leaned her head back, one hand grasping her chin while she thought. “I think it started once he started going back home.”

 

Naruto gasped softly, the noise coming out uncontrolled. “Who? Uchiha Sasuke?” he suggested and immediately Shizune's face lit up.

 

“Yes, that's who I mean!” she confirmed, quickly adding, “At first he was here day and night, but then he eventually started visiting normally. I've only seen him once in a while lately though, when he came for checking on you. He used to come on Fridays and would leave a letter in the box, too.” Holding up the envelope, she showed it to the still speechless Naruto. “They're marked. This is number fifty-one.” In fact, a large '51' was written in the left corner. “I think it's Sasuke who's sending these to begin with. Why else would he personally drop them here?”

 

Naruto couldn't reply, still too shocked. Sasuke had never written a letter in his life, or so he thought, and now he should believe the entire pile was from him? He had problems wrapping his mind around it just yet, still something deep inside his chest felt warm at the idea they all came from him. Though, it still left the question open why Sasuke wasn't there, then. Writing a letter a week meant he cared, right? At least a little. Why else put up with the work and stress?

 

However he turned it, it just won't make sense.

 

In the meantime Shizune had noticed his current state of absence, but instead of checking up on him she searched through the pile of envelopes. It took a while, but eventually she pulled out a slightly yellowed letter with a '1' in the corner. “This is the first one. He left it on the nightstand about three weeks after your accident, back when you were in the intensive care,” she told, her voice gentle when she handed the envelope over to Naruto.

 

His muscles still ached, yet he accepted the letter and stared at it with a blank expression. It laid innocently in his lap, the paper smooth and writing fine. The letters curled a bit and looked elegant, though only his name was written across it. Sasuke probably didn't bother adding the address when he left it personally.

 

His feelings were so mixed, he couldn't find himself have a certain one spread over his face. When his fingers touched the cover, he noticed it wasn't glued. Even when he was deadly tired and weak, he would still he able to pull the letter out. It might take a while, but he could if he really tried to.

 

Silently Shizune started for the door, whispering to Naruto he should ring the bell if he needed anything before she left him completely alone.

 

For a long time, Naruto simply stared at the envelope in his hands, uncertain if he dared reading it or not. On the one side he was curious if it was, indeed, a letter from Sasuke, on the other side he was deeply afraid of the content. What would be inside that old-looking envelope?

 

Time kept passing by and when Naruto finally pulled the letter out and unfolded it, it felt like hours had passed. He immediately recognized the borderline calligraphy handwriting, knowing it from cards he forced Sasuke to write around Christmas, birthdays, and other occasions since his writing was always a pleasure for the eye compared to Naruto's unreadable scribbling.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Now it has been three weeks since you were hit by the car just outside of our home. For three weeks you have been laying in this bed, motionlessly, your body connected to countless tubes and covered in hundreds of bandages. Blood used to be all over your skin while the machines keeping you alive would gently beep, steadily for the most part._

_All this time I have been sitting here, next to you, day and night, giving you the company you need this dark moment of your life. I feel guilty for what has happened, therefore I was determined to never leave your side and assure you of my feelings, telling you how much you're needed here, in this world. It haunts me the reason for all this was our fight – the fight we had because you believe you mean nothing to me, that you and I became strangers sharing a bed and nothing more. My goal was to prove you different. For the last three weeks I have been sitting here, by your side, telling how much I love you and how empty my life is when you're not beside me._

_All the time, you didn't show much of a reaction. I kept telling I love and I want you back, but you ignored every single declaration, every call, every beg I made. It took me a while, but now I think you don't react to my vows because you ignorantly think I don't mean it, throwing out empty phrases to win you back. You don't care about my words, how I expose my most inner sensations to you. No matter how often I kiss your forehead, your lips, how often my fingers brush your still warm skin – you'd never react. Actually, that's quite understandable; you probably think it's my fault we're in this situation and that it serves me right how much I suffer under your indifference. Perhaps you even heard all the things I told you and laughed, silently to yourself, while I was breaking apart right in front of you over the fear of losing you._

_However, even when you are 'done with me', as you placed it, I will still fight for you – because, against everything you assume, you mean the world to me, Naruto. I will show you how deep my feelings run for you, even if it will mean my very end. I don't mind this life anyhow. Without you, it's just empty and worthless to me, but the deep wish to have you back one day keeps me grounded in this world._

_You complained I wouldn't care about you and punish me with your cold indifference. But no matter how much you hurt me with it, I am going to express my love for you in every way I can figure out and record them in these letters. It is up to you if you are even going to glance at or toss them away the second you receive them, as well as it's up to you if you're even going to accept and believe in these confessions I will make to begin with._

_As for me, I made up my mind:_

_You say I wouldn't know you?_

_I am going to show you just how close you are to me, my love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> So this is the first chap. They are all build the same way, meaning the first part is about Naruto in the present while the letters cover the time from the coma.  
> I don't know how fast I'll post the rest. Last time I had a deadline to meet, so this time I want to properly check on the words and fix everything on the way.  
> No rush this time :D 
> 
> I hope you can enjoy the story and stay tuned for more! 
> 
> Greetings,  
> -T


	3. 2nd Letter - The Sun

Though he felt exhausted, Naruto found hardly any sleep that night. His body was tired and sought rest, but he had been just too angry and confused to do as much as closing his eyes. The nurses had offered him medicine to make him sleep, but Naruto had declined – he rather used the coming hours to think and vent his anger in the solitude of his room.

 

Just who the hell did that motherfucking bastard _think_ he was?!

 

The moment Naruto had read the letter he felt close to tear it into pieces. He would have, but the paper felt just too damn thick for his weakened hands. But his almost mutilated muscles didn't stop him from exploding with fury – on the inside, at least. Unbelievable what that son of a bitch had written down. Even after re-reading the stupid piece of paper, Naruto still couldn't believe it. Did Sasuke actually blame _him_ for what had happened?! Well sorry, if the car had asked first, Naruto would have politely declined the offer to get nearly killed by it.

 

Just... what in the mother of God?

 

While before Naruto had kept a slight bit of hope left, he was certain he'd never want to see the bastard again in his life. Yes, he wouldn't even _think_ about his name any more but only refer to him as bastard – because that was the entire essence of his damn being. Rarely before had he been that angry. He was even glaring, though he kept his head turned into the opposite direction of the box filled with more pieces of shit from the bastard. Naruto was tempted to call a nurse and have the letters get brought away instantly, but somehow his hand would always feel too heavy to lift just when he wanted to push the button.

 

The hours passed by while Naruto remained furious. Even his breakfast, just a sip of orange juice along with milk and cereals so soft he didn't even need to chew, kept going up and down his stomach the entire morning. The anger made even something like digesting impossible to him. Though, the only benefit he got was a sudden rush of energy – even when he lacked the strength to have the letters brought away, sometime around eight in the morning he managed to crumble up the one he read. Not a tight ball like he used to make, but it was still round enough to be comfortably thrown.

 

However when Naruto gave tossing it a try, he turned red with embarrassment:

 

The stupid ball of paper laid not a foot away from his bed after he threw it. Or, better, it had rolled off the mattress after he gave it a gentle shove.

 

“Damn it...!” Growling low in his throat, he jerked his head away from the letter – only to end up looking at the box filled with envelopes instead. Frustrated he twisted on the mattress, which didn't work out all that well since he still could hardly move. Settling for glaring up at the ceiling at some point, the seemingly only letter-free spot in his entire room, he eventually came to rest on his back.

 

After a while Shizune came in for the usual checkup, but Naruto decided to remain silent. He was still in no mood to be social, even if he grew liking the brief conversations he had with her. Letting out his anger on someone who wasn't responsible for it wouldn't be fair and go against his nature.

 

“Your pulse is rather high,” she commented while she held her fingers on Naruto's wrist. Still Shizune kept her voice neutral, though her eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. “Do you need a tranquilizer?”

 

“I rather need some face to punch,” he admitted, bitterly. Oh, if the bastard was there, Naruto would hit him enough he ended up in a bed next to his. Or, no, he'd rather have the bastard in the intensive care. Seeing him all the time would only make his blood boil harder.

 

Shizune merely laughed at him. “If you're this fired up barely after you woke up, I believe you'll be out of here faster than you can look.” A smile covered her lips, giving her a rather cheerful but also relieved expression. Apparently she cared quite a lot about after all, possibly more than her job required.

 

But he was still seeing too much red to realize that.

 

“Facing so much bullshit as I did in a couple of minutes would get anyone angry. Believe it.” A dark frown wrinkled up his yaw, the corners of his mouth turned downwards. He really needed to start his training so that, once the bastard came to drop another letter, he could kick his ass once and for all. No way Sasuke would take him serious when he failed at tossing a simple sheet of paper away.

 

… _Damn_ , now he thought about the bastard with his actual name!

 

“Fuck!” Naruto cursed loudly, making Shizune flinch. Not a second later a rather bright laughter washed through the room, way too cheerful for his taste.

 

Pissed off, Naruto turned towards the noise to spot Sakura just standing in the doorway, the giggly noises coming from her. “What's so funny?!” he barked, his, by now, bright blue eyes narrowed down dangerously. They were mere slits, looking like sharp, sky-colored blades ready to slice through whoever tried approaching him carelessly.

 

“It's great to see you with so much spirit again.” Sakura smiled as she fully entered the room, her head slightly cocked as she came closer.

 

Now that he was fully awake, Naruto took his time taking in her appearance. Over the last year she had her hair grow out – it reached down to her elbows, actually – and she also looked a bit less lively as she used to. For a moment Naruto wondered if she had simply been too worried about him to be fully happy; they were rather close since Sakura finally warmed up to him. She wore a long, red top and black pants reaching down to her knees, a short, pink skirt covering her hips. Judging from the clothing, it was rather warm outside. From one of her shoulders hung a large, colorful bag which looked pretty heavy, though she didn't seem to bother the weight at all. Somehow she had always been crazily strong compared to her almost delicate frame.

 

Noticing him staring, Sakura explained, “These are some recent movies. Comedy and adventure. I thought you could watch them when you're bored.” She walked closer and dropped the bag next to the cupboard, a smile over her lips when she crossed her arms behind her back. For a second she looked like she used to – glowing with positive energy while she took care of those she considered close.

 

With so much gentleness thrown his way, Naruto had a hard time staying angry. He'd always been rather sensitive to the emotions of the people around him; when they had a good time, he'd have a good time as well, if they were rather depressed he would just go with that instead. Not that he could be manipulated that easily – he was simply mindful of those around himself.

 

If he could, Naruto would have scratched his head when he answered. “Thanks, Sakura. I really appreciate it.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, though the effect of the anger was still too recent to have it properly shown. At least the frown was mostly gone, safe for a light twitch on one of his eyebrows.

 

Silently Shizune nodded in goodbye before leaving the two alone. Maybe she thought they were together, perhaps, since Naruto could guess Sakura was around rather often. Of course he wasn't embarrassed by the assumption, but he also didn't want others to get funny ideas. There was a time where he sought for it, but now they were just really good friends – nothing more, nothing less.

 

Sakura blinked a few times and for a second he could swear he saw her eyes watering. “How are you settling in? Did you sleep we-” she asked, cutting herself off when she spotted the ball of paper on the floor. “What's that?” she whispered before leaning down to pick it up.

 

Naruto's face tensed in the matter of seconds. “Rubbish some bastard left here,” he all but spat, staring up at the ceiling once again. He could have sat up, with the bed, but he didn't feel like it. Once his upper body was tilted upwards, he'd see the box of letters in the corner of his eyes.

 

Curious Sakura unfolded the sheet of paper, her eyes growing hard when she, too, recognized the handwriting right away. “I can toss the letters if you like,” she suggested while crumbling the paper together once again, tighter than Naruto could. She hadn't read the content, for that the brief look at the letter was too little, but he was aware she knew his bad mood was reasoned in the envelopes. Sakura was damn smart, probably one of the smartest people he knew. Counting one and one together was pretty easy to her. And though the offer was attractive and the words 'sure, do that' laid on the tip of his tongue, Naruto still couldn't bring himself speaking them out after all.

 

Instead he just sighed and closed his eyes in deep frustration.

 

“You could have told me the letters were from him,” he neutrally stated, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

 

“I didn't know _for sure_.” Sakura pulled the chair closer again and sat down by his side. “I haven't seen him properly in a year, let alone spoken. He somehow vanished and is, since then, unreachable for any of us.” Carelessly she tossed the ball of paper onto the cupboard instead of throwing it away, the paper scratching a little over the smooth surface. “Sai has seen him once in a while though. As well as the nurses.”

 

Naruto gave a bitter chuckle. “You're quite open today, Sakura,” he commented, thinking back to the time when he just woke up. All of his questions went ignored then, and now she talked about the bastard so openly. Quite annoying to some degree. She could have just said what she knew and left it there.

 

“I thought it was a little much recently.” She turned silent for a moment, then quietly added, “You had us rather worried. You've been comatose for over a year...” Trailing off she clenched her hands into fists, resting them on her lap. “Sitting here and talking to you, while you will answer... It still feels unreal.”

 

It was still there, the tension Sakura build up over the months, a mere week not having been enough to loose it up entirely. Naruto could only guess what all of his friends went through while he laid in hospital, somewhere between alive and dead, unable to give as much of a sign, any kind of response to the gentle calls and desperate worries of his precious people.

 

“But now,” Naruto suddenly started, making Sakura look up at his face. A gentle smile laid over his lips, encouraging and secure, just the kind of smiles only he could flash to somebody. “I'm here and awake. And I'm not planning to go back into coma anytime soon.”

 

There wasn't much he could do just yet, but easing the pain of those dear to him belonged to the things Naruto would do no matter the circumstances. Perhaps that was the reason why he managed to change the people, making even somebody as controlled as Sakura shudder when the held-back sobs finally escaped her mouth.

 

For a second his thoughts trailed off, wondering if Sasuke would have cried when he saw him awake. Only that now Naruto didn't feel furious by it – but rather sad instead.

 

“So, feel like watching one of the movies?” he asked, weakly trying to distract both himself and Sakura from whatever darkness threatened to catch up with them.

 

~*~

 

The hours went on, lunch coming somewhere in between, and in the early afternoon Sai happened to show up as well. He had brought a present, a large bouquet and pralines... which got him in quite the trouble. Since they knew each other for several years, ones might think they would understand the different needs and kinks they had – but really, Sai was so socially awkward Naruto would _never_ be able to keep his cool around him. Only _he_ would bring presents for Valentine's Day to a guy at hospital.

 

The nurses probably thought Naruto was gay so far, if not in a triangle relationship with both of them. Not that he minded; he didn't judge people by their sexuality, so he expected the same from his environment.

 

… Besides. If he _were_ in a relationship with Sai, he'd probably break up faster than in the speed of light. Or strangle him for his random comments.

 

The latest already made the vein on his temple throb in irritation.

 

“You really need to get laid again.” Sai had bluntly spoken, with a face straighter than an arrow. If Naruto had had the force he would have leaped out of bed and punched him the moment the words left his mouth. The presents had already riled him up and his mood was still foul from the bastard's letter; it didn't take much to push him to the point he felt like rioting. He'd even hit two birds with one shot by beating up Sai; since they looked to alike, it was easy to imagine them being the same person. All he had to do was narrowing his eyes so much he could only make out dark hair and pale skin and he could take out all the fury.

 

“And you need to shut the fuck up,” Naruto fought back, growling low in his throat while he glared darkly. It wasn't very effective though – not only because he simply couldn't look honestly intimidating but because Sai was unshakeable in that aspect. The miserable state of his body didn't make things easier. He could only sit up thanks to the bed, the support on the back strong enough to keep him with a comfortable overview of the room without draining his forces too much. It would take long enough before Naruto was able to sit on his own again... So far there was only a soft ball he was supposed to squeeze tightly a few times every few hours. He was supposed to try lifting up his limbs as often as he could as well; tiring as hell, but baby-steps were all he could take currently.

 

“The book I read said you should always be helpful to your friends,” Sai quoted with a serious face. “By telling you you need getting laid, I was sure to help you. You were always rather calm and happy after Sasuke fucked you.”

 

Oh, if he had the force to throw the remote against his head...

 

Sakura, thankfully, spoke up before Naruto exploded. “Sai, it's fine making suggestions, but before Naruto hasn't properly recovered it's better if you... just keep quiet most of the time.” Her voice was firm but still gentle, just like always when she gave him advice. Unlike Naruto, she was rather patient with his odder parts of personality. Most likely she had been the one giving him the book he mentioned before to begin with.

 

Sai looked uncertain about the advice, however didn't question its sense. Instead he leaned back against the wall, his face serious, almost like he was trying to figure out the reason behind the correcting words.

 

Naruto was just thankful he was forced to shut up, at least for the moment. He even mouthed a silent 'thanks' once he thought Sai wasn't looking, making Sakura laugh lowly to herself. Though the situation was slightly annoying, he still found himself relieved. The time might have moved on, but his friends remained the same – it was a soothing thought in these hard times filled with uncertainty.

 

And, perhaps, if they had remained mostly the same...

 

Looking up, Naruto found himself staring at the box with letters like so often before. While in the early morning he wanted to see the envelopes on fire, he was more and more inclined to read through them. He was curious, more than anything, not exactly about the content but how much the bastard wrote in general. How many pages would he find, sealed away in the numbered covers? Did he write only a handful of sentences or throughout letters? The first hadn't been particularly long, Naruto had to admit, so he wondered how much work the bastard actually put into them.

 

Sakura noticed him staring and though her face remained neutral her voice sounded somewhat tensed when she spoke. “Should I get you number two?”

 

Jerking his head around – as much as he could, with non-existent muscles – Naruto blinked at her, taken off-guard. Her lips were pressed together, so tightly her mouth was a straight line.

 

Should she? Did he want to have number two?

 

He was still thinking about the answer when Sakura got up from her chair and stepped over to the box, quickly searching the bottom for the envelope with the large '2' in its corner. It didn't take long before she held it in her hands. The paper looked yellowed, just like the first letter, and though it was sealed the glue had weakened greatly over the year. One side was already so loose, Naruto would easily be able to open it even when he was tired out.

 

The letter was easily handed over to him, the paper laying in his lap while he fought to open the envelope completely. The sounds caught Sai's interest as well; before long he was silently observing the scene, his face as unreadable as ever

 

After a while he asked asked, “Can I help you?” He was already by the side of the bed, his dark eyes reflecting something like a mix of worry and care. The facial expressions may have been odd and unreadable, however Sai was like an open book when he came up close with his nearly black, thin eyes. Or, maybe, Naruto was just skilled at reading in dark pools; the bastard was a total mystery to most as well.

 

The answer was given with a bright grin. “Thanks, but I need to do it myself. Training, you know.” With that Naruto struggled a little longer with the cover and, eventually, had it fully open. Sighing loudly he pulled out the folded sheets, surprised to find about three pages in the envelope. Quickly he smoothed out the paper, the material soft beneath his hands, unable to keep his stomach from clenching together for a moment before he started reading.

 

_+*+_

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I just spend the first few days back in our home, for the first time in weeks. The food in the fridge has long since gone bad, though I lost my appetite for a while now. I had to toss the three packets of milk you bought recently, along with the vegetables and most of the rest. The only things left are some closed boxes with cold cuts and the instant-Ramen you had me buy for you. Though I wish you'd eat more different things, I still understand your crave for those meals. Just about three months ago I went to a cooking course specialized on noodle-soups, so I could prepare you a better treat with good ingredients rather than the nearly gray garbage you used to eat. My plan had been to cook for you on our anniversary, however since it just passed the other day, I guess I'll need to think of another occasion. Perhaps I can cook you Ramen when you come back home._

_Sadly most of your plants suffered from the poor care of the last few weeks. Since my thoughts were mostly with you and I spent most of my time at the hospital, they were left to themselves. I watered them, though the help came too late for Saku, Ino-chan and Captain Orchid. Since I saw you doing it often, I tried cutting the dried flowers and leaves away before I generously watered them. They look still naked without their colorful blossoms, but at least the bits left from the original plant straightened out. Kyuubi, Ichibi, and Gobi took it rather well though; they, too, had lowered the leaves a great lot but now they look healthy again. Sadly most of the plants in the greenhouse withered, since the sun shone quite a lot recently. The tomato-plants died as well, along with all the large fruits and the big sunflowers. It's a real shame – you paid so much attention to them. But, though the plants inside look better, I'm sure they're missing you. I might be capable of cutting and watering them, but when their sun is missing they can't recover completely. They may be mute beings, but I can somehow understand their situation. Without you, my bright sun, every day appears gray and colorless, just like the Ramen you usually eat._

_The place is still a mess, but I can't bring myself to properly clean up. There are still so many things laying around you left there – the wrinkled, orange blanket half-way on the floor in the bedroom, the cup you drank your coffee from that morning, your laundry in the bathroom, the items you threw across the living-room when we had the fight. The fragments of the porcelain figure you bought me for my last birthday are still all over the floor, the face of the dragon broken in half. I don't think I can repair it with glue since the damage is too severe. Thankfully I still have the photo of the time when you gave it to me. I'll keep it dear to me, since it belonged to the best presents I ever received in my life. Not because it was pretty or because it was skillfully made. What made it special where the thoughts you put into it when you looked for a present and the smile you had on your face when you eventually handed it to me._

_I can still see you, clearly, how you stand here in the living-room, grab the dragon and throw it against the wall with all your force. How you shout and swing your fists, reaching whatever you can and pull it out from its spot. But when I blink the image disappears, leaving only this dark, unwelcoming flat back where the beings living in it silently suffer over the greatest loss in their life. We are left behind, the plants and myself, craving for warmth and light more and more with every day. Only you can bright back what we need so badly, you, with your cheerful laugh, your gentle eyes filled with warm affection for us. You, who are the incarnation of our sun._

_Until I have this image of my sun inside my head, the hope to have it back will never vanish._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Here you go with the next chap. This one was more work edit-wise; I can't believe how much I sucked back in the day.  
> Originally, I wanted to get more done, but work kind of got in the way. I started as a field worker and it's quite exhausting, though I hope I'll get used to it quickly so I can do some more editing in my free time anyway. 
> 
> When I look at the letters, they appear quite cheesy to me. Sasuke seems quite OoC too, but still I decided to not alter too much in the letters beside some spelling. I remember putting lots of thought and work into them... and it was hard to have it all make sense by the end. Changing too much might screw up the line in the following letters so I'm trying to stay cautious here. 
> 
> Perhaps I'll finish chap 3 soon, otherwise I guess I'll post it sometime next week. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	4. 3rd Letter - The Medicine

Had swallowing ever been so difficult?

 

To Naruto, not. He had never experienced such a large knot in his throat, blocking his entire windpipe in the blink of an eye. The words still reflected before his inner eyes as he repeated them in his mind, making the letter look odder than it already was. Creepy, even, at least for Naruto's standards.

 

No matter how hard he tried to remember, he couldn't recall when he had told the bastard the names of his plants. Actually, Naruto made sure to only talk to them when he was alone, afraid the bastard would make stupid comments about it if he knew. That given, how could Sasuke figure out the names of his beloved plants? Naruto could immediately picture them upon hearing them, Saku's fire-red flowers appearing before his inner eye while the soft pedals of Ino-Chan gleamed whitely in the few rays of the sun coming in through the window. Captain Orchid used to bend down, the large blossoms almost too heavy for the green, fine branches. At some point Naruto even stuck a few sticks into the pot, tying the plant on them to support the weight better. He expected the larger indoor trees to do better, though he felt a light sting in his chest thinking about the fate of his beloved beings. Drying out was a horrible end for them and he'd have loved to watch the sunflowers open up with their beautiful, yellow pedals.

 

Then again, he was surprised and borderline shocked the bastard went to a cooking course, especially for _his_ sake. For what Naruto knew, the bastard couldn't care less about him eating healthy food, though he did complain ever so often. Lightly, snarky, just like Sasuke talked when he wanted to push his buttons. However Naruto thought he was just bitching around because, well, the bastard always needed something to nag about. If it wasn't the food, it'd be his clothing or snoring or pretty much anything. But going through something so uncomfortable to himself – Sasuke hated situations involving groups of people – just so he could cook Naruto some Ramen, with his own hands...

 

“What's wrong?” Sai's question came sudden, jerking him from his deep thoughts.

 

“Hu?” Tilting his head up Naruto looked straight at him, not noticing how he clenched his fingers around the fine sheets of paper still in his hands.

 

“You don't look all too well,” Sakura confirmed, her expression worried. “Is it the content? What did he write?” Her eyes were hard at the assumption she made, misjudging the signs his body seemed to give.

 

His hands relaxing ever so slightly, Naruto replied, “It's okay. Just...” Tailing off he looked down at the words, re-reading the last few lines Sasuke wrote in the letter. Rarely before had Naruto seen him in so much pain, so much craving. It confused him, maybe even more than the first envelope did. Reading about blames and anger was easy, but this one...

 

Stuffing the sheets back into the envelope, Naruto added, “Never mind. What about some tea? I could really need some.” A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, distracting Sakura enough to actually have her getting up from her chair.

 

“Fine, I'll get some. Coffee, Sai?” She smoothed out her skirt before looking at him, seeing his short nod. Shortly later she was already out of the room, heading for the small automatic unit down the corridor. Naruto hadn't seen it, but they said there was one not too far from his room.

 

The door had barely closed when Sai spoke up.

 

“It seems the letter startled you.” It was an observation, not a question.

 

Naruto didn't affirm that – yet he also couldn't find himself negating it either.

 

The letter was starling, but also so, so much more. The phrases and lines were tiny records of the passed year – a small report of the time after his coma. Before he had been on edge, the thought of having missed an entire year making the world feel foreign and different to Naruto. Even if a mere couple of moths wasn't long enough to have bigger changes take place, he still felt more than uncomfortable because of it. Sakura and Sai were still the same, but those friends were the only stability he had found so far.

 

However the small letter managed to ease the anxiety, at least slightly. Through the words Naruto had a brief idea how his home looked like after he fell into the coma. His mind immediately recalled the shape of his bedroom, he could see the dirty cup on the counter, his orange boxers laying over the white tiles in the bathroom. He could also see his beloved plants all over the place, though they appeared sick, a few heavily dried leaves having fallen off the branches and landed softly on the space around the pots.

 

And he could see the bastard, sitting silently on the spacious sofa while his eyes looked over at the fragments of the dragon, the dark pools filled with sadness and grief while the rest of his face was frozen in an indifferent expression.

 

Naruto wasn't sure he particularly liked the last image in his head. The way his home seemed cold and unwelcoming in it, all warmth vanished in the matter of seconds, didn't sit well in his gut.

 

But...

 

He couldn't help thinking about Sasuke, how he would sit on the soft cushions of the couch in entire loneliness.

 

~*~

 

A pained groan escaped Naruto's lips when he tried moving. It was in the late afternoon, only about one hour after Sakura and Sai left, that he suddenly got a terrible headache along with muscle soreness. The doctors and nurses came checking on him regularly, however could do little to ease his pain. Or, better, they refused to give him the stronger drugs. After all, they _did_ warn him to take things slowly, suggested him to stay laying in bed and only do his exercises every few hours. But to speed things up – Naruto had always been the more impatient type of man – he, foolishly, kept stressing his tired brain with visits and letters while training his muscles to the point of exhaustion.

 

And now he laid there, groaning and gasping in pain while the nurse in charge didn't as much as glance his way.

 

Annoyed Naruto closed his eyes in a weak attempt to relax. He really wished it was Shizune's shift; she, at least, took care of both his body and soul while the whale currently stamping through his room was the unfriendliest bitch he had ever met. First she fed him the soup through a straw since she was too lazy to take her time to feed him, then she refused to fluff up his pillows, and, to top it all, took the remote of the TV away! Along with the DVDs Sakura brought and Sai's flowers, to be precise. The reason was some random bullshit about him overtaxing his senses, though Naruto knew she just did that out of pure spite. She clearly overreacted – he had merely made a joke or two and wanted to start a conversation with her, out of boredom, but apparently she disliked every kind of human relations.

 

“I'm thirsty,” Naruto announced at some point, realizing his mouth had turned rather dry. Plus, one of the doctors suggested him to drink a lot the first few weeks after he woke up, to get his digestion stimulated again.

 

The nurse gave a rather dark huff and sloshed some simple water into a glass before sticking the straw – by the way, the same straw which was used for the soup – into it and pushed it into Naruto's reach.

 

He just grimaced at the glass, his thirst suddenly gone. Drinking would be no problem since the glass was on a small table connected to his bed, so the straw was relatively close to his mouth. But, really, he wasn't in for vegetable-soup-tasting water.

 

Obviously he pissed the bitch further off with refusing the drink – when she left the room she turned all the lights off, leaving Naruto in total darkness. “Hey!” he called after her, regretting it when his head throbbed with pain at the yell. The switch was far too high over his head to turn on the reading light settled above the bed, and he was yet too weak to walk to one for the main light on his own.

 

 _Damn_ was it annoying having been in a coma.

 

Since there wasn't really much for him to do, Naruto simply sighed and tried to turn slightly on the bed. Some light fell in through the window, from the lamps of the paths, stars, and the moon – it wasn't as bright as he liked, but watching the night sky a bit was the best he could currently do. It took forever for him to turn, but eventually Naruto laid on his side while facing the dark blue, sparkling sight just out of his window.

 

While he counted the stars he wondered when he had seen the sky at night for the last time. Not that he ever paid attention to it; in fact, Naruto saw the night sky quite often. But only a handful of times did he really focus on the dark blue above and the billion stars decorating it, the moon looking so large and round against the heavily dimmed azure. The last time he did that he could hardly recall, his head hurting too much to think about it.

 

The weak rays of the moon shone in, turning the white envelopes poking out of the box silver. There were so many, the whole of forty-nine, all carrying a bit of the past year in them along with Sasuke's thoughts and feelings. Suddenly Naruto felt the craving to reach out and read them, discovering their tempting secrets all at once. If he had been capable, he would have pulled the entire box closer to himself and torn the envelopes open, one by one, until the gap of the last year was filled. Of course it couldn't cover the entire time, yet Naruto felt the blankness in his head would clear out with images of possible memories once he read the records. Even if it was from Sasuke's sight, the pictures they provided were precious and valuable.

 

Unfortunately, Naruto had no chance to get onto letter number three – not before the early shift arrived. No way the bitch would give him the envelope, let alone switch the lights on.

 

Frustrated Naruto focused on the stars again, counting them until he finally fell asleep.

 

~*~

 

Naruto was pulled out of his dreams when he heard a constant squeal, like from rusty wheels. Mind still foggy with sleep he hardly noticed the world moving around him, even once his eyes were finally open. Only the neutral face of a guy above his was remotely clear, the man's head turned so he stared at the far.

 

“What...?” Naruto's voice was still scratchy, so the call came out as a mere murmur. The urge to rub his eyes was strong, however his muscles cried out with soreness when he tried moving.

 

Upon the noise, the guy looked down at him. “Oh, you fully awake now?” he asked with a smile while he kept pushing the bed through the many corridors of the hospital. With the round glasses and the milky-white hair, the male-nurse looked like he was quite old. But judging from the smooth features, he was only little older than Naruto himself.

 

“Where'r... we going...?” He forced back a yawn as he asked.

 

“You have a medical inspection today,” the man explained, eyes back on the way before them. “I told you before, but I assume you were still too asleep to understand.”

 

At first Naruto nodded and, almost, doze off again when a thought crossed his mind.

 

Tearing his eyes fully open, he said, “I need to read the next letter! Number three!”

 

The male-nurse arched his eyebrows at that. “I told you it's the medical inspection for you. And after that you have the appointment with the psychologist,” he replied, chuckling when Naruto pouted, looking much alike a little kid while doing so.

 

“But I _need_ to read it! Please, can we go back and get it?” It wasn't a question at all but more something like a begging. For a moment it looked like the guy would give in, however they didn't stop.

 

“You'll be back in your room in a few hours. Then you can read whatever you feel like,” the male-nurse promised, turning the bed when they headed for one of the big elevators.

 

“You juts don't get it... it's, like, an emergency! Now that the bitch is gone I can read again!” Naruto stared intensely at the guy with the white hair, seeing if constant eye-contact would change anything. When he got no answer he gave up an instead asked, “What's your name?”

 

“Kabuto Yakushi.” He didn't look up when he replied but instead pushed one of the buttons on the wall of the elevator. Once the doors slid close, he leaned against one of them as they rode downwards.

 

“Okay, Kabuto,” Naruto started with a rather serious undertone. He had even turned his head around to properly face him as he spoke. “There is a large box filled with letters back in my room. I really, _really_ need those right now. Can you kindly go back and pick them up for me?”

 

Kabuto chuckled lowly before he answered. “I believe you shouldn't strain your brain with reading and other strong impulses. Yesterday was already way too exciting for you, Mr. Uzumaki.”

 

“Naruto, thank you.” He practically spat the words, mostly because the new nurse he got was apparently just as bitchy as the last one, regardless of the rod dangling between his thighs.

 

They fell silent for a moment and once they arrived at some floor, Kabuto started pushing his bed again. For a while Naruto tried memorizing the floors, but he couldn't recall to have ever seen the wing they were currently in. Then again, he didn't know where he was hospitalized to begin with; maybe they moved him into a special clinic for comatose patients. Nobody cared to talk about it with him yet, or perhaps it wasn't relevant for the time being.

 

“You know,” Kabuto suddenly started at some point, drawing his attention, “Since you barely awoke from such a long coma, you should be more cautious about stimuli for your brain. Once the check-up from the doctor is finished, you might be allowed to slowly give impulses to your head again.” They turned down another corridor, passing by a few opened doors. “If you overdo it now, it can lead to a lifetime of sick headache. Plus we haven't had the chance to check on your reflexes and reactions so far; from what we know, you may be disabled.”

 

Naruto grew pale at the words, letting the message sink in. Up to then he hadn't even thought about the physical consequences of his coma. And now that he heard all those things, it somehow made sense Sakura had picked a calm, short documentation as the first movie. In fact, it had been so boring he fell asleep somewhere on the line – and judging from her high intelligence, she may have planned that to begin with. Perhaps the nurse who checked on him before simply had enough experience to know he'd spend the night watching movies and reading as well and therefore removed everything which would give him bigger impulses. A precaution to avoid him being sick.

 

Suddenly Naruto felt sorry for calling her a bitch. She had simply been concerned about his health...

 

Though, the thing with the straw remained a spiteful act of revenge.

 

Kabuto was obviously happy about the silence since he, at some point, started murmuring a melody while they reached a rather large room filled with monitors and machines. “So, this is it. Somebody will be with you soon.” With that Kabuto turned away, leaving Naruto momentarily alone.

 

Not that he particularly minded it. In fact, Naruto was still so deep in thoughts about what he heard he barely noticed a few nurses come and get him ready for the examinations. He answered the questions he was asked, his mind however wandering far away and filling with worries. What if hanging out with his friends had already caused some damage? Usually he didn't bother with things like those since he healed rather quickly, but even he couldn't simply shake off over a year of coma.

 

It was totally unlike him, but Naruto seriously thought about the consequences of his doing and if, perhaps, he should take things a _great lot_ slower from then on. In the long run it was better to be fully healthy again instead of forcing through the recovery like he usually did.

 

The testing was over at some point and, surprisingly, it was Kabuto who came picking him up again. Naruto found it hard to tell how much time had passed though; everything went by in an odd blur. He could hardly recall the faces of the doctors and nurses who examined him, let alone their faces.

 

“Time for the psychologist. I'll bring you back to your room and then he'll come speaking with you,” Kabuto informed while he pushed the bed bed through the building once again. The mattress was slightly lifted on the back, making it possible for Naruto to remotely sit up, though he was thinking too much for really paying attention to the things around him. It wasn't before a white envelope with a large '3' in the corner was pushed into his field of sight that he finally moved.

 

Confused Naruto blinked at the envelope, his hand coming up to grasp it. Kabuto only held it barely above his arm, so it was easy to reach out for it.

 

“I heard the results were very good, given the situation,” he said, a little smile tugging on the corner of his lips. “If you don't read more than one a day you should be fine. However, when you notice a headache, call for a doctor, will you?”

 

Absently but also overly happy Naruto nodded, his fingers already tearing on the back of the cover. Thank God they were laying in the box for so long; if they actually stuck fully closed, there was no way he would be able to open the letters.

 

The familiar handwriting pushed away every worry from his mind, the promise of a new part of his past too tempting to ignore.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I came visiting a couple of times last week, but the doctors told me there was still no improvement of your current state. Many people come visiting you and I was told that's a good thing, since having the ones dear to you around would help. In fact, I happened to overhear a conversation between some of your friends – they stated you'd look happily asleep when they show up, your face peaceful and relaxed, as if you sensed their presence and that cheered you up._

_They know nothing._

_They have no idea how you usually look like when you sleep, at all. When you're sleeping you do it noisily, snoring and occasionally talking while always, always either kicking or punching around you. You'd also twist and turn in bed, changing your position at least twelve times a night, ending up hanging one arm off the edge, throw your leg all over me, and, sometimes, you'd even turn around by 180° so your feet press against the headboard. The muscles on your face would also move a lot; they twitch when you're about to move again, your eyes turn wildly around when you dream, your lips open and close every few minutes. And then, when you're having a pleasant dream you'd smile, so much you almost look awake, and snuggle closer to me while whispering my name. _

_The comatose body laying on the bed at the hospital is nothing alike a sleeping Naruto. It's lifeless, motionless, paining me with every glance. There is no movement on your face, no evidence you're sleeping or actually there. The visits become harder and harder for me to bear... I don't know how much longer I can endure looking at you that way, Naruto, and how often I have to dream through the nightmarish scene of the accident before I can finally come to a rest at night._

_Between coming to see you, I took a little better care of the plants. Captain Orchid still looks rather bad, but the other two are doing better. I also started cleaning up in the living room and did the washing in the kitchen so your cup would be ready once you'll need it again. Only the laundry turns out to be rather troublesome. The clothes still carry your scent, so strongly, and I'm not in the condition to have your pure smell vanish just now. This place I called 'my home' has turned foreign to me, like a small, cold world of its own. The pillow and covers in our bed still have your scent, the only thing proving me this is still the bright flat I knew from a month ago. I'm aware I'll have to do the laundry eventually; we can't have you run around naked once you wake up, can we?_

_A while ago I got a letter from the hospital, along with a business card of a local psychologist. The doctors suggested relatives of a comatose patient need a mental support to bear the situation. I won't go see them though – perhaps I haven't studied the human mentality like they did, but I know myself and my needs painfully well. No kind of talk or drug can make me feel better; the only medicine is you, Naruto. You're my elixir, the breath of life keeping me up, you're all I need to be well and healthy. Watching your twitching face during the night, feeling your legs kick against mine, savor your warm breath when you come close against my chest – those are all the small things keeping me going and happy. I'm addicted to your medicine, your essence of life, unable to function without you by my side. I don't need an indifferent doctor to analyze my brain over several weeks to know that._

_Until the day I can be healed by you, Naruto, I will remain a sick man._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I happen to have some office time this week, so I managed to finish editing the next letter. Doubtful number 4 will come before the weekend though, earliest.  
> Some things in my private life need some more attention now. 
> 
> Thankfully I added some comments back when I first edited the story, otherwise I'd have forgotten a lot of stuff xD  
> Like, mentioning the hours of research I did for this story. I tried to apply many (actually real) things, which will be later described during the story and through the letters. Some is made up though; for example, it's extremely unlikely someone in fact awakes after such a long coma. But this is an AU, so screw it :D 
> 
> Though, Sasuke's approach of the situation is pretty... wrong. And all but smart. Just sayin'. 
> 
> Greetings until the next chap,  
> -T


	5. 4th Letter - The Silence

Naruto barely noticed he was back in his room by the time he finished the third letter. Something inside his chest twitched at the words he read, feeling like a twinge beneath his ribcage. A dull and steady sting on a certain spot.

 

The way Sasuke wrote the sentences... it sounded like he was dying, slowly but steadily, in the solitude of the apartment they lived in. And since even now, the third day of the second week after he woke up, there was still no sign of him concerned Naruto greatly. Had something happened?

 

For a moment the worry turned so overwhelming he felt dizzy, but then his common sense kicked in. He had an entire box filled with letters, the most recent having arrived just the other day. If the bastard _had_ done something stupid as dying, he wouldn't be able to send in letters regularly, right?

 

The thought calmed Naruto enough to relax again, though he cursed at the idiotic idiot for scaring him like that. Damn Sasuke! He was going to pay for it.

 

Finally returned into the present, Naruto took a moment to take in the surroundings. Kabuto had long since left, but the doctor he mentioned had yet to come. The rest of the room looked still the same – the box filled with letters, the glass with the straw, and the tiny TV in the corner. Naruto wondered how long he was supposed to stay in that room; would he be able to leave again in a few days or was he stuck at the place for several weeks? He wanted to go out, badly, to return into his home, to drink out of his orange cup, take care of his beloved plants... and finally close his beloved bastard in his arms.

 

Glancing around Naruto spotted something, very close to the box of letters:

 

A simple, white telephone. Probably it had been there all along, but only now did it finally get enough focus to be actually noticed.

 

At the sight the wish to connect to Sasuke turned too unbearable to ignore.

 

Turning his head around, so fast his sight darkened for a moment and the muscles on his neck hurt, he looked for something he could use to pull the phone closer. He couldn't recall any numbers anymore, thanks to the damage on his head, but in that moment Naruto gave a damn about it. The wish to have at least done _something_ would already put him at ease.

 

Growling in frustration he kept looking, but nothing suitable was within his reach. If there was at east a pair of crutches around! He didn't need much, just a helpful little item to-

 

“Kind of lively, aren't you?” stated a voice, all of a sudden, startling Naruto so much he jumped on the spot – and groaned in pain when his still sore muscles had tensed. Whipping his head around in anger, he glared at the spot where the male voice had come from – spotting a rather tall, somehow odd-looking man with gray hair and a tiny eye. The other one, along with the entire lower half of his face, was covered by a dark clothe, making it impossible to read his expression.

 

“Who are you?!” It came out like an assaulting bark, but Naruto couldn't find himself able to care for proper manners. All he wanted was the phone; the guy could come back jumpscaring him later.

 

“Your assigned psychologist, Mr. Uzumaki.” The voice sounded dry as the man replied, the white coat waving as he stepped closer and grabbed a nearby chair. He took a seat, right opposite the bed Naruto laid in, crossed his legs and placed a notepad in his lap. His visible eye was observing closely, a quick glance on the body first before he settled for the grimacing face. Perhaps he was already interpreting the expression in silence, making up his assumptions and toying around with diagnoses inside his head.

 

“The name's Naruto.” The growl was still there when he introduced himself, his entire being twitching all over under the watching eye. It wasn't the same look the other doctors used – sharp, focused, attentive like eye was reading a book instead of facing a patient. Where others barely glanced at him, this man was staring so closely at him Naruto felt like he was his sole center of attention.

 

“Alright, Naruto it is.” The man took down a few notes, the pencil scratching softly over the paper. Precise and sharp, just like his discomforting glance. “So, Naruto, as you may have noticed you were in a coma for over a year,” he told, looking barely up from the pad. Somehow the shine of his eye changed, ever so slightly. “Since a coma is, in any case, a trauma for the body, you may have taken some mental damage as well. The unexpected closeness to death is a common problem those who survived a coma have to face. I'm here to help you through it and work out ways to make it easier for you to return into the daily life.” The tiny eye closed, maybe because its owner smiled beneath the dark mask.

 

Still Naruto remained suspicious. “I don't need a therapist. I'm perfectly fine,” he stubbornly stated. He was alive, right? Then there was no need to work through anything along with a psychologist, especially with one who seemed to look straight to his center all the time. “Now, if you could give me the phone – I have an urgent call I need to make.” He lifted his hand, hissing at the pain the action brought along, and demonstratively reached our for the white item in question.

 

Instead of helping, the man merely observed him.

 

A thick silence spread between them and at some point Naruto gave up. Keeping his arm up was fairly difficult and since the man showed no sign he'd help it was pointless forcing his muscles to endure the painful position. With a soft thud his limb landed on the mattress again, his fingers twitching with exhaustion.

 

“Though you have survived the accident,” the man suddenly said, breaking the silence almost randomly, “You still lost an entire year. Basically you lived through it, since you were in coma but alive, however your mind had no chance to grasp what actually happened around you. Plus, you had no real time to face and accept the horrible nightmare of the accident just yet.” He briefly paused there, the pen tapping down on the pad a single time. “I was told you already fell into a shock once you woke up, when the memory of the time before you fainted caught up on you.”

 

Naruto pressed his lips together, his eyes staring at the man with the odd mask intensely.

 

“Atop of that all, your body weakened greatly while you laid in bed. According to the medical examination you thankfully don't suffer from paralysis, yet your muscles turned too weak to carry your weight, even for a second. You can't walk, can't stand, even holding a glass filled with water proves to be difficult for you. If the envelopes wouldn't be so old the glue no longer sticks, you couldn't even read a single of them.” The voice of the man was neutral, yet every word felt like a punch to Naruto's stomach. His fingers clenched a little tighter around the papersheets he was holding, from the letter he just read. It wasn't obvious, yet he felt directly attacked by the man; his buttons were pushed in skilled ways a stranger should actually not be capable of.

 

“This helplessness is eating away on you; you're active, lively, and now you find yourself bound on a bed for an unknown period of time.”

 

“Stop it,” Naruto eventually stated, turning his head slightly so he wasn't facing the man anymore. It felt like that dark eye stared right into his soul, reading his thoughts like an open book. Only one man had managed to understand him so closely, but unlike with this stranger, Naruto had no problem letting himself fall back then. Being pushed this far by someone else than Sasuke... felt wrong and made him vulnerable.

 

The man straightened on his chair and something close to warmth was in his voice when he spoke next. “Sorry for my harshness, but I had to do this so you could understand. I'm here to help you, Naruto. You don't have to face everything by yourself.” The smile on the man's lips was so obvious in his tone, Naruto could swear he saw the outline of it through the dark cloth. Every bit of hostility had disappeared suddenly and even the gleam in his eye changed, the sharp gaze softened to the point of showing sympathy.

 

Suddenly the last part of Sasuke's letter ghosted through Naruto's mind.

 

“If I can make that one call, I'll be just fine,” he said, neutrally though he could barely hold back his emotions. How he managed to keep his voice so even was a mystery, but Naruto wouldn't further question it for the time being. All that mattered was to finally reconnect with his other, suffering half.

 

Once he had the phone and made the call, how would Sasuke react on the other end? Would he be happy? Would he let his indifferent mask fall and show his true colors? From the letters he wrote, filled with strong feelings nobody could imagine he actually had, it was likely something inside his brain was going to snap upon hearing his treasured, beloved Naruto was finally awake.

 

The man tilted his head, his eye regaining some of its attentive sharpness. “Do you think the one you wish to call can give you enough support to be well again?” he asked, never missing how Naruto narrowed his eyes at the question. “At this point, you should be cautious about your feelings and wishes. Over a year is a long time for the ones seeing you motionlessly on the bed – you must consider it may happen the tragedy changed them.” He crossed his arms over his chest, the pencil lazily between the fingers of his right hand. “Try to imagine how you would feel, having to see the one you want to call laying in a bed, somewhere between alive and dead, your calls going unheard and touches unnoticed. What would you think? Would you be able to hold close to the hope up to the end, or would you quit sometime, when the pain turned too unbearable? Think closely, Naruto.”

 

While he was sure before, Naruto began hesitating and doubting upon the words and new ideas. The man was clearly screwing his brain, just like he would have expected from a psychologist – and it worked.

 

Now that he thought about especially the last letter, Sasuke should have been there already, considering it had been relatively long since he woke up by now. Consumed by longing, hope, and almost unbearable pain it seemed likely the first thing to do would be rushing to the hospital and pull what he missed for so long into a tight hug, never wishing to let go again – if the feelings had remained the same, of course.

 

What if Sasuke... had changed at some point? Because the pain turned too unbearable to him?

 

Suddenly feeling depressed and frustrated, Naruto released a huff and gave up on reaching out for the phone. He felt too unsettled to face the call for now. Sure, there was the possibility Sasuke would be head over heels to get to his room, not having been told the joyful news just yet, but it was just equally likely he wouldn't be all that happy his past caught up on him out of the blue. There was no clear indication on how he dealt with the coma yet... And as long as the certainty was missing, the risk of getting hurt was high. Too high for taking it while he felt so emotionally distressed and fragile.

 

“I see you got my point,” the man commented and Naruto felt like punching him in the face for it. All too casually for the tension in the room the man tilted his head down, arms untangling and pencil back on the pad. “Now, how about telling me how you feel? What were the last few days like?”

 

“It's quite late for this cheap gentleness-bullshit, Doc,” Naruto spat, crossing his arms over his lap. Usually he'd do so over his chest, but the damn arms weren't strong enough for it. “First fucking my head like that and then come up with 'How are you feeling, pal?' annoys the hell out of me.”

 

“I can't remember having called you 'pal', Naruto,” the man replied with a neutral, still somewhat analytic voice as he took a couple of notes. “And this is more something like a routine. You should get used to tell me about your well-being every few days.”

 

“I'd like to see another doctor.” Naruto didn't even bother to hide how much he detested the man sitting in front of his bed.

 

Again the only noise was the scratching on paper. “That would be rather stupid; I am a specialist on the field of treating former comatose people.” He looked up from the notes, staring right at the still fuming Naruto. “And from my wide experience, I can also tell rather well when you'd be in the shape to leave this place.” Beneath his mask he smirked, ever so slightly, when Naruto showed a flash of interest in his eyes. “You'd rather _go_ to the person you want to call than speak over the phone, don't you, Naruto?”

 

Naruto had many, many words in store for the man – sneaky asshole, calculating creep, and so many more but he kept the insults firmly to himself. The deal sounded rather appealing to him; talk to the doc, make him believe you're doing excellent, and he was out of there in a sec. Though, since he had never had an appointment with something like a psychologist before, Naruto did feel slightly uneasy about the entire thing. Having a foreign person enter his head, know him inside-out and manipulating his way of thinking... He wasn't sure it would sit well with him.

 

“And what's your name, since I'll see you regularly from now on?” Naruto asked, getting used to the idea of actually starting a mental therapy.

 

The visible eye of the man closed, almost like he was smiling under his mask, as he answered, “Kakashi Hatake.” He sat more comfortable and scribbled something down on the pad. “So now that we introduced, why don't you tell me a little about yourself, Naruto?”

 

~*~

 

By the time Kakashi finally left him alone, Naruto felt like his soul was drawn out though his very nose. Kakashi had come up with some random and other times incredibly odd questions while his occasional comments set ideas in Naruto's mind which bothered him even two hours after he had left. The thought Kakashi would be back in only two days made him even more restless.

 

On top of it all, Naruto was also prohibited to read the next letter, as to let his brain rest. He would be allowed to have the next one in the coming morning and, if the doctors checked on him in the evening, maybe another envelope before dinner. In fact, Kakashi rather approved the letters; with them he could slowly get his brain used to function once again, taking baby steps so it wouldn't get overly stressed when the time came when Naruto watched TV and listened to some music.

 

Until then however, all the entertainment he had were the letters and-

 

The door opened with a soft click, making him turn his head. A happy smile over his lips at the upcoming visitor. Surely it was Sakura or Sai, perhaps even both. As long Naruto had those visits, he wouldn't get all too bored after all.

 

However in the end it was Shizune who stepped in.

 

Well, seeing the faithful nurse he grew liking so much surely wasn't something to feel depressed about, but somehow Naruto was already missing his friends. Shizune would have to leave soon after she actually came, taking care of countless other patients on the station, while the others would, once they came, stay with him in his room for at least a couple of hours. With company around, it was easier to have the time tick by and silence the uncomfortable thoughts brought up by the first appointment with an actual psychologist.

 

“Hello,” Shizune greeted, sounding surprisingly sad when she spoke. “How are you today?”

 

“Could be worse.” The smile was still over Naruto's lips as he answered. “Like, someone other than you could have their shift.”

 

She laughed softly at the comment while checking his pulse and blood pressure. “I got a message for you,” Shizune stated, breaking the pleasant silence in the room. Confused Naruto rose an eyebrow, his eyes watching her closely. “Sakura called before, while you were in the examination. She tells her regards... and, sadly, she's sorry, but she can't come for a visit today. I was asked to pass the info on to you.”

 

“Oh,” Naruto whispered, unable to hide his disappointment completely. “Thanks for telling me.”

 

Shizune gave him a half-smile before picking up the soft ball which laid on the table attached to the bed. “Try to not overdo it with the training, okay?” She spoke as she wrote down the results into Naruto's file, her hand moving swiftly as she picked up the information.

 

“Roger.” With that he tried squeezing the soft ball together, as tightly as he could. In the same moment he tried lifting his right leg off the mattress, holding the position for a couple of seconds before his muscles gave in. “Mah, I have the feeling it'll take _long_ before I can walk again,” he mused, chuckling soon later. It was, probably, best if he took everything he could with humor; Kakashi had said it was important to not let himself get too drawn into depression.

 

Shizune gave him a soft smile before she moved again. “I'll check on you later again,” she promised, a light click coming from the door as she finally closed it.

 

~*~

 

“Naruto...,” called a voice, followed by a gentle shove on his shoulder. Murmuring Naruto clenched his eyes shut for a moment, holding back a yawn while the soft ball rolled out of his hand. He blinked a few times, sleep still making his sight foggy as he looked up at Shizune's very close face.

 

“Hm?” he answered, slowly waking up completely. “What time is it...?” He moved on the mattress so he laid completely on his back, his limbs tensing when he tried to stretch a little. Somehow he couldn't remember having fallen asleep at all, though he blamed the boredom rather than the exhaustion for it. Naruto used to doze off whenever he was surrounded by complete silence in a simple environment.

 

“Time for supper.” Shizune smiled as she put the tray down. She also pushed the button on Naruto's bed, making the upper side rise up so he could comfortably sit. “This time with actual pieces in the soup. The doctors said we should see how well you can chew.” Slowly she moved the spoon through the meal before she gently lifted the first bite to Naruto's lips.

 

“Hmm!” he complained, turning his face away. “I just got up. Give me a sec to develop some appetite.” His stomach turned at the mere thought of having food so shortly after his sleep.

 

“Alright,” Shizune answered, lowering the spoon again and putting the cover over the still steaming plate. “Then what about an _appetizer_ first?” She pushed the bright envelope with a large '4' on it closer to Naruto, laughing softly as his tiredness disappeared in a flash. “I'll come back to you in a while. I opened the lid for you already, you should be able to pull the letter out without a problem.”

 

In the meantime, Naruto had lifted his right hand onto the small table and grabbed the envelope tightly. Faster than the previous day he pulled the sheets out, reading the next letter.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The other week that movie you wanted to see so badly played on the free-TV. That one with the semi-nude men who are on that suicidal mission against some Asians or so. The name was '300', if I remember correctly. Since you looked so forward to it, I recorded it for you. I am still strongly for getting you the BlueRay version of it, though the plot is quite shallow. Since I know you rather well, I started believing you watch it purely for the sight those men present you. The movie reminded me I should do some workout soon._

_Now it has been close to two months since it happened... Until now I got vacation from work, however the other day Itachi called me. He said I could stay away longer if I wish to, but he also suggested I should get back into the office, to 'distract myself'. Maybe I should consider the option; I should get as much done as possible, for now, taking advantage of you not being able to complain. Though, now I would accept anything from you – yells, complains, even hits._

_God, this silence is horrible. I miss your voice so much, love. How you would overly cheery welcome me home, dramatically complain about my sadistic workaholic brother who tries to turn me into his minion, later passionately call out the most beautiful noises when I try making everything up to you. I crave for it, your laugh and voice, how it would easily express so many emotions through the tone and volume. How it can directly transport your most inner thoughts out, sharing them with your environment. Your voice, which makes plants grow and bloom and warm even the coldest heart up, melting the large walls around it like the sun melts snow on the first warmer days in spring. It's a gift, a gift I appreciated in the past and worship it in the present._

_I cleaned up a little more and found your mobile phone in the process. It surprised me to stumble upon it. I thought it was the only thing you would never leave back – you forgot your keys a million times and lost your moneybag often, but your mobile seemed like a sacred item you wanted to keep close permanently. When I held it in my hands, I couldn't resist anymore, regardless of our 'mobile phones are taboo' agreement. I checked through the options and had the text you spoke on the voice-mail play. It seems pathetic, but hearing your recorded voice, changed slightly by the electronic device, felt like a warm balm over my aching soul. Hearing you speak touched me so much I felt like my heart was tearing apart. I remember how I told you to not use such a stupid line as 'Yoh, this is Naruto! I am either in the bathroom or just getting banged by my sexy boyfriend. Leave a message after the signal!' for the voice-mail, but now I regret it. I would give anything to turn that into the truth, making it real you can't answer the phone because of the reasons you named. Knowing there is a completely other cause keeping you from answering the phone feels like a stab to me, right into my chest. _

_I spoke a few messages onto your mailbox – I can't wait for you to listen to them, Naruto._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I remember how hard it was to pick up Kakashi as a propper doctor. Since he is the leader of team 7 in Canon, I figured his intelligence and guidance would suit best for the job.  
> It was quite the effort to make him fit into the role though. He has a laid back reputation, but psychiatrists need to take their job serious. I think it went quite alright. 
> 
> ... I'm pretty worn out by work and gym, so I'm kinda too tired to come up with something here xD 
> 
> See you in the next chap! 
> 
> Regards,  
> \- T


	6. 5th Letter - The Picture

For a moment Naruto thought about calling out Sasuke's name, savoring it on his tongue while he fantasied on how he would react. Would he be relieved? So relieved he'd cry? Unlikely, since Sasuke was an Uchiha and therefore rather reserved when it came to express his feelings, but Naruto liked the idea of it.

 

Though he was still angry with the bastard, it turned harder and harder with every letter to stay that way. Obviously Sasuke was suffering, missing so much it hurt, but still his love and affection remained, tainted with grief and pain as it was. When he was so gentle, so sensitive... Naruto could barely stay mad at him.

 

“Someone looks rather happy here,” Shizune commented the moment she came in. Naruto had been so deeply in thoughts, he completely missed how the door opened again.

 

He offered her a bright smile as he answered, “I just read something nice, that's all.” The letter was still in his hands, the paper feeling smooth and soft beneath his fingertips. And, though it was actually impossible, it somehow felt warm – as if the love expressed in the words gave the letter a physical heat.

 

While pulling a chair closer to the bed, Shizune got to remove the lid of the tray she brought earlier. “I read your report before.” Carefully she lifted a spoonful of the soup and gently blew over it before feeding it to Naruto. “Your recovery is very impressive. The doctors already ordered for you to get harder food by next week.”

 

“Great. I'd kill for a bowl of Ramen and a large steak.” Naruto knitted his eyebrows together at the poor flavor of the soup. It was really nothing compared to the delicious meals he got from Sasuke, either cooked with his own hands or when they went to the exclusive restaurants around the city. Hell, even his own cooking outranked the shallow bowl of water presented to him.

 

The laugh he received was bright and filled with delight. “Sorry, but there won't be steak for you by next week already. If you're doing so well, we shouldn't mess up by being reckless, right?” She gave him another few spoons, the soup getting steadily less and less on the plate. “Try to chew the pieces in the soup. Just imagine it were steak,” Shizune suggested, earning herself a scowl from Naruto. She just shrugged her shoulders and kept going, not stopping before the plate was completely empty. However instead of leaving immediately she remained seated, gently putting the cover back over the tray. “So, how was your day?” she asked, her hands laying in her lap in a relaxed manner.

 

Swallowing down the last bite, Naruto took a deep breath he released with a sigh again. “Other than boring, not much else. I even fell asleep at some point.” Lowly he chuckled at his own joke. “But I did my training! Look at this!” With that he closed one of his hands into a fist and lifted it up, the entire lower arm lifting up so far it was at the same height as his upper arm.

 

“Excellent!” Shizune cheered, her eyes shining with happiness at the obvious progress. “I'll write this down into your file immediately. Soon you'll be able to get actual training. I'll also have a wheelchair being readied for you; a little more and you'll be able to sit in it by yourself.”

 

Wheelchair... Somehow, the word didn't sound all that appealing to Naruto. But if he could get himself out of the boring room with it, he even welcomed the item. Though, his goal was to walk around with his own legs soonest possible.

 

Walk around on his own legs... and directly head for his home.

 

“Oh, and I heard about the thing with the letters, too. I ordered them by their number now, so the nurse in charge tomorrow morning can give you the next right away,” Shizune suddenly added, drawing Naruto's attention back to herself in a flash.

 

“Really?!” he asked, the excitement clear in his voice.

 

Shizune nodded quickly. “I got the instruction from Doctor Hatake himself. By ordering the envelopes I thought it would be easier to give you the next one the time comes.”

 

“Shizune,” Naruto called, using all his force to lift his hand and softly lay it over one of her's, his eyes carrying the warmest gleam in days as he spoke, “Thank you. You're the kindest nurse I have ever met in my entire life.”

 

Suddenly she blushed rather hard and quickly rose from her chair. “I-it's nothing! Y-you're totally exaggerating...!” she stuttered, the area around her nose having turned dark pink in embarrassment. All Naruto could do was chuckling, finding the behavior rather cute. “You should get to sleep soon and get your brain a break. If you need anything, just push the button! Goodnight!” That said she already turned around, rather hastily starting for the door.

 

“Shizune,” he called, gently, “The tray. Can you take it out for me?”

 

Immediately she stopped, her red face lowered when she came pack to pick up the tray, turned around, and left even faster than before.

 

“Goodnight!” Naruto yelled, the door slamming shut with a quick push. Laughing lowly he reached for the remote and pushed the button for controlling the position of his bed. Slowly his back lowered, not stopping before he laid flat on the mattress again. Sighing Naruto rolled onto his side so that he was facing the box filled with letters before he closed his eyes to doze off.

 

He was sure Shizune would switch off the light in his room, eventually.

 

~*~

 

Darkness.

 

Complete darkness engulfed Naruto, filling every spot in the closer area. He could hear a few murmured noises, voices of people, but it was too unclear for him to understand what they said. Anyhow, the two voices sounded angry, like they were arguing, and then the conversation abruptly stopped.

 

Then, suddenly, it felt like a huge, invisible wall hit him with several miles and hour. The impact was so great his breath left with a gasp and his entire body shuddered with pain. Unbearable ache filled his entire being, making it impossible to move, breathe, or even think. There was only pain, endless pain, everywhere. Naruto was so badly hurt, by the impact of the invisible wall, he felt like he was dying. He could feel the life escaping his body, the pain easing ever so slightly at the sensation.

 

Almost he had let himself simply fall into the blissful nothing, spreading his arms to even welcome it.

 

“Naruto!” suddenly somebody called, a voice he knew very well. While the noises had been muffled before, the familiar voice was crystal clear, echoing through the nothingness. Then the darkness tugged harder on him, pulling him back into the bliss.

 

“Naruto, stay with me! Don't fall asleep, love...” The voice was still there, even louder than before. “That's it, love... Stay here. Stay with me. The ambulance is on the way,” it kept saying and though the pain turned more when he tried to stay grounded, Naruto put all his might into avoiding the darkness slowly closing around him, so cold and chilly now.

 

The cold breath of death.

 

“Naruto, I'm here! Listen to my voice.”

 

The noises became clearer, crashing onto him so overwhelmingly.

 

“Love, open your eyes. Look at me.”

 

The voice kept talking and talking, guiding Naruto out of the darkness. Suddenly light appeared in his vision and he could see a bit of a bright blue sky, mixed with the raven color of the night. But no... the blackness didn't belong to the sky at all.

 

“Naruto! Naruto, love, stay with me!”

 

The voice sounded urgent, desperate even, and slowly something white joined the blue and black. Was it snow? No, the color wasn't perfect white, only very, very pale skin...

 

“The ambulance is almost here. Just hang on a little longer, love.”

 

It was shaking. Why was the voice shaking? The pale face framed in blackness got a pair of dark, terrified eyes and crimson tainted all over as the pain turned nearly unbearable to Naruto.

 

“Love... don't die...!”

 

Shouting Naruto awoke, finding himself sitting straight on his bed. The nightmare had been so terrible even his muscles had him jerk up, though he was still way too weak to hold the position. Not even ten seconds after he sat straight up Naruto fell back, his sweaty shirt sticking between his trembling skin and the soft mattress.

 

At his sudden yell a nurse had stormed into the room, alarmed by the strange noises. Immediately she came checking on Naruto, also talking to him, or at least trying to. He was still too caught up in the nightmare to really hear her though.

 

However... had it even been a nightmare? Or was it a forgotten memory, coming back to hunt him now? It had felt so _real_ , so _vivid_...

 

And the voice and face. Sasuke had been there, looking down at him with terror written all over his face. He had spoken to him, for so long, keeping him from sinking into the eternal darkness. Naruto had been _dying_ , after the severe hit from the car, but Sasuke's calls had held him back. No idea if that was even possible, to be kept from dying simply because somebody told him so.

 

“Mister, are you okay?!” the nurse almost shouted and eventually Naruto heard her.

 

His face feeling wet with cold sweat he tilted his head, whispering, “Yeah, just... Had some bad dream.” He closed his eyes, sighing loudly when he allowed his body to relax. Perhaps that was one of the aftereffects of the near-death-experience he went through during the accident. Kakashi had warned him about it, the memories which once were foggy clearing up from one day to the other, coming with such an intensity he might even be in physical pain.

 

Horrible. Simply horrible.

 

“Would you like a pacifier? So you can sleep?” she asked, already pulling out a small pill from her pocket.

 

“Yeah...” he replied, feeling the cool rim of a glass against his lips a moment later. The pill felt bitter on his tongue, but worked incredibly fast – not five minutes after Naruto swallowed it, he fell back into a dreamless sleep, protected from nightmares for the rest of the night.

 

~*~

 

Because of the incident a few hours before, Naruto felt all but refreshed when he woke up for breakfast. His mood was not the best either and his muscles felt rather tired, too.

 

Laying so motionlessly on the bed, Naruto remembered about the dream again. The odd, frightening sensation was still there – that light feeling when he was about to give up, the incredible ache when he tried fighting it. Was that how dying felt like? The thought it did was terrifying. To have edged death so closely sent ice-cold chills down his back. Before he only knew he slept rather long, thanks to his wounds, but it didn't feel even close to dying. However the memory of the moment the car actually hit him was far more shaking. And the memory of Sasuke, how he stayed close and permanently spoke to him, was incredibly touching.

 

Naruto could only _guess_ how bad he looked like, right after the car hit him. Broken limbs and skin tainted with blood – and yet Sasuke had stayed with him, his dark, frightened eyes locked with his the entire time.

 

It must have been horrible for him, seeing the damaged body laying motionlessly on the street, half-dead while the ambulance was on the way.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered lowly to himself, his eyes closing gently, “I'm sorry...”

 

What would he give to have him there, in his hospital room, and listen to the low confession. Naruto wanted to thank him, for keeping him anchored in the world of the living in the crucial moments between the hit and the arrival of the ambulance.

 

There was a noise at the door and when he tilted his head he saw a new, rather young nurse entering the room. She carried a tray with her, along with a glass with a bright yellow juice.

 

“Good morning, Mr. Uzumaki,” she greeted while putting the tray on the small table. Naruto was already lifting the upper part of his bed, making him sit when the nurse kept speaking. “This juice is with extra-magnesium, for the muscle sourness.”

 

“Ah, very good, since I'm very busy with my training.” Naruto grinned with the response, pushing away the thought of death for the moment. He decided to speak with Kakashi about it, when he would pay his next visit. That was his job, right? To assist former comatose patients with their fears and problems.

 

The nurse gave a laugh and undid the cover of the meal. “Today it's yogurt with a bit of honey for you,” she told and instantly Naruto's mouth started to water. He wasn't a particular fan of yogurt, but compared to the nearly transparent liquid of the last few days, it was almost as good as Ramen.

 

But only almost.

 

Happy about the food he lifted his right hand, grasping the tiny spoon. He managed to lift it up and dive it into the yogurt – but when he tried bringing the whole thing up to his lips, his entire arm started shaking.

 

After a while he lowered his hand again with a sigh, smiling sheepishly at the nurse. “Seems I still need to train a little, hu?” he joked, accepting the spoon when she started feeding him.

 

“It always takes long to build the muscles up again,” she commented between the spoonfuls. “Until then, you should take the help we can offer you.” She kept going and soon the entire bowl was empty. “Now the juice,” she announced, lifting the glass so the straw was within the reach of Naruto's mouth. He caught it easily and drank the entire thing quickly, though he grimaced when he reached the bottom of the glass. Some odd powder was there, probably remainders of the fizzy tablet used to make the juice in the first place.

 

“Thanks,” he sighed once he was done, relaxing against the mattress behind his back. Now that he finally had some actual food in his stomach, he felt close to human again – and also a step closer to his overly flavored Miso-Ramen.

 

The nurse had almost left when Naruto, suddenly, remembered about something.

 

“Wait, Miss!” he called, jerking slightly. When the woman looked at him he added, “Can you get me the envelope from that box? The number five?” To point at the pile of letters he nodded in the direction, relieved when the nurse turned around and started for the box. “Thank you,” Naruto said as the envelope was handed over to him. Impatiently he pulled the letter out, eager to feel closer to Sasuke after such a horrible night.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_This week I tried getting back into work. Though, when I entered the office, Itachi only gave me some low assistant-jobs with no real impact on the business. Understandable he wants me to start slowly, after everything that happened, but it feels humiliating more than anything. Ordering papers and checking my e-mails is all I get to do; low work of some secretary, unworthy for my superior skills. The only benefit of going back into my office is the frame next to my screen._

_Do you remember that day, at the fun-park? Where we had our third date? We took rides on every roller-coaster and had the greasiest hamburgers I have ever seen in my life. At some point we got lost in the fun-house and I won a giant stuffed fox for you, at the shoot stall. The last ride we took was with the ferry's wheel. We were just on the very top, the sun slowly setting behind us when you, out of the blue, pushed the stuffed fox into my arms, laid one hand behind my head and pulled me close for a kiss. In your other hand you held your mobile and, just when our lips met, took a photo of us from the front. Later you gave me the photo in a frame – I called the present sappy and you were so angry you tried to hit me hard with the stuffed animal. To be honest, I did think the present was sappy in a stupid kind of matter. However, a few days later I got involved into the large project to swallow Akatsuki Corp. Perhaps you remember about it; that time I was so filled with work I only left for a short nap in my apartment before getting back to the office. I could hardly see you that week... and so I took the frame and put it next to my desk, right in my view._

_The way you look on the picture – your eyes closed gently, your wild, blond mane messed up from all the fast coasters, your thin lips curled up in a half-grin when you kissed me while your hand held me so close I could feel the beat of your heart against my own chest – expresses your very being, your true self. For as long as I got that photo and looked at it at work, I feel deeply connected to you. After a glance at the picture I can almost feel the warmth of your lips against mine, hear your low chuckle while your locks tickle my forehead. Those moments the memory of that day comes back to me all at once; I only have to close my eyes to see, with my inner eye, how I closed my own arms around you, claiming the warm cavern of your mouth with my tongue. Losing myself in the moment I pushed you backwards, not stopping before you were flush against the wall of the small cabin, the entire thing rocking so much it was considerable, but neither of us cared._

_Before I went back to my office, those precious memories of your body, voice, and entire being were pushed in the back of my head, my everything only focused on the recent happenings. I replaced the color of your sunkissed, bronzed skin by sickly pale flesh. The golden tone of your locks has dimmed, no gleam left in them. I haven't seen your eyes for so long I became unsure if they remind me of the endless, cloudless sky or precious lapislazuli gems._

_But now that I saw the photo again, I can recall everything:_

_Your skin, like warm caramel, is loved by the gentle stroke of the sun. Your silky hair appears like fine stands of gold, endlessly fine and shining even in the weakest light. Your eyes are nothing like the color of the sky or jewels – they are unique, beautiful blue orbs which can be seen on only one single person across the entire world._

_I hope you can forgive me this time, Naruto; for the future, I swear to carry your image in the deeps of my heart, so I will never have to think twice about your appearance again._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Here we go with the next chapter. I actually wanted to post it last night, but the week has been quite stressing and tiring, so the bed won xD  
> As you may have noticed, there is no visual difference between dreams/memories and the present. I remember having thought for a while if I should separate it more clearly, but then I thought the sudden cut as one reads would be better to underline the utter confusion which comes from it. Plus, since the letter is already highlined it might be too much at some point since the memories come back more regularly in the further chaps. 
> 
> For the record:  
> Yes, magnesium does help against muscle sourness  
> No, there is no Nine-Tails-funpark in Osaka  
> XD
> 
> See you in the next chap! 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	7. 6th Letter - The Worry

Naruto knew immediately which photo and day Sasuke meant. They only had few dates, but each had been more exciting than the previous. The third one had been especially fun – Sasuke had taken him to a small fun-park near Osaka he had personally never heard about. The mascot had been a fox with nine tails, a mystical creature from Japanese tales. There had been a couple of really fast roller-coasters, many small stands with food and candy, and the enormous ferry's wheel.

 

And everything had been orange, from the first coaster to the last napkin.

 

Sasuke had found the park exclusively for him, since it featured his favorite color. Naruto had been so happy about it he couldn't hold back when they were in the cabin, the beautiful sunset and ocean on their back and the sight of the entire fun-park on their front. It had also been the second time they ever kissed, along with the first time they used some tongue. When Naruto had made the first step, Sasuke had completely lost it.

 

With that memory, it had almost crushed his heart when Sasuke showed all but happiness when he gave him the orange frame with the picture he snapped in it.

 

Could he _believe_ Sasuke, instead, put the photo on his desk at work? It was true he had been very busy right afterward, so much they couldn't as much as meet up for a coffee and cake. But would he really put such an intimate, precious photo of them in his office, for everyone to see? Naruto felt it was true, but then again he knew Sasuke fairly close.

 

In any case, he didn't have a proof at hand; Naruto had never as much as stepped into the large building of the Uchiha family business. For the moment he would just enjoy the feeling the letter gave him and simply check the truth behind it himself once he was released from hospital.

 

So happy in his thoughts, Naruto missed how the door opened with various people entering. Only when a snort broke the silence of the room he opened his eyes again, tilting his head in the direction the noise came from.

 

“Lookin' like some smitten girl, hu?” commented a male voice, chuckling right afterward. Immediately Naruto recognized him and pushed the button to sit up, a large grin gracing his lips despite the poor attempt of an insult. He knew it wasn't meant to be hurtful anyway.

 

Suddenly the man jerked together, holding the back of his head with both hands. “Don't attack him or I'll kick you out of here,” Sakura threaded, her fist still in mid-air from the punch she gave him.

 

“I was just jokin'! Man!” Rubbing the back of his head the man frowned at her, his eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he pouted. The messy mop of short, brown hair flew everywhere when he briefly shook. “You're a girl, therefore you don't understand these things.”

 

“You haven't changed at all, Kiba.” Naruto laughed, bright and cheerful, the way only he was able to.

 

Kiba was, too, a close person – not as close as Sakura and Sai, but they were still very good friends. They started hanging out in middle-school and their bond remained strong even after they went on different paths for the future. Ever so often they got in touch, sometimes to watch some event on TV or to play video games. He was also the friend Naruto went to whenever he needed a place to stay after a nasty fight with Sasuke. Unlike Sakura, he would leave him alone instead of pushing the matter.

 

Of course he could always go to Sai's as well, but really, Naruto didn't want to run risk of getting molested. Sai could be uncomfortably... weird... at times.

 

However Naruto furrowed his eyebrows when Kiba suddenly fell silent, his head turned so he faced the wall, hiding his eyes behind some of his brunet bangs. “It's... odd,” he started, at some point, and his voice sounded rather shaky. “To hear you speak and... laugh... it's-” He cut himself off and, slowly, lifted one arm to subtly rub it across his face.

 

At the sight, Naruto felt his own tears collecting in his eyes. It was one thing having Sakura, a woman, cry – Naruto wasn't sexistic, not at all, but still –, however some manly guy like Kiba be so touched he'd start sobbing was something completely different. True, they were friends, but having to get teary eyed upon finding him awake... Kiba must have really missed him.

 

To change the subject, Naruto quickly put on his most cheerful grin. “Well, why? I love to talk, day and night, twenty-four seven.” He rolled on the mattress so he could look better at the door. Keeping his head turned constantly was still straining his neck uncomfortably. “Though, for until my brain works again, I'm open for you telling me how you've been doing up to now instead?”

 

Kiba shook slightly – almost like a dog after he got wet and jerked to dry again – before he walked over to the bed, dragging a chair along. “Well,” he began while sitting reversed on the chair, his arms crossing on top of the backrest before he rested his head on them, “I've been jobbing at my mom's, visiting you here, taking care of the guys... The usual.” A grin was over his lips, showing off his slightly sharper canines. Kiba had always been rather beast-like when it came to his looks. The horridly red triangle-tattoos across his cheeks only underlined his wildness. “Shika and Choji are out of town now, but they told me to deliver their regards. They said they'll come back soonest possible, to see you again.” He paused, his features tensing a bit. “You had us _really_ worried there, buddy. At some point we thought you were even brain-dead.”

 

The sudden change of mood had Naruto tense up as well. “What do you mean, brain-dead? I... I just slept, right?” A knot formed in his stomach and his heartbeat sped up. Sasuke used to watch some odd TV-shows, boring stuff like CSI and Dr. House. Just to spend time together, Naruto sometimes sat on the sofa next to him, watching one or two episodes as well. He remembered about that one episode of House where the patient was diagnosed to be brain-dead – and he remembered about the sad moment when the machines were turned off, having the young girl die in the lonely hospital room.

 

Immediately Kiba got another hit on his head, a hard punch from Sakura's side. “You stupid _jackass_!” she growled, her hands twitching dangerously, as if she badly tried to keep herself from strangling him to death. “I should close your mouth with superglue to keep more bullshit coming out from it!” Her anger was obvious, maybe also a little exaggerated, but neither he nor Kiba apparently dared telling her so.

 

Though, Naruto had something to say, even when his throat felt dry when he tried to speak.

 

“Was I... _really_ in such a bad shape?” he asked, forcing himself to face the obvious questions. Something inside him wanted to learn everything about the passed year, the not-so-happy parts included. Though... It turned quite hard to seek the truth when he heard about the new thread to his life.

 

Sakura looked at him, sadness reflecting in her green eyes, but also the understanding for his need to hear the answer. “At the start, yes. You were in such a deep coma you couldn't even breathe on your own.” She, roughly, pushed Kiba out of the chair, turned it around, and took the seat herself. “And after a couple of months...” Trailing off she laid her hands down in her lap, figuring out the best words to proceed. “The doctors couldn't see an improvement on your status. Even when your body was healed completely safe for the fractures, you still wouldn't breathe on your own. They took it as a sign for no brain activity, ran some tests, and eventually opened the option you might be brain-dead.”

 

Naruto had considerably paled, though he told himself over and over again it was no longer a danger to his life – he had woken up and the only thing threatening him now was a possible lifetime of headaches. He was living on his own, his body working the way it should to survive. And yet...

 

“They considered turning off the machines,” he murmured, mostly to himself, but Sakura nodded anyhow.

 

“But then your Godfather showed up and ordered for the machines to keep going. Strangely, shortly after the decision you started breathing on your own again, so the entire brain-dead-thing was out of discussion,” Sakura told with a calm voice.

 

Still, something in the sentence made Naruto furrow his eyebrows.

 

“I have a Godfather?” Utterly confused he studied her, assuming he just misheard or something. Before he had the accident he had been an orphan with no relatives, his family being Sasuke and his friends. He had searched for people related to him by blood as well as for those who knew his parents, but he found nothing at all. Never had Naruto stumbled upon a man who was declared his Godfather, or as much as figured he could have one.

 

To answer his question, Sakura nodded her head briefly. “At least that's what Shizune said. One day this Godfather of yours showed up and signed the papers to have the machines going no matter what. He was also informed, but the guy is some kind of world-traveler; can take a while before he comes for a visit.”

 

“Wait, wait!” Naruto called, his eyes clenching shut and head shaking left and right. “You say I, out of the blue, got something like a relative who mystically showed up to save my life and then vanished again?” He received a shrug of shoulders in response and sighed, heavily. “That's a bit much right now... Believe it.”

 

Sakura suddenly got up from the chair. “I'll get you some fresh water. Just stay calm, alright?” She remained until Naruto nodded, then left for getting him a glass.

 

It wasn't before she was out of the room that Kiba pushed off the wall, breaking the silence. “I think Uchiha was involved in it all,” he told, his voice kept low as to avoid getting heard by Sakura.

 

“Why would you think that?” Naruto asked, once again collected. When Sasuke _did_ have his hands in it, seemingly everything seemed possible, even odd and surprising appearances of long-lost relatives out of the blue.

 

“I saw him, once.” Kiba merely murmured, his eyes always looking over at the door while he spoke. “Seriously, that's some crazy bastard. I think he first had beaten someone up – I saw him with bloody fists and a bruise on his eye, along with a cut lip, here, sitting by your bed – and before that he had some of his 'friends' stay guard here until the odd Godfather showed up.” He crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive manner, his upper body slightly bowing down. A strange gleam took place in his eyes when he added, “I have never seen someone that _nuts_ before. That time, when he stormed passed me, I could look him in the eye – and I have never seen somebody _that_ frightening before. He looked ready _to kill_ , man.” He rubbed one hand over his face, worriedly. “I haven't told anyone but you so far. You know, in case...” His tongue came out to lick over his lips, briefly. “In case you need help or anything, when he shows up – just call me, alright?”

 

Naruto swallowed hard, yet an encouraging smile was over his lips. “I know Sasuke is rather fucked up in the head sometimes, but I don't think he's a real threat to anyone. Dogs which bark don't bite, right?” The joke was meant to loose the tensed atmosphere slightly, but unfortunately it didn't work out.

 

“That may have been so in the past, but – he's changed. I might not know him as close as you do, but that much is obvious,” Kiba replied, the worry still obvious in his voice and body-language. His muscles were tensed, as if he readied himself to overwhelm some opponent as soon as they passed through the door. “Before he was fucked up, but now he's somewhat lost it completely.” He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, rocking lightly – a typical act when Kiba was nervous. “This entire thing about your coma changed us all, to some degree. And I feel not exactly good when I think about him coming here with you alone.”

 

Finally he turned his face towards Naruto and in that moment it was clear Kiba spoke the absolute truth with not a bit of exaggeration. To him, the threat was as real as the fact they were currently talking to each other. His eyes were hard, though a slight brush of worry reflected in their deeps.

 

“Watch out, Naruto; Uchiha might no longer be the one you think he is,” he stated, hastily leaning casually back against the wall in the moment Sakura returned with the drink.

 

All Naruto did then was letting the words sink in, ever so slightly.

 

~*~

 

The rest of the day passed by in a rush.

 

Kiba and Sakura kept him company for the entire morning, made jokes with him about the tasteless hospital-food and stayed until the early afternoon. They had dropped the topic of brain-death and the mysterious Godfather, talking about what Kiba and some of their other friends did in the meantime instead. Naruto learned a lot about them, heard how they all missed him and came visiting him, as often as they could. As far as he was concerned most also knew he had woken up by now, but decided to give him some time to get well before they came overwhelming him with visits, presents, and everything else.

 

The feeling so many people missed him warmed Naruto's heart; he, somehow, hadn't been aware of that great lot of bonds he had. Sure, there were some people he hung out with more than others, but hearing so many different people came to his room – from former classmates to teacher and even friends from abroad – surprised him.

 

Having the chance to meet so many personalities was both exciting and somehow frightening. His memory was still cloudy, in some ways, and he didn't want to insult the people who cared for him because he couldn't recognize their faces or remember their names once they came for a visit.

 

However as soon as his friends left, the dark meaning behind Kiba's words came back to Naruto, creeping back into the focus of his mind.

 

Something had happened to Sasuke. Something he didn't know just yet, but which may have been written down in one of the envelopes. It wasn't sure Sasuke actually shared any of his deeper problems and issues in the letters – but now Naruto would keep his eyes open for possible hints, as subtle as they appeared to be.

 

With mixed feelings he had the nurse give him the cover marked with '6' right after lunch, and took a deep breath before reading it.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Another week has passed and I consulted your doctors for an update. Since I decided to do these letters, I have been busy with a few other things, making it impossible to keep an eye on you the way I wish. At least the staff is competent enough to keep the records going. Though, sadly, there has been no real change on your status so far. Your body recovered from some of the wounds, at the very last. The cuts on your skin have nearly closed, though you still have many tubes on you. I was also informed you get daily visits from all kinds of people, most of all from me and your friends Sakura and Sai. I also saw Kiba, around a couple of times, though I suggested for him to get a check-up before he got anywhere near you. It's hard to wash you, the way you are now, and I don't want you to get his fleas. Even when he left his dog at home, I doubt he is clean enough to as much as touch you._

_During my update, I also learned about one of the nurses taking special care of you. I found out her name is Shizune and when I observed her, once, I also noticed how careful and gentle she treats you. Before I had been too focused on other things to realize how concerned she is about your health. That puts me at ease, at least a bit – now I know you are taken good care off, even when I'm not personally here. While she was around, I arranged she would pick up the letters I cannot drop personally and leave them here at my place._

_I thought about bringing a few things into your room, in case you'd wake up. The white walls and simple furniture is too boring for you, my love, so I wanted to make it feel a bit more like home to you by bringing a couple of items here. Unfortunately everything you like a lot is rather hard to get here. The plants are no option, since even single flowers would be removed in the evening. I think a constant change of place is bad for them. Leaving your favorite blanket and pillows here is also out of the question – Shizune may be competent, but I won't risk your beloved things to get ruined in the washers of the hospital. The large stuffed animal is essentially to big to drop here while I got in trouble with some fat, bitchy nurse for bringing your music player in here. She talked about some bullshit of 'not overtax the brain' or something. She also looked like the type to toss the things in the trash, so I took it back home. The only thing I did not get issues with is the large poster featuring a photo of your green-house. I put it on the wall opposite your bed – a copy, in case Ms. Fat Bitch shows up and decides the poster may fry your brain – so you would at least remember about your plants when you wake up. I thought, if you wouldn't return home for me, you would do so for them. Technically I could have left some instant-Ramen here as well, but I believe your weakened being should rather have light soups at first. Once you are allowed to have some, I'll bring you a fresh bowl from Ichiraku's. _

_Lately I started having... thoughts._

_Whenever I come here to you, Naruto, I tell you various things – that I brought you another letter, that I miss you more with each day. Every time I kiss your forehead and cheeks, lift your hand and hold it in mine – but each impulse I give you is ignored, even when I stimulate the sensitive spots on your body. Usually, as soon as I lick over your wrist, you'd be impossible to stop. Even when you're deep asleep you'd awake those times, nearly melting under my touches and caresses._

_Why don't you react, at all? It has been two and a half months where I speak regularly with you, but you stay motionless. I keep having nightmares of the accident – I see you, on the ground, the street turning crimson beneath your body. You look almost dead in my dark dreams, your eyes closed and chest motionless. I dream I come to you, like I did when the actual accident happened, doing the same things I did that fateful day. But, in my nightmares, your eyes stay closed and after a last, weak sigh from your lips your body relaxes, your muscles stop working, your heart gives out. Maybe I have those nightmares because I have been sleeping on the couch for the last few weeks. Laying in bed without you leaves me more on the edge than I already am, though the sofa isn't an exactly good alternative._

_Deep down, I know you survived the accident. I stayed with you until the ambulance arrived and I sat by your bed for countless hours afterward. Yet it doesn't stop the dark dreams to come hunting me. When I jerk awake, covered in sweat, I'm hardly able to fight the urge to rush off to the hospital and check on you immediately. Sometimes I only managed to gather myself when I'm already sitting in the car, my hands clenched around the wheel. The hardest times, instead of heading for the hospital, I drive to my office – watching the photo and lose myself in happier memories._

_The love I feel for you is both, my greatest advantage and my biggest weakness, my love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Hurray, double update :D  
> In fact, I actually wanted to get the 5th part posted sometime around Thurstday or Friday, but then shit hit the fan at work so I couldn't get home sooner.  
> Also, this part had luckily less to fix, so I managed to do it quickly. I have read some of the other chaps again though... and alas, when I look at them it's hard to keep up the motivation since they suck so very badly :( 
> 
> Hints, so many hints and unanswered questions. Did I add Angst to the tags? I'm gonna check right away. 
> 
> Next week it's being around for a long while, so it will take some time for the next part. 
> 
> Regards until then,  
> -T


	8. 7th Letter - The Everything

Something wet landed on the side of Naruto's hand, a transparent, warm drop. Another one joined the first, then the next, the next, and the next. Only slowly Naruto realized it were tears – his own tears – which ran down his cheeks and eventually dropped from his chin.

 

To avoid getting the letter wet he leaned further back, his other, dry hand feeling around for the remote to lower the back a bit more. He still cried, his chest hurting at the clear pain coming through the words, transported to him so clearly he experienced it like his own.

 

First he had been amused – Sasuke had met the same nurses as him and he could already see the obese one tearing the poster off the wall with a huff as soon as she saw it. Shizune always having been taking special care of him made his chest warm up, too.

 

But then, when Sasuke started writing about his own, very alike nightmares of the accident, reporting how he felt those times... It was too much for Naruto. The tears were helping, the slightest bit, lifting a little of the weight off his aching soul.

 

However it wasn't enough.

 

No matter if Sasuke overcame his grief later in the letters – Naruto had to speak with him. Immediately.

 

He laid the sheets down on the mattress before he grasped the remote with both hands and pulled it close. Blinking a few times he could stop the tears, momentarily, and then tried to wipe his cheeks. After a few attempts he gave up and instead pushed down the call-button with all his force. It didn't take long before a nurse appeared, one Naruto had never seen before.

 

Seeing his tears she hasted to the bed, her face a few shades paler than when she came in first. “Mr. Uzumaki?! Are you in pain?! What is it?!”

 

Weakly he shook his head,a weak, haunted smile grazing his lips. “I need the phone... Please...”

 

The young woman was still pale, however reached for the white device and settled it in Naruto's lap. “Can you put the earpiece on my shoulder?” he asked, knowing his strength wasn't enough to lift it up by himself. If he couldn't even wipe the wet streams from his face, there was no way he would be able to lift such an heavy item.

 

She hesitated first, her face something between worried and torn. For a moment Naruto wondered if she would consult a doctor first, but eventually she grabbed the white thing and gently placed it between his neck and shoulder.

 

“Are you alright?” she asked, her voice low and gentle.

 

“Yeah,” Naruto assured, flashing her a light smile. “I just have to call somebody very badly. Thanks for the help.” His fingers already flew over the keys, securely pushing them. Somehow he knew the number again, clearly seeing it before his inner eye. Just when he pushed the last few keys his digits started trembling – the nervousness to finally hear Sasuke's voice eating away at him.

 

When the line rang, Naruto stopped breathing for a moment. However after the second ring a mechanical voice suddenly spoke to him.

 

>The number you are calling is not available. Please try again later.<

 

Furrowing his eyebrows Naruto stared down at the phone, his cheeks still wet with tears. It was strange for Sasuke to have his phone switched off. But, maybe, he just forgot to recharge it? He seemed to be rather beside himself, judging from the letters, and he always had trouble finding things when he was surrounded by chaos. If he had been to depressed to clean up, their place must have become quite the mess by now.

 

Pushing down the button on top of the phone, Naruto tried the next number – the one for their apartment. This time it rang more often, though nobody picked it up. The familiar beep of the answering machine kicked in, but he hung up before leaving a message. Naruto didn't want to speak to him indirectly – if they spoke, he wanted it to be live and real, a dialog.

 

He gave it a last try and called the number of his own mobile phone. If Sasuke still listened to his voice of the mailbox, he'd probably have it with him.

 

Again it rang, again nobody picked up. Upon hearing his own voice Naruto gave up, pushing the earpiece off his shoulder and placed it back on top of the phone. “Fuck,” he cursed, aloud, feeling like pushing the stupid thing right onto the floor. While the tears had stopped, frustration spread in Naruto's being instead.

 

Now that he _finally_ had the strength to call that bastard he decided to be unreachable. Asshole! If Naruto knew the number, he'd call his stupid ass up right in his boring office. If he wasn't at home nor at the hospital, Taka Inc. was the only other place Sasuke would be at. Hell, he spend so much time there, he probably had some futon-bed in one of the cupboards and a toothbrush in one of the bathrooms!

 

But, as things were now, all Naruto could do was lean back and be annoyed.

 

So giving in, he did exactly that – lean back and be annoyed. He even crossed his arms, though they remained on the mattress. _Eventually_ he'll be able to just cross them like he always did, on the level of his chest. Until then his lap and the bed had to do.

 

Though now that he thought about it, Naruto figured out quite some strange things. For example, it was very contradicting Sasuke was really so hard to reach. Telling from the letters he craved a call from the hospital and surely had instructed the people in charge to contact him as soon as there was any change on their end.

 

A possible explanation for his behavior would be Sasuke's feelings did change at some point – he simply closed the Naruto-chapter of his life and moved on. But then again, that made any sense. Naruto was still receiving letters, the latest just the other day, after he first woke up. Since Sasuke wasn't known to be into writing, he would just quit when the reason was gone.

 

He released a frustrated growl. No matter how he turned it, the bastard made no freaking sense to him.

 

Sighing in defeat Naruto threw his head back, as far as he could, staring at the ceiling more than anything. It was white, just like the rest of the room, save for the tiny, ugly drawing opposite his bed. What would he give to be back in his bedroom, the walls held in a dark, creamy color which went well with the white furniture and the red covers. In a corner would lay a small, orange blanked, neatly put together since they hardly needed it when they went to bed. Only a while back Naruto would have never thought he'd ever miss those things. Actually he disliked the colors – he rather had everything orange and black, hating the stupid white carpet and the red covers since the slightest hints of filth could be seen on them and hence Sasuke would force him to clean up.

 

Closing his eyes Naruto tried to imagine his bedroom, how it looked like when the rays of the sun got in through the window. The warm hit on the bed, over the crumbled, rounded blanket and pale skin, the mop of raven hair safe in the shadow of the curtain so its owner could keep on sleeping.

 

While he was daydreaming, his hands left his lap to lay flat on the mattress – and just then he felt the light touch of the letter still close to him.

 

Recalling the – rather dark – content Naruto opened his eyes again, something else appearing in his mind as well. Quickly he pushed the call-button again, making the nurse from before come back.

 

Seeing him calmed down again, a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “What can I do for you, Mr. Uzumaki? Put the phone away again?” She already stepped closer to the bed, her hand inching for the item securely laying on the mattress.

 

“Naruto's fine,” he replied with a grin, “And yeah, that and – can you perhaps get me something? A large poster with some plants must be around. I'd like it back.”

 

~*~

 

It took an eternity, but by the time dinner came the nurse finally came back with the poster Naruto meant. At his wish it was put on the wall, replacing the ugly drawing across his bed, and he felt his heart slightly eased at the sight.

 

As Sasuke had mentioned in his letter, it was a copy of some large photo they had in the corridor, just by the entrance. A shot taken in Naruto's own greenhouse at the backyard, sometime in the late August. All the plants were green, filled with dark, healthy leaves while the ones carrying fruits had the first hints of them on their branches. The summer-bloomers like the sunflowers where on the very back, the bright yellow pedals shining in the midday light. On the left were smaller potted plants Naruto soon gave to friends as a gift on special occasions, all grown from small seedlings he put in the earth himself. Opposite them on the right was a line of spice plants, anything from rosemary to thyme, and even oregano, pepper, and chives. Even some green tea grew there. Sasuke had insisted on him to grow 'useful' stuff as well, especially all those exotic spices from abroad. The tea he'd need for his favorite food, rice balls, and less occasionally offer it to their guests.

 

Looking at the poster had warmth spread in his gut – soon he could return to the greenhouse, taking care of all the withered plants and grow new ones. Naruto had always loved working in the garden, even stayed longer after school to work in the small yard of their class. His dream was a house on a large ground, giving him enough space to live out his hobby to a fullest. The flat they currently lived in was nice and had a garden, but still Naruto kept his dream of a large yard close. Eventually he'd get it... For sure.

 

Thinking about their flat though, something important came back to him:

 

What about his job?

 

Before the accident Naruto used to work in the stock of a large shop for building and gardening supplies. The job was decently paid and he could stay in shape rather well since the items could be rather heavy at times. But how did they take his absence for a year? Damn, he needed the job since he insisted on paying half of the rent along with Sasuke. Not that the bastard needed any financial assistance; Sasuke had a rather rich background, worked as the vice-president of their family's business, and, in addition, ran a small business himself, a market niche he founded with money he borrowed from his brother and paid back within the first month again. In fact, Sasuke was a damn skilled commercial – and, not-so-secretly, saved up some higher sums on a bank account for Naruto for the case of emergencies.

 

Long story short, he had more than enough cash to afford an entire mansion for them and still have crazily much left. But, deep down, Naruto didn't feel comfortable being that depending on his him. The temptation to have Sasuke buy him a large farm was there – in fact, he offered to do so as a present for birthdays, Christmas, and other occasions – but Naruto wanted them to be equals; until he'd earn enough to pay half of the rent for the farm, they were stuck with the nice flat with the lovely garden on the back.

 

However, what if he got fired by now? It wasn't a big deal for Sasuke to cover the costs for a year thankfully, but then Naruto would have to look for something else once he was out of the hospital. And, given the possibility he still _had_ the job at the store, it would take several months before he could pull around bags of concrete powder around on his shoulders. Perhaps looking for a physically lighter job was wiser, at least until he got his entire shit properly together.

 

Man... What would Naruto give to be back at the store, work and then head home by the end of the day. What would he give to have his daily routine back, his actual _life_.

 

Instead he was stuck in the boring room, along with the letters, the poster, and the small weights he tried lifting with his hands. It still felt odd and unusual to him – even a small glass filled with water was too heavy for his hands. Impressive, and scary, how much his muscles declined during his slumber. At least he recovered remotely well; in a couple of days, he'd be able to eat his yogurt by himself. A small goal, but a goal nonetheless.

 

He was just lifting the weight marked with a '1' with both hands, eyes narrowed in concentration, when the door opened.

 

“Oh. Busy, busy, aren't we?” called a male voice, but Naruto didn't look up from his hands before he hadn't lowered the weight into his lap. Only then he turned his head around, recognizing the man who entered immediately.

 

“Hey Kabuto!” he greeted with a smile, “Well sure, have to get out of here soonest possible. Or at least get well enough to walk to my appointments on my own.”

 

Kabuto shook his head, however a chuckle rumbled from his chest in the process. “I rather think you want to move around so you can get the letters on your own.” A knowing smirk curled over his lips as he spoke, his dark eyes shining with mischief.

 

“That, too.” Naruto confirmed with a nod, a grin across his features. Yeah, being able to snatch up the envelopes by himself surely got its benefits, even when the content had his throat going dry at times.

 

“Anyhow.” Kabuto sighed, as if he imagined a moving Naruto was going to be a handful, and held out a sheet of paper. “This is the schedule for your training, starting in three days. We'll also do another check up tomorrow morning.” He laid the sheet down on the small table next to the bed so Naruto could read it from his spot. “And don't forget the meeting with Doctor Hatake tomorrow afternoon, right after lunch. Please consider you can't have any visits that time.”

 

Naruto growled in frustration, head leaning back against the mattress. “That's unfair! I believe talking to my friends does more to bright my psych than talking with that guy.” The idea of speaking with Kakashi still didn't sit well with him, though he had planned to bring up the topic of his nightmarish memories in the next appointment.

 

Kabuto's features grew hard all of a sudden. “I believe the talk with the doctor is highly needed. You're a fool to believe we _don't_ know about those nightmares you have, Naruto.”

 

Biting his tongue, Naruto tensed up slightly.

 

“It's completely normal given what happened to you.” Kabuto paused, as if he tried to figure out the best way to proceed. “Yet I recommend you to speak with him. He's an expert on the field and can show you some ways on how to deal with your tension. You don't want us to put you to sleep by force, do you?”

 

“Guess not, Mr. Male Nurse.” The answer was growled, a clear sign for Naruto's annoyance. He didn't like how easily Kabuto manipulated him. Kakashi was good enough at messing with his head by himself; he didn't need another one coming up to twist him around so he'd do what they wanted, especially since he wasn't in the condition to stop them.

 

“Now, so defensive?” The tease was back in Kabuto's voice while he walked over to the box filled with the envelopes. “Perhaps number seven will make you forgive me?” With that he pulled the letter out, skillfully tossing it over to the bed. The envelope marked with a '7' in the corner landed directly in Naruto's lap.

 

Skilled, manipulative asshole.

 

Not giving Kabuto another glance, Naruto easily opened the cover and removed the sheets from inside.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I realized I can't properly focus on my work after all. My slack lead to some declines on the sales of Taka Inc., something which hasn't happened in months. This week I was so busy with fixing it up I ended up taking some of your plants to my office to keep an eye on them. The hot temperatures outside are giving them a hard time so some need special care. But, as much as it pains me, I had to realize I'm in no shape to keep control over my business right now. No way I can give Taka Inc. into my brother's hands – regardless of anything Itachi presented to you, he's a damn assholish vulture waiting for my business to fail and end up in his hands –, so in the end I gave Juugo a promotion. He's the vice now and will take on the daily matters as my substitute. In addition I made Kimimaro his assistant, since he has a good feeling when it comes to deals. They will keep Taka Inc. running until I can function again._

_The other day, when I looked through our mail, I saw some envelopes directed to us. Upon opening them I saw it were some cards, send in by people we know. They're filled with honest get-well-soon wishes for you and shallowly encouraging phrases directed to me. The cards infuriated me; while I am happy to read other people honestly care for you, I wish they just kept what they wanted to say to me for themselves. I don't need their pseudo-friendly crap. Deep down, I am aware they see me being the cause of it all – they say into my face to be strong while they blame me for everything behind my back. Isn't that what you think, too? If I had proved I care about you before, you would have never rushed out of the building and in front of the car. Hell, **I** ~~believe~~ **KNOW** the fault is entirely mine. You have no idea how gladly I'd switch places with you – be the one in the deep coma, perhaps already dead after all. Not that I particularly care for the sorrow of the people around me. In fact, I couldn't care less about anyone other than you, Naruto. However, as little as I care for it, the pain caused by the loss of you is evident, ever present. I saw the grief in your friend's eyes when they looked at your motionless face, I saw it turn into burning anger and hate when they glanced at me afterward. _

_If I were the one hit by the car, far less people would suffer. Itachi would, and maybe some of my employees as well. Though, as the selfish bastard I am, I'd only be concerned about how you'd feel if I were in a coma. You are everything I care about – I wouldn't mind sacrificing my entire being for you, complete with body and soul. For you, Naruto, I would take the stars from the sky and present them to your very feet, give my life to protect you from every kind of harm. I might not have said it aloud, but only because I thought you were already aware of how far I'd go for you. To see you, despite of my silent vow, lay in a hospital, so hurt you are edging death, eats terribly away at me. It showed me just how powerless I am after all. If you needed blood or an organ, I couldn't even offer you mine since I'm not a suitable donator. I couldn't stand in the operating room to fix your broken body since I'm not a doctor. I can't stay by your side and care for you since I'm not a nurse. I can't even take you home since I'm not skilled enough to meet your special needs while you're like this..._

_My dream had been to be everything you'd need in your life, be the one to turn your wishes into reality, to be the secure ground under your feet and the endless sky above. I wanted to become what you already are for me, my love, but this accident showed me just how naïve I have been up to this point. I wanted to be the reason you laugh, the reason your eyes light up, the reason for you to live. Instead I am the reason you lay, trapped in your semi-dead state, in a white bed, the reason your precious friends suffer, the reason the last thought you had was you were not dearly beloved by the man you spent the last few years with._

_More and more often, I wish I could turn time back to the moment when you exploded with anger. But, instead of letting you rush out, I'd throw myself into your way, blocking the escape to you. I'd bear the hits and kicks from you, endure all the blames you throw at me and be grateful for them. No matter how much your words would hurt me, I'd take them all – because, no matter what you would say or do, nothing can be more painful than this reality. Nothing can be worse than the current state of things._

_I pray for the get-well-soon wishes from your friends to reach you so you finally awake again, my love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Man... you know it's been a long week if you end up with 12-hours-long shifts two Fridays in a row...  
> I tried to edit this chap. The present is fixed, but I'm rather unhappy with the letter. Anyway, I'm not in the shape to fix it up for the time being.  
> Hahahaha, back then I just played the forsaken Tales of Symphonia II. I recognized a quote xD 
> 
> I have no idea when the next chap will be up. A stressing time is coming up for me since we need to fix some stuff before mid December... Phew x.x 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story so far.  
> See you next time!
> 
> Greetings,  
> -T


	9. 8th Letter - The Connection

Naruto only barely registered the door opened. His mind was still with the words he just read, head hurting slightly at the subconscious need to remember. In addition he could barely grasp what he just came to realize, deeply hoping he misinterpreted the sentences.

 

A part of him wanted to immediately grasp Sasuke and shake him forcefully. Yelling how wrong he was to think it would have been better if he was the one involved in the accident and in coma. How could he even _think_ of forcing such a trial on the ones who loved him?

 

But then again, Naruto was unsure of his feelings when he was hit. Did he truly love Sasuke that moment or was there only loneliness and spite in him as the world turned dark around him?

 

In any case, the content and sound of the letter was alarming. Sasuke had fallen, really hard... What if he hadn't managed to recover from that time? What if his depression had even worsened?

 

“Mr. Uzumaki?”

 

Finally Naruto noticed the call. He blinked a few times, tearing his eyes away from the letter while his head kept pulsing lightly with pain. The person entering his room was a nurse with a tray, ready to deliver his dinner. Or so he guessed.

 

His face must have shown his confusion since the nurse repeated, “I asked if you are okay with having your dinner now?” She sounded stressed, as if his current state was setting her off somehow. Who knew how often she had already repeated the question before he finally reacted.

 

Glancing at the tray, Naruto quickly nodded his head. “Yeah, of course.” Hastily he put the sheets away, though he wasn't hungry at all. The letter had his appetite gone in the matter of minutes, however he didn't want to worry her even more than already. If he were to deny food, probably a doctor would come visit him next.

 

The nurse arched an eyebrow at him but still put the tray down and removed the cover. Again it was soup with some pieces to chew inside – Naruto was quite used to it by now, even when it were mere four days since he could eat himself. Before he got fed over a pipe directly connected to his stomach, leading all the way from his _nose_ down to his bowels. God knew how happy he was to have the thing gone, even when it stung like a bitch when it was pulled out.

 

He pushed the button of the bed, having the part behind his back lift up just a bit more. Gently he was fed and though he felt all but well he kept eating, obediently chewing the pieces throughout before swallowing.

 

It was only a farce, an act, therefore the smile he gave the nurse never reached his eyes. Thankfully she was a knew face – otherwise, Naruto was sure, she'd suspect something and ask uncomfortable questions.

 

“Do you want me to turn on the lights?” she asked after putting the cover back over the tray. Turning his head, Naruto eventually realized it was still rather bright outside... where they coming closer to summer?

 

“No, not yet,” he replied after figuring out how much he'd plan on staying awake for the evening.

 

“Alright. See you later then.” Turning silent she left, the door clicking lowly when she closed it behind herself.

 

Once she was gone, Naruto released a heavy sigh while closing his eyes. Thoughts still circling around the depressing letter he lowered the back of his bed, not stopping before he was half-way laying. He opened his eyes again, looking at the calming image of his greenhouse opposite his bed. The plants always had a calming influence on him; whenever he was upset or confused, spending time in his garden would help subside the raging emotions. That was also the case when he was overly excited – taking care of his flowers would then assist him getting control over his body and mind back.

 

His head gave another painful throb when he badly tried to recall something having a similar affect on Sasuke. But, now that he thought about it... He had no idea what would get Sasuke to calm down. They dated for so long, however Naruto now realized he knew fairly little about the smaller things regarding his bastard.

 

And, somehow, Naruto couldn't help feeling guilty about it.

 

Hissing he pressed his eyes shut, forcing himself to think clearly. It didn't matter what he remembered – his main focus was to clearly understand the mood of the letter he just read and to figure out how to proceed. Sasuke was doing bad, at least shortly after Naruto's accident. How likely was it he was still in such a bad shape? Since he was Sasuke Uchiha, he probably got a hold of himself soon again. No matter what Sasuke faced, he usually managed to recover enough to at least keep going. Naruto knew him well enough to expect anything less.

 

That kept in the back of his thoughts, the next step was to somehow reach somebody who would know how Sasuke was _currently_. The envelopes were fairly old; once Naruto got a reliable source with an update of Sasuke's state, he could read the letters without tippling over with worry as soon as he reached the end.

 

Who could provide him such information?

 

Probably Sasuke himself, but he was unreachable, at least for the moment.

 

The next in line would be Itachi, Sasuke's older brother. They were very close, despite all the little evil pranks they did to each other. But, unfortunately, Naruto didn't know his number by heart. He had it saved in his mobile of course, but its location was as unknown as Sasuke's.

 

Thinking further, their closer friends might know something. However Sakura and Sai already said he just left, pretty suddenly too – doubtful they were still in contact. Maybe Gaara would be more up to date? He wasn't exactly Sasuke's best friend, but Naruto had the feeling they got along rather well. At least he could imagine they being in contact, even if it was rather loose.

 

If Gaara couldn't help him either, the guys working at Taka Inc. were the next option. As far as Naruto knew they were all closer friends of Sasuke, plus they had to have some info about their boss since they ran his business. If he was gone for a longer time, he must have left some note about his whereabouts. Unfortunately, said friends/employees were quite out of Naruto's reach. He barely knew them by their first name, let alone have a direct number to call. Back when Sasuke founded the company, he had rented some rooms in the large building of their family business, but had made clear he was just looking for a proper place for Taka Inc. and hadn't found it yet. One year was a long time – maybe they had already moved, changing address and numbers in the process.

 

In any case, there was little Naruto could resolve for the day; it was already evening. When he wanted to gather some information and do research, he had to wait for the next day. But, remembering about the sheet of paper Kabuto brought earlier, tomorrow was fairly full already. Even when he went through the check-up and the appointment with Kakashi alright, doubtful he'd have the strength to use the phone overly much.

 

It was still bright when Naruto opened his eyes again, the overall plan for his next moves fixed in his mind. Thoughts cleared up he admired the poster once again, allowing it to calm him down completely. Stressing himself now was not going to archive anything. Contrary – the clearer his mind was, the more effective he could proceed.

 

His fingers brushing over the smooth paper of the letter, Naruto relaxed on the mattress. He'd get his answers, eventually.

 

~*~

 

Again darkness engulfed Naruto, only that this time he was prepared. He had a close idea to where he was – it was the start of his memory, from the day he was hit by the car. It was a bit unsettling he would have to live through it once again, however something was different from the last time and it was that something which had him keep dreaming instead of jerk awake.

 

Unlike before, the voices were clearer, though the beginning was rather muffled in between. He could make out his own voice and also recognized Sasuke's.

 

“God damn bastard!” he shouted, furiously, “You make it all so easy for yourself! Never wasting as much as a second thought on others, hu?!”

 

“Naruto, quit the drama already,” Sasuke responded rather calmly, though the tense was obvious in his voice.

 

“But what was I expecting? It's not like I'm anything other than one of those people for you, right?!”

 

“You are, in fact, the one making things easy now.” He sounded angry, slightly, the first indicator for Sasuke's coming outburst. “Twisting everything up the way it suits you best, aren't you?”

 

“ _Twisting_?!” Naruto bellowed, loudly, “I'm merely pointing out the obvious! Your paranoia is twisting things up, believe it.”

 

“If you really believe you're nothing but _somebody_ to me, then you're a fairly shallow idiot,” Sasuke spat, his voice so bitter it nearly hurt. It was rare for him to feel so deeply insulted about something.

 

“ _Shallow_?! _You_ dare calling _me_ shallow?!” There was a sudden, crashing noise cutting through the air. “Then you don't fucking _deserve_ my dearly picked presents! You fucking bastard!”

 

Sasuke was silent for a moment and Naruto assumed he was just checking on the broken dragon on the floor. Since he could only see darkness, guessing was all he could do.

 

The next words were spoken so sharply they cut through the air like blades.

 

“You claim to be my lover but know _nothing_ about me! I can't believe I put up with all this shit for so long.” There was a short pause before Naruto added, “I fucking _hate_ you! Damn bastard!”

 

“... Is that all?” Sasuke asked, his voice strangely controlled.

 

“Tsk! That's it!” Naruto growled, next came a slam of a door.

 

Knowing what was ahead of the memory, Naruto tried his best to force his eyes to open. He failed though, ending up only jerking awake when he heard the angry horn of the car and felt the impact of the crash on his body. A light layer of sweat covered his body and his breathing was quickened, but at least he hadn't yelled this time.

 

Closing his eyes he relaxed, his hands laying on top of his chest and stomach. The voices were still clear in his ears – the words echoing through his head mercilessly, especially the last few phrases.

 

What in the world had unsettled him so much he told Sasuke he hated him? Even when they fooled around Naruto never managed to say those words. He could also not entirely understand why they had the fight to begin with. It was like the start was missing, the first spark which had the entire drama take place. But it was odd it went _that_ out of control. They fought a lot, passionately and loudly, however usually the argument was over after a few hours of sulking since one of them would eventually give in, often with additional presents or little favors like relaxing baths and fancy dinners.

 

The fight they had the day of the accident seemed different – very different from everything else they had up to then. And, when Naruto thought about it, Sasuke had sounded utterly wounded by the words. When he came up with something insulting, his bastard was known to totally go wild and break, no, downright _destroy_ something crossing his way. He'd yell and shout and shake all over with the powerful emotions working his body. A controlled Sasuke after such a harsh statement was more than suspicious – not in the 'he might not care at all' way, but more the kind of 'he was too shocked to actually come up with something himself'.

 

Just... What exactly had happened between them they ended up hurting each other so much?

 

The sun had risen already, brightening out the room regardless of it pointing west. It wasn't much longer before Kabuto or another male nurse would come to take him to the check up.

 

Turning his head Naruto's eyes fell on the brown box still filled with letters. If he wanted to read the next, he hadn't much time left.

 

Feeling around he found the remote and pushed the button to sit up. He had also pushed the call-button for the nurse, having one enter by the time he sat remotely comfortable.

 

When he tilted his head to smile at the nurse, Naruto had a hard time keeping it up.

 

Great. The bitchy one had the morning shift.

 

“Good morning,” he politely greeted, trying to twist her around his finger despite the fact she had been quite an asshole to him so far. “I have a check up in a couple of hours and wondered if you could give me the next letter?” he said, quickly adding once she furrowed her eyebrows, “Dr. Hatake recommended them, to get used to use my brain again.”

 

She still looked indecisive, however eventually headed for the box and stared into it, her expression somewhat angry. “The one marked with an eight,” Naruto informed, gasping when he received a huff from the woman. At least she shoved the envelope into his hands.

 

After thanking her, Naruto undid the closing. It was already a little more sticky than the previous, but he could still open it by himself.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The last few days more and more of those cards came in. Though I felt like tearing them, I put them all in a small box I leave at home. Since they are mostly directed to you – and yet addressed to us – I feel like you should at least have read them. What you do with them afterward is up to you. I don't mind using them to start a fire, once winter arrives. Perhaps we'll receive enough to make it through the entire season without lighters. Though, I dearly hope you won't sleep that long; I mostly meant that as a joke._

_Juugo and Kimimaro are doing well with the business of Taka Inc. I expected nothing less from them and I believe they are aware of that. There is no need for pressure; we're well established and I'm confident enough to rebuild the company from the first brick if I have to. As long as it hasn't grown too much I can still be flexible with it. If Taka was the size of Uchiha Corp. it would be a problem, but so far I have yet to lose control over it. While expanding the company I also got a new employee who strongly reminds me of somebody, but I can't recall from where exactly._

_My brother invited me over to his place, for Sunday. I originally had other plans for the day, but given the circumstances I might give in. He's worried, by now – more worried than I have seen him in years. But before I end up at his place, I'll spend the day in your company. It's enough if I show up for dinner since the weekends are the only time when I can stay longer in your room. During the week I'd either be busy with work or the few other duties I have, or I would get kicked out soon because the visiting hours are over. The weekends are more comfortable on that aspect. I can come at 10 a.m. and stay until passed 6 p.m. It's all but calming to watch you though; a machine is still breathing for you, your body doesn't even twitch, and your eyes remained closed. The only consult is your heart. There is a machine to check on that as well, but the constant, rhythmical beep it sends out is the sign of at least something inside you living without additional assistance. Your heart keeps beating, strong and full of energy. It's neither too fast nor too slow, just perfect – the best heartbeat I have ever listened to. Sometimes, when the door is closed and the nurses are all busy with other patients, I carefully lay my head down on top of your chest, listening to the beating while I also feel it pulsing inside you. When I concentrate enough I can also blank out the other noises and surroundings – I don't hear the electronic beep and the mechanical noises anymore, don't see the too bright light above us and the painfully white walls. Instead I fantasy us being at home, laying lazily in our bed, refusing to get up despite the teasing of the sun._

_While I was here, the doctors treating you put something like a penalty on me, or at the very least a thread. They honestly dared taking the right to meet you away from me. Me! I still can't believe they had the guts to go that far. They bluntly told me they **FORBID** me to come seeing you starting Monday – unless I agree on seeing one of their psychologists. Not only did they force their brochures about comatose patients and their relatives onto me, no, now they also try blackmailing. They told me so this Friday, when I came for a short visit, and gave me time until Monday to decide. I already called up my lawyer to check the situation and, when it comes down to it, I'll have them get fired at this insult. _

_I refuse to share my thoughts and feelings with anyone but you, Naruto. You are the reason behind these feelings – I react to the fact I almost lost you and these reactions are only meant for you to know. My pain, my grief, my hopes, and my endlessly deep love; it's all yours, and yours only. It's a secret reveal only you, me, and the paper of these letters witness. It's something special and utterly personal, this glance I allow to my very center reserved for you. Perhaps it's a very crucial mistake, especially when I remember about our last fight. I'm aware you could crush me with what I let slip through these letters, break me apart in the matter of seconds. I reveal my fears and weaknesses, all those sensitive spots – like I was marking the places where bullets should enter my body so I die certainly if you decide to strike._

_Earlier this week, I happened to run into Iruka-sensei on my way out. He insisted on offering me some coffee and wouldn't leave me alone until I agreed. Of course he asked about your well-being and also how I feel about the situation. Unlike your other friends, he didn't look hostile at me when we talked, though I believe he knows quite some details about the accident. Somehow he always knew everything that was up, even back at school. I really wonder what his source is. Anyhow, he said he'll visit more regularly now and he also gave me his private phone-number, insisting on me calling him if I need help. I know how close you two are, since Iruka was the first person to treat you like an actual human – you always had a rough start, thanks to your background as an orphan, and he was the first to teach you some valuable things about life, almost like a father sharing his wisdom and advice with his own son. I'm deeply grateful to Iruka; he was the one who shaped you as a kid, creating the base so you could grow into a wonderful adult. The shine of his caring eyes reminded me, shockingly, about your own beautiful orbs. I never realized how similar you two look, but now that I turned over-sensitive to everything around me, I became aware just how much Iruka influenced you. If he hadn't been there, would you have ever valued the bonds you had with other people that much? Would you have grown to cherish those connections, keep them up and stronger them the way you did? Would you have valued them so much you stayed so long by my side until I realized the importance of our bond as well?_

_Thankfully, those are worries I don't have to think about at all, my love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Oh my, I'm pretty behind my posting agenda. The last weeks have been extremely stressing for me on many levels, so I didn't really have the head to do much else than lay around.  
> I'm still pretty stressed out, however I decided to still do some work anyway. 
> 
> Jsyk, the letters contain a ton on hints on what is to come and if you are the more investigative type, go on anxd have fun!  
> For example, Itachi has Sasuke over for Sunday because it's his birthday. Naruto's accident was in June and time passes on.  
> I also added many Canon-elements to this, like the workers of Taka and the dynamic of Juugo's and Kimimaro's relationship. 
> 
> I'll try to work through the next chap this weekend still, but I can't make any promises :( 
> 
> Greetings,  
> -T


	10. 9th Latter - The First

Upon reading about his old middle-school teacher, Naruto felt warmth rise in his chest.

 

When he was younger he had been kind of a handful for a kid. Having a hard time socializing with his mates, he often ended up alone – excluded from the group, without friends. So, in a desperate act to get attention, Naruto got used to make pranks to anyone unlucky enough to cross his path. Adults, fellow children, figures of authority – he'd make fun of them all over, getting himself into quite some trouble. However nobody really understood the poor, lonely child – not a single adult interpreted the pranks for what they were, an utterly sad scream for help, and the other kids only laughed at Naruto for it, never really becoming something like friends with him.

 

Only when he attended the middle school everything changed, thanks to a single man – Iruka Umino.

 

At first the, at that time, young teacher wasn't any different from the other adults. He mostly ignored Naruto and his pranks, not willing to give him the slightest bit of attention for them. One day however – they had all been on a school trip, the entire class along with Iruka – Naruto went missing. Nobody had noticed he had left, let alone lost himself in the large museum they had been visiting.

 

Naruto had been utterly afraid that time – it was still winter, the days short and the nights uncomfortably long. The sky outside was pitch black already when suddenly the lights of the rooms Naruto was checking on went off, leaving the, at that time, ten-year-old back in entire, lonely darkness. At first he had tried to find his way back to the group, but eventually gave up. Seemingly nobody was looking for him and, from what Naruto guessed, they had already left anyhow. The bus wouldn't wait – not because of him, the outsider.

 

Crying lowly to himself, Naruto became familiar with the thought to stay alone and abandoned for the rest of his life when, all of a sudden, he heard the noise of a voice. Just when he peered out of his corner he saw Iruka, a flashlight in his hands, searching the place while he called out Naruto's name.

 

As soon as he saw him however Iruka dashed right towards him and delived the hardest slap Naruto had ever received in his short live. Right afterward he was forced to listen to a long rant, tiny tears burning in the corners of his eyes because of the hit he got before but mouth firmly shut.

 

From that day on, Iruka turned annoyingly strict whenever Naruto did something. The punishments were hard and immediate, but on the other hand Iruka was also very encouraging and kind. Sometimes he even took Naruto along for some dinner at a restaurant. Though he knew any better, Iruka felt like a parent somehow – or at least Naruto thought having a father would be like that. The young adult had a great influence on the problem-child number one; soon Naruto managed to socialize with his peers and even made some friends while his marks constantly improved. Iruka made him switch entirely in the matter of months, creating a valuable bond for Naruto. Even after their ways parted they stayed in contact, even met once in a while.

 

Whenever Naruto got a problem he could call Iruka up, at any time – a gift he treasured greatly.

 

He was still lost in the happy memory about his somewhat-father when, suddenly, the bed started moving. Naruto even gave a surprised shriek at the action, his upper body lifting slightly off the mattress before he got a hold of himself again.

 

Glaring darkly, he twisted his head around until he spotted the culprit. “Man! Don't randomly give me heart attacks like that...”

 

Kabuto merely chuckled as he moved around the bed, undoing the breaks with his feet. “I gave you the schedule,” he stated while pushing the bed, the wheels squealing a bit when he moved toward the door.

 

“Must have missed that part,” Naruto murmured, quite annoyed. He had been daydreaming so nicely – and then the stupid jerk had to come and ruin everything. At least Kabuto could have made his presence more obvious when he came in.

 

This time however, the trip through the hospital was fairly short.

 

Not five minutes after Kabuto picked him up, Naruto was pushed into a larger room. It was, obviously, an examination room, only much smaller than the last one.

 

Kabuto must have sensed his confusion because he suddenly explained, “Today it's only to see how your physical strength is. There's gonna be a check up every Friday.”

 

“So I get to lift weights?” Naruto grinned, flexing his arm so it would show off his muscles – and failed. Alas, he could barely lift his lower arm!

 

“I believe it's still a long way before that.” A sly smirk curled over Kabuto's lips when he spoke. He adjusted his glasses with one hand before disappearing, as silently as he sneaked into the sickroom. Naruto was still staring at the door he left through when another one to his right opened. Quickly he tilted his head around – the muscles on his neck were nicely developed already –, spotting a man so bulky he filled out the entire doorframe. He had dark hair and a beard covering his entire jaw, an unlit cigarette hanging in the corner of his mouth. A doctor-typical, white coat was around his body and though the material was rather loose his massive muscles barely hid beneath the cloth.

 

That guy was a doctor? He looked more like some pumped fitness trainer to Naruto.

 

“Uzumaki, wasn't it?” the man asked while stepping closer. He headed for the small sink in the far corner, washing off his hands briefly before he disinfected them. The smell of the medicine was heavy in the air when he eventually approached Naruto's bed.

 

“Naruto's fine.” Blue eyes looked the physician up and down, a bit of envy reflecting in them. The guy was so trained... he surely had no problems running and lifting weights or just about anything. What would Naruto give to have just a little of that shier strength magically moved into his own weak body.

 

“Alright then, _kid_ ,” the man replied with a grin, “I'm Asuma Sarutobi, physical therapist. Our goal is to work together so your muscles rebuild soonest possible.” He grabbed a chair with wheels and pulled it close, right next to the bed, before he took a seat. “We'll do little steps a time. For now, I just want to get an idea how strong you are already.” Naruto watched Asuma turn the cigarette in his mouth so it moved into the opposite corner. “Your head moves quite alright, considering you were knocked off for over a year.” The comment came with a grin, though the dark eyes were attentive and equally serious. Still, while being professional Asuma also felt like a nice, approachable person; it was hard not warming up in his presence.

 

“I train a lot,” Naruto responded with a brilliant smile. It had taken a while and he still had some muscle sourness, but he was very proud of his progresses.

 

“So I've heard.” Asuma reached into one of his pockets and removed a small file from it. He flapped it open with only one hand, his eyes quickly scanning whatever information inside it. “Now, show me what else you've got. Think you can lift off the backrest?”

 

Pressing his lips together Naruto tensed the muscles of his back and stomach – though there was fairly little to flex just yet. Still he managed to get up a little, the fact the back of his bed was still lifted helping him a lot. His entire upper body shook with exhaustion as he forced to stay in position, the tension of his muscles even flexing those in his neck. After a few seconds he gave in though, falling back against the mattress with a heavy sigh.

 

“Not bad!” Asuma rolled a little closer, his expression loosing some of its stiffness. “Next are the limbs. Try lifting them as mu-” He suddenly cut himself off, dark eyes looking somewhere near Naruto's body on the bed. “What's this?” Asuma asked aloud, his large hand already closing around the item. Rustling of paper could be heard and just then Naruto realized he, accidentally, took Sasuke's last letter along.

 

Curiously long fingers closed around the sheets, threatening to lift them up and unfold them when a line crossed Naruto's mind:

 

_It's a secret reveal only you, me, and the paper of these letters witness._

 

The next moment a quite smaller hand laid over the big one, digits tensing around the warm flesh. How Naruto had managed to move his arm so quickly was a total mystery. Even Asuma looked confused and _very_ surprised when he looked up from the letter, their gazes meeting.

 

Quickly moistening his lips, Naruto stated, “It's very personal.”

 

Asuma gave him a smirk while replying, “I get it, kid. I was just going to put it out of the way.” With that he pulled free, way too easily, and rolled over to a small table. Soon the letter was on top of it, still folded so nobody could read the words at all, and then Asuma was back at Naruto's side.

 

“Now, where were we?”

 

~*~

 

Once Naruto was pushed out of the room again – Sasuke's letter back in his lap – he felt pretty good. Asuma had finished the check up and stated he was doing well already. Hence Naruto was given a new sheet with a schedule, along with various names of other physicians he would meet during his exercises. It wasn't a downright promise from Asuma, but he confirmed Naruto would soon be able to eat alone and sit up if he kept progressing that fantastically.

 

The result took a huge weight off Naruto's shoulders; depressing and unusual it had felt to him, being so depending on other people and unable to do things on his own. Thankfully his body didn't let him down these dark days – almost like it felt its owner's wishes to turn how he used to be and did everything to assist him. And, that much Naruto was sure about, his body also felt the physical need to go see Sasuke again. His heart gave a few faster beats at the thought alone, his muscles tensing in the urge to rush back to him, his fingers tickling with the fantasy of running over creamy skin and silky locks, along with quite soft lips. Naruto always loved running his fingertips over Sasuke's mouth, feeling the unusually smooth texture compared to his rather firm skin. The memory alone made him shiver all over and slid his eyes close...

 

“Please do that when you're back in your room,” Kabuto commented, all of a sudden, effectively jerking Naruto out of his thoughts.

 

“Doing what?!” he barked in response, quite angry. If, for once, Naruto wasn't thinking about his miserable situation and his nearly deadly accident, he'd rather _not_ be disturbed!

 

“Getting hard,” Kabuto chuckled and, eventually, Naruto gazed down at his lap – turning deep red at what he saw. “At least those muscles seem to be as strong as ever.” The statement was followed by a full-out laughter, making Naruto's face almost purple in color.

 

It wasn't all too obvious, but the thin fabric of the blanket had been rising ever so lightly.

 

From that moment, Naruto decided his body was both to him, friend _and_ foe. Never before had he felt so embarrassed.

 

“Just shut up,” he snapped, quickly crossing his arms right above his crotch. He couldn't risk somebody else seeing his slightly aroused state as well, especially nobody from the staff. As little as was left, he didn't want to lose the last bit of pride left inside him. It was humiliating enough so many people saw his dick and the pipe leaving from the tip... He certainly wasn't going to give them a view on his hard-on.

 

After a felt eternity – the paranoid voice inside Naruto's head told him Kabuto took another round on purpose – they finally reached the empty bedroom. The bed was pushed back into it's spot, right opposite the poster of the greenhouse, before the breaks were pushed again to block the wheels.

 

“Breakfast should be brought to you soon, though it's going to be only a bit. It's almost ten after all.” Kabuto again adjusted his glasses as he gave him the information, voice methodical for the time being. “But if you wish to have some time for you alone now...” A dirty smirk came over his lips and, if Naruto had the force, he'd thrown something right into his stupid face.

 

“No, _hanks_ ,” Naruto replied with an unusually dry voice,.“You may leave now.” With that he turned his head demonstratively away, not willing to give Kabuto the pleasure of paying attention to him. He seemingly grew bored of the game anyhow – the low click of the door signaled Naruto he was alone once again.

 

Sighing he tilted his head a bit, glancing down at the letter still in his lap. He had quite a few by now, all folded and back in their envelopes in a drawer of his nightstand. Quite unhandy, if Naruto felt like re-reading them. Maybe he should put them somewhere at his disposal? A folder might do the trick, though it felt odd to make holes into the sheets. Naruto wanted them rather unharmed and the way Sasuke originally sent them, if possible. So, should he put them in plastic wrap instead? Then he could easily put them in a folder and still keep them rather safe.

 

Yeah, a folder along with many, many plastic wraps. He had to remember asking Sakura to get him some once she came for her next visit.

 

In the meantime the door to his room opened again, Shizune's gentle face greeting him. “Good morning!” She quickly put the tray on the small table. “How was the check-up with Doctor Sarutobi? Any good news?” she asked while removing the cover. It was again yogurt with a generous amount of honey.

 

Naruto chuckled softly at the questions. “You seem to know my schedule rather well.” He gave her a knowing look, accepting the spoonful of food offered to him without hesitation. Asuma [i] _had[/i]_ pushed him quite a lot – Naruto felt tired already, though it was just the start of the day. After swallowing he eventually told, “But yeah, it was pretty fine. I'm taking training sessions starting Monday.”

 

“That's great,” Shizune confirmed, silently feeding Naruto until the small bowl was empty. “So, you want me to give you the next letter?”

 

Naruto tilted his head, showing her a soft smile. “Do you really have to ask that?”

 

All Shizune did was grinning until she handed over the letter marked with '9'.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Unfortunately I could barely see you this week. Regardless of my influence, the doctors, in fact, forbid everyone to let me through to you. In this context the nurses turned unexpectedly persistent to my attempts to see you. I tried to buy the entire facility instead, but there came slight complications up while I checked the deal. They want more money than I have and Itachi refuses to help me out in this matter. He even titled my plan as 'stupid'! For the first time since the accident I wasn't mostly dominated by grief, but by pure anger. Actually, I can hardly recall a situation where I was anywhere near this furious. However, since the need to see you is more powerful than anything else, I – eventually – had to play along and agree on going to pointless appointments with a psychologist. I was told he'd be the best on the field, but to be honest, the man appeared all but professional to me. In the two meetings we had he managed to, both times, come about three hours late. To make it clear to you – I was only allowed to see you after mentioned appointment. Once you've recovered, they will feel the entire impact of my revenge. _

_Lacking to visit you, I ended up cleaning most of the apartment and also had a visit from Iruka. Since he has more experience growing plants, I gave him the most hopeless cases to take into his home. After the great loss of the greenhouse, keeping the rest alive is a priority. I don't want you to return and find every single plant gone. When I took out the trash I glanced at the flower-shop across the street and thought, for a moment, to simply buy you a few replacements. But then again, I know how ridiculously picky you can be when it comes to your plants. So, it's only the large ones like Kyuubi while the rest is recovering at Iruka's._

_Last Sunday I also realized how incredibly annoying Itachi can be. While being constantly around you used to distract me, I almost forgot what a piece of shit he can be at times. Not only did he throw a tasteless party, he also made sure to have all kind of models involved. He must have also written something like 'Sasuke's Single Party' on the invitations – otherwise I can't think of a plausible reason why everyone was sticking around me. In the end I sneaked out through the backyard and went home on foot. The last few days have been rather hot, so I didn't bother, plus I wasn't all too eager to get back to our apartment._

_I can clearly remember that one day, so many years ago. I had just been heading to the gym when you wrote me a text, stating I should come to your place as quickly as possible, it was an emergency. That time I was surprised just [u] how[/u] worried I was about you, regardless we were merely dating for roughly two months. Once I arrived I had rung, wildly, but you weren't answering at all. Only after I banged against the door I noticed it was unlocked and, in fact, I had the number of the police ready in my phone, just having to push the call-button. When I then spotted you sitting on your bed, barely covered with the blanket, it took me a moment to grasp the situation. _

_My first impulse had been to explode with anger. I couldn't believe you had me nearly sick with worry just for then sit in your bed, completely fine! But then I saw your eyes, how you nervously chewed on your bottom lip, the darker tone of your skin though the room was barely lit. Lowly you had whispered you couldn't think of a present at all since you didn't know me all too-well, and therefore came up with giving me yourself. I might not have shown it because I am not the type to openly laugh, but I found the situation extremely amusing and ridiculous. If I wasn't so controlled, I might have burst. Still, it was somehow... endearing. I was aware you knew the rumors circling, how much I was driven by my libido, and I also knew you were worried I'd lose interest in you if you refused yourself for too long. Even if I told you the rumors didn't matter and you shouldn't listen to them, you were still affected by them, my word not being enough for you._

_However here is the truth, my love:_

_You had been my first. Ever. I have never been in sexual contact with anyone else before you, Naruto. I had never been interested in anyone before you, Naruto. There had never been a rush for anything, therefore I had always been ready to adapt to your pace. And because I knew you were uncomfortable I had refused you that day, braced to wait until the right moment would come. _

_I can be as patient you need me to be, Naruto – until the day you awake, I will wait._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Sorry for the super delay (which some of you MAY have noticed), but I got sick. Usually I'm pretty healthy all the time, but there is this one time every year where everyone's viruses and bacteria just turn too much for me, and that happened like two weeks ago ):   
> Being a workaholic, I still went to work all the time and used the weekends to somehow recover. Mostly, I've been flopping around - you know, like those fat baby seals do?  
> Flop flop to bed for a nap, flop flop to the couch for a nap, wobble wobble to the bathroom. That's pretty much the last two weekends for me. 
> 
> I have a few days ahead where I'll likely be home, so I hope to get a bit more editing done around that time.   
> Unless some drama happens at work, I SHOULD be fine :D (especially since all those sick colleagues took off and me, the new kid, goes to work during the holidays). 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chap regardless of the late delivery. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	11. 10th Letter - The Fading

The memory alone made Naruto's heart flutter; Sasuke had been in his class for a long time, since middle-school actually, but only a year before they graduated high-school did Naruto discover his deeper running feelings for him. Until then Sasuke had simply been some bastard raven who, somehow, stole all the girls away from the rest of their peers, regardless if he wanted to or not. Many rumors circled, of course, all about Sasuke and his supreme skills in the bedroom. Even some guys came up with stories, what originally had Naruto look out for the bastard as-

 

All of a sudden the door opened, startling him momentarily. It took him a moment to figure out it was simply one of the nurses bringing his lunch.

 

Sighing heavily he put the letter away, though he gave it one last, warmth-filled glance before he turned his attention to his meal.

 

~*~

 

Mere minutes after the tray was carried away the door opened once again – only that this time the disturbance promised to be longer-termed. With a sigh Naruto leaned back against the bed, accepting the fact he wouldn't be able to dwell in his memories any time soon.

 

“Why hello Naruto,” Kakashi greeted as he came in, immediately sitting down on the chair next to the bed. He had the file along, his hand already flipping through it before they even properly spoke to each other.

 

“Hi.” Naruto's response came rather dry. The visit wasn't exactly welcomed to him; instead of speaking with Kakashi about his darker thoughts and issues he'd have liked to sink into the depths of his mind, picturing out the foggy memories he had of the first time where he and Sasuke were a couple, newly interpreting his actions now that he learned it had been the first real relationship for both of them.

 

“So, how are you doing?” The tone of Kakashi's voice was so neutral, he seemed nearly _interested_ in the casual questions.

 

“Could be worse,” Naruto truthfully answered. Turning a little on the bed he accidentally brushed his hand over the latest letter from Sasuke, immediately recalling the content. “Rather well, actually.” He added it with a smile over his lips, fingers gently stroking the smooth paper tenderly.

 

“Apparently you enjoy the content of the envelopes,” Kakashi threw in. The comment had Naruto jerk his head up, only to see he hadn't even as much as looked up from the file.

 

It was nothing more than a statement, yet it had Naruto tense for a second.

 

How could Kakashi know such a thing? Did he know the letters? Naruto doubted he showed his happiness about them all too obviously. Though, Shizune might have noticed his better mood, not to mention Kabuto. Did they leave a note perhaps?

 

Anyhow, Kakashi seemed rather uninterested in something alike a reaction to his assumption – he moved on, his tone still neutral as he spoke. “I read about the excellent result of your physical examination. Now, how do you feel about having the actual chance to go outside in the foreseeable future?” Finally he looked up from his notes, his visible eye staring so much Naruto felt slightly uncomfortable under the hard glance.

 

“Well... good. Can't wait to walk around on my own again.” With that Naruto looked over at a small stall next to the door. He guessed it was a small bathroom, probably nothing more than a toilet, a sink, and a shower, but he still couldn't wait to go there by himself, taking his leaks alone rather than have a catheter pushed inside his body so he could as much as piss.

 

“Walk around on your own, get ready on your own...” Kakashi listed, trailing off for a moment. “It also means you will be able to attend your daily routine again – seeing the people you used to see, along with other self-evident things like cars, traffic, current news.”

 

Naruto stiffened visibly at the words, his feelings from the near-dead experience coming back to life as soon as he thought about seeing cars again. Sure, simply seeing a vehicle driving down the road didn't mean he was to be hit by it, yet a light shiver took over his body at the thought.

 

Licking over his awfully dry lips, Naruto reasoned, “Eventually I'll have to get back into everything.” His voice was a mere whisper, as if he tried to re-assure himself of the inevitable.

 

“That's right, however 'eventually' doesn't mean 'immediately'.” Kakashi laid his hands into his lap, finally turning his entire focus onto their appointment. Not that fumbling around the file meant he didn't concentrate before, still Naruto couldn't help thinking he was distracted those times. “The wounds on your body may have healed, Naruto, but your psych had no occasion to properly compensate the accident. According to your memory you had the crash mere days ago, therefore the event is still rather present in your mind.” The pen rolled between Kakashi's fingers while he spoke, his visible eye constantly studying Naruto's face, as if he tried to pick up even the slightest of changes to the fullest.

 

Not that there was much to miss. He could tell he looked pale and tired, judging how cold and exhausted he suddenly felt.

 

“I heard you had nightmares recently,” Kakashi moved on as he opened the file again, ready to take a few notes. “What were they about?”

 

There was a pause, somewhat lingering heavy in the air, but still neither of them broke it. “About the accident and the time before... I guess,” Naruto lowly responded at some point, the memory of the feelings reawakening in his body. Breathing turned harder and his chest pained somehow.

 

“Mhm.” The noise of the pen scratching over the paper cut through the room. “Does it feel like a dream? Or more like a memory?”

 

Naruto took a second to choose his words. “I don't know. It's all pretty blurry. But the impact feels so...!” On their own his hands clenched together, body shaking with cold shivers. It was like it remembered the accident, how the skin tore and muscles cramped and bones broke.

 

“We don't have to talk about the accident just yet,” Kakashi assured and, for a moment, the shaking lessened. Scribbling down something he suggested, “Let's talk about the overall things instead. Does your head hurt when you try to remember?”

 

“Sometimes.” Sighing heavily Naruto closed his eyes, tearing them open not a moment later. Now that he thought about it, he'd rather look somewhere instead of being left with his dark mental images. “When I think back about older days it doesn't hurt at all, but when I try to recall the day right before the accident... it's all blurred and my head would throb.”

 

At his own words, Naruto couldn't help keeping his face from tensing visibly. It was... frightening, to some degree. On the one hand he knew everything perfectly well, could also easily remember about the last few days right after his awakening without pain. What if his memory from the day of the accident was lost forever?

 

“That is perfectly normal, don't worry.” Kakashi's voice pulled him from his thoughts, as if he read his mind and sensed his worries. Confused Naruto stared at him, not completely understanding what he actually meant. “To protect itself, your mind decided to lock the traumatizing memory in the back of your brain so your body could better focus on recovering. It will all come back to you eventually.”

 

Though it was hard to see, Naruto could swear Kakashi was smiling gently beneath his mask. “Thanks,” he whispered, his muscles relaxing a bit more.

 

“Bit by bit, your brain will release the memory. It's alike a case of short amnesia. Many people who hit their head in an accident suffer from lack of memory shortly afterward,” Kakashi told while tipping his pen down on the file, the back thumping gently at every contact. “Though it's hard, I suggest you bear with the upcoming memories. However if it turns too much, I ordered to prepare you a strong sleeping pill. It should be enough to knock you out so much you won't even dream.” A chuckle swung along the information, though it disappeared as sudden as it came. “How else are you feeling? Especially about the regular visits of your friends.” The chair creaked slightly as Kakashi leaned further back.

 

Immediately Naruto's eyes gained some life back. “It's great! I heard many people came visiting me already during the coma and was told they will probably show up here again soon.” The grin decorating his lips was so broad, it seemed to reach from one ear to the other, filling his entire face. Obvious what a great impact those people had on Naruto's direct mood – just the thought they were there and promised to come again cheered him up so much it seemed to gush right out of his every cell.

 

“Fantastic,” Kakashi commented, again taking his notes. “It's great to have so many people around you. Though, please consider you may not take too many visits the first few days; it can-”

 

“It can end up with permanent headache. I know, I know,” Naruto finished, lightly waving his hand to underline his annoyed voice. “Don't worry about that. I bet my friend is already keeping everyone back since they all can't wait to run all over the place, considering how _bad_ I was.”

 

Kakashi looked rather serious all of a sudden. “What exactly gives you the impression you were 'so bad'?” he asked, the pen back on the file.

 

“Well,” Naruto started, hesitating for a moment. “I _was_ in a coma for over a year. And I also heard the doctors thought I might never awake again, too. So, all in all, things look like I wasn't doing so well.”

 

“Are those thoughts holding you back?” Kakashi asked without looking up from the file. This time he was writing down quite a lot, the pen scrapping over the paper quicker than before.

 

“Uhm...” Naruto paused, as if searching for the right words to properly answer. “It's not like it's demotivating me or anything. After all, it's over, right?” He tried to laugh, though it didn't reach his eyes. “But still. It's quite... unsettling, you know. I mean, you being attached to some machine which people plan on switching off? I wonder who would feel comfortable then.”

 

Kakashi turned silent for a moment, taking another few notes. “Do you _remember_ the time when the machines were almost turned off?” he asked, finally facing Naruto again. “I mean such as talks from people around you, noises, feelings.”

 

Thinking a moment Naruto tried, his head throbbing slightly with pain as he did. “No, not at all. Why?” His eyebrows slightly furrowed when he responded, his mind trying to make any sense of the question. “I was comatose all the time, wasn't I?”

 

“Coma is quite a difficult and extremely subjective thing,” Kakashi started before laying the pen down and leaning back on his chair instead. “You don't _suddenly_ awake from a coma; it's a process of several weeks, sometimes months. Therefore it's not unusual for patients to remember what happened around them during the coma, especially the first and last few months, since the brain hasn't shut down or properly rebooted its functions again. You may even be remotely awake at times.”

 

Suddenly Kakashi leaned forward and again Naruto felt like he could see him smile beneath his mask.

 

“In fact, we all knew you were about to awake and waited for it, Naruto.”

 

Something wet ran down Naruto's cheeks and only moments later he realized it were tears – tears of joy, caused by the thought of all his friends gathering together, forming a huge group, their arms spread open to catch him as soon as he stepped close enough to touch again.

 

“We're done for today.” Gently Kakashi closed the file as he got up, only for silently heading for the door. “Try to drink and sleep a lot in the meantime,” he added before leaving Naruto completely alone.

 

Filled with happy thoughts, he kept crying until his eyes finally closed.

 

~*~

 

It was sometime in the early evening when Naruto woke up again. The pillow still felt damp next to his face, the tears from before not having dried entirely yet. Still a smile curled over his lips when he felt around for the remote.

 

Kakashi had been rather kind, back then. Before Naruto thought he was just some asshole doctor who kept thwarting him by constantly visualizing the harsh present to him. But by speaking of his friends, the doctors, and other staff-members _knowing_ he was returning and patiently waited for it, he caused such a wave of pure warmth washing over Naruto's soul he had been moved to tears. Not even nightmares came haunting him when he slept, allowing some much needed rest to both his body and mind.

 

However, now he somehow regretted crying so much. The material of the pillow was totally soaked and not exactly pleasing against the skin of his face.

 

Once he sat up he pushed the call button, hoping to get the cover changed soon. The door opened only a minute later. “Shizune!” he happily greeted upon seeing her face.

 

“Hello Naruto,” she replied, “What can I do for you? The next letter?”

 

Quickly Naruto turned his head towards the box, eyes sparkling with interest. He hadn't even noticed it was time for another envenlope. “Yeah, that first, and then... could you change the cover of the pillow, please?”

 

“Sure.” With that she reached over the bed to pick up the letter marked with a '10', handing it over to Naruto immediately. He lifted his upper body in exchange, allowing Shizune to remove the pillow while he already opened the folded sheets of the next letter.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I have survived the last few appointments with the psychologists, as well as the doctor himself. How I managed to not strangle the man is still a mystery to me. Perhaps it was my subconsciousness; if I end up in jail because of murder, I wouldn't be able to see you again._

_However, I don't want to waste this letter to you complaining about a damn jackass not worth a second of my time after all. Earlier this week I was told the wounds on your organs were mostly under control, but the thing with the coma remains. Therefore a transfer is prepared for you from the intensive care into a regular room on the floor reserved for special care. I can't help feeling slightly relieved at the thought – finally some of the many machines and tubes will be permanently removed from your body. Still, a few will remain since you still don't seem to have the strength to breathe on your own. But I'm positive you will eventually recover entirely. It wouldn't suit you giving up at all, Naruto._

_As far as I can remember, you used to be a very stubborn and passionate person. You'd never give up, even when the task at hand seems unsolvable. Even the bulky bullies at school didn't stop you from protecting the weaker ones – no, you even managed to convert them into nice, gentle people atop of that! Not to mention all the daily things – we also argued for several months about deciding for a flat because you refused to move together unless you bear half of the costs, which is still total bullshit, by the way. Tell me – for whom should I save all the money I make, Naruto? I'd rather spend it for someone I care about, someone I love. But I would lie if I wanted you to be all that submissive to me; I adore your spirit, your fire, like only few else in the world, though it can be rather tiring at times. Maybe therefore you feel so alien to me in the hospital – just letting everything coming down on you without protest is so unnatural it's bothering. _

_Recently we had a horrible storm crossing our area. It rained for four days straight, so much the entire garden along with the greenhouse went underwater. On the second day I eventually went outside to get at least the few tiny plants in the pots which survived the frying thanks to some wonder out of there. I got soaked to the very bone and currently left the pots in the living-room. The water flooded the basement as well, ruining all my tools and the papers we stored down there. I could safe a few boxes with books, which are currently drying in the bathroom. I turned the heater to a max in hope to do some damage-control. However, some of them, like our yearbooks, are completely ruined. Though I can't restore the signatures and everything else other people wrote into it, I still got a replacement book for you from our high-school. I also wrote something inside it, though I'm pretty sure it's not what I originally wrote in the other one._

_My nights are still remotely short and filled with nightmares, so I decided to get some serious help after all. The doctor I usually go to prescribed me some sleeping pills along with a pacifier. I wouldn't say I am overly tensed and cranky, but Itachi kind of confirmed I changed recently. Just to have him finally shut up I will take them when I feel the need to. But I realized they would also reduce my appetite, so I'm not too founded of them just yet._

_In the meantime my new employee, Karin, proved to be rather useful. She has an impressively good intuition when it comes to deals and also predicts extremely good how our competitors will move. Thanks to her efforts we managed to get through three new big deals. I also thought closer about who she reminds me of, but it's still no use. I could [u] swear[/u] I saw her already, somewhere, but as soon as I try to focus my memory seems to grow foggy. Though, when I see how much she tries to get closer to me, I might just settle with branding her one of my former fangirls. It amuses me more than anything since her chances are sub-zero for as long as there is you, Naruto. _

_By now the sheets of the bed lost your scent entirely. Not even a whiff of your smell is left – neither on the pillow nor on the clothes you wore or anywhere else. Other scents have disappeared along with it – it feels like ages I smelled the overly sweet chocolate you have every morning or the steam of a hot cup of instant-Ramen. I also noticed it usually smelled more, how can I say?, garderish when you were here. Occasionally, when you cut the leaves of the plants, a fresh scent of grass would lay in the air, along with the sweet, rich smell of the flowers. Without you even the plants appear like in a deep slumber, the buds not growing at all and I haven't seen new leaves on the bigger plants either. When I spoke to Iruka – he got the habit of calling me regularly, at least once every week – he confirmed something similar on the plants I gave him. It's almost like they feel you're missing and therefore refuse to grow, nearly frozen in position until you come to gently wake them up._

_Perhaps you're just like one of them, Naruto – waiting for the right person to softly shake you awake._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Remember how I said I wanted to update more regularly? Well, thanks to a food poisening from a team-event I took with my colleagues I all but crawled around since passed Friday x.x We all got it and only a couple are as recovered as me at this point. Guess one of us didn't work properly, since we took a kitchen challange and cooked ourselves. But! I'm finally NOT running to the bathroom every few, so I took advantage and edited another one. 
> 
> In case you wonder: The remembering/noticing of things while comatose is actually a true fact. While doing my research I read about patients who heard everything which happened arund them. Hence, more and more 'memories' will come back to Naruto in the coming chaps. 
> 
> Sorry for not replying to the recent comments. I'll definitely come back to you the next couple of days! 
> 
> Greetings and merry Christmas,  
> -T


	12. 11th Letter - The Memory

Naruto would lie if he said he wasn't worried. Sure, Sasuke was an adult man and capable to look after himself, but he didn't feel entirely well when haring he was taking something for the stress. From what he had read in the letters and heard from his friends, Sasuke appeared rather... beside of himself, to some degree. Impossible to tell when he might do something crazy while in such a state, especially drugged. The occasions when Sasuke would actually freak out were very rare, thankfully, but extremely intense when they came. Before Naruto had been there to catch him, however this time...

 

Quickly he reminded himself of the day when he read the first letter, how Shizune delivered him number fifty-something. No matter how bad Sasuke was, he was still able to write and send letters his way – so, in the end, he must be doing remotely well after all.

 

A calming thought, at least to Naruto.

 

Glancing down at the letter he recalled more of the content. Somehow the image of a soaking wet Sasuke amused him, the faintest chuckle escaping his lips. He clearly pictured him in his mind, how the usually straight duckbutt would suffer under the weight of the water, flattening unusually. The handsome features would be lowered in a frown, deadly black eyes glaring at the heavy clouds outside while Sasuke held a pot very comically in each hand, Naruto's bright orange rubber shoes squealing with every step he made. Of course Sasuke used them, considering he surely didn't want to get his own shoes ruined and didn't own a pair of boots himself. But on the other side, it was pretty sad the basement got filled with water as well. They kept many dear things down there, things they collected during their life but which didn't fit in the apartment. Like the old books and albums they had at school or various decoration for the seasons, mostly winter and spring.

 

Closing his eyes Naruto tried to think back to all the things they stored in the basement. He recalled the photos and signatures in his yearbook, a couple of boxes filled with books about math and history – Sasuke gave him those when they were getting closer to the finals, a weak attempt for last-minute studies – and then also a few novels. Short not exactly thick books Naruto enjoyed reading when he had the urge to do something calm and silent, which only happened ever so often. Then there were also quite a few books about plants and how to grow things in a greenhouse. Of course there was also a rather impressive collection of table games down there; Naruto _loved_ those and enjoyed playing in large groups, sometimes ending up sitting there for entire nights with them, though he kept getting out-bought by Sasuke at Monopoly.

 

Haaa... What would he give to be at home, having Kiba crashing on the couch with Sai drawing things on his face while Sakura, Sasuke, and himself where still sitting on the table, playing idly.

 

~*~

 

Stretching only to find he couldn't properly anyhow, Naruto opened his eyes with a yawn. Slowly he realized it was getting dark outside – he must have fallen asleep while he tried to name the things he stored in the basement and which probably got ruined by the flood.

 

Sighing he turned his head, noticing he was suddenly laying flat on the mattress. Odd... He could have sworn he had been sitting before, the upper part of the bed lifted. After Shizune returned the pillow with a fresh cover, he had started reading the next letter. She must have lowered him again once he dozed off.

 

Yawning once more he awoke completely, pushing the button of his remote to get up again. He noticed he was pretty hungry, his stomach actually _calling out_ for food.

 

Kind of a fantastic feeling.

 

If only the covered soup on the small table wasn't icy already...

 

For the most time Naruto simply glanced at the tray, his stomach rumpling in protest though he didn't feel like having the stupid soup after all. Technically he could simply call a nurse and eat, but he suddenly wasn't that hungry anymore.

 

“Oh, you woke up,” Shizune suddenly commented from the door. She must have been on a routine check and just so happened to come in.

 

“Hey,” Naruto greeted in return, lacking motivation. Now there was no escaping of the cold soup.

 

“Sorry if I didn't come sooner, but you looked rather tired.” She walked over to the table and turned it so it was above Naruto's lap. However when she lifted the cover he frowned, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared down at the tray.

 

Was that...

 

“... Bread?! With fresh cheese?!” Naruto gasped, his eyes going wide at the sight. He couldn't believe what he saw – fluffy white bread with a creamy top, looking like a faint layer of clouds. Was he still dreaming? Likely, very likely indeed.

 

Shizune laughed softly before explaining, “The doctors suggested to slowly get you more into carb again. I'm sure you'd prefer something with meat, but it's no option yet.”

 

“Anything is better than cold soup, believe it!” Naruto grinned brightly, his mouth considerably watering at the thought of actual food. He could chew something soon! Something without much liquid _at all_!

 

God, he must still be sleeping, having a sweet dream. There was no other explanation for the delicious treat displayed before him.

 

“Oh my, you look so starved.” Shizune held back a laughter while she picked up a knife and cut the bread into mouth-sized pieces. Soon she was done and gave Naruto the first bite. He accepted it immediately, tears collecting in the corner of his eyes as he chewed, he was simply _that_ happy. It felt like forever he had real food and, come to think of it, that was also the case. After all, he hadn't been able to eat for over a year; the only nutrition came from an infusion and a pipe connected to his stomach.

 

The chewing went rather well to his surprise. Mostly because the bread was so soft there was little to chew, but it was a nice change to have even the briefest texture touching his insides.

 

“Watch out to not choke,” Shizune warned while slowly giving Naruto piece after piece of the two slices of bread with cheese. It may have been wiser and better to savor every single bite, but he couldn't really hold back. For too long had Naruto craved a change, the food reminding him of the time when everything was alright and he could eat his own meals. It was a small bit of normalcy, one of the first granted to him at the hospital.

 

Far too quickly the plate was completely empty again while Naruto's stomach felt filled to the point of bursting. Gently Shizune closing the cover over the tray again before moving the table out of the way, giving him a bit of space.“Would you like to train a bit now? With the weights?”

 

“Yeah, a bit. I feel like I slacked it a little,” Naruto admitted, having indeed done rather little that day. Sure, there was the examination with Asuma earlier as well as the appointment with Kakashi, but now he felt recovered enough to do some minor exercise again. After all, he had a reputation to keep up – and the solid food he just had motivated him greatly, too.

 

After giving him the weights however Shizure stayed, taking a slow look around the room. “I bet Sakura and some other friends will visit you tomorrow,” she said with a smile tugging on the corner of her lips. “Since it's Saturday the visiting hours are longer.”

 

“Awesome!” Naruto answered while lifting the weight with both hands, holding it for a moment and then lowering it again. “I hope to see some others, too. Like, hearing what they did all this time.” He kept moving the weight, his thoughts traveling off to all the people he knew. Maybe Shikamaru and Choji had returned by now and would come on the weekend, along with Kiba? Surely Sakura would visit him, too. What about the rest? Seeing Iruka would be really great as well.

 

And what if...

 

This time Naruto left the weight to rest in his lap. “Shizune,” he called, breaking the faint bit of silence. He was grateful she gave him some company, even if they hadn't talked for the last few minutes. Therefore he felt rather comfortable asking what he was about to. “Can you tell me when Sasuke usually came when he visited me?”

 

She leaned her head back while thinking for a moment. “It's very hard to tell,” she finally admitted. “I only saw him a couple of times, though he hasn't shown up much for the last few months. That was also the time when more and more of the letters came in via regular mail.” She grasped her own chin with one hand, eyes closing slightly. “I think he might be traveling or something. He started that around the time you got better and the more your status improved the longer he took to show up. Actually, he looked rather busy. As if there were a few things he needed to do very urgently.”

 

Naruto didn't know how he felt about what he just heard. The weight still laid in his lap, his hands suddenly loosing all their strength.

 

It made no sense... Why did Sasuke stay more away the better he did? If he thought about the letters, it rather felt like he'd be lurking around the hospital day and night until Naruto would eventually wake up. After all, Kakashi had also confirmed it was measurable and also calculable to some degree when exactly he would get out of the coma. Naruto didn't expect a welcome party with balloons and flowers for when he woke up, however it was weird he wasn't as much as around.

 

Somehow, it started feeling more and more likely Sasuke's feelings had changed over the time. At least Naruto couldn't really think of another reason why he wasn't there. Injury might have been an option, but since the letters kept coming that possibility was pretty much out of the question.

 

“Did I say something wrong?” Shizune suddenly asked, interrupting Naruto's tail of thoughts.

 

Jerking slightly but then smiling he replied, “No, not at all. It's just- Kind of hard to grasp what goes through that bastard's head.”

 

She titled her head and, somehow, her smile looked both slightly sad but also encouraging. “Perhaps I can't tell you when he'll come visit you again, however I'm sure he _will_ at some point. I'm sure you'll see each other again in the near future – and in the meantime you should focus on getting better,” she advised, carefully taking the weight off the bed. “Now, would you like the next letter? It's been quite a few hours since the last one.”

 

Looking over at the box Naruto took a moment before nodding. No matter how unsure he was about Sasuke's current feelings, he knew he would, eventually, learn a lot through the letters and get the clarification he sought.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I'm afraid I have to tell you you're no longer the most tedious moron in the world. In fact, this infuriating doctor is about three times as annoying as you could ever be. When I have my appointments with him – where he still shows up late – I just think back to all the nerve-ranking things you used to do, to distract me from leaping across the room and throw him out of the next window in reach. I remember about your voice getting low and pouty when I, instead of taking you out for Ramen, prepared you stir-fry vegetables with noddles. Then I also think about the times I got home to find your entire clothing all over the apartment – an orange sock laying right behind the main door, your shirt across the couch, your pair of pants half-way in and out of the bathroom when you hastily changed to go out and work in the greenhouse. I can also easily recall how overly excited you would get whenever we watched one of the fake family-reality shows on TV. You went on and on how bad the actors were, how every baby could perform better than them all the while you were glued on the screen, gasping at every new reveal. _

_Now that I think about it, those actions weren't all too annoying after all. Actually, many things I thought of rather bothersome and not special at all kind of changed to me. Your quirk to change the location of various items once in a while usually pissed me off since I had trouble finding everything afterward. But now, whenever I return home, all the items are just like I left them – the shoes are still near the entrance, the lights switched off upon my return, the blanket still sickly orderly folded on the couch while I hear not the faintest noise in these abandoned rooms. I didn't value you and your effect on our place the way I should have, Naruto... and I wish I could beg you forgiveness for this huge mistake. Only now I realized you where the one making this apartment a true home, filled with life and warmth. With only me here it feels cold and depressing, the spark entirely missing. At times this solitude is so heavy and alien to me I seriously consider moving into a hotel or something, just to not face this painful situation on my own._

_Lately Itachi turned rather anal about my times at the company. He gives me a clear time when to show up and when to leave and, in addition, forces us to have lunch together every day by now, from Monday to Friday. He also orders for me and demands me to finish whatever he gets us served. Sometimes it's so greasy I can hardly swallow it, but he isn't leaving me alone at all about it. At least he has yet to start feeding me himself – that would truly be disturbing._

_The storm has passed and I checked on the greenhouse again. There were still a couple of inches of water left inside. It also got a little cloudy recently, making the air pretty damp and awfully warm. I fear some of the plants will rot because of it. I already saw some considerable gray stuff around the most sunny spots. I don't really know what to do to prevent it; I just hope the few books about botany which survived the storm will be readable soon so I can take the correct counter-measures._

_Most recently Gaara called me for whatever reason. He asked me to have some coffee with him sometime next week, but I didn't agree on it just yet. I know you two are rather close, though I don't entirely grasp the guy. No idea what he may come up with when we're alone, plus I'd rather spend my time by your side at the hospital. At least they finally moved you the other day – I had the doctors transfer you to one on the far end of the wing, with a good look outside. The lights around the hospital aren't that strong either; once you wake up you can easily look outside and see the stars from this new room. I doubt you will be released all too soon after you woke up, so I believe a nice panorama would be better for you. Though I'd rather take you home right away, take care of you as much as I can until you are completely well again – and beyond. I'd bring you breakfast in bed every day, carry you on my hands and make passionate love with you until you are sated, my love. I miss the warmth of your body and our intimacy..._

_I am not talking about the sex. More, I mean the small gestures I took as self-understanding. The way you'd stroke your fingertips over my lips, the feeling of your hair tickling my skin when you came close. I can still remember your faint, held-back chuckles when we sat on the sofa, watching something so idiotic on TV you were about to laugh but instead forced your voice down. Those times, when we were so close, you used to lay one arm around me, your hand gently resting against my stomach and occasionally run its fingers under the hem of my shirt. With your other hand you'd dig through the chips or pop corn we had as a snack, getting all dirty and salty around your mouth. Then, just to tease me, you placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek and got the same stuff all over my skin, too, before you eventually broke out into laughing. Moments later you'd snicker a 'sorry' and then nuzzle my face before resting your entire body against mine. And just then I'd forgive you the teasing, though I never gave you a real sign I did, instead taking pleasure on seeing you squirm under my gaze, unsure if you should give another try on winning me over or just leave things as they were._

_How long can a person live without their significant other? That is a question I cannot answer, just yet, but I would lie if I said it wasn't crossing my mind over and over recently. It would be easy to simply put myself into some illusion. I could just tell myself you were abroad, somewhere without the possibility or time to call me up and tell me how you are. You'd also have no time to write me an e-mail or anything, though I'd know, deep down, you would return eventually._

_But then I drive to the hospital, that large, white building, and head for your room. My feet turn heavier and heavier with every step and just before I open the door I allow myself to fantasy a bit longer, to imagine how it would be if I opened the door and you'd sit there, on the bed, turning towards me. At first you'd frown and complain for me taking so long and leave you in this boredom, but then you wouldn't be able to hold back the gentle, bright smile, giving me the feeling of finally seeing the sun after a felt eternity of wandering through the darkness. Your beautiful smile is all I need from you to forget about all the grief and pain of the last few months – just a look at your face would make it all disappear, leaving me back so I could finally live again after slumbering for so long. We could go out on dates again, out to the fun park, to a Ramen restaurant, or just wherever you'd want to go. I'd follow you, bathing in the light you give and holding your hand tightly, keeping you close to me so I can protect you from every threat of the world after you escaped death so hardly. The fantasy is so sweet to me I freeze on the spot, just in reach of the handle, unable and unwilling to move just yet._

_However at some point I enter the room, my dream shattering into a million pieces as soon as I glance inside. The machine would still breathe for and feed you, the beep of your heart monotone, not the slightest bit more excited upon hearing me enter and call out your name. Instead of sitting there and smiling to me you keep laying in the bed, your skin as pale as mine by now, having entirely lost the healthy tan. The image displayed to me is so horribly hard to endure I believe, for an instant, it's just a nightmare – a terrible nightmare I had for far too long. Soon, surely, I'd jerk awake, covered in sweat and panting hard while I try to orientate. Then you would, disturbed in your deep sleep, feel around my body until you caught my neck and then yank me down, ordering me to go back to sleep and stop being a bastard and waking you up._

_But no matter how hard I pinch my arm, it's not a bad dream – it's all a nightmarish reality._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Since it's Christmas, I got some spare time and decided to start editing the next chap. Since this one was fairly short since the letter is so long (I don't change much in them safe for spelling), I managed to edit this pretty quickly. The lacking interaction also helped :D  
> I still think I sucked back then LOL 
> 
> I really enjoyed this letter, both in the past and now. It's one of my favorites since it runs so deep... it was hard to come up with a title.  
> There weren't any in the original post, actually only the number of the letter. But i figured it needs a bit more, especially since some readers had issues orientating back then.  
> I hardly remember when what happens, too xD  
> Hopefully the surtitles will provide some guidance! 
> 
> Greetings,  
> -T


	13. 12th Letter - The Hero

“Are you alright, Naruto?” Shizune cautiously asked, her voice a mere whisper. “You look awfully pale.” Gently she rested her hand on top of his shoulder, the fingers barely squeezing down.

 

“I... don't know,” he admitted, feeling a bit dizzy. Why did he suddenly feel like that? He just read one of the letters, like he used to – by now he should be aware of the quite shaking content Sasuke put in them. While the chances to stumble into something brightening his mood were there, it was natural to expect a rather depressing piece so shortly after his accident. Obviously the letters were going to be more cheerful at some point, given he _did_ improve somewhere on the line.

 

Though, actually, it was very touchy to read how much he was missed, how badly the craving for connecting to him was. Romantic, in a sad way, but the love Sasuke felt was more than obvious. But something about it still tore at Naruto's heart, so much he experienced something alike physical pain...

 

The way the hope died.

 

Sasuke was, sadly, a rather hopeless person. He never hoped for anything, mostly because he leaned towards the kind of person who fought hard and took what he wanted. It didn't suit him to rely on a thing as dicey as hope or luck. However, after Naruto fell into the coma he must have come to the point where he had nothing left – his calls, touches, his [i] _entire presence[/i]_ was unnoticed and no matter what he did there was no change in the situation. Probably Sasuke hired the most skilled doctors of the globe, gathering them so to help Naruto in every possible way, but there was nothing they could do. And so, trapped in the helplessness of his own being, Sasuke was left with nothing but the unreliable hope – he hoped to get a call from the hospital, he hoped to arrive and find Naruto eventually awake, he hoped to, finally, be heard and noticed.

 

Instead, with every visit he made, the fragile hope and trust he had were shattered over and over. The hope – the only thing left he could believe in – abandoned him in the grief and pain, not having even a bit of pity left for him, him who was breaking day over day.

 

A truly cruel way to suffer.

 

And yet Sasuke appeared to have been walking the same road, regardless of the pain he experienced on it.

 

Suddenly Naruto wanted him there with him, like so often lately. There, right in his reach, so he could finally patch up the deep wounds Sasuke carried from the accident as well. Maybe they weren't as obvious as bruises or broken bones, but they were there regardless. Naruto could only hope somebody else noticed them as well and gave Sasuke the aid he needed, at least momentary.

 

“Did you...” he started, trailing off for a moment before he gathered himself again, “Did you tell Sasuke I woke up? He knows, right?” His eyes carried a pleading gleam as he looked up, the ache in his chest piercing him with every even breath he took.

 

It was an obvious question, one Naruto should have asked days before. Perhaps that was why it never came to him before – he was pretty blind to the most evident things.

 

But, as soon as he noticed Shizune hardening her features, his heart skipped a beat.

 

“Unfortunately we weren't able to contact him in a long while,” she admitted, quickly adding, “We left a message at his company though. I'm sure they passed it on to him.”

 

Naruto blinked a few times, unable to fully grasp what he just heard. “What do you mean, not able to contact him?” He made it sound like a question as he repeated her words. “Did you try his mobile phone? I can give you-”

 

Shizune swiftly interrupted him. “I assure you we tried out every number we had, including the one of his brother. But Sasuke seems nowhere to be found.” She let go of his shoulder, her head tilting slightly. “If you like, we can try reaching him more often from now on. Though, as I told you, I believe he will come here sooner or later anyhow.” The chair scratched over the floor when she got up, smoothing her skirt for a second before she held out a hand to Naruto. “But now you should try to sleep a bit. You'll recover faster that way.” Nodding towards his lap she added, “Give me the letter, I'll put it into your drawer.”

 

Nodding Naruto handed the letter over, though he still found it quite unbelievable nobody managed to reach Sasuke so far. If he wasn't answering the phone at home, he surely had to when he was in his office? God forbid he missed a call when he was devoted to his job at the company.

 

Everything sounded very strange to him, somehow.

 

Silently Shizune put the letter back into the envelope before storing it away, her hands closing around the tray seconds later. “Goodnight,” she called once she headed for the door.

 

“Yeah, goodnight,” Naruto replied while lowering the back of his bed until the mattress was flat again. Before closing the door with a soft click, Shizune switched off the lights, bathing the room in semi-darkness since it was only twilight outside.

 

Still it was dark enough to have the tiredness catch up with Naruto once again – a couple of minutes later he was asleep, eyes gently closed and face turned towards the box filled with the still unread letters.

 

~*~

 

The air was heavy, the scent of medicine tainting it along with harsh burn of disinfectant.

 

“Please remember you cannot stay for long,” a female voice stated, however it got no reply. Instead the sound of heavy footsteps heading his way echoed through the silence.

 

Wait, silence? No... there was some annoying sound in the air, a constant yet weak beeping noise.

 

A chair was moved and then something heavy fell into it, rustling of clothes mixing into the noises around.

 

“ _Oh my God...!_ ” somebody gasped, a voice Naruto seemed to know but which was, yet again, foreign to him. It sounded tired, sore even... the words were spoken scratchily and low, as if their owner had issues properly speaking. “God... Love...!” the voice added, cutting itself off with a muffled sound.

 

Naruto finally recognized the voice.

 

 _Sasuke_ , he called, as loud as he could.

 

“Don't worry, love; I'm here...,” Sasuke whispered, tenderly, his voice clearly sore, almost like he had been screaming for a long time just recently. “I can't stay for long, but I'm by your side, alright?”

 

 _What are you talking about?,_ Naruto asked, his chest somehow aching at the tensed, urgent undertone tainting the voice he loved so much. It didn't suit it, not the slightest.

 

“We'll get this fixed... everything,” Sasuke assured and Naruto could sense something over his hand – warm, trembling flesh laying over his, too unsure to properly take the hand but seeking contact anyhow. “I'll be here for you no matter what happens. So, fight, love... fight and come back to me...!”

 

 _What the hell do you mean, 'fight'?! What's wrong?!_ Naruto tried to growl and only then he realized he wasn't talking at all – in fact, he could barely breathe, let alone move and speak. All he could do was laying there, feeling the warmth of Sasuke's hand over his and listen to his desperate voice.

 

“Sir,” a female voice called, suddenly, and the hand on top of his jerked considerably. “I'm afraid you must leave now. The doctors strictly forbade any longer visits.”

 

He heard Sasuke clear his throat and when he spoke next all the desperation had vanished from his voice.

 

“I expect to be contacted as soon as something happens, no matter the hour and no matter how tiny the change,” he demanded, his fingers squeezing down on the hand softly before eventually letting go. Naruto knew that voice very well; Sasuke always used it when he wanted to intimidate somebody to get his will. He probably looked as black as thunder, too, though he couldn't see his face.

 

“O-of course.” The woman stuttered as she replied.

 

Then there was a soft click of a door, signaling both have left, and moments later Naruto felt darkness engulfing him as pictures flashed before his inner eye, pictures of Sasuke's face, their home... a street and a car... Suddenly all turned white and Naruto felt unbearable pain pulsing through his entire body-

 

Gasping breathlessly Naruto tore his eyes open, feeling a layer of sweat covering his skin. His hands had clenched on top of his blanket, the fabric feeling damp under his grip. Outside the birds where singing, the area before his window already fairly bright.

 

Was that another nightmare or more memories? It had felt so real... the way Sasuke had spoken and the smells. Though, on the other hand, Naruto couldn't recall a time where he had been at hospital before, at least in a way that he ended up laying in one of the beds for a longer time. Was it a memory from another time?

 

Once he was properly awake, Naruto recalled what Kakashi had said the previous day, about some comatose patients actually sensing what happened around them. So where those memories from the time right after the accident, before he was in the deep coma? But then why did he, shortly later, suddenly live through the memory of the accident, which chronologically came before his time at the hospital?

 

Damn, it was as complicating as Insection or however the odd movie was called Sasuke dragged him in one time. If he followed the idea of Insapion, then he was having a memory inside a memory, or at least something alike, which itself was also buried inside a dream. So, deep down, it was rather hard to tell what was real and what just made up by his fantasy. Was there even a way to differ those two things? Maybe Naruto's mind was so foggy and twisted he would never get a clear answer to that. Though, he found himself hardly caring about that. He just hoped, one day, the nightmarish memories of the accident would stop haunting him.

 

Considering he was barely awake for two weeks, the images would probably take a great time longer to fade away.

 

Sighing Naruto closed his eyes again, trying to relax. Sweat still covered his body and he couldn't help feeling a bit disgusted because of it. And, thinking about it, when was the last time he showered? Or was washed, more than anything. In fact, a bath sounded rather good to him for now. When could he relax more than in a warm bathtub filled with foamy bubbles?

 

His mind made up Naruto pushed the call button on his remote – but once the door opened, his idea vanished momentarily in favor of pure surprise.

 

“Shizune?!” he gasped, wondering if his sense of time was completely gone. He could swear it was morning already, but since Shizune had the shift until the evening just yesterday, it must have been still yesterday – or something alike. Really, after the timely-fucked-up dream he had, Naruto honestly stopped wondering.

 

Looking a bit tired she offered him a smile before answering, “Yes, I'm here. What do you need?”

 

“Uh...” Shaking his head Naruto moved back to the original plan. “I wondered if I could get a bath... or something.”

 

“In fact it's a trip to the bathroom for you after breakfast. Do you think you can wait until then?” Shizune asked while fully stepping inside. She walked to the bed and measured Naruto's heartbeat and blood pressure silently, writing down the results on the file she, somehow, magically pulled out from a hidden sleeve whenever she came.

 

“After breakfast? So it's morning?” he repeated, confused more than anything. He really didn't expect her to show up, let alone when apparently today was tomorrow already.

 

She seemed to sense his confusion; suddenly she explained, “A colleague got sick and called in late. So, I took her shift.”

 

“Ah, that makes sense.” Naruto grinned, managing to make her laugh as well. “And I think after breakfast is quite bearable. Sorry for calling you up unnecessarily.”

 

“It's nothing,” she said with a shake of her head. “And while I'm here, would you like the next letter?”

 

Immediately Naruto nodded. Maybe number twelve was finally getting him a cheer-up, especially after such a darkish letter. Hopefully something nice happened to Sasuke in the meantime, or at least a thing which momentarily distracted him from the large hospital and his, at that time, half-way dead boyfriend.

 

Once he held the new envelope in his hands however, he noticed the glue was getting stickier. It took him a little more fumbling with the cover, along with a lifting on his upper bed in a better position, before he finally tore the letter with the large '12' open.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I finally got the permission to see you again even if I did not talk with my therapist before. I believe he gave up after I constantly kept silent during the appointments for the last month. Took him long enough. I still have to see him once a week, but now that seeing his late ass isn't fundamental to actually see you I feel much more relaxed. However those are the only good news I got from the hospital this week; your status is unchanged still. They couldn't make out a change whether you receive visits or not, though in theory it always helps to have company. From now on I will also come here more often... since I can._

_Since you like them and your physical condition is mostly stable, I started taking some flowers into your new room. Only single, cut blooms I'll take along with me when I leave again. I started off with a large, yellow/orange orchid I put in a shallow plate with a bit of water. Since they survive quite a long time, I took it here more often this passed week. Originally I thought about getting you a lily or a sunflower, but when I saw the color of this orchid I thought you'd like it better. Though, I don't exactly know how you feel about cut flowers; you never had the urge to cut any since you always preferred growing your own plants and I find bouquets rather sappy. Well, perhaps making you upset is a way to wake you from your slumber, especially since you seem to not react to tender words and gentle touches. On the other hand making you furious actually lead to this situation to begin with – therefore I'm not entirely ready to risk upsetting you again. In your still weakened state you might just drop dead when your blood starts boiling._

_Itachi is still feeding me with fat junk food. I can't recall to have ever eaten so much garbage in my life before. He even got into ordering me instant Ramen, the branch you used to buy. But as soon as I see the box my appetite literally vanishes. It only reminds me how empty my days are – how much I'd rather go out with you or even have some cup stuff as dinner, watching you turn angry when I don't appreciate the gray food as much as you'd like me to. I kind of avoid the Narutos in the food by now. They make my stomach clench even harder as soon as I spot them. Instead Itachi got me Ramen with Menma – and I believe he only got me those because he has never ever eaten Ramen with Menma himself. Seriously, I can chew them for minutes and they're still hard and just odd in flavor._

_The other day I heard they are making a new movie of Icha Icha. The launch is sometime next August, as far as I heard, and I immediately ordered cards for the theater. I can still remember, very well, how much you liked the first one and how you read all the books in the matter of a week. You fell in love with the main character simply because of his name being the same as yours. Actually I found that rather stupid and childish; just because I'm named like Sasuke Sarutobi I'm not turning into a rakish ninja-forefather. Yet you seemed to feel attracted to the ninja Naruto who sought a world of peace. I have to admit I never really watched the movie and therefore could not understand your obsession with the character – until now._

_Upon hearing the thing about the next movie, I recalled the books and remembered what I promised you in the first letter. I said I would prove you how much you mean to me – and since those novels are important to you, I took the first book and read it so I can understand another part of yourself._

_I have to admit I was very surprised when I reached the end. Sure, the Naruto in there is quite the lady-killer, however I was amazed about his wishes and dreams. He looked for a way to end the pointless killing of the ninjas and prevent further fights. He sought a free, peaceful world for the generations coming after him and was ready to risk his life to protect the ones important to him. In many ways he reminded me strongly of you and I think that's why you liked this character so much. You, too, would go as far as possible for the ones lucky enough to be dear to you, offering them your warmth and love without expecting a payback. That's a very honorable strike, Naruto, especially in a world controlled by selfish bastards like myself and my brother. The ideal of that ninja was something admirable and noble – and though you have not much of a ninja, that Naruto feels like he's somehow connected to you, in a deeper way. It's nearly startling how much you two are alike, from something as casual as the name to parts of character. I have to make sure to read the other books as well to see if there is more connecting the two of you._

_Thankfully the water in the greenhouse is gone by now. It turned awfully hot again so whatever wasn't drowned outside gets fried now. I believe the few plants surviving this can be addressed as persistent mutants. If those are actually fruit-carrying plants we should really consider ever eating off them again. The books in the bathroom finally dried as well. They are all wrinkled up, but still readable. Only the ink in some of my old books got blurry, including the poetry album I had when I was younger. I read through it a little and found a few pieces I almost forgot I ever wrote._

 

_The heart is a trap, unreasonable, and impulsive_

_Betraying the clearly thinking mind time over time_

_Even when it meets someone cold and abusive_

_Seemingly forgiving every sin and every crime_  
  


_How can you bear it?, I had asked_

_Impossible for me to properly grasp and understand_

_Even when I refuse to open up and remain masked_

_Your heart could chose me, who's not worth its grand_  
  


_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and happy new year! 
> 
> Ah, I'm unhappy with the present part of this chap, but the tinkering didn't really help much... It's hard to add in things so long after I first wrote it.  
> Many subtle hints and contents are spread all over the 53 chaps, so changing something or adding details can fuck over the entire thing -.- Ah what did I get myself into... 
> 
> Back then, this was the point where I added the flowers and made Sas a poet simply because I ran out of ideas on how to phrase and fill the letters.  
> While the themes can repeat themselves slightly later on, I tried to avoid hard repetitions as much as I could. Though, the flowers will carry a deeper meaning further on.  
> As for the Icha Icha, I included a lot of it into this fic! Mostly it's supposed to be a mix of Canon, Jirajya's biography novel, and the sexual content of Icha Icha. I figured it might be interesting to add up such a small detail and play around with it. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chap! 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T
> 
> PS: I really suck at poetry and poems. Sorry for that.


	14. 13th Letter - The World

Unlike before, Shizune left sometime while Naruto was reading the letter – because once he reached the bottom he found himself alone in his room. Still he tried to hide his, suddenly, heavily reddened face, though there was nobody in the closer area to actually see him like that.

 

He had almost forgot about the secret hobby Sasuke had a few years ago. Though he kept it rather well hidden, Naruto at some point found out he was quite a little poet – or, better, he figured as much after Sasuke handed him over a work as a present. Usually his pieces were rather dark in theme, but after they got together he came up with some quite romantic, sometimes even _cheerful_ and _bright_ themes, though that sounded close to impossible in context with Sasuke Uchiha, the cold-hearted bastard.

 

However once they got out of school, the poems turned fewer and fewer. Naruto still got one once in a while, but Sasuke was often too busy with working in two companies to really sit down and create some masterpieces. Well, he probably [i] _would[/i]_ have enough time, but Naruto wanted to be entertained the rare times he was free. So, it was rather easy to forget about Sasuke's skills since he couldn't really live them out in the last few years.

 

Reading one of the older poems Sasuke wrote for him made Naruto very much aware of them though – and since they were kind of touching and like little pieces of his heart, he felt rather embarrassed by them at times. Though his embarrassment quickly turned into pure shame.

 

For some odd reason he suddenly recalled the fight they had, when he accused Sasuke of not loving him. If Naruto would have just stopped, for a second, and thought closely he would have realized how wrong and unfair he had been. Maybe Sasuke didn't openly tell him 'I love you' every day, but he showed it so often in so many ways – in the countless of poems, small presents, little, faint gestures which could be missed far too easily.

 

“I'm such an _idiot_...!” Naruto lowered his face, lips pressed together in guilt. What had he done... How could he ever start doubting Sasuke's feelings? Damn, if he had the force, he'd downright smack himself for the stupid shit he did. He had merely read twelve letters by now and was already feeling his heart throbbing with pain and tearing in craving.

 

If only Sasuke was there with him... If only he hadn't started that stupid fight over nothingness. If only he'd realized what he had way sooner. Instead he was damned to sit there, forced to wait until _maybe_ the door would swing open and reveal who he longed for so desperately.

 

Figuring out it was, in fact, better if he didn't drown in his own depression, Naruto re-read the first part of the letter. Though it somehow was good Sasuke visited him more often, he had rather mixed feelings about him not really taking a therapy. Naruto could understand him very well, but in the end he, too, had to be showed he _was_ in need for help. Perhaps the ones left behind needed the support even more, those who were doomed to sit and wait.

 

Of course it was pretty traumatic what he went through and the nightmares were quite annoying, however at least he was 'just' facing his issues for not even as much as a week. Before he had been still sleeping too much to even understand the situation. Probably he would also recover from it rather fast, like always when he was either physically or mentally hurt. But what about his friends and family? They had been watching him for _over a year_ – worrying if he would ever wake up again and, given the case he did, if his brain was actually still working. From what Naruto learned, it could have been he got the IQ of a vegetable by the time he woke up, especially if he had some major head-damage. And before that, his heart or lungs or other organs could have simply given out, collapsing under the massive wounds inflicted to his body.

 

Just imagining somebody like Sakura, Sai, or even Sasuke in a similar situation send icy chills down his back.

 

He made a mental note to properly apologize to his friends once they came visiting him.

 

The time went on, barely noticed by Naruto, and soon brightness filled the small hospital room. Summer was evident in every small thing – the heat, the light, even the birds stopped chirping after a while, rather retiring in shadier areas and hope for a sudden burst of rain or some elderly people with bread so they could actually feed. While the sweat had partly dried so far, new one was running down Naruto's temples and down his chin.

 

Mah – if it stayed like that, he hoped there was some air-conditioner in his room.

 

Since there was no clock on the wall, every meal came surprisingly. Breakfast of that day was no exception – like always Naruto's thinking was interrupted by the sudden opening of the door.

 

“Hello,” Shizune greeted upon entering, carrying a tray with a cover along.

 

“Time for my yogurt, I guess.” Naruto grinned at her, quickly folding the sheets of the letter again and putting them back into the envelope. Lately he picked up the bad habit of leaving the papers lay around openly, sometimes they even got all wrinkled because he moved during his longer naps while the letters were still all over his bed.

 

In the meantime Shizune sat down next to him, the picture becoming quite familiar. She really was a very kind nurse, Naruto admitted; he simply couldn't believe it was a standard for the staff to take so much time caring for the patients, let alone show further interest in their story and well-being.

 

She lifted the first spoonful of yogurt to Naruto's lips which he accepted all too gratefully. “How are you feeling? Any headaches, nightmares?” she inquired, the spoon in her hand gently moving through the yogurt while he swallowed.

 

He made sure his mouth was clear before replying. “Nope, no headaches. And I had a memory, but it was only something like a...” Pausing a moment he searched for the right word to describe it.”Semi nightmare.”

 

“Semi nightmare?” Shizune rose an eyebrow at him while offering the second spoonful of food.

 

Naruto swallowed it down faster this time. “It was some kind of memory and also not quite a pleasing one, but... You see, it was better than actually getting hit.” He grinned to lose the slightly tensed atmosphere and also to distract himself a bit. Okay, he _was_ hit by the car in the end of his memory-dream, however it only made up a tiny part of the entire thing. The first time he had lived entirely through the situation, feeling his body breaking because of the massive impact. Feeling barely enough to jerk awake was almost nothing compared to _that_.

 

“Doctor Hatake warned that may happen,” Shizune confirmed while still feeding Naruto. “In case you need some medication, don't hesitate to call, alright?”

 

“Will do,” he promised, taking the next spoonful. The breakfast went on without either of them talking then, the silence spreading until the small bowl was eventually empty. Sighing Naruto petted his belly, the bump strangely prominent on his abdomen. “That was some good stuff. Though, I wonder when I can have bread with butter and jam again.” He gave Shizune a brilliant smile, as if he could get her to order him some the next few days. Naruto was an idiot at times, but not a complete fool – he was well aware of his charm and knew how to twist people around his finger if he needed to.

 

And truth be told, some big slice of bread with a ton of butter and jam was veeeeery tempting after almost a week of shallow soup and mild yogurt.

 

“Eventually,” Shizune laughed with a sing-song voice.

 

Too bad. Well, maybe next time.

 

She was about to leave again, the tray in her hands, when something suddenly crossed Naruto's mind.

 

“Ah, wait,” he called after her, “Now that I'm awake, can I start keeping plants in my bedroom?”

 

Actually it was one of the more obvious questions he could have asked days ago already, but thanks to the large poster Sasuke got him he hadn't really thought about the topic before. But now that he read about the cut flowers, he kind of became aware of the nudity in the room. Something lively like plants would make it feel more like home to Naruto, at least for the time before he was finally released.

 

Shizune stopped and for a moment uncertainty flashed over her features. “Hard to tell,” she admitted, the tray still in her hands. “You can ask the doctor on Monday though. You have a meeting with her to settle for the further schedule.”

 

“Thanks for the info. Monday it is then.” Naruto grinned before relaxing against the mattress. Soon enough, in his opinion.

 

“Alright. I'll come back once the bathroom is ready.” Shizune waved her free hand before eventually leaving the room.

 

Not really knowing what to do, Naruto played a little with the corner of his blanket, pinching and pulling on it once in a while. He turned his head around, checking the overall appearance of his room. The TV was still in the corner, completely unused but the one time Sakura tortured him with the boring documentation. The walls were still the boring white, though the photo of his greenhouse kind of pimped the appearance up a great lot. Then there was the small, roll-fronted cupboard to his right, which also stored most of his stuff like the read letters and used glasses. On his left was a nightstand with unknown content – he had yet to see somebody open the drawers for him – along with the white phone he used to call Sasuke a couple of days before. And then there was also the large box, some letters still poking out of it.

 

Over fifty envelopes... Though Naruto had read a couple already, there was still awfully much of the last year to fill. He wondered what had happened in all that time, as well as about the content. Was there really so much to tell about him to fill so many letters? Somehow Naruto started doubting if every single cover actually stored new information about him. Then again, Sasuke was quite hard to grasp at times, crazy to some degree, and as stubborn as a mule. Maybe he had found enough material and stories to tell to fill out another entire year, from what Naruto knew.

 

“Damn bastard...” His voice was nothing but a low whisper. “Hurry up and come visiting me already.”

 

At some point the door opened and Shizune came back – pushing an empty wheelchair before herself. Naruto arched an eyebrow at the sight, wondering for a second about its purpose.

 

“Time for your bath.” She smiled and stopped the chair right next to the bed, after she had pushed the cupboard slightly away. It was close enough for Naruto to reach it with his fingers, not more than an inch or two between the edge of the mattress and the armrest of the chair.

 

“Should I try sit in there?” A little worried he wondered if he was strong enough to actually go through it. Sure, his arms were getting stronger by the day, however he had no idea how his legs took the year of motionlessness. The last time he tried he could barely curl his toes.

 

“Of course. While you're bathing, we'll also change the covers.” Shizune moved to stand next to the bed, gently laying one of Naruto's arms around her neck. “Just lean against me,” she said while easily turning his entire body around on the bed, too fast for him to actually grasp the situation. They were chest-on-chest by the time Shizune spread his legs, making them lay around her hips. It almost looked like a frontal piggy-back ride.

 

It was then that Naruto became aware of the situation. “I-I can do that myself!” Flushing slightly he tried to pull away, however failed miserably. It was already embarrassing enough to not be really able to assist her in her doing, but what made it all worse was that, from what Naruto could guess, he was at least one head taller than her. “I'm too heavy! Wait, I'll just-”

 

Before he was even finished Shizune had already lifted him off the bed, nearly effortlessly, and lowered him in the wheelchair next to them. Amazed Naruto blinked at her once he sat, quite speechless. He'd have never thought she'd be so strong, at least from the looks alone. While height didn't exactly tell if one was strong or weak, her physical form seemed far too delicate – at least too delicate to do the trick without breaking a sweat.

 

She straightened her uniform before loosening the breaks and heading for the handles of the chair. “We got some techniques on how to easily move patients. Besides, you're not as heavy as you may think.”

 

“Aha...” Naruto murmured, unable to come up with something more intelligent as Shizune pushed him forward... Before she suddenly stopped.

 

“Ah,” She let out a gasp and quickly walked over to the box and removed letter number thirteen. “In case you are bored on the way to the bathroom. It takes a while to get there.” The gentle curl was back on her lips as she held out the letter, leaving the choice of turning it down if Naruto wanted. Wordlessly he accepted it, figuring it might be just the right thing to distract him from the strange situation he found himself in.

 

The wheelchair was already moving down the corridor by the time he could pull out the sheets and unfold them.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Since by now quite a couple of letters are here, I brought some box along so they are securely put away. I hope it won't get too full though; rather than communicating one-sided like this, through mute, smooth paper, I'd have an actual conversation with you. This accident and the consequences really changed my view on talking._

_Speaking of conversations, the persistent psychologist has yet to give up. I still don't answer him, but his questions and choice of words are getting rather provoking by now, like he changed his strategy. He probably wants me to be emotional, but I simply cannot open up to anyone but you, love. I'll teach him that as well, eventually. Until then I'll simply enjoy seeing you more, for the time before he changes his strategy once again._

_This week I happened to meet Gaara here at the hospital. I don't know if it was by chance or if he actually plotted it all out. However, we had coffee at the shop in the ground floor of the hospital. He seemed different than usual though; apparently your accident hit him rather hard as well. Though, unlike your other friends, he isn't entirely blaming me for what happened. He has the judging gleam in his eyes, but I think he believes both, you and I, are responsible for this to some degree. It's a soothing thought to know somebody who knows you so well, Naruto. I think Gaara is a valuable friend for you. We talked a bit before parting again and I decided to have him added to the list of contacts in case of changes. I think he earned himself the right to be informed first-hand about your well-being._

_By now I am also debating if Itachi wants to have me die from a heart-attack. While I thought the food was just unhealthy before, now I realized what he comes up borderlines actually eatable. He even went a step further and started ordering me food like pizza and hamburgers and have it delivered to our apartment. I cannot believe he expects me to actually eat all of it. In addition he also has random groceries getting delivered here and comes by in the evening to cook and eat dinner with me. Almost disturbing; he seems to be very much beside himself, when I think about it. I might suggest my therapist to check up on him – then I'd have both off my back, at least for a while._

_The other day I saw a hot-air balloon, hovering slowly above the city. It reminded me of that time when I took you to Tokyo the first vacation you took from work. It had been a rather fresh day in spring, the first few days where the weather forecast predicted sunshine. I remember you rather wanted to be lazying at home, not even bothering to get dressed at all – what I kind of understand, since we managed to be rather busy on vacations, too – but I just tossed you in the car and took you out. You grumbled and complained all the way while trying to molest me. And then, when we arrived, you were so disappointed you demanded we go back into the car and at least have sex on the backseat for making it up. Usually that act would annoy the hell out of me, but that time I had a really hard time keeping myself from laughing, since you were behaving like the average little 5-year-old; first complain and say it's all boring, and then not wanting to leave anymore at all. When we reached the top and you saw the balloon, I regretted not having a camera along; I've rarely seen your eyes go so big before._

_Once we were high in the air, I was slightly concerned about your safety. The hot-air balloon was secure, sure, but you running around like an excited kid had me rather worried. What if you stumbled and fell out? For a moment I even thought it had been a bad idea, taking you to a ride like that. But thankfully you calmed down again, as if you sensed my tense and wanted to soothe it. Instead of dashing from side to side, you came close and laid my arms around yourself, coming up with the obvious lie of feeling cold. Since I knew you were just hiding your true intentions I said nothing, only enjoyed the warmth of your body so close to mine. It was nice seeing Tokyo from up that high, especially since a couple of Sakura trees were already blooming in the avenues. The wind was kind of cold against my face and hands, but I could barely notice that since you took most of my attention. You looked so happy, nearly serene... never having experienced something alike this. Maybe you didn't notice, but at some point you started rocking slightly, even humming in between. And that was the moment I, too, felt truly happy – happy to be there with you, hovering above one of the largest city, the world seeming so small and unimportant the tiny space of the hot-air balloon was all that mattered in the entire universe._

_Then again, saying the entire space up there was the content of my world seems exaggerated. I just need you, Naruto – you define the colors the things I see are painted in. You define the endlessly free blue of the sky and the healthy green of the plants. You specify if the air I breathe is fresh or heavy and used. My personal world is only restricted by the fact if you're there or not. Therefore I do just anything to keep you content, to make you smile and feel well. The view of Tokyo in a way only few before could see wouldn't have been as breathtaking if you weren't there with me, the rays of the sun reflecting in the azure of your eyes and wind blowing through your golden mane. You appeared nearly divine to me, that moment, but I was, am, and will be a very selfish man when it comes to you. Even if the skies demand to have you, Naruto, I refuse to let you go; I'd turn into the anchor binding you to the world, or even into the devil which drags you in the abyss of hell if needed. I can't predict how I would react if you asked me to set you free from my grasp, having the golden cage melt away and release the bird inside, but I will be damned if I allow anybody else taking you away from me._

_You turned too precious to me for letting go, unless it is what you want, my love..._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Oh man, I wanted to edit more this week but I got a nasty infection in my ears. Nearly drove me mad.  
> This letter is quite sappy and I debated whether Sasuke's thoughts are too far off his character. Sure, you can always explain and reason, however the edgeplay I took in this story turns quite intense at times. 
> 
> ... Also, it's quite hard to come up with the chapter titles orz  
> I suck at this. 
> 
> Regards and see you in the next chap,  
> -T


	15. 14th Letter - The Stars

They were still heading down a corridor by the time Naruto finished the letter. He could easily recall the memory of their date in Tokyo, when they took a ride on a hot-air balloon. Even years after it the day belonged to the more extraordinary ones in his life. The view had been fantastic... skyscrapers throwing long shadows over the large city, the people so tiny they didn't even look like ants anymore. Seemingly millions of cars were packed tight on the highways as they floated into the air just in time of the rush hour.

 

It had been an unique experience he had with Sasuke.

 

But then again, everything they did out of the daily order became an unique experience, at least to Naruto. He hadn't addressed Sasuke as crazy just for fun after all.

 

“Here we are.”

 

Shizune's call made him snap out of his thoughts and, in fact, his wheelchair was pushed into a white tiled room. The temperature was pleasingly cool compared to the heat of the summer awaiting outside. A large bathtub was settled in the middle, along with a rather odd looking device hanging off the ceiling directly above it. Other than that, the room was quite empty and somehow unwelcoming. Some large, orange picture glued on the walls would do well, along with a small rug in the similar color around the tub – at least in Naruto's opinion.

 

After pulling the breaks on the chair, Shizune moved over to the bathtub and opened the tap. Immediately water shoot loudly out of the pipe, cascading down into the large, white container. She then reached for a remote and the odd thing on the ceiling sprung alive, the device moving first to the right and then lower next to the bathtub.

 

Naruto had watched the entire thing, rather interested – odd looking machines usually fascinated him, though there was no way he actually understood how it technically worked – but then realization hit him all at once.

 

“Ugh... I have to get naked now, right?” The space around his nose slightly darkened in color as he asked. While he was very confident about his body, stripping down in front of her felt somehow humiliating since he couldn't even as much as move. Could he even pull off his pants on his own? Very doubtful, which made the situation all the worse.

 

For the first time, Naruto prayed to God – asking him to give him the force so he could at least scrub his balls on his own.

 

“No need to be ashamed,” Shizune told him while lifting the hem of his shirt. Naruto tried to lift his arms, but failed rather miserably on keeping them up until the clothe was removed. However when it came to the pants he insisted on at least bracing against the chair and help keep himself up.

 

Only when his pants were gone did Naruto notice he forgot about something he, successfully, ignored up until then.

 

If he could, he'd have lifted a hand to cover his ashamed face.

 

There was a catheter sticking out of his groin, the tube going all the way down to the side of his wheelchair where Shizune hung the bag with his urine before.

 

“It's time to change that one, too.”

 

Upon hearing the words Naruto tore his eyes open – he had previously closed them to avoid looking at Shizune. “ _C-change_?! Why not remove at all?!” he shrieked, the thought to have something push through his penis all the way into his body making his skin crawl.

 

She calmly walked over to a cupboard Naruto hadn't noticed before, pulled out a pair of gloves, and immediately put them on. “Since you're not in the condition to go to the toilet on your own yet, you need some help.” Turning around she walked back, her hands lifted to keep them sterile. “Diapers would be an option as well, but considering your digestive system is not working properly just yet it would be a waste. Plus, a catheter is actually cleaner for the moment.”

 

“This sounds all quite nice and dandy,” Naruto replied, his voice higher than usual and heart beating fast when Shizune came closer and closer, “But I'd take diapers if possible. If it costs extra, I'll cover the difference, believe it!”

 

Her smile failed to calm him that time. “We'll think about that after the bath,” she promised while coming dangerously close with her hands. “It's better for you if you look away. And try to relax.”

 

Clawing at the armrests of his chair, Naruto pressed his eyes so shut it hurt, his head turned away as far as he could.

 

Suddenly he rather wished he'd had declined the bath and was back bathing in his own sweat.

 

~*~

 

Naruto should be happy.

 

He had had a long, nice bath, even managed to clean himself – Shizune granted him that one wish – and was now laying in fresh covers smelling faintly of lavender. The sun shone, the A/C was switched on in his absence, and he was told some visit was coming in the morning.

 

He could be very happily enjoying this moment.

 

But he was still too ashamed to even dare poking out from beneath his thin blanket.

 

After the bath, Shizune had put a new catheter on him... and then purged his bowels.

 

Never before had Naruto been that embarrassed. He even seriously thought about just not taking a shit again until he was out, even if it meant it was only the thin soup for him. His cheeks still burned, even when he had crawled under the blanket about one hour before. Not even thinking about the amazing dates with Sasuke managed to distract him from it.

 

In addition, getting a new catheter had stung like a damn bitch, though it was likely Naruto only imagined it to be so painful. Shizune was skilled and experienced enough to not actually hurt him, plus she still showed him sympathy for facing it so bravely. She even gave him a lollypop, though _that_ was a tiny bit too childish for even Naruto.

 

He still accepted the candy, though.

 

So deeply buried under his covers, he didn't really notice the door opening – and so he yelped as soon as he felt something poke into his shoulder. He had even jerked on the bed; had he been fitter already, he might have downright fallen out.

 

“God damn it!” Whipping around on the mattress angrily Naruto scanned the closer area. Surely it had been Sai; the little fucker used to pull some pranks alike that one. “Yeah, just give me a heart-attack you motherfucki-” he roared, finally facing the one who startled him enough to crap his pants even when his bowel was literally empty. But in the moment he saw the face he cut himself off, instead blinking up into gentle, hazel eyes.

 

After half a minute Naruto spread his arms wide while cheering, “'Ruka-sensei!”

 

There was no reply, a pair of warm arms wrapping around him instead, strong and tight enough to slightly lift him out of the bed. “You're finally awake!” Iruka gasped, sobbing lowly between the words. “Thank goodness...!” The arms squeezed down so hard it was slightly painful, but Naruto allowed it nonetheless. Iruka was the closest of a father he ever had – and it touched him to hear him cry in happiness over the fact he eventually woke up.

 

“Sorry I worried you.” Weakly Naruto rubbed his face into the shirt before himself as he apologized. It smelled of Iruka's usual aftershave, along with herbs from his healthy baths and visits to hot water springs.

 

“Never mind. You're awake, that's all that matters.” Iruka pulled back, his smile filled with love when he looked down at Naruto. Gently he lowered him back into the bed, whispering, “My God, you turned so light... I'll ask what you may eat already and prepare you some homemade snacks for my next visit.”

 

Sighing Naruto nodded, having noticed how skinny he had turned. Though the whole bath-thing upset him, he had managed to catch a look in a mirror – and hardly recognized himself in the reflection. He had paled, visibly, and even his hair had lost some of it's shine. His cheekbones were much more obvious than before and the shirt he wore was, while it had the usual size he used, way too broad around his upper body. Scary, how much a year of no movement affected his entire body structure.

 

“But, tell me, how are you feeling?!” Iruka asked while sitting down at the edge of the bed. In the meantime Naruto lifted the upper part so they could easily face each other while talking.

 

“It's still unusual and odd, but remotely fine, I guess,” he replied with a smile. “Thank you for all your visits and also for taking care of a few of my plants. I really appreciate you being so close to me all this time.”

 

A hand gently ruffled through Naruto's hair while Iruka gave a chuckle. “It was nothing, really. I wish I came more often though, and sooner. But I was unsure if you still need rest and-”

 

“You're here now,” he gently interrupted Iruka, “That's all that matters to me. Thank you.” Naruto inched his hand closer to his, carefully closing his digits around the longer ones. “How have you been? Everything alright?”

 

“Finals are nearing, so it's a rather busy time.” He hand turned around so they could easily interlace their fingers. “Especially since I have some students who don't really take the exams serious. Kind of like a boy I once met.” He blinked his eye suggestively, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

“I wonder who you're talking about.” Innocently Naruto looked away, hearing Iruka's chuckle in the background.

 

“But enough of me. What about you? Have a schedule already?” Sitting a little more comfortable on the bed Iruka pointed at a glass of water, receiving a nod in response.

 

After a suck from the straw and moistening his mouth again, Naruto told, “I've got quite a few appointments by now. Check up here, psychologist there, and some physical training in between. Oh, and Sasuke's letters.” With that he looked over at the box, having no problem speaking openly with Iruka even about topics so personal to him.

 

Following his glance, Iruka confirmed, “He takes them rather serious. They must be very important.”

 

“They are,” Naruto said while relaxing against the mattress. “Do you mind if I read the next? I should read more every day, to get my brain going again.”

 

“Of course not.”

 

… … …

 

After a while Naruto asked, “Well, can you give me the next? I can't properly move just yet.”

 

Jerking up from his seat, Iruka gasped, “Ah, of course! Sorry, I never meant to- I thought you- I...” He trailed off, understanding he was getting nowhere with his stuttering, and walked over to the box.

 

“The one with the number fourteen in the corner,” Naruto informed with a gentle smile over his lips. He could understand why Iruka felt uncomfortable; he, too, was still unused to be that unable to move.

 

This time, Naruto managed to open the glued cover faster than usual. His muscles were recovering, bit by bit. Eventually he'd no longer need help to get the letters.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I discovered something which will surely cheer you up; this week, I saw the smaller, withered plants in the apartment finally grow new leaves. They are still small and delicate, but I believe it's a good sign. The half-way drowned ones are currently on the balcony, drying out. I left them in the shadows though, as to not have the actual plant burn or something. In addition I changed the earth in the pots, as one of your books described. Probably they will all recover nicely before you come back._

_The other day I also had a more... serious talk with the doctors. They figured out you are in a rather deep coma now; your brain doesn't register impulses from outside any longer, such as a pinch on your arm. In that context they also informed me that, in case you wake up, it would be a rather long process from now on. They explained it to me as some kind of sleep-mode your brain went into, affecting the other functions of your body as well. So, for waking up, your brain would need to reboot now, which may take several weeks, just as the decline took. It was kind of bad news, I admit. Guess I can finally let go of my fantasy of suddenly finding you sitting upright in the bed, hu?_

_I don't know if it's a cruel turn from fate I got those news this week, from all. It's mid-August now – just the time around the Night of the Shooting Stars. Do you remember, Naruto? La Notte di San Lorenzo... Years ago I took you to Italy around this time. It took me only a few calls to book us the small house in the countryside in the Tuscany, far away from every kind of civilization. I picked that house in particular because of the large terrace, just in the perfect angle to look into the night sky. I had cooked for you that night, serving you all kinds of Italian specialties only for having you ask me to get you some Ramen. We dined until late in the night; it must have been around midnight, if not later, when I took you outside and we laid down in the large divan beds, a bottle of fine wine along with glasses and candles on a small table. I told you to look up into the sky and to keep your eyes open._

_After the first few shooting stars crossed by, I started telling you about the natural event – how I learned about it when I was still a child, back then when my parents were still alive. It had been in a similar area where my father proposed to my mother, after they first met in a term abroad in Italy. I wanted to show you the magic of the meteor storm as well, that significant night when its told dreams come true. It had been years I last came there myself, especially after I became realistic and stopped wishing upon stars. But then, one time, Sai had reported about having seen a shooting star and you grew so excited and interested into the matter it kind of surprised me. Sometime you had heard about shooting stars, when you were little, and believed in their magic to turn wishes into reality. Since then you had been on a search for them on the skies at night, but never managed to even catch a glimpse at one. The fact Sai, who never believed in such things, happened to see one by chance kind of set you off in a way I had never seen before._

_At first, I thought about simply telling you about meteor showers and how you can spot, or at least have the chance, to spot more shooting stars around that time. But then I refused, rather keeping the information to myself since it was nearly the Night of the Shooting Stars. Come to think of it, that date wasn't all too different from the one in Tokyo, where we took the ride with the hot-air balloon – both times I wanted to make a special surprise to you, and both times did I thoroughly enjoy my time with you. I kind of figured, by now, I simply love the way you look when I surprise you; the raw disposal of your happiness along with deep appreciation of the efforts. The night in Italy was any different, since I spent most of the time looking at you rather than the overall view around us. I watched how your eyes, looking like melted sapphire in the flicker of the candles, stared up concentrated, looking out for the short flash of a shooting star. You had felt a bit cold, so I got you a thin blanket to cover yourself, at least partly. The crickets chirped in the fields around the house, so many it sounded like an echo of only a couple of them._

_Then, around one in the morning, you saw the first shooting star of your life. Your mouth had spread open and you had slightly lifted off the divan, your eyes big and curious for the display above us. I think at first you didn't even grasp what you actually saw, natural since you had never spotted one before. At first I thought you might be disappointed; it was a rather short and distant one, appeared and gone already within the blink of an eye. A simple natural trick, nothing too flashy or long-lasting. But when I asked you how you were you had turned towards me, your smile so large and bright it felt, for a moment, if the sun itself just rose. You said you had never seen something so fantastic before, how happy it made you to finally fulfill your childhood dream of seeing a shooting star. And you said how thankful you were to me, Naruto – how grateful I took you out to Italy and dragged you onto the terrace in the middle of the night, even when I didn't get you Ramen for dinner._

_You wanted to say more, just like me, but then you got distracted by more of the flashes on the sky. More and more shooting stars appeared, some even large and longer lasting before their fire died. Even after number fifty you remained amazed and happy about every single one you saw, always making the same curious and interested face as with the first. I don't know why, but that significant night quite a lot crossed the sky. I can't remember to have ever counted as many when I was younger. The shower remained even wide after three a.m., but eventually sleep and the amount of food took the better of you. Plus, we weren't jet-lagged anymore since we spent one week in Italy before La Notte di San Lorenzo already._

_When we were back inside and I took you to bed, I asked you what you had wished for, now that you had so many shooting stars at hand. You were sleepy, already half-way gone when you answered me, yet I believe you chose the words very well before speaking them. I can still hear them, clearly, in my mind, as soon as I think back to that night; “Nothing. I already have everything I could wish for.”_

_Back then, I felt the same way. I was content with you by my side, giving me company and bathing me in your love, which seemed to grow with each day. However today it's all different; you said we became strangers, or close to such, and I lost you to a deep slumber which holds you in such a strong grasp it takes weeks for you to free yourself from it again._

_This time, I could really need a billion of shooting stars – and wish the same, over and over again, in the desperate hope of it becoming true at some point._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Man, the cheesy cheese gets more with each chap. But I liked the setting.  
> Since I'm Italian, I've pretty much grown up to the meteor shower in August. When I researched a bit more about it, I actually learned it's mostly a south European/Italian thing to begin with. You can't see that particular shower everywhere, which quite surprised me. There wasn't a year where I didn't hang out with my grandfather on the balcony trying to spot some when I was younger. I remember the year I wrote this story, I saw like over a hundred in about one hour in Bavaria. It was so cool I thought I should add it to this story :D 
> 
> My infection is gone, but work got me tightly grabbed. So see you, earliest, next weekend. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	16. 15th Letter - The Cold

Silently Naruto stared at the sheets of paper between his fingers. The muscles on his face weren't tensed, yet his expression must have been quite unusual – after a while Iruka gently shook his shoulder, as to test if he was spaced out or something alike.

 

Deep down, Naruto knew he should rather show interest in Iruka, in what he had been doing for the passed year. But other questions laid on the tip of his tongue, burning to be asked for way too long. In fact, even his mind and thoughts were cloudy but for the one, single topic which always caught his interest.

 

“Iruka,” he called softly, fighting with his bad conscience for a moment but aware his somewhat-father would understand and forgive him. “Say... can you tell me how Sasuke is?” Naruto had turned his head towards him when he asked, seeing a few emotions cross Iruka's features, none longer than a heartbeat.

 

Surprise, confusion.

 

Tension.

 

And eventually something like affection.

 

“The last time I saw him he was doing quite alright.” He closed his eyes as he spoke, as if he could recall his memory better that way. “But I have last heard of him a month ago, when he asked me to water the plants until he'd be back. He was about to leave for a trip and left lots behind – computer, phone, everything.”

 

Naruto drew in a shaky breath at the words. Sasuke had left? But why? Just in the last letter he reported there would be signs he was about to awake, way before Naruto would actually open his eyes again. In such an important time... Why did he leave without having a way of communication with himself?

 

The doubts returned, like a nightmarish monster crawling from beneath his bed. Didn't Sasuke want to know when he'd finally awake again? Didn't he dream and hope for them to talk again soon? Or had he, in fact, moved on after all, perhaps still caring about Naruto but not enough to rush to the hospital at any time of the day?

 

A hand laid over his and only then Naruto realized he had clenched it into a fist. “You're worried about him, right?” Iruka gently asked, his voice filled with warmth and sympathy.

 

Naruto remained silent. Of course he was – so worried he felt sick, the yogurt threatening to force itself back out of his body.

 

There was a short, tensed silence before Iruka's voice rose again. “I don't know what's inside those letters exactly, but I am all the more aware of what I saw with my own eyes,” he started, speaking neutrally more than anything. “He was doing really, really bad. That much is sure. In fact, more often than not I was afraid Sasuke might break down under the weight of his own guilt and regrets.” At some point Naruto looked up, seeing Iruka was looking away from him but nowhere in particular anyhow. Only his jaw seemed, a faint bit, tensed when he talked. “I checked on him as often as I could, but I was sure he would collapse sooner rather that later. And then came the moment when you started doing better, shortly after your Godfather appeared for the first time.” Now a faint yet relieved smile laid over Iruka's lips, as if he felt a heavy weight getting off his shoulders at the memory alone. “I think that somehow turned a switch inside him. After that he turned much healthier – the better you were doing and the more activity your brain showed, the more lively he became, as if your healing was directly connected and affecting both of you equally.”

 

He finally turned his eyes back at Naruto and in the moment their glances met he knew Iruka was speaking the full truth.

 

“This accident ate away and changed both of you in different ways. But for now, you can be sure Sasuke is doing alright. So, focus on your own healing, Naruto; the better you feel, the better he will, too.”

 

No idea where he got the forces to, but the next moment Naruto wrapped his arms tightly around the large body close to his, pulling so much he clearly lifted off the mattress while he clung on the muscled, strong torso. “Thank you, Iruka...!” he gasped, his head and chest feeling so light he feared to fly away as soon as he let go.

 

Now Naruto could _really_ focus on himself, knowing that, no matter how dark and painful the letters he read became, there was a bright light awaiting him at the end.

 

~*~

 

Iruka had stayed for another few hours and they chatted rather pleasingly until noon. Naruto learned a lot about the _actual_ state of his plants – though Sasuke tried very heart-warming, he still was and remained a total noob when it came to growing plants unless it were tomatoes – and also heard how Iruka's students were doing. He didn't know them very well, but there was some boy Naruto kind of grew liking over the years. In fact, he was something like an idol for the kid, which kind of filled him with a bit of pride. After all, having somebody look up at you was pretty special for him.

 

Sadly Iruka had to leave for the afternoon though. As he said when he first came, he was rather busy with finals and had a lot to prepare for school, even on weekends. But he promised to stop by again the next day – and he'd also sneak in some snack for Naruto, like sweet Mochi. It weren't Ramen, but Naruto felt his mouth water anyhow.

 

He _loved_ Iruka's Mochis.

 

Though, not for insulting his cooking, Naruto grew pretty much loving every kind of other food by now. Rather desperate, when he thought about it, but well.

 

The time had truly flown by – a mere heartbeat after Iruka left it was time for lunch, or better, time for the next round of shallow soup with a few pieces of vegetables inside. At least the food was slowly gaining more taste; the feeling of chewing something already altered the sensation to Naruto, making the pieces taste a bit spicier than the rest. Or maybe they just got a better cook in the kitchen?

 

Anyhow, since it was the bitchy nurse's shift, he rather kept his questions to himself. She didn't seem all to founded about his jokes. At least she was kind enough to hand him his weights before she stamped away, more annoyed than when she came in.

 

Silently he did his exercises, like Asuma had told him to. He couldn't wait for starting some serious rehab, growing muscles he'd use for his daily life again. It was nearly surreal, when he though about it. Usually it was self-understanding to walk freely around, taking stairs instead of elevators, not to mention lift a spoonful of food to ones mouth or grab a glass of water to drink. But currently, there was little Naruto could do on his own; simple things like taking a swallow of water or even sitting up in a bed seemed to have turned into nearly impossible things. He needed somebody who fed him when he was hungry, assistance when he wanted to move from one place to another, help to get the next letter in line.

 

The only benefit he gained from all the things around him was the satisfaction when he finally got the envelope in his hands. By now the glue on the back was getting stronger, though the covers were partly open in the corners, the weakest spots of the letters. There Naruto could get a good hold on them and bit by bit open the envelopes on his entire own. It did take a little while, but he was getting faster and faster, his slightly returned muscles making themselves noticeable in those situations. The progress was there, obvious even – by the time the glue was keeping the letters entirely closed, Naruto would have enough force back to open them anyhow.

 

Speaking of it, he had to remember to ask a favor from Sakura later. Theoretically he could have asked Iruka to provide him a folder and the other few things, but it felt somehow wrong to ask too much from the man, especially after the valuable information he had about Sasuke. Besides, Iruka was probably going to cook him half a ton of Mochi by the next day – that was more than enough for the moment.

 

So, what did he need? The folder and plastic wraps. Maybe also a paper knife for the envelopes. The last item wasn't as urgent as the rest though; Naruto could ask Iruka to, once he went watering the plants, pick up the one he kept in the large bookshelf in the living-room. If he remembered right it laid in a small space between the books 'Management and Industrial Business' and 'The Proper Ways of Investment and Financing – Advanced Edition'. Boring books Sasuke used to read, as if he needed anything else but his commercial genius to have a company running. He probably had them there only for having a physical proof of his knowledge for when they had visitors. Kind of ridiculous, but God knew Sasuke had an ego which loved pets and strokes like anything else.

 

What was the point of the books, anyhow? It was obvious ones had to have a proper understanding for industrial business along with a feeling for motivation of employees. Like the two-factor theory from Herzberg – it didn't take a genius to understand the job satisfaction of an employee was about [i] _more[/i]_ than plain payment. They needed to have the feeling they accomplished something, along with recognition of their efforts for the company.

 

Of course ones had to keep an eye on the satisfaction-killers as well, such as the policy of the company as well as the personal relationship to the superior. Maybe payment and a secure job had been the main focus of the people in the past, but nowadays the needs of the employees had grown and changed, mostly because of the technical advances and the society of success mostly present in the modern world. Frederick Herzberg kind of pointed it out well with his model. No wonder most companies kept that as a reliable source for proper company developme-

 

Suddenly Naruto lowered the weight gently into his lap, blinking rapidly a few times.

 

_What the hell_ had he just thought?

 

He had never really heard about a man named Herzberg, let alone a two-factor theory. Actually, pretty much everything concerning business had been a rather distant topic to him and he never really bothered to as much as read the various books Sasuke had bought. Once he had flipped through one, just for fun, but all the words and the too few pictures kind of turned him off enough to put the book back without a further glance.

 

So, where did all the information suddenly come from?

 

Slightly crept out Naruto lowered the upper part of his bed a little bit, making him lay halfway. After debating for a moment he pushed the call-button for a nurse, the door opening not even a minute later.

 

Turning his head towards her he said, “Hello. Can you please give me the envelope marked with a fifteen? From that box over there?”

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I was surprised you received a box from abroad the other day, along with a bill. I was so free and paid it, since you currently can't make any money transfers. It took me a while, but I believe it's that game you ordered months ago, the special edition you pre-ordered the day you heard any news there was one in fear it got sold out by the time you purchased one. The box looks rather alright, so I think the game passed through the shipping rather well. I'll lave it in the living-room for until you can play it._

_Recently Suigetsu happened to follow me around for an unknown reason. Although I've known him for a couple of years, it's still hard for me to clearly point out his true intentions. Maybe he is angry with me because I named Juugo as my substitute rather than him and he's looking for something to blackmail me with to grant him the position instead. Such odd ways actually suit him rather well. But then again, he might just be worried about me. He is one of the few people who know me remotely well – he may have noticed I am suffering under the current situation with you and tries to cover my back in case I need help. Unlike your friends who can openly talk about their feelings with you, my own friends and I have a rather strange relationship. Sometimes I envy you, my love; you seem to have such an easy-going time with the people around you, having no issues enjoying yourselves at all. I could never be that relaxed, let alone openly show my support. But I think, thankfully, my few friends have some kind of understanding for my odds, or better have their own. Or, to get back to the point, Suigetsu is simply following me out of boredom. He doesn't need an actual reason for doing what he does, most of the time._

_In fact, perhaps Itachi is behind all that. He has been acting rather strange lately, so I wouldn't be too surprised if he paid him a good amount for keeping a close eye on me. My brother is even harder to read than usual, his intentions almost as foggy to me as Suigetsu's. Itachi is literally forcing himself on me; by now he invites himself over for breakfast as well, seeing it as his duty to have coffee along with at least some bread with a slice of tomato on the top. By now I'm considering to go on vacation again, just to have him out of my business for a few days. If he forces me to eat another of the greasy burgers from Burger King, I swear, I'm going to murder him and sell his body to the many women running after me so they would rather do him than fluttering their eyelashes at me._

_This week the Orchid dried out, so I got you another cut flower. This time I got you a Hibiscus. Its color is dark red and the bloom was rather large, therefore I bought it. Though I think this flower won't last as long as the Orchid; on the third day it already started lowering its pedals. Or maybe it's the heat which makes it wither faster. At least the ones back in the apartment are nicely growing again. As for the ones on the balcony, they still look the same. If they are like the other plants you had inside, it might take another few weeks before they react to the new circumstances though._

_Though it's so hot outside, I feel terribly cold. The sweat on my body goes unnoticed by me, even when I actually breathe harder these days. However I remain feeling cold, all the time. It's probably based on my psych – I suffer under the sudden loss of warmth coming from another body, ending up feeling alone and cold. Usually I'd rather back off these hot days, unable to stand your overly high temperature for too long. You've always radiated warmth Naruto, from the moment we first met. I felt like you burned my hand when we first shook them and when I got the privilege to hold you close I had the constant sensation of melting away, like your being was to liquidize mine so we could mix together, become one._

_However it was taken to a completely other level when we started sharing a bed. Your skin became even hotter, feeling like fire beneath my fingertips and giving me the idea you must notice a difference in heat when I touched you. Do my fingers feel cold to you, Naruto? When I stroke over your neck and chest, grab a hold of your hip and use my hands to pleasure you? Does my body give you chills when I press up against you? Before I never really minded it, especially since you never showed signs of discomfort when I reached out to you. But now that you lay in the coma... I started thinking about many things differently._

_You still feel warm, however some of your ever-lasting fire seems to have died down, leaving you slightly cooler than I'm used to. Now that you cannot properly react to it, do my touches feel unpleasing to you? These icy fingers that ran down your skin – did they give you chills, disturbed you even further? I can't tell if I'm actually so cool or if you even notice the brush of my fingers, but I can't prove any different either, which drives me nearly... mad. Such a small thing unsettling me, I can't really believe it. Just half a year ago I'd have never thought I was even capable of being insecure. And now I'm here, driving myself nuts with the idea of my fingers being cold. Disgustingly weak and pathetic, how I am acting... I am supposed to be strong, for you as well, especially after announcing I want to be your pillar to the here and now. But how can I properly hold you when I'm floating myself? _

_If only this was all nothing but a bad dream. It feels more like one with each passing day, especially when I am being so unlike myself. I want to wake up, in my bed, my hot body sweating all over because of the warmth you radiate. Then I'd jerk you close to me, making sweet love to you until the dawn of the morning, showing you how grateful I am of you being there, with every single fiber of my being. I'd keep you embraced until your heat takes over me as well, finally burning me alive so I can unite with you once and for all. Would you still want us together, Naruto?_

_I feel like I'm trailing off repeatedly in this letter. I guess you can blame this new sense of paranoia for it – after all, I keep having the feeling to be constantly observed, either from my brother, friends, or the staff of this hospital. I'm considering to see Gaara more often from now on; he might, too, be observing me, but at least he is very good at hiding it. And I can be sure he doesn't force me to eat tons of junk food when we go having some coffee._

_The envelopes are becoming more and more... and given the statement from the doctors about you taking a while to awake again, I better search for a larger box the next few days. Somehow I feel sick at the thought; I don't want to write any more letters, giving me the feeling all my doing and suffering is in vain. However I won't quit at all, even if I end up writing you silent letters for years to come, though the thought gives me chills. When it comes to your coma, I try to think in very short periods of time; a couple of weeks at the very most. If I think too much about the future, I end up needing to many of the pacifiers and sleeping pills._

_But, for now, I'll just focus on sending you this current letter; the rest can wait for later._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Yet another chapter. They start getting gloomier with time, while Naruto still finds his questions only remotely answered.  
> For those who don't know - Mochi are sweet rice balls which are usually made for special occassions, such as New Years. They are quite a lot of work if you make them properly!  
> From the connection Iruka and naruto have, I figured it would be suitable for him to make Mochi. The awakening surely is a special occassion, at least for Iruka :D
> 
> During my reasearch about comatose people I stumbled over the fact that, often, they developed odd talents in different directions. Like, one could wake up and easily play piano though they never even touched an instrument. Since I'm an industrial clerk with experience in Sales, I made him suddenly understanding commercial stuff instead :D  
> At least that was back then. Today I could easily add up knownledge from the IT :)  
> No idea if the model of Frederick Herzberg is known abroad, but I think it does. If my memory isn't complete shit, I think he was American even. 
> 
> Alright, enough boring talk from me. See you next time!
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	17. 16th Letter - The Journey

Thank God Naruto had talked to Iruka already, knowing how the present looked like. Otherwise he might have just called the police and an ambulance and a dozen other organizations to _immediately_ track down the possibly suicidal bastard.

 

But, since he knew things had turned out better for Sasuke by now, Naruto managed to keep his cool.

 

For the total of one minute.

 

Instead of worry, almost unbearable anger spread inside him. In fact, he wanted to _still_ call up every single police station along with the army in order to find the motherfucking bastard and drag him right to the hospital, so that Naruto could beat the living crap out of him. Oooh, and Sasuke didn't earn himself only the occasional smack like usual, no, he deserved a thorough beat-up for the _bullshit_ he wrote in the last letter. How did he even end up like that? Doubting himself all over and breaking his head with thinking if his hands felt cold or not! That was so out of character for him, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto felt himself responsible to beat the reason back into his body, in a try to restore the reputation of the stalwart, proud clan of the Uchiha. And once he was done and vented his burning anger, he could sit down and calmly explain to Sasuke why he should never ever think  about things like that again. 

 

That plan in mind, he picked up the weight again and trained his muscles even harsher than before. He'd need every single muscle he could to beat Sasuke up the way he wanted to, so there was lots of workout waiting for him. 

 

While lifting the weights with his hands, Naruto couldn't help to smile though, even if it was only tiny and faint. His mood was pretty good, though he was still quite angry. His thoughts traveled back to the talk he had with Iruka, once again recalling the relief he experienced when he finally heard Sasuke was alright – which was quite hard to believe, given the dark letters. Of course he knew the concerns about Sasuke did block him to some degree, but he hadn't expected to feel so extraordinary well and calm once he got confirmed his stupid bastard was remotely alright. Subconscious worry, maybe? Naruto might just have been a great lot more concerned than he originally thought he was.

 

However, not that it really mattered at this point. He was simply relieved and should be grateful for it while minding his own recovery, as Iruka had told him before, plus prepare to beat Sasuke up. After all, the faster he got better, the faster he'd get rid of the damn catheter as well, and surely he could train even better once the nasty thing was gone. Naruto already pictured, in his mind, how he would walk to the toilet and take his own bowel-emptying-sessions again. Kind of a disgusting topic, actually, but _damn_ didn't he look forward to it. Plus, in the wider thought taking his own dumps meant his entire digestion and body was better, what also meant he could just eat _anything he liked_. Ramen, Mochi, Steak, and countless of other delicious treats.

 

Oh, fresh Ramen... cooked by Sasuke in his home, once the beating was over and the sins forgiven... that was something to truly look forward to. Maybe he could even talk him to prepare the food while wearing nothing but an apron? That would take the entire cooking-scene onto a completely other level. It would even kind of work out, if he said that was the least the bastard could do to make it up for sinking so low. In fact, after reading the letter he did feel a bit... turned on. He tried to remember the feel of Sasuke's hands on his body, if they really were as cool as he stated, his skin calling out for the texture of the pale fingers, legs, and the rest.

 

“Ngh... Sasuke...” Naruto gasped quietly, still moving the weights while he allowed his fantasy to take over. He couldn't wait to taste him again, feel his large body above his, moving the both of them with its powerful thrusts while Sasuke would nibble at his neck.

 

So lost in his thoughts, Naruto failed to focus properly – and just when he had lifted the weight onto the level of his chest his tired hands gave in, the weight slipping from his hold and falling down, right onto his crotch.

 

“Fucking damn it!” he shouted, feeling the pain between his legs though the weight was very light. Eyes pressing shut he covered his private area with his hands, the touch doing little to ease the pain. It felt like some higher power wanted to punish him though – as if having so purely sexual thoughts rather than valuing the deep love Sasuke showed him was a crime requiring some immediate cosmic punishment.

 

Gritting his teeth, Naruto snarled, “Just so you know! I _do_ love Sasuke-bastard more than anything, but I also kind of like him banging me against the bed! Belie-”

 

His little, one-sided fight with the higher power was cut off by a sudden comment from his right.

 

“What on earth are you saying?!” Sakura asked, her voice dripping with shock and anger.

 

Chin dropped in horror, Naruto slowly turned his head towards the door, seeing her standing in the doorframe, her hand still closed around the handle. Immediately he blushed, so hard his entire face looked red, and he felt like passing out when he spotted a chuckling Kiba and a shocked Hinata just standing behind her.

 

Acting on instinct, Sakura stamped over to the bed and hit the back of Naruto's head with a fist, her entire body still shaking.

 

“Ow! That hurt!” he complained, his arms too weak to actually come up and cover himself.

 

“I hope so!” she huffed in response, her fist still trembling with the urge to punch him again.

 

Naruto was just about to throw something back at her but closed his mouth again when he noticed a faint sobbing, coming from the door. Hearing the noise as well Sakura turned around, her body moving enough for him to look towards the source of the crying. Immediately he saw Hinata, her hands cowering her tears-filled face while Kiba lowly tried to calm her down again.

 

“Hinata...” he whispered, swallowing hard at the sight. “I'm sorry to have upset you like thi-” he added but she quickly shook her head while wiping the teardrops from beneath her eyes.

 

“N-no! It's just,” she said between sobs, “I'm... I'm so gl-glad you're yourself again...!” The smile decorating her lips was large and grateful, making Naruto sigh lowly. However he gasped loudly as, suddenly, the weight of a body was across him, shaky arms holding him close in a tight embrace.

 

Confused Naruto turned his head a bit, blinking a few times when all he could see was Sakura's hair. “What's wrong?” he asked, slightly concerned. Why did he make every woman in the room cry all of a sudden?

 

Sakura was trembling horridly when she replied, lowly, “This scene just now... It's like you're _really_ yourself again!”

 

Weakly Naruto lifted one arm after he stomached the shock, having enough strength to rest it around her waist. “Yeah... I do feel more like myself again,” he admitted before chuckling lowly. Now that he thought about it, it was kind of natural he somehow did or said something stupid and ended up with a punch from Sakura. And it was also calming to know that, though all the horrible things which had happened to him up to now, Naruto still managed to get back into his laid-back self again.

 

In the first appointment, Kakashi had announced he might never fully recover from the coma, the accident accompanying him for the rest of his live. In fact, Naruto was pretty aware he could never look at his environment the same way, not after he had been so close to dying and losing everything which was important to him. But he didn't want to change his whole character because of this added experience – it wasn't his wish to erase the accident, however he craved to still be able to laugh and fool around like he used to, at some point of his therapy.

 

Apparently, the time came way sooner than he expected, if a punch from Sakura was any evidence.

 

“But where did this sudden change come from?” Kiba asked once he had calmed Hinata enough her sobs turned quiet.

 

After patting Sakura's back one last time Naruto replied, “Iruka-sensei visited this morning. Let's say he had some really good news for me.”

 

“Iruka-sensei?” Sakura repeated once she pulled away. Her eyes were still slightly red, but it was obvious she already had herself under control again. She had always been rather strong, even when the situation was quite draining for her. “I did see him a couple of times when we came. What kind of news did he have?”

 

“Let's say he had some very interesting update on a certain duck for me,” Naruto grinned, snickering when he remembered Sasuke's hairdo. He was always so damn easy to rile up with the name, it was already beyond funny.

 

However Sakura didn't look all too pleased at the answer, if the glances she and Kiba exchanged were any indication.

 

“Oh come on, not that again,” Naruto murmured, by now quite annoyed about the matter. He did trust his friends, but he also knew that if anyone got a closer eye on Sasuke, it was Iruka. His sources were simply better and more reliable than the others, period.

 

“We're just worried about you,” Sakura insisted while Kiba nodded. He stepped fully inside by then and closed the door behind them, as to provide a little more privacy. “After all, you were so sick... and he's not even here. Hasn't been for weeks!” she added, her voice slightly raising in volume. “What's wrong about us not wanting you to get heartbroken by a jerk like that?!”

 

Leaning back against the mattress, Naruto stared at his friends with a rather serious expression. “I understand your feelings and I also appreciate your care. And it's true Sasuke does some evil and stupid things – and know I'm saving a beating up for him once I see him again – but I also think he has some good reason for not being here or reachable, at the very least.” His eyes carried a determined gleam as he said, “I believe in him coming back here eventually. Why can't you do the same?”

 

All three of them turned silent, Sakura going as far as to bite down hard on her bottom lip.

 

Surprisingly, it was Hinata who spoke up after a while.

 

“You're right about knowing Sasuke a lot better than we do. But, to us, his actions rather show he does not exactly care about you or how you are feeling,” she explained, rather calm and neutral. “And we wouldn't be good friends if we weren't here to protect you from possible harm.”

 

“I agree with you. None of you knows Sasuke the way I do,” Naruto replied, his voice suddenly icy. “So, please, do me a favor and just not think about the matter at all. Let _me_ take care of the whole Sasuke-thing.”

 

He could see the tension on their faces, most of all on Sakura's. He could also clearly see her outburst coming, so he wasn't exactly taken off guard when she suddenly started yelling at him.

 

“Fine! Do what you want! I'm sick of this _bullshit_ , anyhow!” she bellowed before turning around on the spot, starting for the door, slamming it open, and stamping down the corridor.

 

If he could, Naruto would have run after her, but he was still tied to his bed. All he could do was clench his hands on the blanket.

 

“God damn it,” Kiba snarled before whispering something to Hinata and then following Sakura outside.

 

Naruto knew he had been harsh. But what he said had to be said, eventually. And now they all needed a moment to calm down again, himself included.

 

And he knew just what could successfully distract him.

 

“Hinata,” he softly called, “Can you please give me the envelope with a sixteen in the corner, from that box?”

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Hibiscus are quite sensitive, as it seems; I had to already toss that flower. This time I got you a Lycoris. The seller told me they're also called 'Spider Lily'. This one is rather large and red, with a quite heavy scent. I'm certain you'd like the large bloom and I guess you even grew something alike last year. Hopefully I won't run in the obese nurse – she might have me remove the flower immediately because of the smell._

_This week I was lucky enough to spent one dinner away from my brother. Iruka invited me to go have some food with him and I agreed in the end. He's got a great lot more tact than Itachi; instead of walking to one of the places we used to go or where Iruka went with you, he took me to a small restaurant on the far outskirt of town. I don't think I have ever been in that district before, however the meal was quite tasty. I had some soup and then some bonito, which is quite a healthy food compared to what I was fed before. After the meal we spend quite some time there, talking. Since you're not there when I come back, I'm never really eager to return to the apartment once the visiting hours at the hospital are over. Having some time away from everything was kind of a... relief, if I have to name it. Iruka had always had a rather calming aura and apparently it affected me a bit as well. _

_This week was also the start of September. I can't believe how much time has passed since your accident... it has roughly been five months since you were involved in it. So much time when instead of doing better your condition constantly dropped. So much time when all I can do is sitting powerless by your side, my nightmares my only company. I can still see you, that day, and I don't think that image will ever vanish from my mind again. Though, when I think about then, you [u] do[/u] look slightly better by now. Your arm and legs are straightened out again, held in place by casts. Your skin is freed from the crimson wetness which had pooled so disturbingly beneath your body. I've never really minded seeing heavier injuries, probably because of all the CSI and Dr. House I watch, but since I saw you that day I can't really stomach those pictures. I even stopped watching the shows a while back; one episode featured some guy who was murmured by somebody – by hitting him with a car, at full speed. Usually that's not one of the heavier pictures (just remember that one time when they found a body of a transsexual died during the surgery in some garage), but when I saw the guy being hit – his appearance suddenly altered into yours. I was so startled I didn't even turn the TV off, but rather threw the remote directly against it. The thing is totally broken now, but I will get you a replacement sometime later. I know you need a TV to actually play that game you waited months for. _

_On a more pleasing note, I stumbled upon an old, small photo album the other day, when I cleaned out the bookshelf. It's from that ocean cruise we took two years ago, from New York to Liverpool. There had been a shier fantastic weather; it never rained, through the entire two weeks and we managed to see quite a natural variation when we stopped in Bermuda to dive. You were so excited about seeing all the fish and corals, you even ended up buying a new underwater cam so you could save it all for the future. I still can't figure out where you got the energy for diving the entire day – I got sunburned after mere two hours of swimming. At least I got the benefit of being gently treated by you afterward, your hands affectionately putting the cream across my back and slowly massaging it into my skin._

_Beside the many photos underwater, there were also a lot of pics you took of the dolphin family which crossed our way and swam alongside us by the middle of the second week. You were so lively you almost fell off the ship in your attempt of running from one side to the other to watch them. And there were also many photos I took of you, in the most different situations. One of them shows you while we had the first dinner on the ship; you were being quite difficult about the food and asked for the cook to prepare you some Ramen, stating you were even willing to forgive him if he only had cups there. I swear, the waiter was seconds from kicking us out of the restaurant that time. But after half-pleading you to try it and half-ranting about you having to grow up and stop acting like a baby, you eventually tried it – and to have a proof in my hands foreign food didn't mean it tasted bad right away, I took a couple of shots of you while having your king prawn along with herbs, potatoes, and creme fraîche. Thankfully you behaved yourself for the rest of the time, avoiding to end up starved in our cabin._

_There is also a photo of you posing on a rock in the Bermudas. You were just sitting on one while staring into the ocean and I remember you caught me soon after I started making a few pictures. You then turned lasciviously towards me, posing erotically in the red light of the sunset. After a while you even went as far as to pull on your swimming trunks teasingly, showing just a bit of what was hidden beneath the dripping wet fabric. The same night we ended up having sex, though we had to keep our voices down. The elderly pair living in the cabin next to ours did already look quite uncomfortable of us being together – they were sure to freak out or demand a move if they heard us having the fun they might never could have themselves again._

_There is also another shot which is quite dear to me..._

_Shortly before we reached Liverpool, you and I ended up staying out in the open until late in the night. The sky was colored midnight above us and the waves of the ocean broke against the outside of the ship. The thousands of stars sparkled in the sky, their reflection in the black water making it look like they were billions. And the moon – it looked so large and pale, nestled between the twinkling stars on the clear horizon. I had ordered us a bottle of exclusive wine, a kind even rarer than the one we had in Italy, and in the background the band softly played a gentle song. It had turned pretty cold, the wind going strong, and at some point you got up and started for the door leading inside. The light coming out from the windows shone so strong and bright, your face was slightly shadowed when you turned back towards me, calling out for me to follow you while you held a hand out to me. Moments before I got up, I quickly snapped a photo of the surreal yet beautiful scene._

_To me, it looked like the doors were the gates to heaven, you, a divine angel, been send out to lead me into eternal bliss._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Sorry the chap is sorta late this time. I caught a nasty cold and hardly moved out of bed during the entire weekend and since we have a lot of work currently and the next few months, I rather focused on getting better than live out hobbies. 
> 
> Again a slice of life from the SasuNaru Relationship!  
> Personally I've never been to a cruise and I doubt I ever will, but I think it would be something they might like. Naruto can be all hyper watching dolphins and running around while Sas chills out in the shadows. I randomly picked their departure harbor and arrival, just tossing in some places around the Pacific Ocean xD 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this read. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	18. 17th Letter - The Opposite

The plan had worked out – Naruto could already feel how his tensed muscles relaxed and his raging mind calmed down. The trip Sasuke mentioned was kind of easy to remember, too. It had been one of their longer vacations abroad. Though, it did quite surprise him the last evening before their destination gave such an angelic sight, or better that Sasuke thought of it that particular way. Never had he as much as mentioned anything like that so far.

 

However, it wasn't exactly the best moment to dwell in the past.

 

Turning his head around slightly, Naruto saw Hinata had taken a seat on the single chair settled next to his bed. She had laid her hands in her lap, silently looking at the poster of the green-house.

 

“Sorry,” he eventually said, breaking the rather comfortable silence between them. “Perhaps I was a bit... well, harsh, but it needed to be said.”

 

Surprisingly calm – usually Hinata was horribly stuttering whenever they spoke – she replied, “You don't have to justify yourself.” Her eyes looked clear, no sign of doubt in them as she turned away from the poster and faced him instead. “Sakura will also forgive you. We just...” Momentarily she trailed off and her face tensed, as if she struggled with keeping herself as collected as she was. “Built up a lot of tension and worries. I think we're all a little overwhelmed by the new situation.”

 

Naruto allowed the words to sink in for a moment – and found himself more than agreeing with those. In fact, it was probably the best explanation for the violent mood-swings, the odd atmosphere and the heavy air seemingly filling the entire room originating from it; they were all overwhelmed by the situation, from Naruto himself over to his friends and even some of the staff.

 

“That's really wise and meaningful.” A brilliant grin decorated his features. “Kind of new; you usually struggle to bring out a single full sentence when I'm around.”

 

Within one heartbeat Hinata turned completely red, flushing so hard Naruto actually feared she would pass out any second. “I-I...! Na-Naru...!” she stuttered, her voice close to a shriek and hand covering her face quickly.

 

The action was so familiar and cute, Naruto couldn't help laughing out so much his entire body shook.

 

If possible, the color on her cheeks even intensified.

 

After a while of laughing Naruto slowly calmed down, mostly because his sides were hurting from the awkward and frantic breathing. For a moment that dropped his mood; how low did he sink if he couldn't even laugh directly from his heart without feeling a great effect on his body.

 

“I'd appreciate you not teasing Hinata while I'm away,” came Kiba's voice suddenly, a mere growl from the direction of the door.

 

“Wasn't my intention,” Naruto assured with a grin, however Kiba remained rather tensed anyhow. Quite a bad sign.

 

Huffing he stepped in, short, brunet hair shifting as Kiba walked until he stood next to Hinata, hands dug into his pockets. “Sakura was pretty pissed off,” he stated after a while of silence. “She's left without saying much of a word. Might take some time before she's around again.” He ran a hand through his hair – a usual gesture for Kiba when he was quite unhappy. But at some point he heaved a heavy sigh, shaking his head rapidly a few times before moving to lean comfortably against a nearby wall.

 

“So, anyhow,” The anger disappeared from his face, though his eyes still carried a dark glimmer as he spoke. “Any news on your health by now?”

 

~*~

 

“ _I don't give a damn about that._ ”

 

Chills went down Naruto's spine at the voice. It was icy, filled with ill and spite – a voice he had heard only a handful of times in that particular way.

 

“Sir, we have a clear policy about regulating visi-” a female, much more insecure voice talked back, however it was impossible for her to keep up with the furious man. He might have been speaking calmly, but Naruto knew way better than that.

 

“ _Do I look to you like I care?_ ” the man snapped, his voice even darker than before. “That... _woman_ is never to as much as enter this room. No, cross that – I don't want her anywhere near this entire wing.”

 

“But, Mr. Uchiha-” she tried again, clearly intimidated by him.

 

“That's right. _I am Sasuke Uchiha. You should be aware of my influence_.”

 

Why was he so upset? Naruto had seen Sasuke furious before, but never had he been that downright scared by as much as the tone of his voice. His usually melodic, rich words were tainted with hatred, so much it felt like dribbling right off the single characters. His voice was sharp as a knife, sounding like it pierced the very skin of the one he spoke to. Naruto had no clue who could have awakened so much anger in Sasuke.

 

“If I see that person nearing him, _I will first get you fired and crush the entire place in the next step,_ ” he bellowed, sending again chills down Naruto's back. He was so scared... if he could, he'd have yelled out for Sasuke to stop. The darkness was so thick, so ill, swallowing down the entire room, Sasuke settled right in the middle of the evil aura.

 

“I believe I made myself clear. Now, get out,” he snapped, the door slamming shut seconds later and leaving silence back. Naruto could feel fingers brushing his cheek, trembling so horribly it felt like Sasuke was shivering. “I won't allow them near you, Love...” he murmured, so lowly yet clear, “I'll never forgive them... _They will feel the full force of my revenge_...” Soft lips laid over Naruto's forehead, the touch familiar yet utterly foreign. “ _I'll crush them with my own hands so you can find your peace, my love..._ ”

 

“No! Sasuke!” Naruto yelled, his face wet from cold sweat. It took him a moment to realize where he was and what had happened, his entire body still trembling in a terrible mix of emotions. His breath came in heavy pants, his chest borderline hurting from the forceful beating of his heart. He even retched, the bit of lunch he had threatening to force its way out of his body.

 

Only partly Naruto recalled the most recent events; Kiba and Hinata had staid a while longer but then left since he had been feeling a bit sleepy. As soon as the door had closed he had laid flat on the mattress, quickly dozing off. And then he had started hearing the furious, nearly murderous voice... Sasuke's voice, while it was struggling to remain sane.

 

… No.

 

In fact, Sasuke had sounded like he had lost it. Like he was completely nuts, downright crazy, a true lunatic. The worst of it was he had sounded so damn serious... almost like he was already plotting ways to actually kill whoever drove him so mad.

 

The experience had been horrible. The touch cold and lacking every hint of warmth. Sasuke had felt like a stranger, his kiss unpleasing and odd against Naruto's skin.

 

Taking a few deep breaths, he tried desperately to collect himself again. His body was still shaking a good bit, however at least Naruto didn't hyperventilate right away. Still, he couldn't get rid of the awkward and uneasy feeling in his gut. Sure, he knew Sasuke was doing alright now, but somehow Naruto was pretty sure he did something very, very stupid somewhere in between the last year and the present. Something [i] _very[/i]_ stupid and reckless.

 

Though, now that he was remotely calm, Naruto thought back to the twisted memory. Who had Sasuke talked about? Apparently somebody was banned from his very room. But who could it be? A woman, Sasuke had said, without mentioning the name. Somebody Naruto knew? Though, he couldn't really think of somebody so detested by Sasuke he'd forbid any kind of visit.

 

Feeling his breathing evening out, Naruto allowed himself to close his eyes, momentarily. It was then the door opened and he heard the gasp of a young nurse.

 

“Mr. Uzumaki!” she called, clearly shocked, “Are you alright?! What is it?! You're covered in sweat!”

 

Slowly Naruto turned his head, showing her a bright but also apologizing grin. “Sorry. I just had some bad dream. I'm fine, really.”

 

She seemed rather insecure about the answer. “You look rather pale,” she stated with a tensed voice.

 

“Sadly, I think that's how I always look like.” Naruto slightly grimaced at his own answer. Compared to his usual, tanned skin he looked very sick indeed. Sasuke had implied his changed looks in his letters, way before Naruto had caught a look in a mirror, but it had been rather abstract to think about it back then. However just the morning of the present day he got punched back into reality – he was so pale, almost as white as Sasuke, and for a moment Naruto had thought he might have suffered a great bloodloss or something. Doubtful he could get any whiter around his nose. “But since you already came – can I have some water? And the envelope with a large seventeen in the corner?” he asked, half because he was really thirsty and half because he wanted to change the topic.

 

The nurse gave a nod before she lifted a glass full of water, pointing the straw towards Naruto. He first lifted the back of his bed though, not stopping before he more or less sat on the bed. Immediately he took a heavy swallow of the water, actually noticing his throat was quite dry. A moment later the nurse put down the glass in favor of walking around the bed to get the letter.

 

Though, unlike the other times, Naruto didn't tear it open the moment he held it in his hands. Instead he stared at the envelope, his mind working, filled to the rim with thoughts.

 

What did Sasuke write in that letter? Was it around the time when he had the outburst about the mysterious woman? Later, earlier? Naruto felt quite lost by then – for one he had the present, a time where he didn't feel like he had an actual place. Then he had those confusing memories, apparently coming back without much of an order in them. And last he had the letters, reporting him in weekly editions of the happenings of the past.

 

Eventually Naruto opened the letter marked with '17', unfolding the sheets across his lap.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

 

_It started getting rather fresh recently, though the Spider Lily is still doing alright. Autumn is around the corner already; I think this is the time when you cut back the plants you keep outside, but I have no idea which needs to be cut when. I might ask Iruka for advice, he knows much better about the topic than myself. The other day it rained so hard I was completely soaked by the time I reached the hospital and also ended up, for the first time, to be late at the appointment with the psychologist. And, of course, that annoying guy was on time this single time. For that he drew out the meeting for as long as he could, making me justify myself all out. He also inquired how I am doing with the pills and gave me a few more since I became rather restless. Suigetsu and Itachi are still after me so much it's bothering. _

_This week is also the Takayama Festival. I had almost forgot about it, though we had planned right after our last visit we'd go again. I offered the tickets to Itachi, in a try to get him off my ass for a while, but he refused._

_Can you remember last year, Naruto? We got there the evening before the festival, so we would be fully rested by the time the celebrations started. You got yourself a skillful, elegant Kimono; the bright orange cloth was covered in large, white koi-fish while swirls alike the tattoo on your stomach were at the bottom. You had saved up your money for good six months to afford it, and I can tell it was worth it – entirely. It suits you so fantastically I can barely bring myself to remove the clothes from your body, undoing the countless layers of fabric and reveal what lays beneath. But, you know, this year I had prepared something like a surprise for you._

_I went to a dressmaker and ordered myself a new Kimono – one with a very similar design as yours. Only the fabric is rather dark-blue with black kois over it, and instead of swirls I have the fan of my family stitched onto the bottom. It might look like I copied you, when I tell you about the design, but I had something entirely else in mind when I ordered it. I picked the opposite colors, dark blue and black instead of your bright orange and white, for a special reason. It's not for being everything you're not – my idea was to be the other part, something like an opposite reflection of you in a mirror, so we can complete each other also in pure looks. I feel for you as my other half, my Yin to my Yang, the light opposite my darkness. And I want to scream it out into the world, to show them you are my other part, that we are meant for each other. I feel horribly incomplete now, without you around me like you used to. Before I met you I thought I was doing alright, that I could just keep living my simple life without feeling too dependent on anything. But the present shows me just how vulnerable and... lonely I am._

_By now even Iruka started seeing me more regularly, beside is always present calls. He'd even invite me over to his house, mostly coming to pick me up from the hospital, and then he'd cook dinner for us. He, too, is pretty much forcing me to eat, but he does so much more delicately than Itachi. I think that comes because Iruka is simply much more used to different kind of people and characters; he knows how to get under your skin so smoothly, he kind of feels like my therapist at times. Itachi is much rougher there. Sure, we are close to each other, but this change of character I went thought recently – it's new to him, too. In fact, everything is new to everyone of us._

_They say changes are needed in order to grow and proceed. That changes are always having a higher purpose, that deep down they're all good._

_I believe none of it._

_I did change for the better, in the past. Your influence, my love, made a better man out of me. You showed me I have good sides on me as well, taught me so much about enjoying life and be an active part of it. You showed me the light, Naruto. However now these changes bring out my... darkest sides. Facets I had no idea I possessed. I am on the edge, horribly lonely and drained by nightmares and restlessness. When I look into the mirror I see a foreigner, a man I have never seen before, his entire appearance blurred by the darkness around him. Is the mirror really showing myself? I can't tell anymore. I can't tell about anything anymore._

_The only thing I know is that I'm suffering from a loss so great it presses the air out of my lungs and clouds my happy memories with the harshness of reality. The images nestled in my head, the details kept neatly alive by my mind are my only sanctuary in this horrible time of my life._

 

_Lost I am, lost I am_

_Abandoned in this empty room_

_Emptiness within and darkness around_

_Pulling me into doom, Smashing me into the ground_

 

_Lost I am, lost I am_

_Lacking light and warmth_

_Wandering through the cold present_

_Stumbling with an oomph, Unheard even when I push resent_

 

_Are my words arriving?_

_Never, without a doubt_

_This here what I'm facing_

_Is likely the harshest rout_

 

_Beloved, beloved_

_My silent letters are yellowing with age_

_Dust all over them, much alike on my untouched skin_

_I am filled with rage, Along with unbearable grim_

 

_Beloved, beloved_

_What is the meaning of the festivals?_

_I have nothing to celebrate_

_Only to celebrate an arrival, I would put a ten as the rate_

 

_The beautiful clothes are left in the closet_

_Getting as dusty as the letters_

_My sun having long since set_

_Because of the cold wind the dry leaf clatters_

 

_My heart, this dry leaf, so fragile and vulnerable_

_To live on like this, I am not able_

 

_Eventually the leaf will be stomped upon, breaking into a billion faint fragments which are blown away by the wind of the future._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I have quite a few things to say here this time :D  
> For one - I came up with the Yin and Yang theory WAAAAAAY before Canon. Just sayin'. I have a forever unposted Oneshot which pretty much features the Canon developments as well, which was also written way before Canon. I'd usually think it's cool being an oracle... but not for that -.- uagh. 
> 
> The Takeyama Festival seems to be something like Thanksgiving, at least from what I looked up on wikipedia.  
> To bring some change into the story I looked up Japanese festivities and had them attend some, since I recon they would go to some if they were dating.  
> Plus, Kimonos, man. You know you like them :D 
> 
> I wrote the poems myself btw, though I greatly suck at them. Even the rhymes are off in order xD  
> The relation to the dry leaf comes from the Naruto games, or more like its inspired by them. You'd often see leaves fly around when it comes to Sasuke and Naruto, and while Naruto's keeps floating and moving Sasuke's hits the ground eventually and gets stomped on at times. I enjoy adding such details in my alternative universes so to make Canon connections in them. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the read! Perhaps I'll post the next chap a bit sooner, since I have Monday off and (probably) will be home Friday.  
> Might as well be productive then. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	19. 18th Letter - The Motionlessness

Naruto held his mouth tightly closed while he pressed the sheets of the letter against his chest. “Oh, Sasuke...” he murmured, the weight of the poem pressing him down. It was likely the most depressing piece he had ever read – and it was pretty worrying. By now, Naruto was borderline sure Sasuke did something very stupid just a while back, if the poem was any indication.

 

However just when Naruto was sinking deeper into his thoughts and guesses, the door to his room opened. Glancing to the side he recognized the nurse from before and he chuckled when she let out a relieved sigh.

 

Though he felt rather, well, sad to some degree, he must still have looked better than before.

 

“Mr. Uzumaki,” she called while already stepping in.

 

“Naruto's fine,” he smiled back, carefully folding the sheets of the letter again. Sasuke's words were meant for only him and he wanted to keep it that way.

 

“Alright, Naruto then.” Already she walked over to the other side of the bed. “There's a call for you. They'll get extended in here in a moment.”

 

“A call?” Naruto furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Who is it?” he quickly asked, excitement rising. Was it Sasuke? Who else would have a reason to call up his room?

 

Before the nurse could answer, the white telephone started ringing wildly. “I'm afraid you'll have to ask them yourself,” she replied before picking up the speaker and holding it out for Naruto.

 

With mixed feelings he titled his head away so the headpiece fit between his neck and shoulder.

 

After swallowing hard he eventually whispered, “Hello?” He even managed to lift up his hand, subconsciously, and weakly grasp the white plastic next to his head.

 

' _Naruto, is that you?_ ' asked a male voice. It was slightly blurred from the transmission over phone, however Naruto could tell he had never heard the man before.

 

“Yeah, that's me,” he answered while seeing, through the corner of his eye, how the nurse started for the door and left him alone again. “But who are you?”

 

' _Ah, yeah, I forgot we haven't properly introduced so far,_ ' the man said, a scratching noise coming from the other side of the line, as if he was rubbing the back of his own head. ' _My name is Jiraiya. I'm your Godfather._ '

 

“My...” Naruto gasped, his eyes going wide and mouth staying open.

 

Was he... really talking to his Godfather? The one his friends mentioned? The man who came and decided for his machines to keep running?

 

' _Naruto? Are you still there?_ ' Jiraiya asked after a while of silence. ' _Naruto, are you alright?!_ ' he added, his voice sounding tensed and urgent all of a sudden.

 

“Y-yeah, yeah I'm fine,” Naruto replied, quickly licking over his lips afterward. They were awfully dry. “I'm just... _wow_. Can't really put it into words. Believe it.”

 

Jiraiya chuckled loudly through the phone. ' _I bet. I was feeling pretty much the same when I learned about you and the coma. Really had us scared there, kid,'_ he told with a heavy sigh. ' _I'm sorry I didn't call you up earlier. I'm abroad and will only fly back mid next week. Is it okay if I come paying you a visit, then?_ '

 

Naruto blinked a few times, his mind still having trouble wrapping around the thought he was currently talking to his Godfather, from whom he had no idea existed. But come to think of it, he had quite some issues wrapping his mind around  _much_ recently. 

 

Eventually he answered, “Uhm, sure. I'm not going anywhere any time soon, that is.”

 

He heard Jiraiya's laughter. ' _If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn to have Kushina in the line. She used to come up with such smartass comments._ '

 

Kushina...?!

 

“You knew my mom?!” Naruto all but yelled into the phone, his entire body tensing.

 

In the past, he had tried to find out more about his dead parents for many years. As far as he knew they died in an accident where he was involved as well, but luckily survived unharmed. There wasn't much left from them – all Naruto had was a single, small, and utterly old photo of them when they were teenagers. The color was faded rather strongly already, the picture having been folded a couple of times as well and stuffed into a moneybag. It was all Naruto had, along with the names 'Minato' and 'Kushina'.

 

To suddenly talk to somebody who knew his mother enough for saying they sounded alike...

 

' _I'm your Godfather, of course I did!_ ' Jiraiya chuckled. ' _I was a very good friend of your father and got to know your mother once they ended up together. But judging from the appearance, I thought you were more like your father._ ' 

 

Naruto had a hard time holding back his tears of joy. Was it all even real? Was he really sitting on his bed with a good friend of his parents on the phone or was he, in fact, just having the first real dream since he woke up again? It was hard to tell, however if it  _really_ was just a dream, Naruto wanted to stay in it for as long as he could. 

 

' _But I would rather save the talking about them for when we actually meet,_ ' Jiraiya suddenly said, shattering Naruto's hopes all at once. ' _More, how are_ _ **you** _ _feeling? The doctors kept me updated, but I rather only believe what I hear and see for myself._ '

 

A little of his enthusiasm vanished, Naruto leaned back against the mattress. He hadn't even realized he had slightly pushed off it to begin with, he had been so lost in the moment.

 

“I'm rather fine, I guess,” he answered, dry compared to before.

 

' _Aw come on. What's with that pout I hear?_ ' Jiraiya commented, making Naruto slightly narrow his eyes. He hadn't been pouting at all! Mentally, perhaps, but not in actual reality. ' _It'll be only a couple of days. Maybe I can take a break earlier as well. So, just be patient – and I know how hard that is being Kushina's kid – and concentrate on a fast recovery. There is very much we have to catch up on._ '

 

Rolling his eyes, slightly, Naruto sighed, “You constantly bringing up my mother isn't really helping, old man.”

 

' _Old man?!_ ' Jiraiya shouted on the other side of the line, ' _What makes you think I'm old?! We're merely talking on the phone!_ ' 

 

Naruto snickered quietly. “Well, you knew my parents from when they were young, so if I'm an adult already, that makes you rather old,” he explained, laughing when he heard Jiraiya snorting loudly.

 

' _Sassy brat..._ ' he murmured into the phone. ' _I use my little, precious free-time to call you, regardless of it being mere five in the morning here, and all I hear is you calling me old._ '

 

“Well, how old are you, then?” Naruto bluntly asked, partly out of curiosity and partly to simply rile his Godfather up.

 

Jiraiya cursed colorfully yet lowly before answering. ' _Haven't you learned to not ask elder people about their age?!_ ' 

 

“Now you called yourself old,” Naruto chuckled and heard another row of curses, louder this time. But then they ran out, leaving Jiraiya laughing softly into the phone.

 

' _I know we didn't really have any contact before I came to the hospital,_ ' he started, sounding something between serious and heart-warmed, ' _But I definitely like you better talking like this. It suits you much more than laying motionlessly in a bed._ '

 

A smile tugged on the corners of Naruto's lips and he closed his hand a bit tighter around the headpiece. “Thanks. Also for coming here and...” He trailed off, the thought about his near death feeling uncomfortable to him. After the last letter he'd rather avoid such dark topics.

 

' _Sure, I made the final decision, but you should rather thank your friend. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have known you even existed, as harsh as that sounds. He was the one uniting us to begin with,_ ' Jiraiya told and Naruto was thankful for his honesty, despite of the heavy weight of the words. 

 

However...

 

“You mean Sasuke, right?” he inquired though he already knew the answer all too well. “Rather short for a guy, black hair, pale as a ghost, and with a character which couldn't be worse?”

 

' _Hmm..._ ' Jiraiya murmured, almost uncertain. The tone of his voice made Naruto furrow his eyebrows immediately. ' _Actually, he looked rather half-dead to me when he appeared and tried beating me up._ '

 

“He tried _what_?!” Naruto gasped, getting so upset he even jerked on the bed. “Are you joking, old man?” 

 

Jiraiya remained so serious, he didn't even comment on the new nickname. ' _Not at all. He came, nearly kicked in my door, and argued about me having to immediately go to a hospital on the other end of the world with him. He even tracked me down abroad. And when I refused to go with him, he tried hitting me. I know some material arts so it was easy to keep him down, but I have hardly seen somebody getting so emotional about anything._ ' He paused, momentarily, before moving on. ' _The truth is – I thought you died along them in the accident, Naruto. So I was_ _ **more** _ _than taken off guard when your friend showed up causing a scene. But then, when the police took him away, he tossed a photo of you my way... and I knew it was you, my Godchild. Therefore I immediately contacted the hospital and had them keep you alive no matter what._ '

 

Silence spread between them, though it was a rather comfortable one. A long pause where both of them could sort out their thoughts.

 

' _I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. But when I see what kind of people you got grouped around yourself, I get the feeling you were in good hands,_ ' Jiraiya stated and Naruto could hear the smile in his voice. ' _Though the kid has some issues._ '

 

“He totally does,” Naruto confirmed with a smile of his own. “But I want him any different.”

 

' _Figured as much,_ ' Jiraiya chuckled, ' _However I'm happy you found someone like him. Not everybody would go so far somebody dear to them._ ' They both laughed softly at the words. ' _But sadly I got to go. I'll try calling you again and also come visit you soonest possible. So for noooow... good night?_ '

 

“Alright. Good morning to you, I guess?” Naruto chuckled, wondering just where exactly Jiraiya was currently. “And thanks. For the call and... everything else.”

 

' _No problem. Stay safe, kid. Goodbye,_ ' Jiraiya said before hanging up, the line gone dead. 

 

Silently Naruto grasped the speaker with all his force and placed it back down on the bed. He then pushed the call-button for the nurse, giving her the device once she came – and also asking for the next envelope.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_It hasn't stopped raining for an entire week now, again floating the entire greenhouse. Though the basement is under control now; after the accident I contacted the renters and had them fix up things so we won't get water in so easily again. Though, even when it has rained longer than the last storm, I think less water came down overall. But along with the nasty wind, the weather is more than annoying. Kimimaro called in sick because of it and I can hear Suigetsu sneezing even when I have the door of my office closed. Sadly Itachi is as fit as ever, getting me into more and more greasy food._

_The Spider Lily eventually withered as well, having me go out and get you another flower. This time I got you a few white Gardenias; I had the feeling you'd like their soft form. There were also another few lilies and beautiful orchids, but I want to bring you a real variation of blooms. Perhaps I'll get you something double, but if only with some larger time-frame in between. Instead of leaving you getting used to something, I'd try giving you new impulses – new smells as well as a variation of music. I got the official permission to, since you fell into a deeper coma, bring along some music and have it play while I'm here. The doctors suggested to play your favorite music, which I do often, but I rather try giving you more different songs and genres to see if it changes anything. But don't worry – more often than not, I play the theme songs of Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy for you. However I keep the volume rather down; my goal is to stimulate you, not try to blast you out of the coma. Besides, I still don't trust the obese nurse – she might have me remove everything after all._

_The other day I saw Iruka come visiting you along with a younger boy. I might be wrong, but it looked a lot like Konohamaru. Though, if it was him, he has changed a great lot. The ridiculously long, blue scarf has disappeared along with his funny bandana. In fact, he looked almost mature to me. And sad, along with silent. It was quite off seeing him like that when he stood inside your room. Then again, many people from your environment have more or less changed since you're in the hospital, the more the closer they are to you. Only you remained the same for a couple of weeks now..._

_Why is there no change? Since you fell into the deep coma, there has been no real difference on your condition. You neither reduce nor rise your brain activity, neither showing signs of falling deeper asleep nor of soon awakening. To some degree it scares me. Before at least the record of your brain changed, showing weather you were in pain or reacting to outside impulses. Faintly, but it changed. But now it stopped, as if it has frozen in place, truly trapping you wherever you currently are._

_The thought pains me. Of course I don't want to lose you – and God knows I'll do anything required to never lose you at all – but imagining you, from all people, are closed in a frozen waterfall makes me sick. You constantly moved and grew in the past, the direction pointless for as long as you could be in movement. You even kept grooming your slightly malicious side, plotting out various mean pranks and silly jokes when you were bored. You sought progress and change like it was a drug, a drug which made you heavily addicted and called out to you._

_And now you are supposed to stand still? _

_It's almost like you gave up, Naruto. Like you gave up on fighting and moving and just about anything. That doesn't suit you, my love; I always had trouble associating with this, so alien to me you, but I had the impression the real you I miss and love was still somewhere buried inside the broken body beneath the white covers, just waiting for the right opportunity to break free. And what a loud and colorful outbreak that'll be! Like a wake-up call for the entire hospital. Are you showing us – me – now that there will be no such outbreak? That you rather decided to stop on half of the way and simply let it be? _

_I can't believe what I see and demanded the doctors to change the equipment. Such a behavior is so unlike you it must be some issue with the hardware. Maybe the machines didn't take the moving well or some stupid assistant accidentally had it edge on the wall on its way or something. It must be the sensors failing to record your signals properly. Those are the only possible explanations for this situation; before you give up on something, all hell has to break free and pigs should grow wings and fly through the sky. Once the machines were changed, everything should soon get back to before._

_By now I'm also feeling everything taking a toll on my body. Work is more draining than not and I have angry outbursts more often. They mostly come out when Itachi is pushing up on me, so pretty much the entire time by now. I even blocked his number from my mobile phone, he turned so annoying to me. With that, the therapy, the worry about you, and all the other things I come to our apartment and drop right dead on the bed, only to jerk awake soon later. The pills are also affecting me; I have terrible headaches because of them and have the feeling I can't properly move my body. But that's the actual purpose of the pills – they should restrain me to some degree, so I don't flip out and get a little more than one hour of sleep the night. Since the effects are worsening though, I employed a driver for the moment. I don't want to cause an accident by being reckless in such a way, unlike other people I had the misfortune to meet. _

_I finally asked Iruka about the plants and cut them back for the upcoming season, at least the ones which won't properly grow before the next spring. I also wrapped them up in plastic, like your books say, and left them in the shady corner of the balcony. Iruka said the other plants should stay as they are until at least the beginning of October. He promised me to come to our apartment when the time comes and cut them properly along with me. I can't help the feeling he looked rather odd, recently. It was like he had a strange gleam in his eyes I already saw on Suigestu and even Itachi so far. Usually I'd know what it is about, but my thoughts are getting cloudy these days._

_When I think about that, I wonder how the world of your mind currently looks like. Can you still picture every thought in detail, like before? Is the image cloudy and hard to see, like a thick fog is spreading inside your head? Or don't you think at all? The doctors aren't entirely sure how the comatose patients think and most of those who wake up don't remember much about their thoughts but more of what happened around them._

_I wonder if you'll even recall a single word I spoke to you while you were like this, my love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Another chap done, though not much happened in the present. Still it's a crucial first meeting which also gives first hints of what is to come.  
> Jirajya has some info on what happened to Sas... but won't reveal it at all :D  
> Also, fuck me, his name is hard to spell! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chap. About a third done so far... I should really start tinkering on the ending by now x.x 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	20. 19th Letter - The Bond

Naruto leaned back, his head tilted so he looked up at the ceiling. Instead of loosing himself in worried thoughts – God knew Sasuke added quite some amount of worry-material in his recent letters – he tried to focus on the last part mattering him.

 

While he was in the coma, did he have thoughts? Recalling how he felt when he finally woke up, he'd rather say no. It had more felt like a deep slumber, a dreamless sleep up to the point when he eventually gained his conscience back. But then again, could he even properly remember that time to begin with? Perhaps his thoughts were buried deep inside his mind, just like memories of the happenings around him, coming back only bit by bit. Maybe he would be able to recall single thoughts later, maybe not at all.

 

The door opened and the nurse came in again, this time with a tray in her hands.

 

Glancing her way, Naruto smiled fondly. “Hurray, food!” She softly laughed at his enthusiasm and put the covered tray onto the small table before removing the cap.

 

“The menu tonight is fresh cheese on soft bread, along with a delicious fruit salad,” she announced, a little over the top.

 

“Awesome! Can't wait to have some!” If he could, Naruto would have thrown up his arms in cheer, but instead he only lifted his hand to reach for the slice of bread. He even managed to lift it up, slightly, but he wouldn't be able to bring it all the way to his mouth. “Oh the hell...” he murmured while letting go of the food again, his mood instantly shifting into a dark one.

 

The nurse took the knife and the fork, starting to cut the slice into tinier pieces. “I'm sure it won't take too long before you can eat yourself again,” she said, picking up the first bite with the fork and holding it right before his face. Immediately Naruto leaned in and closed his mouth around the entire thing, easily pulling the piece off and chewing it.

 

“You know,” he started after swallowing down the bite, “Sure, it sucks not being able to eat yourself. But really, it's _way_ worse not being able to take a leak on your own.” He ate the next offered piece and chuckled when she blushed a little. She may have been a nurse, but she was so young she surely wasn't doing the job as long as Shizune did. Natural she'd feel embarrassed talking with a man about, well, his penis in some way, especially while Naruto wasn't much older than her.

 

“You didn't tell me your name yet, right?” he said, putting it into a question. “Would you mind telling me since, well, I'm gonna stick around for a while longer here?”

 

“It's Yurika,” she replied while feeding him the next bite. “Nice to meet you, Naruto.”

 

“Ditto,” he murmured with his mouth full.

 

After that Naruto kept eating, but silently. He didn't speak at all before he got the first spoonful of the fruit salad from Yurika.

 

The moment he tried chewing, his face started grimacing. “Bleh, they're totally watery and soft!” Immediately he recognized the fruits were out of a can, most of the flavor gone to hell in the process.

 

Yurika looked a little sad as she replied, “I'm afraid fresh fruits are still too much for your stomach. But if you like, I can add some more sugar on the salad to see if it helps.”

 

Naruto stared at the small bowl before snarling, “Yeah, more sugar would definitely help. But man...” He shook his head for a moment. “Stuff from a can is just not the same as the real thing, you know?”

 

“I completely understand,” she confirmed white ripping open small bags of sugar and spreading it over the fruit salad.

 

“Unless it's Ramen,” Naruto corrected his own statement. “Ramen is always good, no matter the shape and box.”

 

Lowly Yurika laughed before saying, “Shizune mentioned you said you love Ramen. But the noodles and vegetables may be still too much for your digestion.”

 

“I hear that at least five times a day...” He let out a heavy sigh, drawing an actual laugh from her. “Okay. I might give the stuff another try now that you sugared it. If I overdo it with sugar, Sasuke will surely kick my ass.”

 

She turned the spoon in the bowl to mix under the sugar while she asked, “Who's Sasuke?”

 

Naruto blinked a few times, taken slightly off guard at the question. After a moment however he replied, with a smile, “He's the most precious person I was fortunate enough to meet.”

 

~*~

 

The noise was low and muffled, but gradually became clearer. Naruto could make out a few words, bit by bit, and he had the feeling he knew both the voice and the phrases very well.

 

“But dreams can never fool me... Not that easily...”

 

He liked the words. He knew them, very well, as well as the melodic way they were spoken.

 

“Save your tears, cause I'll come back. I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door...”

 

Yeah... it was a song. A song very dear to Naruto, one of his favorite ones. But somehow it sounded off, strange, different. The voice singing it was not the same he knew from the song – it was much darker, lower, very masculine.

 

“What if I cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart?”

 

The melody was also slightly altered as in the original. In fact, there was no music around the voice, like it was supposed to. It was just the male voice quietly singing.

 

“But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart.”

 

And the pain... The owner of the voice sounded like he was in terrible pain, the ache tearing his very body apart mercilessly. He sounded abandoned and longing, much more filled with those ill emotions than the people and context of the song where.

 

“Cause a thousand words, call out through the ages. They'll fly to you, even though we can't see I know they're reaching you. Suspended on silver wings.”

 

Naruto had the sudden urge to reach out for the poor man singing that sad song so close to him, even if he didn't exactly know who the voice belonged to. It sounded familiar, but the melody and the heavy emotions in it altered it so much he couldn't really put him anywhere.

 

“Oh a thousand words, one thousand embraces will cradle you, making all of the pain you feel seem far away. They'll hold you forever.”

 

Tears collected in the corner of Naruto's eyes at the words and emotions. It was beautiful yet so incredibly painful to listen.

 

“Oh a thousand words, have never been spoken. They'll fly to you, they'll carry you home and back into my arms. Suspended on silver wings. And a thousand words, call out through the ages. They'll cradle you, turning all of the lonely years to only days... They'll hold you forever!”

 

The singing stopped, the lyrics having touched Naruto's very heart. Now he also knew where the song was from – a videogame he loved and got years ago, Final Fantasy, second part of number ten. One of the best games in general and with fantastic music. He liked the songs so much he got himself the CD and sung it at full volume at times. The lyrics were fantastic and the interpretation beautiful.

 

“Oh a thousand words...” the man not sung but whispered into his ear, followed by something like a grunt. And that was the moment Naruto recognized the voice, a picture flashing before his eyes, so white and bright it made him blind for a moment.

 

For one of the rarest times, he didn't jerk awake with a startle. Instead Naruto slowly opened his eyes, realizing it was morning in his small room at the hospital. He felt rather refreshed, too, the dream having been rather pleasant compared to the ones from the last few days. Still he was feeling like he was about to cry – not because of fear or anger, but because he was truly touched.

 

It was a common fact Sasuke had a _fantastic_ voice, at least for his taste. It was rich, melodic, going right under your skin and terribly sexy when he used it right. Still, if there was one thing Sasuke did _not_ do it was singing. Of course Naruto tried to get him to – and only succeeded when he got Sasuke so drunk he could barely walk straight and then dragged him into a Karaoke Bar – but good nine times out of ten he'd refuse, especially when Naruto came up with his sappy Square Enix songs.

 

However now he had just accessed a memory during his sleep he could still not quite believe.

 

While he had laid in the coma, Sasuke had sung for him, at least one time – A Thousand Words, the song appearing towards the end of the game. His style had been a bit off, which was natural since he avoided the song more than anything, and he sung it rather slowly compared to the original, as if he had to first double-check he recalled the right lyrics first. Yet it had been so touching, so _real_... as if the song brought out his most inner feelings and revealed them to the audience, just like in the game.

 

But this wasn't a game. This was reality.

 

And in reality, Sasuke had sat by his bed, lowly singing Naruto's favorite song in a desperate hope to reach him. That he actually brought himself to sing was already a lot in Naruto's opinion; that Sasuke did triple-A-plus with his performance made it all the more precious.

 

For a moment he debated if he should ever tell Sasuke he remembered his singing and that it reached him, too. Probably he felt embarrassed, once Naruto was actually awake, and rather hoped it remained his own little secret.

 

In the end Naruto decided to bring it up once the proper time came. And further he'd treasure the memory, determined to think back to it whenever he felt angry or upset with Sasuke, so much he was moments from leaving like he did that fateful day of the accident.

 

Lifting the upper part of the bed with the remote, Naruto sat up. He looked around the room, seeing his poster, the box with the letters, the fantastic weather outside – and told himself he was actually pretty lucky. He got friends who cared for him, a lover who'd go to the ends of world for him, nice nurses and doctors who actually saw him as a person and not only a patient, and most recently a Godfather who'd soon come visiting him.

 

There wasn't really much else needed to be happy.

 

Alright, if Sasuke was actually _physically_ there with him, it'd be perfect.

 

Feeling like reading about the next week, Naruto pushed the call button for the nurse, his eyes already intensely staring at the box.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_This week I had the opportunity to stay longer during the week as well, since it's the beginning of fall_ _. Actually Itachi wanted to take me out and spend time with me, but I sneaked away before he caught me. He probably knows where I was – it's not like there are currently many places where I'd be – but he isn't coming to the hospital anymore for some reason. Better for me, so I get to spend time with you and also be spared disgustingly greasy food._

_Though, my therapist also took the opportunity to have another appointment with me. It didn't go all too well, at all, and I doubt the man is supposed to be an expert in the field. In fact, to me he looks like a giant idiot who fails at as simple tasks as being somewhere on time. And his ways are... strange. And questionable. By now I asked for a meeting for the executive of this facility because of him. He goes so much on my nerves, I can barely put it into words, and he talks nonsense most of the time. Whenever he opens his mouth only bullshit comes out. I'm sick and tired of his annoying way – there surely are other therapists around beside him. One thing, for when you wake up again, Naruto: Stay away from Dr. Kakashi Hatake._

_Beside getting upset by him, I also saw Gaara again the other day. He too took the opportunity of the holiday and came here, we had coffee again. But I have the slight feeling he changed, becoming more like your other friends. Not in the way of solely blaming me for the accident, but recently I saw something rather infuriating in your friends' eyes. The get-well-soon letters also stopped coming about a week ago, leaving a total of twenty or so. They're all in the living room in a box alike the one I got for my letters. Eventually you'll read them, too. That much is certain._

_The doctors changed the machines in your room, however the results remain the same. I had them get another, newer ones from another hospital. I was told they should arrive sometime next week. Perhaps I'll also hire someone from outside to install them properly. The machines might be alright after all, the thing only failing because the staff is too incompetent to attach you to it. Though, by now they say I am overreacting or causing scenes. If they just properly did their job, we'd all be fine. I believe the best is the very least I can expect when it comes to you – you deserve the best treatment possible so you get fine again soon._

_The Gardenias are doing rather fine. The damp weather obviously keeps them fresh and lively, judging from the soft pedals. By now I also did some research on the language of flowers and found out some interesting facts. For example, the Orchid symbolizes beauty, that 'I think you are beautiful'. Lilies stay for true love. It's a funny coincidence I ended up getting you flowers which actually transport my most inner feelings to you. I also read the color orange symbolizes energy and optimism – it very much suits it's your favorite color, when I think about it. Interesting how much sense everything suddenly has when you just learn a bit more about it. That in mind, I might take some time at the library and do some personal research on coma. Maybe I can help you better then._

_Iruka's visits at our place are getting more frequent. If I didn't know any better, I feel like he is visiting_ _ me _ _more often that you. But probably that is just my imagination. Since I am more rarely and shorter in your room, I might just have missed him a couple of times when I visited you._

_Speaking of visits, I ran into Haku on one of my visits. I didn't expect to see him, or her, of all people, coming to see you but I'm still grateful for it. I remember how close you two were, how you told me about this female-looking friend you had back in middle-school. It was a shame your connection thinned out like it did. She? told me her apologies and asked for our address. Since you trusted her so much, I gave it to her without second thoughts. She promised me to come for a visit more often from now on and left me her phone number for you. I wrote it down in a piece of paper I leave in the box along with the cards._

_When I look back, I realize you have many people caring for you. Not only the friends you have constantly around you, like Sakura, Sai, and Kiba, but also the people from further outside. Gaara, Neji, even someone as distant as Haku. Juugo also comes up in my office to hear how you are doing, though he only met you once during a small celebration at the company long time ago. The nurses and other staff of the hospital, people who merely know you from the time you came here because of the accident, are also caring so much about you, as if they were interested not only in your body being well but also the mind. I caught Shizune talking to you about nothings when she changed the covers of your bed and washed your body, telling you what they are feeding you and how quickly you recover. They are all drawn in by you, like a bright, warm light which attracts the moths even when it's switched off. It's a mystery to me how enchanting you can be, even when all you do is laying motionlessly on a simple bed._

_You, who attract them all, also have the greatest choice. They're all yours, Naruto. You could have anyone you wish, easily winning over hearts with yourself, your spirit and your energy. And yet you settled for me, the emo-bastard with the cold heart, never giving up on me until we were complete. I hadn't seen it, from the start, just how much we were meant for each other. It was your persistent attention which had me change; only because you tried it, over and over, did I realize how perfect we fit together. To outsiders it's still strange, up to the present, how someone like you and someone like me could even end up in a relationship. They see how I am, they see how you are, and assume we are completely incompatible. My hobbies are poems, reading, and going for walks. Your free-time activities are videogames, singing, and meeting up with friends. I prefer having as much variety with my food as possible, you simply live off the few meals you titled as eatable and that's it. I'm silent, retired, borderline antisocial while you are loud, chatty, and seeking contact and communication with others._

_We truly are like Yin and Yang, two opposite parts, different as day and night. Yet we both move in the same direction, walking around each other in an eternal dance and filling out the parts we miss so perfectly the two halfs become a perfect circle. We complete each other, be it in character, needs or just about anything else. This bond we share is made of iron, no, titan even; nothing can break it, connecting us for the time being and throughout all the phases of life we walk through. We keep each other settled, becoming either the wind to lift each other up or the heavy rock to stay connected to the here and now. It's something special, needed to be cherished and treasured for as long as we live – this inseparable bond we share, unbreakable no matter what strains at it._

_Or that is how I felt we were, up to the day we had the fight._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> JFC, I had forgotten how helplessly cheesy some elements in this story are... I mean, come on, singing a song? And what a song, man.  
> If you're interested,
> 
>  
> 
> [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhOS1RwDK90)
> 
>  
> 
> is what Sas tried to perform.  
> It's from X-2, but after finishing XV last week I kinda like that game better. Much better. XD
> 
> Yurika is an actual Naruto character. She was in the team who translated Jiraiya's message when he died in Canon and is Ibiki's direct subordinate.  
> In fact, all charas in this story are Canon, some more known than others. 
> 
> Yes, Sasuke has the same therapist. It was pretty obvious imo though xD  
> I made Haku a transsexual in this story, but since he/she barely shows up I didn't bother with a tag. It's not that huge of a thing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chap. 
> 
> Regards,-  
> T


	21. 20th Letter - The Doubt

“Kakashi Hatake, hu...” Naruto lowly repeated to himself. Now he could clearly understand what kind of issues Sasuke had had – if there was one thing he hated it was being rubbed the wrong way. And, somehow, Naruto had the feeling Kakashi _just happened_ to perfectly know which buttons he had to push. But then again, Naruto was somewhat thankful Sasuke ended up with him. True, Kakashi had his odds – and not too few, actually – but he was an extraordinary smart man. Naruto was certain he could both correctly interpret and also foresee Sasuke's next moves and actions and his rather calm nature implied he also knew how to take care and control the wild, emotional outbursts Sasuke suffered once in a while. They were few, but all the more intense when they came. Often Naruto was so overwhelmed with the situation he was no help at all, only standing in the way without knowing what he should do.

 

It was a very rough way, but once Kakashi broke the ice between them, he was surely able to help Sasuke get better.

 

However, Naruto didn't particularly like the direction the letters were developing. Understandable Sasuke missed him, Naruto would probably feel the same way, however it looked more and more like he was losing himself in something – his entire being obsessed about their relationship, the grief, the loneliness, and so, so much more. Atop of that he was hiding something, or at least not plainly saying the truth.

 

What made Naruto suspicious was the reaction of the people close to Sasuke – how Itachi, who used to leave his brother live his own life, suddenly forced himself so into Sasuke's. It was also odd, or at least strange, how Iruka apparently called regularly and invited him over to dinner.

 

Of course Naruto believed Iruka's reports about Sasuke's current state, that he was fine. But he also had the feeling Iruka kept some facts hidden or didn't tell him the entire thing, probably in a try to give him a break after all the stress. Did Naruto even _want_ to hear it all? To learn about every little detail concerning Sasuke's health over the last year?

 

On the one side, yes, sure, he wanted to know what Sasuke had to face, but then again there was the fear he might not be able to stomach it all. For now, at least. They could always talk more in the future, when the time was right.

 

The letter laying in his lap, Naruto suddenly had a song playing inside his head – and with a smile he closed his eyes, leaned back and lowly sung the lyrics to himself.

 

“I know that you're hiding things, using gentle words to shelter me...”

  
Almost scary, how much the song fit to his current situation.

 

“Your words were like a dream... But dreams could never fool me – not that easily,” he sung, rather cheerful, the smile still over his lips. “I acted so distant then, didn't say goodbye before you left. But I was listening... You'll fight your battles far from me – far too easily. Save your tears, cause I'll come back. I can hear that you whispered as you-”

 

“What a nice song,” a female voice suddenly said, making Naruto jerk with a shriek. He hadn't heard the door had opened, at all!

 

“Oh, sorry if I startled you.” A young nurse stood by the door, an apologizing smile on her lips. “Just, it's time for breakfast, so...”

 

“It's fine,” Naruto answered with a sigh. “I just didn't hear the door, that's all.” He made himself comfortable on the bed, preparing for the first meal of the day. When the nurse removed the cover of the tray however he winced loudly.

 

There was the ordinary yogurt of the last few days – along with a very familiar looking fruit salad.

 

“So, with what would you like to start?” she asked while sitting down on the single chair.

 

“The yogurt. After the salad, no way I'll have some appetite left... Ugh...” Naruto didn't bother hiding his distaste about the fruits; he hardly kept it in his stomach the previous night, so he wasn't all that eager to have another helping of the stuff.

 

Silently the nurse turned the spoon in the yogurt for a moment, smoothing it lightly, and then slowly fed him one bite after the next. Way too soon Naruto was finished, leaving him with the borderline disgusting salad. But being a real man he ate it all up as well, though he felt his stomach clench slightly at the odd texture of the food in his mouth.

 

But, damn, hopefully it wasn't so many fruit salads for him from now on.

 

Rather satisfied the nurse put the cover back over the tray and prepared to leave, however Naruto stopped her moments before she got up.

 

“Can you give me the weights? And please put this envelope into the drawer?” he asked, holding out the letter number nineteen he read before. The young nurse did as he asked, laying the weights softly onto his mattress before leaving with a wave of her hand and a gentle goodbye.

 

While training with the weight, Naruto found himself thinking back to Sakura. Watching the nurse put the letter to the others he remembered he needed a folder, and in the context he also recalled the fight they had the previous day.

 

Did he mean to actually make her furious? Not at all. Naruto had just confirmed none of them knew Sasuke close enough to judge his actions and he also asked them, rather directly, to keep their noses out of their relationship for the time until they sorted everything out. Sure, he could understand it was frustrating to Sakura more than anyone else – God knew she had a very, very hard time keeping herself out of other people's business once she got involved – but it was also his damn right to tell them how far he allowed them to go. Eventually Sakura would forgive him and in the end she had to accept his decision, as much as she disliked it.

 

Sighing Naruto kept training, slowly lifting the weight in his hands and lowering it again, steadily having his muscles under tension. The few magnesium-drinks he got did real wonders to his sour muscles; that, along with a not too exaggerated training, helped him far more than when he pushed himself over his limits.

 

In addition to the training of his arms, Naruto also tried lifting his legs and keep them up for a while, a bit longer with every time. Once his arms and legs were tired out, he also lowered the back of his bed a bit, just so he was half-way laying, and then tried lifting his upper body by using the force of his abs. He still failed most of the time when he did that particular exercise, but it was already enough if he as much as noticed he _had_ tensing muscles around his stomach. To finish it up he then lifted the bed nearly into an angle of 90° and leaned forward, trying to keep his sitting position using the muscles of his back.

 

Of course the results looked rather little to a normal person – in fact, if Naruto would have been told to do such kind of training in the past, he would have plainly snorted at the person – but now every second he sat longer and every millimeter he lifted the weights higher were already some kind of achievement to him.

 

And the first main goal was always in sight, too:

 

The small cabin next to the door which was the bathroom.

 

Since he was rather bored and his muscles started aching slightly, Naruto quickly searched for a way to distract himself. After a while he got tired of staring at his own greenhouse and the TV was still taboo, however an alternate idea crossed his mind at some point.

 

Since he loved singing and noise, he could just throw out a few songs while he trained. That would also help his brain since he kind of had to remember the lyrics or, at the very least, the melody.

 

Two birds with one shot, so to say.

 

Searching his mind for a fitting song, Naruto went through a mental list of his favorites and quickly picked a rather nice one. The melody was rather slow but not too much and the lyrics fairly easy. And if he was forcing the words out because his body was tensed, it didn't particularly clash with the tone and rhythm of the original.

 

Lifting the weight with his hands he started slowly singing the lyrics.

 

“Open up wide, swallow down deep. No spoonful of sugar could make it sweet. A cancer inside...”

 

It was a rather, well, 'emo' song, he would say. The lyrics were dark and the melody sad to some degree, but Naruto liked himself some Alternative Rock-music once in a while. It was more Sasuke's genre though; the guy had an entire collection of Billy Talent and Linkin Park hidden in one of the closets. Though, those songs had a bit too much screaming for Naruto's taste. It hadn't really much to do with actual singing anymore.

 

But well, to each their own, right?

 

However, the song he picked was one of the more rocky ones. The characteristic guitar was in, as well as a few parts of electric keyboard and the bass. What Naruto liked was the overall message of the lyrics and the voice of the singer.

 

“Come undone... Surrender is stronger...” He growled when the weight started being too heavy for his arms. “I don't need to- Ufff!” he ended, the weight sinking into his lap and his upper body leaning against the mattress. He was panting a little bit, the fatigue taking its toll on him.

 

But just to come to an actual end, Naruto ended up murmuring the last few lyrics of the song.

 

“We all want love, we all want honor. Nobody wants to pay the asking price,” he finished, hearing the drums and chorus in his head accompanying his voice.

 

Man, he really needed to talk to the doctors on Monday. If he couldn't have movies and TV, the least they could grant him was some music. He'd even keep the volume down, though he usually liked his songs as loud as possible.

 

A faint chuckle left his throat. Oh, he'd get some reputation once he could move again. God knew he would spend as little time in bed as possible once he could walk. Maybe he didn't even need to walk at all – he just needed enough force to haul himself into a wheelchair. Still unusual, that's for sure, but at least he'd be mobile then again. Perhaps he could even go outside? It surely would be awesome to roll under a tree and read a couple of letters, his MP3 turned on and plugs in his ears.

 

Compared to the simple room he was in, the world outside felt like a true paradise.

 

Doing a few of his tiny sit-ups, Naruto allowed himself to keep picturing the image in his head: The sun, warm and bright, shining down onto his skin, the fresh scent of grass engulfing him fully. The leaves of the tree above him would rustle when a slight wind came up, making the cool shadows over his lap and the paper dance faintly.

 

And maybe, while he sat there thinking of nothing in particular, a body would sneak up behind him, only revealing itself when strong arms snaked around Naruto's middle, startling him at first since he didn't hear the steps thanks to the earplugs. And then he'd title his head, ever so slightly, and look into midnight colored eyes for a moment before he pulled out one of the plugs. In that very moment he'd watch the handsome face light up with delight as it's owner whispered, sinfully lowly, 'Naruto, love, what if I take you out to Ichiraku's tonight?'

 

Sasuke and Ramen – the world couldn't be more perfect.

 

But until then, it was still a long way to go.

 

Finishing his exercises, Naruto fell back against the bed with a loud sigh. He could feel a bit of sweat forming over his body, just a thin layer though. Nothing compared when he jerked awake from nightmares.

 

Figuring enough time had passed since the last letter, he pushed the call-button for the nurse, asking the young lady to hand him the envelope marked with a large '20' in the corner.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The Gardenias have withered by mid of last week, so I got you a new flower. This time it's a Freesia; the blooms are large and orange, much alike a bud in the overall shape. They have a nearly sickening sweet, heavy scent. I'm sure you'd love it, if you have never seen such a flower before. Its color is also pretty fresh and lively. Quite a change compared to the unwelcoming, dark weather outside. In the language of flowers it stands for tenderness – I read it's used for romantic messages alike 'I think you're wonderful'. Doesn't quite fit to my feelings for you; mine are more powerful and deeper. But, since it's orange, I thought you would like it._

_Recently your employer came to my office. He asked how you were doing and if there were any news on your condition. At first I was rather suspicious about the man – I thought he only came for finding out when you'll be back working for him or if he should better get a replacement for you. However, after a while I was surprised to find out he is genuinely interested on your health. He also assured me he'd always have a job for you, no matter how long it would take for you to recover. I think he came saying that to me because he is aware how much money bothers you; not in the meaning of having a lot or being poor, but more so you don't have to think I have to cover all the costs for our living on my own. Knowing who I actually am, I think your boss simply gave you the job so you would stop going on his nerves, at least at the start. Now I think he just wants to employ you because he likes you as a person. Before he left he asked me to stay in touch and tell him once you're awake and well enough to see him again. All your colleagues are sending their regards, too._

_On a more annoying note, Itachi is overwhelming me with work by now. I think he doesn't like I spend so much time in the apartment and with you, so he tries to keep me so occupied I might just sleep in my office. Or perhaps he just seeks revenge for me declining his offers for food lately. Itachi can be that unreasonable at times. Unfortunately, I have to do all the jobs since they are quite crucial. Thankfully Juugo and Kimimaro do excellent in Taka Inc., that already backs me up to some degree. Things would be much more stressing without them, I have to admit._

_It got unreasonably cold lately. I can't recall the last time it was this freezing at the mere start of October. A wonder it's not snowing yet. I saw some frost already on the trees down our road. The brown, orange, and sometimes still rather green leaves were covered in a layer of whiteness which melted as soon as the sun rose. It's a real pain; the streets are wet and cold, simply horrible. At least I managed to get a new TV by now. It was already delivered and it's about the same size as our previous. I'd have bought a larger one, actually, but since I know you very well I didn't want to provoke a new fight as soon as you finally get home. In the process I also bought the BlueRay of Icha Icha. It also has an exclusive interview with the author. I have to admit, the books are rather good so I want to learn more about the entire thing. It also helps killing some time when I can't sleep at night. I ran out of sleeping pills this week and I won't get my appointment with Kakashi before the next Monday. In fact, I was so busy with work he ended up moving his appointment into my office. I had offered so simply cancel it, but he was rather pushy about it._

_When I finally managed to see you on Saturday, I had the misfortune to run into Sakura, Sai, and Kiba from all people. I know they are your best friends, but I am positive we will never get properly along. I do understand you need them and that you give each other great support and you trust them. However, being your best friends they are also the ones blaming me most of all. Actually, Sakura caused such a scene she almost got us all an order to stay away from the hospital. Maybe I did say something wrong to set her off, it has been a rough week, but hardly anything can excuse what she did. When we moved outside, at some point Kiba attacked me and I almost broke his nose somewhere on the way. I'm not saying that so I can put them into bad light – I surely have no need to make me any better than I am in front of you, my love – I just want to give you a before-hand explanation in case something comes up. I really don't believe there is any chance I can do more to get along with those people by now. In point of fact, when I see them my blood starts boiling right away._

_The other day, Iruka brought me back the few plants I gave him a couple of weeks ago. They are doing so excellent they're back in our apartment for now. Captain Orchid even grew a new branch with a few buds. He should be blooming again once February comes around. Since they recovered so well, I gave Iruka a few other bad cases right away. I hope he can work his magic on them as well so they don't wither. Usually I wouldn't be using so much help from somebody else, but this entire accident made me painfully aware of my limits. I can't develop a green thump and years of wisdom in a few weeks; it's better for your precious plants if I gave them in better hands temporarily._

_Sadly, by now we also figured out the lack of brain activity is not based on a failure of the machines. You really did reduce it down, Naruto... and I am very worried about the meaning of it. You did well for so long, showing sings of activity and reaction ever so often. Yes, it did gradually become less, but you wouldn't just drop it all half the way, would you? Even when it's hopeless you'd still struggle to stay awake, right? I can't believe what I see in your room these days. It's not like you at all, love. At first I even debated if it wasn't just a sick joke, one of the many evil pranks you do every once in a while. Maybe you were just planning on acting a little, as a change to the monotone fighting over your own body. Just something to shake us up again, something that says 'Hey guys, don't you dare underestimating me just because I sleep!'._

_But my hope is fading. More and more with each new day. The doctors are also implying a few nonsense things, as well as Kakashi. It's almost like they ganged up just to make me doubt. Of course there is the option you might never... However, I am aware of that possible outcome, and I am certain it is an ever-present alternative, but I refuse to completely cancel the option there will be activity again on the screen and that, over a few weeks, you'd develop enough energy to, one day, flutter your eyes open once again. I won't give up on that dream._

_I'll be here, until you open your eyes again._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I actually wanted to work some on this story yesterday, but suddenly I suffered from a horrible headache. Probably some wrong move at the gym or something.  
> Pain-killers didn't really help, so I spend the day laying in bed -.- so much for my plans. 
> 
> Damn, when I look back I feel stupid to have included singing in this fic. I mean, music itself is alright, but reading it?  
> Nyyyaaaaaaa. 
> 
> Still feeling some throbbing on the back of my head... so I'm keeping it short here. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	22. 21st Letter - The Birthday

Naruto had barely comprehended what Sasuke meant with his last paragraph when he noticed disturbingly loud voices from outside. They were hard to understand and only a few words were actually clear enough to be correctly heard and he wondered, for a moment, who dared making so much noise at a hospital – and more importantly, _why_.

 

“Not fair!” yelled a rather female voice and Naruto could clearly notice how she stamped her foot outside. “Why do I have to...” Towards the end she became more quiet, only muffled murmurs reaching Naruto's ears then.

 

“Phew,” he sighed in the realization she must have, finally, passed by his-

 

Just when he wanted to relax the door opened with a jerk, two people standing in the doorway.

 

One of them was the loud woman – her heels were terribly high and her stamps tormented Naruto in a way he could barely put into words. Further she wore quite short, black hot-pants along with a rather closed up, lavender shirt. It was almost conservative compared to her rather revealed bottom. She also had fire-red hair Naruto had only seen once so far in that particular shade and a pair of thick glasses rested over her nose. “I can't believe I always, _always_ have to come here with _you_! Wasting my time with you idiot instead of going on a date with my Sasuke...”

 

“Ha!” the other person, a man, retorted. “You must be very delusional if you think going with the bastard to visit _his_ comatose boyfriend is nothing alike a da-”

 

He was cut off when the woman suddenly punched him, so hard he even made a few steps to the side. Alike the redhead he wore a lavender, sleeveless shirt and light-blue pants. In addition he also wore large, brown belts around his middle and hips while a bottle of water dangled off from the side. He was rubbing his side, his face drawn in a frown as he glared at the woman. Apparently his short, white hair didn't disturb his sight at all.

 

Naruto immediately recognized him.

 

There were only two people on the planet who nicknamed Sasuke 'bastard' without him getting angry over it.

 

“If that isn't Sui!” Naruto called, a light smile decorating his lips. However when Suigetsu turned towards him and dropped his chin in shock, he started openly laughing.

 

“What the fuck?! You're awake!” he gasped, looking much alike he just saw a ghost. That earned him another punch from the woman.

 

“You're a real retard, Suigetsu...” she hissed, though she looked just as startled as Suigestu until she jumped into action.

 

Naruto was still chuckling lightly when Suigestu commented, “What, you heard yourself they scheduled his awakening not before next month.” He shook his head slightly with a heavy sigh. “Bastard's gonna be some pain in the neck when he hears about this... I already see it coming.”

 

Upon hearing about Sasuke, Naruto asked, “Do you know anything? Where he currently is?” He lifted off the mattress a bit, just enough so he could better stare across the room. “Please, I need to know.” He forced himself to sound less needy than he felt, but he doubted it helped with anything. While Iruka could give good head-ups, he was still nowhere as present as close as Suigetsu was. If he remembered correctly, he was Sasuke's direct assistant or something as-crucial and saw him almost daily.

 

Suigetsu scratched the back of his head in thought, his eyes closed as he did so. “Not where exactly. I only know he's abroad and planned on coming back in a week or so. Possibly sooner, possibly later.” Momentarily Naruto felt his excitement vanish as quickly as it came. “After all, the docs said it would take a while before you wake up again. He thought he got some time spared for some... research,” Suigetsu added and for the rarest times Naruto had the feeling he was choosing his words well instead of simply talking off his chest like he usually did.

 

“What kind of research?” Naruto inquired anyhow.

 

“Can't tell or he fires me,” Suigetsu threw back, his arms crossing before his chest. “And you know bastard's gonna go through with his threa- OUCH!”

 

Again the woman punched him, harder that time. “Stop insulting Sasuke! Tsk, you're so annoying,” she hissed, her hands resting against her hips while she glared at Suigestu, as dark as she possibly could.

 

“Uhm, and you are...?” Naruto finally asked. At first, he had to admit, he had mostly forgotten about the redhead in the room. But well, a possible source of information about Sasuke was something Naruto couldn't just ignore.

 

She adjusted her glasses, the lenses reflecting the light on the ceiling when she pushed them back before answering, “My name is Karin Fuuka. Apparently I'm your cousin or something.”

 

Naruto furrowed his eyebrows at the statement. “Cousin? I don't have a cousin,” he replied, rather sure he had no relatives. But then again, his Godfather appeared just a couple of months prior, and by the way saved his life. Maybe there were more people like that out there?

 

“I thought so, too. But since my mother's last name was Uzumaki as well as yours, we must be related to some degree.” She explained it with a neutral voice, as if she didn't particularly care about possible relatives. Her hair though was kind of like the one of his mother, Naruto noticed. A similar shade while not quite the same. “Besides, it was Sasuke who found it out. So it's surely true,” she added and a way too gentle smile came over her lips. “And he's _so caring_! He even asked me to come visit you, since we're family and you surely would be happy about the support. He asked me so sweetly to do him that favor, with that adorable smile on his face... I couldn't say no at all...”

 

“Sasuke hasn't smiled in months,” Suigetsu bluntly stated, however he this time was expecting the blow and quickly sidestepped when a fist flew his way.

 

“Shut up, idiot! You have no idea how deeply connected we are at all!” she growled and Naruto furrowed his eyebrows, his throat going dry for a moment.

 

“You can state that once he writes _you_ love-letters each week,” Suigetsu smirked from a save spot near the wall. “I say, the ultimate proof he's not in love with you is on that nightstand other there.” He gestured towards the left side of Naruto's bed, at the nearly half-empty box filled with envelopes.

 

“Grah!” Karin all but roared, throwing her arms up. “Fuck you! As if I'd lose to some... some... _wallflower_ like him!” With that she pointed an angry finger at Naruto, her lips pulled back in a snarl.

 

Utterly lost in the argument, Naruto merely stated, “I didn't even say more than two sentences until now.”

 

Karin seemed to get his point because she flushed so hard, her glasses got foggy. “Argh, damn you all!” With a final huff she stamped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind herself.

 

A surprisingly comfortable silence spread in the sickroom, broken by Suigetsu after a while.

 

“Don't mind her too much. She's always so over-dramatic,” he stated before hopping onto the edge of the bed. He pulled his bottle from his belt and took a generous swallow, even wiping his mouth with his hand once he was done. “But, say, when did you wake up? I swear, Sasuke told me the people here said it would take at least another month.”

 

Naruto shrugged his shoulders before replying, “About two weeks ago or so. Everyone says I recover super-quickly, so I think they did expect me to take so long before opening my eyes.” He paused for a moment, pressing his lips together faintly. “So you knew about the content of the letters?” eventually he asked, doing his best to hold back the feeling of betrayal threatening to spread inside his head.

 

The content is private and meant for his eyes alone?

 

Quite a nice lie.

 

“Until now I had no idea what he wrote into them,” Suigetsu answered, chuckling when he added, “I just gave it a shot to piss Karin off. She's fun to mess with, since she's so helplessly one-sidedly smitten.” He leaned in and gently shoved Naruto's shoulder. “As if Sasuke would leave you for _her_ , after all that happened last year. So stop looking like some abandoned little wife.”

 

Naruto blew up his cheeks while weakly trying to kick Suigetsu under the blanket. “I'm not some stupid little school-girl who needs to be confirmed her love is still interested in her!” he growled, deeply embarrassed.

 

“Not at all,” Suigetsu confirmed before smirking, “You're more like a shy little school- _boy_.”

 

“You know what? Fuck you.” It was an insult, yet Naruto couldn't help the grin. He had always liked Suigetsu, though he could be quite a teasing shit sometimes. His jokes were funny, his comments even more so, and he had the ability to be plain serious and painfully honest at times. Where others would use gentle words and avoid the matter, Suigestu would get straight to the point without caring much about the consequences – and nowadays it was quite difficult to find somebody who'd tell ones their thoughts and honest opinions so straightforward.

 

Actually, Naruto would have liked to be friends with Suigestu, and he could tell the other man liked hanging out with him, too. Yet they tried to spend as little time together as they could – for the sake of Sasuke.

 

Unlike Naruto, Sasuke had always had a hard time making friends. But with Suigetsu it somehow worked out and they were very close up to the present day. In comparison, Naruto had so, so many people he could walk to with his problems or ask for their opinion on a matter. But when he made friends with Suigetsu as well, they could all end up in a rather stupid situation since he was the only one Sasuke was comfortable turning to when he had issues. And Suigestu was also good for him since he always said what he thought, not bothering himself with the question if he hurt Sasuke, or worse, their friendship in any way.

 

It was like an unspoken yet well-aware rule:

 

Suigestu was _Sasuke's_ friend, not Naruto's. And to keep the balance up, they held a last bit of distance up between each other.

 

The few times when they could all hang out together were enough though. Sui had enough spirit in a night, it usually was enough for a couple of months.

 

“I see you've recovered rather well, when I hear you insulting me like this the moment you see me.” Suigetsu snickered lowly while taking another swallow of his bottle. He used to drink quite a lot, as if he was constantly dehydrated. It made Naruto thirsty by mere watching.

 

“Can you give me the glass there?” he asked, motioning towards the small table.

 

Following his gesture, Suigestu shrugged his shoulders. “Why not take it yourself?”

 

Naruto gritted his teeth faintly. “Can't. My muscles wasted away while in coma,” he explained, not bothering to hide the bitterness from his voice.

 

“... Man, that would piss me off,” Suigestu commented but held the glass before his face anyhow. “Not even as much as drinking alone... let alone piss! I'd rather get a bullet through my head than end up like that.”

 

Grunting faintly, Naruto murmured, “Thanks, that helps me a lot...” After a moment he caught the straw between his lips and took a large swallow. Rather annoyed now – he kind of disliked being reminded how miserable he was – he quickly added, “Would you also get me one of the 'love letters'? Number twenty-one, please.”

 

Suigetsu tilted his head back and crawled a bit more onto the bed, obviously too lazy to walk all the way around to get the envenlope. He supported himself with one arm as he stared into the box for several seconds.

 

“There's no envelope marked with a twenty-one,” he eventually stated, making Naruto instantly tilt his head around so he faced the box as well.

 

“What? Can't be true. Sasuke said he'd write me one each week,” he explained and without needing to be told to Suigetsu pulled the box off the nightstand and onto the bed, right between the two of them.

 

Checking on the inside, Naruto really saw nothing alike a '21' on one of the covers. He saw '27', but it wasn't quite the same. However at some point he spotted also two brown boxes – a small, quartered one and a large but rather flat one. Tentatively Suigetsu picked the small box up and looked at it, turning it in his hand slightly.

 

“Wait up!” Naruto suddenly called, making him freeze in position. “On the bottom of that box! There's a twenty-one.” When Suigestu flipped the box over he, too, could see the thick numbers on the underside. “Think you can open it for me?” Naruto asked and, surprisingly, Suigestu did as requested without commenting on him being weak or miserable.

 

Inside the box was a small bag and an envelope. At first Naruto pulled on the small ribbon keeping the bag together, watching the paper open up in his hand and revealing a short, crystal blue stone on a black leather necklace. His mouth open in surprise Naruto watched the stone closer, somehow feeling like the shade of the blue came rather close to the color of his own eyes. Carefully he lowered the piece onto the blanket before reaching for the letter. The envelope was only pushed close, so it was easy to open the two semi-glued parts open.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Can you guess which time it is?_

_It's the second week of October – the 10 th was this Thursday. _

_To me, that is one of the most important days of the entire year; the day you were born._

_Back when we started dating, I had a completely different opinion on birthdays. To me it was just an occasion for many people meeting up for a pointless party filled with food, drinks, and nice company. The one who actually had their birthday would get themselves some free gifts and cake, that's it. Just the day when you add another year to your age, nothing more, nothing less._

_I remember you literally flipped a table when you heard that. The one in my living-room, to be precise. It was then that you told me a birthday is an occasion to celebrate being born, to experience the wonder of crossing this world, meet people and leave your personal footprints in the story of your life. It's for remembering about all the things we did so far, the effect we had on the people we met, hate, like, and love. Without my birthday, I would have never gone to school, met and helplessly fallen in love with you. Then I wouldn't be there, getting pissed off because you flipped my table and yell at me for my ignorance._

_I had never looked at it that way, the wonder of being born a self-understanding fact to me. It wasn't so deep in meaning to me or let alone so important. Only then I started cherishing the birthday, when I thought about the consequences. What if you weren't born on 10 th October? I would still be my antisocial self, convinced the world was just filled with boredom and people who only want to get into my pocket and my pants. I'd still think nobody would as much as care for me, not to mention my borderline detestable character. But you – you manage to change so many people with your mere presence. The ones you close into your heart are truly blessed. I wonder if you ever reflected, yourself, the importance of your being born. Apparently not, otherwise you'd clearly be much fuller of yourself. _

_On the 10 th, a great lot of your friends came to the hospital to celebrate your birthday. The room was so full it was crowded; close to a wonder nobody passed out in there. There was some low music playing and all wished you a happy birthday, one by one, and some nearly broke out into tears upon seeing you so... motionlessly. It tears them apart. _

_At first I wanted to simply walk in as well, but I got kind of excluded by a few more... upset people. So instead I waited until everyone was gone, which took rather long. Though, once most had left, I could finally enter the room. Iruka was there, too, and I don't think I have ever seen him so sad before. He kind of kept himself strong most of the time, but it seems he became aware of how much he misses you that day. I don't judge him at all. We're all suffering to some degree._

_Actually I planned on giving you the present myself. I got it a while back already and it was meant as a gift for our anniversary. Since you were already in a coma then, I figured I could give it to you as a birthday present instead. I was searching for a necklace for you after the short one with the crafted bone you had broke. It was fairly difficult to find some suitable replacement since you're not exactly the person who wears jewelry. To be honest, I don't really know your taste on it either. At first I thought about getting you something alike a bone again, but I wanted to actually get you something more skillful, more precious, as to express how much you mean to me. And when I walked by a jeweler I saw a beautiful aquamarine – then I had a clear idea of what I wanted to provide you._

_It's a rather clear aqua which looks weak in color when you look right through it, but when you check on the stone from the side, you'd see the faint layers of blue overlap and turn very strong and deep in shade. It reminded me a lot of your eyes – those orbs which differ in color fitting to your current mood, shining when you are happy and darkening when you're loosing yourself in pleasure. Then again, when you are angry or furious, something like a spark would flash in them, a quick lightning._

_I remember you don't like cold metal on your body so much (unless it's handcuffs), so I had the jeweler put the stone onto a thin string out of leather. It's also under a lifetime-guarantee; once the leather turns weak, you can simply have the string changed at the shop again. I believe you won't have to cry over it then if the necklace breaks._

_Happy birthday, Naruto._

_I love you._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Haa, it was a busy week. I started reworking on the epilogue and I already likde it much better than the current.   
> I hope some of the people who read the old version will re-read this version and see the better end. Hands down, the old one SUCKED SO FUCKING BADLY. 
> 
> The meaning of birthdays mentioned in this chap was actually inspired by a doujin I saw forever ago.   
> It was an alternative Canon where Sas was back at the village and it was his first bday back there.   
> It sounds sappy, but that view on birthdays... it actually shaped me. The message in that comic was amazing and powerful.   
> I wish I would remember the artist :/ 
> 
> Karin appears a bit dull in this story, but I really enjoy the Suigetsu. He's playing an important role as Sasuke's friend in this and shows some perspectives on what happened to him.   
> Plus he's an Aquarius, and Aquariuses rule \ o /
> 
> Still busy, so I shall go and do stuff now... 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	23. 22nd Letter - The Fear

Tentatively Naruto rolled the stone in his hand, feeling the cool, smooth surface against his fingers. It was a very simple form, not longer than two inches, and the color was really close to one of his own eyes. It suited Sasuke to find a present that exclusive; sometimes, it felt like he had some kind of sixth sense when it came to gifts.

 

The string of leather was quite long – it would easily slip over his head when Naruto lifted it enough.

 

Laying the sheets to the side, he grasped the necklace with both hands and lifted it. The item itself was fairly light, but it were his own arms which troubled Naruto in his doing. His upper arms shook horribly when he forced his hands higher and higher, barely enough to lay the necklace around his head. He even had asked Suigestu for help, almost. But once he looked him in the eye, Naruto decided against it.

 

Who knew why, but Sui looked rather... tensed and borderline upset.

 

It took longer than expected, but eventually Naruto managed to get the necklace over his skull. Sighing heavily he lowered his arms, or pretty much dropped them, his eyes closing when he felt the stone fall against his chest, right beneath his collar.

 

It already felt natural wearing it.

 

“I really need to thank Sasuke once I see him,” he announced, lowly, not really expecting to get a comment on that.

 

“You should do way more than a simple 'thanks'.” Naruto opened his eyes again at the dark snarl from Suigetsu, seeing he was still sitting on the edge of the bed, his arms crossed in front of his chest while he had a glare in his eyes.

 

“Of course.” His voice sounded a bit too aggressive for his own taste when he added, “And what's with that look?”

 

Suigestu gave a snort – a gesture he showed only when he was feeling rather angry – before he gave his answer. “I believe you shouldn't treat all of this so carelessly.” He glanced at the necklace, only for a few seconds, then moved his eyes over to the box still half filled with letters. “It's not normal for somebody to do all this – to go so far,” he murmured, shaking his head for a moment. “You should be more than grateful for everything Sasuke did, and further what he personally went through in the process.”

 

“If you want so say something, do so clearly,” Naruto returned, his eyes narrowing. He had the feeling Suigestu was attacking him, either intentionally or without being aware of it. For when it came to guess his true intentions, he was rather hard to read. On that aspect he was very much alike Sasuke; it was one of their few similarities.

 

“I say you should prove you're worth for all the sacrifices and hells Sasuke went through,” Suigetsu said, the muscles of his arms tensing visibly. “After what I was forced to witness for the last year, I came to doubt if you even deserve somebody like him.”

 

The comment almost brought Naruto over the edge. He wanted to yell back and fight, he was so openly insulted. But instead he forced to remain cool – if he wanted to figure out what exactly Suigestu meant, he had to ask the right questions and react accordingly.

 

So, after taking a few deep breathes, he asked, “What kind of hells are you talking about?”

 

Suigetsu seemed to hesitate, ever so lightly, and removed one of his arms to snatch up his bottle of water. “Right after the accident, Sasuke suffered from depressions,” he told before taking a generous swallow through the straw. “It lead to him being constantly tensed and in addition he suffered from horrible nightmares. Also, he developed something like an eating disorder; he lost so much weight he looked starved. He had shadows under his eyes, caused by fatigue and stress, they reached his jawline.” He paused for a moment, as if he was debating how much he should say. Naruto hoped he'd decide for going all the way.

 

Heaving a sigh, Suigetsu continued. “At some point it turned so heavy he was forced into a therapy by the hospital. There was this guy he had to see and he got some medication, pacifiers and sleeping pills. Well, around the end of October, when the doctors announced you were probably brain-dead, he took some pills to calm down. And when it didn't help, he took some more. Until he got an overdose.”

 

Naruto paled visibly at the words, his hands clenching into the material of his blanket in pure horror.

 

“He was kept in hospital for a week and was told they were gonna switch the machines keeping you alive off – and since he was neither married to you nor a relative, there wasn't much he could do to stop them.” Suigetsu paused again, his eyes dropping onto the mattress and his hand shaking a bit, the water inside sloshing. “I can't tell much more without breaking my promise. But, let me say, and I say that as Sasuke's friend,” He lifted his head up, staring so hard at Naruto with a dark gleam in his eyes, it felt like the air around them turned chilly.

 

“He was hurt, abused, and almost died because of you. So you better prove yourself worthy or I swear, I'll show you one of my not-so-nice sides.”

 

His voice had been so cold and sharp, feeling like he was pressing a knife right against Naruto's chest. And somehow, Naruto believed that in the very case, Suigestu would come and slice him open. He was Sasuke's friend – he had to be nuts to some degree.

 

“I understand,” he confirmed, still feeling like something sharp and deadly was pointed against his chest. “And I'm glad Sasuke has somebody looking after him the way you do. But...” Naruto trailed off, debating for a second if he had the right to ask what was on the tip of his tongue. “He got away from the pills by now... right?”

 

Suigestu looked at him, the murder slowly fading from his eyes. Eventually he replied, “Yeah. Took a while, but once you got better, he started recovering as well. Like he somehow woke up from some kind of coma himself.”

 

Naruto heaved a relieved sigh.

 

“And dare ever crossing the street without looking left and right again. I don't think any of us can get through it all once more,” Suigetsu added, rubbing his forehead slightly.

 

“Believe me, I won't. I never want a catheter in my life again,” Naruto chuckled, though his face grimaced at the words.

 

“Ah, and avoid Itachi for at least a couple of years. If something happened to you, oh boy, Sasuke would be detestable.” Suigetsu leaned his head back to underline the dramatic sound of his words. However something was off about them.

 

“Why should I avoid big bro?” Naruto inquired. Actually, he kind of liked Itachi. He could be quite pervy at times, which was hilarious, and since he was pretty close to Sasuke he almost felt like a brother to Naruto as well. At times he even helped him out, when he had some adult problems he couldn't solve himself or consult Iruka on the matter.

 

For the rarest times, Suigetsu looked rather tensed when he spoke. “What happened to Sasuke... Itachi didn't take it very well. First the heavy loss of weight and depression, then he nearly killed himself – it all ate away at him. And, naturally, he blames you most for the mess in his life,” he told, his arms crossing over his chest again. “No matter how close you'll get to him, Sasuke will always be his younger brother, and thus he will always put him before you. And given all the pressure your so-called 'friends' put on bastard, he pretty much detests you all together by now.” He scratched the back of his neck, his eyes closing for a moment. “It's all pretty fucked up. There is a lot of smoothing you have to do before things can get better again.”

 

Naruto slowly nodded.

 

Suigetsu was completely right – no matter how much blaming was on either side, in the end it came down to him and Sasuke to fix things up again. They were in it together and they both caused a lot of worry and concern, each in their own way. It would take a long while, but Naruto was certain they could work it out again, step-by-step.

 

“I'll fix it all again. That's a promise, and I never go back on my word. Believe it.” For a moment his blue eyes shone with so much life they matched the stone around his neck perfectly. “May take a while though, so I appreciate if you and your not-so-nice side can be patient for a while longer,” he added with a grin so large and bright, it looked like the one of a man who considered himself something like a hero.

 

Suigetsu merely snorted at the words, commenting, “You better not trigger my dark side at all. Tends to get nasty when it comes out to play.”

 

Weakly Naruto lifted one hand, clenched it into a first and immediately laid it against his chest. “I'll do my best to lift the weight on Sasuke's shoulders and prove myself worth of him,” he announced, voice serious. “Thanks for keeping an eye on him for so long. I owe you one.”

 

“Tsk.” Suigetsu smirked, eventually getting up from the bed. “I don't give much more than a fuck for your gratitude. I was there for Sasuke because I _wanted_ to.” He started for the door, one hand lazily dug in his pocket while he opened it with his other one.

 

His back towards Naruto he added, “After all, he's my best friend. So, hurt him again and I'll have your head.”

 

With that he walked out of the room, leaving a snickering Naruto back.

 

How unexpected of Suigetsu to be so shy; no way he could have said such a thing with a straight face if he actually looked somebody in the eye.

 

~*~

 

After having neatly folded the letter back into shape, Naruto decided to look at his poster and reflect over his conversation with Suigestu until it was time for lunch. His stomach had gotten pretty much used to the regular times – he could tell he was rather hungry, so noon must have been close.

 

In fact, it didn't take much longer than perhaps ten or twenty minutes before the door opened slowly, the same nurse as the one from the breakfast entering.

 

Like always, it was the soup with the pieces. At least the pieces got more and more with each day; maybe Naruto could negotiate a bit and get himself some cup Ramen. By now there wasn't much difference between his favorite meal and what he got, despite the fantastic range of flavor Ramen offered compared to the shallow soup. At least there was no stupid fruit salad that time – if he was forced to eat it again, Naruto was going to yell.

 

Was going to yell...

 

While having lunch, Naruto couldn't help remembering the content of the letters he read so far. Now that he knew from Suigetsu Sasuke suffered an eating disorder sometime the passed year, the odd parts about Itachi and Iruka all but force-feeding him made sense. They had tried to stay around him for the meals to assure Sasuke ate at least _something_ , be it excessively fat food or a cup of coffee at morning. Naruto could only imagine how bad the disease must have been if it had two adult people take turns on accompanying Sasuke in the morning, at noon, and evening. 

 

Once the plate was empty, Naruto followed his routine and asked for the next letter. Since the box had still been in his lap by the time the nurse came, she had put it temporarily on the floor next to the bed. The temptation to grab the next letter had been great, but Naruto had promised to smooth things out quickly and a permanent headache because of excessive reading was contra-productive. Sure, he could have just said he didn't want the next letter after lunch, but considering he had gotten used to have one after his meal, it had turned into a habit of his.

 

He had chuckled to himself at the thought; barely two weeks awake and he was already developing his personal odds.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Since I guess you'll read the letters in the chronological order, I hope you enjoyed your present. I can't wait to see you wearing the necklace; when you're passionate into something, the colors should match very well. Also I didn't bring the Freesia last week. Considering all the people and sweets and flowers stuffed into the room at your birthday, I thought it would be pointless to bring it along. The doctors said your brain would be operating only little by now, so the variation of smells must have almost over-stimulated you. But I brought it with me this week, the sweet scent heavy inside your room. I hope it overpowers the smell of medicine a bit – I know you dislike it._

_Speaking of doctors, they are implying more and more nonsense with each day. Some not-so-bright friends of yours even believe the bullshit they state. According to the docs, there is a higher chance of you being brain-dead, and the dumper ones take it as the only truth. I did some research and came to the conclusion there is always a chance the patient would awake again, unless the brain activity drops down to zero. Yours is considerably low, but still in the active-area. I felt so frustrated about those people no longer coming to visit you, I wanted to yell the information right into their faces. However I came to the conclusion discussing is pointless with them, so I rather spend my time here with you than with them._

_Kakashi is going on my nerves as well, by now. He pushed the topic even more than your doctors, forcing me to deal with the potential thought of you never awaking again. The worst is, he provoked me so much I snapped at him, which he of course interpreted as some kind of mental-blockade I build up to keep the topic of death fairly away from me while covering my psych into the delusional fog of my own little world. That man is so annoying it's borderline illegal. I might press charges against him at some point, since I feel rather narrowed in my personal freedom by now. Maybe he, too, was paid by Itachi, so he can even control what I think other than what I eat and what I do in my non-existing free-time. Suigetsu is still following me around, even into the hospital. I saw him standing near the door of your room when I left one evening, as if he was waiting for me to come out. It's ridiculous how they treat me – I'm a grown man and very much able to look after myself and form my own opinion on things. Just because I, unlike them, haven't given up on you yet they see me as an alien or something. _

_It feels like it's me against the world by now._

_Love, we need a sign from you. If you could just show us you're still there... You'd shut those idiots up in the matter of seconds. Don't you like that, more than anything? To stun people so much all they can do is speechlessly stare at you, their mouths wide open but unable to form a single word?_

_We don't need much. Just a bit more activity, perhaps a twitch of your fingers. I keep whispering the words to you, in your deep sleep, and I also write them down in these letters in the faint hope you would feel connected to them and hear my calling after all._

_But my words go unheard, as well as those of your friends. You show not the faintest reaction to anything – neither our desperate calls nor the honest feelings we have for you. How can you be this disconnected from everything? Hell, you don't even react when Ichiraku is personally standing next to you! While I became familiar with the feeling you're still keeping a grudge against me, I was sure you could never be angry at the cook who prepares your favorite dish for as long as you can think. Even when I lift you barely off the bed and press you hard against my chest you don't even twitch – neither trying to force yourself free from my embrace nor complaining about being unable to breathe. You simply lay in my arms, limply, like a corpse of a man who died months ago. Only the faint warmth radiating from your body signals me you're actually still there, trapped in a possibly eternal slumber. _

_I'm afraid. I'm more and more afraid with every day. I feel something bad is going to happen, unless you finally show some sign of life. The nightmares have changed, from the twisted memory to fantasies of the present._

_I dream I wake up, covered in sweat from a previous nightmare. Then I go showering, cleaning my tired body of the filth before I get dressed. I plan to drive to the office first, but then I have a sick feeling in my stomach, like something is telling me to go elsewhere instead. So I follow the silent call of my instinct and I'm lead to the hospital. My feet are heavy as concrete when I force them down the corridors. My knees start shaking horribly when I stand in the elevator, heading for your floor. When I finally reach the door to your room I feel so sick I have the urge to vomit, only the acid of my stomach burning in my throat since my body doesn't accept food for weeks already, especially in the morning._

_I finally open the door, my hand trembling as it pushes down the handle, and I see you laying in the bed as motionless as always. But unlike usual, something is off – a heavy silence in the room and the missing, faint heaving of your chest when the machine pumps air into your lungs._

_That's the moment I realize the doctors switched off the machines, figuring you're brain-dead and never awaking again anyhow. They come to me, asking if they may take your healthy organs and donate them to several people across the globe._

_Then I jerk up from my sleep, screaming so loud my throat hurts._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> This is one of my favorite chapters. Not only because I enjoy dark themes, but also since it kind of builds up tension though the outcome is pretty clear.  
> I hope the suspense could grow while you read too, even though we all know both Naruto and Sasuke survived the horrors which are implied. 
> 
> Since I'm quite into Zodiac, I like having the charas I don't know so well a bit according to it.  
> Suigetsu is a good example; in the series you may see him frequently, but it's not enough to get an idea about him in private imo.  
> Soooo there goes the quirky Aquarius xD 
> 
> Soon a change is about to come and more will be revealed. The mood of the story will also come to the first change in a couple of chaps.  
> Stay tuned! 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	24. 23rd Letter - The Determination

It was all in the past. Months prior had Naruto edged death that way, but luckily the events turned to his favor with Sasuke finding his Godfather and prevent the doctors from letting him die while being in coma. The threat of getting the machines shut off had practically vanished entirely.

 

Yet Naruto couldn't help feeling dizzy, his sight starting to spin when the shock settled in.

 

They wanted to let him die. He had been moments _from dying_.

 

It was one thing when Sakura and Sai told him, as a side-information, but reading about Sasuke dealing with the matter... He sounded terrorized. Deeply terrified. As if he knew Naruto was going to awake sometime next summer and only took excessively long to get to the point where others could notice, too. And yet the doctors were about to leave him die, simply like that.

 

What pained Naruto further was what Sasuke implied – to read how, apparently, some of his friends gave up on him.

 

Of course the situation was more than extreme. Naruto himself couldn't exactly tell, for sure, how he would have reacted if he were them. Maybe it was natural, better even, to face the obvious and accept the situation? Sasuke seemed more than obsessed in his letters; what if he was just delusional after all and just damn lucky Naruto was not brain-dead? Possible. Nobody could really tell, actually. And Naruto could also understand his friends did not dwell all too much on the matter about the machines turning off when they came for a visit. After all, it must have been rather embarrassing and sort of painful, admitting to their friend they actually thought he was dead. But Naruto didn't judge them at all, understanding their feelings to some degree. They should simply all be collectively happy and grateful the events turned for the better.

 

However that didn't wipe the past away completely. Even when there was a good outcome, during the passed year Naruto almost died twice. At least Kakashi was there to help him through it.

 

Closing his eyes, Naruto tried to get rid of the spinning in his vision. He was still feeling sick, but at least his food remained inside his stomach. He really didn't want to see the stupid soup again, especially through _that_ end.

 

While leaning back, he wondered if his friends actually knew it was Sasuke who contacted Jiraiya. Probably not since the contact between them was more than icy. Or maybe they did but refused to accept it was, from all people, Sasuke who came up with the saving idea.

 

… God. There really was _a lot_ of smoothing Naruto had to do.

 

Sighing he lowered the upper part of his bed, seeing not much sense in exercising when he was still a bit dizzy and nervous. Instead he dozed off, every noise inside his bedroom gone. The silence was so deep he could even hear a few bugs chirring in the dry fields outside. It was a soothing sound, giving him a sense of calmness while he slowly relaxed.

 

He was so concentrated on the noises around himself he heard the footsteps nearing his room much sooner than the actual knock on his door.

 

“Come in,” he called, slowly opening his eyes again. Turning his head to the side he watched Iruka enter, a large basket in his arms.

 

“Good afternoon,” he greeted with a smile and quickly put the basket onto the moveable cupboard. Iruka then pulled open the cap, something like a malicious smirk over his lips when he whispered, “It was hard, but I managed to get these ones in...” With that he pulled out a small, wooden box. He held it closer to Naruto, just enough so he could look at it from above, and then removed the cover, revealing a good dozen of perfectly round, white Mochi.

 

Immediately Naruto's eyes lit up at the sight. “You really _did_ prepare some...!” His mouth remained open with amazement, water already collecting under his tongue.

 

“I told you,” Iruka chuckled, watching as Naruto quickly lifted up the mattress so he could sit.

 

“But, aren't they only for celebrations?” Naruto asked, quickly swallowing some of the saliva before it dribbled out of his mouth.

 

Iruka's features softened as he gave the answer. “Well, there is something to celebrate, that's for sure.” He also pulled out two skillful cups and a teapot, immediately pouring some of the green tea into them.

 

Confused Naruto tilted his head, trying to recall any kind of festival around early summer. What did Iruka mean? No matter how hard he thought, he couldn't find a suitable occasion in his memory.

 

Seeing him brooding so much, Iruka explained, “You finally woke up.” As he expected Naruto looked him straight in the eyes, a sparkle so bright settling in his orbs they seemed to shine. “To me, that's a reason to celebrate,” he added with a warm smile. “Plus, Mochi give strength back, so make sure to eat them all!”

 

Naruto could feel the tears collecting in his eyes, but he kept them from spilling out. “Thanks,” he murmured with a snort, quickly taking a bite of the Mochi Iruka held before his mouth. “Hm, famtaftic,” he mouthed with a grin.

 

God, the food tasted divinely.

 

Iruka merely chuckled before sipping on his tea. “They are a bit rushed since I wanted to bring them to you today,” he explained before he held the Mochi out once again. Some of the sweet jam oozed from the middle, but he kept the angle so none would get spilled.

 

Still chewing on the bite in his mouth, Naruto hurried to swallow it down. “Sorry if I caused you problems! I didn't mean to,” he said, earning himself a shake of Iruka's head.

 

“It's nothing.” Silently he finished his tea. After he gave Naruto the next bite though, he furrowed his eyebrows ever so slightly. “A nice necklace you got there,” he commented once Naruto had finished chewing.

 

Looking down his chest, Naruto smiled at the blue crystal. “Yeah, it's really great. It was in Sasuke's last letter, the one he wrote on my birthday. It's his present.”

 

For a moment Iruka's eyes darkened, but it was gone as quickly as it came. “Yeah, I remember he put a packet in the box that week. That was shortly before...” He trailed off, as if he was uncertain about what to say. Actually, Iruka looked like he was torn between telling something important or keep it still hidden to some degree.

 

Reading his expression, Naruto ended, “Shortly before the his accident with the pills and the machines getting turned off, right?”

 

Taken off guard, Iruka gasped lowly before confirming, “Yes. That was around that time. But how do you...”

 

“Suigetsu came for a visit this morning. He told me,” Naruto explained, staying rather vague with the context. If Iruka heard he got threatened in any way, he would surely start to worry. “He said Sasuke ended up in hospital, too. Do you know anything closer?”

 

Iruka grimaced slightly while leaning back against his chair. “It was quite shocking. Itachi had been the one finding him, in the flat. Sasuke didn't answer the phone, so he got worried. Thank goodness he checked on him,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “He even called me up beforehand, to see if Sasuke was with me or something. Had been rather close. They kept him in hospital mostly because they interpreted he might be suicidal, plus he fought tooth and nail to get out again.”

 

“Sui implied it was an accident, not that he tried killing himself,” Naruto told, feeling a knot in his throat at the thought. God, if Itachi hadn't been suspicious enough to drive there...

 

“I think that, too. He just wanted to relax, not to die and leave everything behind,” Iruka confirmed. “Still, it was rather... shaking, what happened.” He picked up another Mochi, looking at it deep in thoughts. “Actually, a lot of the last year was shaking. I'm just glad we are all still here, living, laughing.” He smiled at the candy he was holding. “And eating Mochi with green tea together.”

 

“Yeah,” Naruto whispered, becoming aware just how lucky he actually was. First he survived the terrible hit with the car, then he woke up from a long coma, and he had lots of friends and family which cared so dearly for him they celebrated the fact he was awake. “Once I'm well again, I'll throw a big 'Thank you' party for everyone,” he decided, out of the blue. He'd also have many, many other small parties with only Sasuke and himself, since he had to, probably, thank him the most. “Then we're gonna have tons of Mochi. What do you say?”

 

Iruka laughed brightly. “Sounds good to me,” he replied, holding another candy out for Naruto to eat.

 

~*~

 

Iruka had stayed for a few more hours, unwilling to leave before Naruto hadn't eaten all the Mochi he prepared – and at least two cups of tea in between. In fact, he was so full he couldn't have dinner after all. Naruto wondered if he could actually decline the meal. Would he get in trouble? Well, he did eat, but who knew if that was allowed. Probably not, since Iruka sneaked it in.

 

But on the other hand, it couldn't be all that bad, right? They weren't going to pump-out his stomach because of the food he had.

 

At least he hoped that. The catheter was already enough, he didn't need another tube going down any _other_ holes of his body as well.

 

Before Iruka left, Naruto asked him to leave the next envelope back for him.

 

However instead of reading it right away, he hesitated.

 

Technically, he was in mid-October by now. From Iruka he knew that, in the last week of October, the doctors announced they would soon turn off the machines. So, thinking rationally, the letter with the '23' in the corner was the one Sasuke wrote in the week he had the overdose of sleeping pills and ended up in the hospital himself.

 

Was he going to admit the truth? To say what had happened? Or was he going to maneuver around the matter all together? Naruto wasn't really sure, and he figured he was bothering himself with the thought just to keep from reading it any time soon. Because, actually, it was not a real matter if Sasuke wrote it down or not. It was more that Naruto did not want to deal with it. He didn't want to imagine pictures of the past where his beloved Sasuke laid on their bed, his eyes open but seeing nothing, his breathing laboring more and more with each minute, threatening to stop.

 

Drawing in a deep breath, Naruto finally picked up the letter, staring at it for a while before pulling on the lid. It was better glued than the others and he struggled a bit before he got it open.

 

In the corner of his vision, he saw the aquamarine on his necklace rock a little when he unfolded the sheets.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Another week has passed and you still give no sign of life. At least the activity of your brain hasn't further declined, which is good. Unfortunately I couldn't bring you flowers this week, since I was kind of blocked due to an unlucky incident. Apparently the stress lately and the effect of the medication had my mind get foggy; I can't recall why exactly, but I happened to take too many of the sleeping pills. The nightmares got worse and I had trouble falling asleep. Probably the medicine didn't work immediately, so I thought the dose was too little and took a few more. Too bad the idiotic doctors don't believe me at all. To them, I'm a crazy lunatic who wanted to commit suicide. They keep wasting my time over and over, forbidding me to go seeing you, or actually hear about your current state of health. Surprisingly, it was Kakashi who had some talk with the docs. I hate to admit it, but I owe him one for the favor of getting me out of the station. I have no time to lose with idiots of such kind._

_The fact is, the doctors treating you announced they want a meeting with me. They scheduled it for next week, since I was so 'unstable', as they put it, earlier this week. I can imagine what they want to speak with me about and it makes me sick thinking about it. Yet I decided to completely quit on the medication, what Kakashi highly suggested as well. I don't want to risk something like this happening again, not this crucial moment._

_Naruto, my love – I believe the doctors will finally consult me about switching off the machines keeping you alive. No matter how sure I am you're still there, somewhere buried in the backs of your conscience, as long as you don't give us a sign those people will keep pushing me to make a decision._

_I have been seeing Kakashi more often this week, mostly as to approve I was mentally stable, just exhausted. He, too, started sensitizing me about the matter. But, unlike the other times, he spoke to me like to an actual adult and stayed neutral through the entire appointments. He pointed out the possibilities to me and I found myself dealing better with things that way. For the first time in a long while, I could think clearly and focused. For the times it gets serious, that man is shockingly skilled._

_Though the doctors will talk to me, I will remain stubborn. If I need to, I will keep the machines running for an unknown period of time. At least they can't argue with me about the costs; with my business running and my position at Uchiha Corp., I have more than enough to cover any kind of spending they can come up with. And I have several excellent lawyers up my sleeve for the very case. I swear, they will not switch off your machines as long as I am here._

_However, I'm afraid I will not be able to come here as freely as I did so far. Itachi was rather upset about the incident and went as far as to lock me up in his own house. I do understand it scared him – hell, I was just as shocked when I woke up in the hospital – so I will give in and stay at his place for a couple of days, possibly weeks. Naturally, he wants to keep an eye on me, just like I want to keep a close eye on you. I'll still come here, but I am pretty much forced to spend some time with my brother as well._

_On a side-note, there's a new Icha Icha coming out soon. The author announced that in the interview on the movie I re-bought a few weeks ago, and the release of a small short-story came out just recently. I'll purchase it as soon as I am home and read it aloud to you in here. Hopefully that will trigger more of your brain-activity. Now that I think about it, I should have done so much, much sooner. You like the books about Naruto so much, they might have got your brain moving again._

_I apologize if this letter is rather confusing or not as flowery as my other ones. The overdose caused me some horrible headache and I keep throwing up. My mind can hardly focus on anything – I can't even properly close the buttons of my shirt. Kakashi said it might also be the withdraw from the pacifiers. He suggested me to slowly lower the dose bit by bit, but I can't see those fucking pills anymore, not after what happened to me because of it._

_I want to live. I want to be here, alive, hold your hand and speak to you until you can answer me again. Nothing can separate me from your side – the chair next to your bed is reserved for me, mostly, a clear spot where I feel to belong to at the moment. Thinking I almost died because of tiny, white pills makes me so furious I have the urge to break something. Even the reaper himself has no right to tear me away from you, not while you can't even speak for yourself. It's a duty I accept all to gladly, to make life-depending decisions for you until you can make them again on your own. Nobody has the right to deny me what's right._

_Don't worry, my love; I will watch over you while you fight your battle inside. I'm certain you're struggling in the deeps of your mind, fighting for dominance over your body. I'll take care of things outside, you focus on the inside. We're a perfect team, remember? And as a team you can rely on me while I believe in you celebrating a colorful return soon. I've got your back, Naruto, so don't worry._

_By now, I keep speaking words of encouragement to you when I'm by your side. I repeat “Come on, you can do it” and phrases like “I know you will make it”. After all, you're Naruto Uzumaki, right? You're supposed to draw in most of the attention when you step into a scene. We're all waiting for you, patiently yet tensed, in front of your stage. The curtain is opened wide, yet there is only silence on the dark stage up to now. But I know very well that eventually the spotlights above our head with switch on, their light so bright we will be too overwhelmed to as much as see something at the very start. And then, once we got used to this blinding light, we will see a figure on the stage, standing there proudly with a hand clenched into a fist while the thump is up, showing us, along with the free, cheerful grin over your lips you're completely fine._

_I'm sitting in the front-row, staring intensely at the dark stage before me while I silence everyone who dares saying nothing will happen anyhow while I force the ones who get up to leave to remain sitting on their spots. They are supposed to be here and attend the wonder taking place here, soon, their doubts being blown away when you, the bird caged in the motionless body, break free from your boundaries and spread your wings wide._

_Or, no; you're not like a caged bird at all. More, you're like a powerful storm, a wild whirlpool, trapped inside. You smack your waves of emotions and drive against the walls keeping you inside, over and over again, never giving in before the walls crack and eventually break down under your raw energy._

_I know the energy I talk about is still there._

_All you have to do is finally release it._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I've been horribly overworked last week, so I got today off.  
> Initially I planned to do housework and play a little, but then a stupid fish snapped my line and escaped with my lure on FF XV, so I got pissed and decided to work off some frustration. Hence, have here a new chap! 
> 
> I kind of had some issues editing this. It brought back some memories since I, too, was once at hospital because of suicidal thoughts.  
> It can be very frustrating and annyoing when you want to do things, but the people treating you keep making you feel like you're forever sick and a forever threat.  
> Back then, I wish I had some doctor like Kakashi who actually worked WITH, not AGAINST me.  
> For the record: I couldn't even get out of the station for an entire week. 
> 
> Ah, I've talked quite a bit here.  
> I should rather get back to cleaning -.-
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	25. 24th Letter - The Despair

With mixed feelings, Naruto folded the paper sheets again and pushed them back into the envelope.

 

For one, reading about Sasuke being in hospital himself had been more upsetting and painful than he had initially expected. Somehow he had the impression Sasuke also held back just how close it had been, too. After all, he hadn't even been able to answer the phone when Itachi called him. How far had he crossed the line? Did they have to reanimate him?

 

A sickening thought. Naruto had believed thinking about his own potential death had been bad, but somehow imagining Sasuke be in danger was worse in a way. Unlike himself, who had been nearly killed by a car and fallen into a coma, slowly creeping towards death with his brain slowly decreasing in activity, Sasuke had been a healthy man. Stressed, yes, depressed as well, but he was physically far, far away from anything like dying. Plus, Naruto just couldn't imagine seeing Sasuke being kept at hospital because he was suicidal. He simply wasn't the type to go into self-harming. Rather, Sasuke was more the type of person who'd go kill somebody out of pure fury.

 

However on the other side he felt incredibly strong, thanks to the end of the letter. For as long as he knew Sasuke, the often serious bastard, he had been a loner. He relied on himself, and himself only, trusting only his personal skills, intelligence, and common sense, every other human being in the world not being worth to stand by his side. Even when they started dating, Naruto was often left out when they planned something. It was never 'how about' but only 'let's do'.

 

But now he held the proof for the first time Sasuke changed his mind in his hands.

 

For the first time ever, Sasuke actually spoke of them as a team. As them being two equal partners working together, _relying_ _on_ one another. He promised Naruto to keep things under control while he sorted his own fights off, backing him up. Though they have never been in such a situation before or even as much as worked on something together, there seemed to be a mutual, silent understanding between the two of them.

 

Naruto couldn't exactly tell why he felt that way. His memory was foggy to no-existing, yet his emotional part reacted heavily on the piece of information, as if it remembered something based on that. It was hard to explain... like a strong feeling of trust and confidence he got out of nowhere, like a rush of energy washing over him. In that moment, he felt truly strong, the force familiar to him in an odd manner.

 

However Naruto couldn't think too much about it since the door opened, Shizune coming in with his dinner.

 

“Hey,” he greeted, rather cheerful. It had been a while since he had last seen her – and when he thought about it, Shizune might have been the only one to actually allow him to skip the meal.

 

“Hello Naruto,” she replied with a smile. “How are you feeling tonight?”

 

He grinned sheepishly, knowing the face usually helped him out when he tried to get away with something. “To be honest, I feel rather... full. A dear friend brought me some home-made Mochi, not eating them would have been an insult.” The admission was mostly real, safe for the half-lie at the end. Not that Iruka would ever feel insulted per say; he was so nice, pretty much nothing could bother him that way.

 

Still Shizune looked rather unhappy about the information. “You know, it _would_ be better if you ate only what we give you. Then we can control better how you are recovering.” Her eyes were stern as she spoke and Naruto nodded violently.

 

“I can completely understand that! But the temptation was too great,” he confessed, tilting his head just a bit. “And I promise it won't happen _too_ often at all. Just, tonight I feel so full...”

 

Eventually Shizune heaved a sigh, put the tray down, and took a seat on the chair. “Thankfully Mochi aren't such a great problem. But don't let it happen daily, okay?” She had one eyebrow arched so hard, for a moment she looked like a strict mother who scolded her child.

 

“Promised. And I _always_ keep my promises, believe it! Especially to such nice ladies,” Naruto grinned, truly relieved. As nice as she was, there was still the slight chance she'd report to the doctors and got him in serious problems. Perhaps they would go as far as to not allow any further visits from Iruka altogether.

 

Shizune merely released a soft laughter, her head shaking a bit at the answer. “Quite the sweet-talker, aren't you?” she asked, not really expecting a reply to it. She glanced over at the box on the nightstand and for some reason her features softened ever so lightly. “You read them quite fast,” she lowly commented.

 

Naruto nodded again. “They're... precious to me,” he started, his head turning around so he, too, could look over at the remaining letters. “We had some rather rough fight, right before the accident. I'm quite touched he still cares so much after all the horrible things I said.”

 

Unconsciously, Naruto's eyes darkened at the thought. The more he read, the worse he felt for what he said and did that fateful day. Further, he hurt Sasuke more with everything which followed after he fell into the coma. And yet everything seemed to show he was forgiven, every single insult, every single stab to the heart.

 

“I'm pretty happy for you two,” Shizune suddenly said, making Naruto turn questioning eyes to her. Stroking a lock behind one ear, she explained, “After you started doing better, Sasuke opened up a bit. And once, when he brought a bigger box, he told me he'd be abroad for a while and that the letters might arrive a bit later than usual. That time, I told him how impressed I was – I mean, you don't see somebody that persistent every day. I was amazed he kept his promise to write you a letter each week.” She paused, as if recalling the memory in her mind. “I was pretty surprised when he suddenly smirked at me – you have to know, until then all we saw was his serious, neutral expression – and told me he wasn't even sure if you were going to as much as glance at the envelopes since you were so bitter before the accident.”

 

Suddenly Naruto slammed his fist onto the mattress – as much as he could actually slam his hand down – and growled low in his throat. “The fucking hell?! _Of course_ I'd read the letters!” Furious he stared forward at his poster, hoping to get at least a bit calmer at the sight while he ranted. “That stupid bastard, who does he think he is?! Pah! As if I could even _ignore_ such an act! Sure, I did tell him some evil things, but he should be used sometimes only bullshit comes out of my mouth, after years of relationship! Stupid asshole! I'll freaking smack him as soon as I-”

 

He interrupted himself when Shizune burst into laughter next to him, laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes and her entire body shook with the jerking muscles.

 

And that was the moment Naruto realized how stupid he must look to her.

 

Turning slightly darker around his nose he grumbled, “It's not as funny as it looks. It's actually very sad he earns himself so many hits, over and over.”

 

Shizune laughed even harder at that – and didn't stop before she left the room, along with the still full tray.

 

~*~

 

The area looked familiar once Naruto's sight cleared out. He recognized the floor before the door to the flat. Low music reached his ears, sounding somehow unclear, as if he was hearing it through crappy headphones. Easily he unlocked the door, kicking off his shoes at the entrance. His hands reached up, pulling the headphones off before he dug around his pocket for the MP3-player to switch it off.

 

“I'm home!” he called while pulling the light jacket from his upper body. Instead of putting it neatly away he simply tossed it over a small cupboard. Naruto felt his lips curl into a smile when he saw a perfectly straightened coat on one of the many hooks next to the door, a pair of shining black shoes nestled in their usual gab next to the steps.

 

“Hey bastard, where are you?” Naruto asked while entering the flat, only a pair of socks covering his feet. The floor was pretty cold, feeling like it was fall already. “Sasuke?” he called, eyebrows furrowing. Concentrating on the noises in the apartment, Naruto wondered if Sasuke was in the bathroom. However there was no water running, nor noises coming from the kitchen or from a TV.

 

In fact, it was uncomfortably silent.

 

Looking around Naruto walked down the corridor, seeing not a single movement in the rooms he passed. Everything was cleaned up, even the cup of coffee he left there the same morning before he left for work.

 

Perhaps Sasuke went out again, after he had changed? Maybe some groceries were missing. Or there might have been an emergency at Itachi's. But if so, wouldn't he had left a message?

 

A thick knot build in Naruto's stomach when he reached the door to their bedroom. It wasn't completely closed, a slit wide open instead. In the deadly silence, Naruto suddenly heard a breathing – a heavy, exhausted breathing from the other side of the door – so he quickly pushed it open and stepped in.

 

And there he saw Sasuke, laying limply across the bed, his eyes looking heavy and empty when he stared over at the door. Next to him, on the nightstand, was a small, orange bottle of pills. His breathing was evened out and slow.

 

Moments later, his chest stopped moving all together.

 

“No!” Naruto yelled, so loudly he startled himself as well. Heart hammering in his chest he jerked on the mattress, quickly becoming aware he was in the hospital. Just a bad dream, like so many before, though this was the first nightmare Naruto had which wasn't based on fragments of his own memory.

 

Anyhow, nightmare remained nightmare – horrifying pictures, but nothing more. Frightening images born from the depths of imagination.

 

It was still in the middle of the night, from what Naruto could tell. The moon was high outside of his window, shining so brightly in it's dull light. So pale and beautiful, reflecting the strong rays of the sun so perfectly...

 

Laying there, covered in sweat in that dark night, Naruto suddenly recalled a memory he kept dear to himself.

 

Long ago, Sasuke had taken him out of town one evening, driving for several hours. Since it had been summer, the night took long to arrive – even when they stopped at nine p.m. it was still fairly bright outside.

 

After stopping next to a forest, they carried two rather large bags into the woods, Sasuke always leading the way while Naruto was right behind him. Once they reached a meadow they stopped, slowly unpacking the bags. It was then that Naruto realized Sasuke had packed in enough food for a rich dinner and a healthy breakfast, along with a tent, blankets, and some other supplies, as if he planned on spending the night in the open.

 

That time, they had spend hours laying on top of a blanket, their bodies touching gently while they looked up at the sky, watching the full moon as it slowly wandered through the blackness.

 

The thought alone managed to distract Naruto enough he could calm down again. Now he also accepted the images of Sasuke dying being all but real and close to impossible. Sasuke would never commit suicide; he may have been desperate before, but if he went through it without harming himself, it was rather unlikely he did something now that Naruto showed signs of recovery.

 

Still, doubtful Naruto could get back to sleep so easily again. So, after thinking for a moment, he called for a nurse. He was slightly surprised when a man opened the door though.

 

“Good night, how can I help you?” the male nurse asked, pretty straightforward. Naruto hadn't seen his face before, but still the man appeared rather calm and experienced. Unlike the young girl from the shift last night, he didn't seem all too bothered by the heavily sweaty appearance he was greeted with.

 

“I can't sleep well,” Naruto admitted, still feeling a bit tensed. While lifting up the mattress with the remote he requested, “Can I have some medicine?”

 

The male nurse gave a nod and left, returning only minutes later with a small glass of water and a box of pills in his hands. “Since you haven't had sleeping pills in a year, I'll give you only a little dose,” he explained while breaking one of the tiny pills in half. Without needing a command Naruto opened his mouth, the little fragment laying on his tongue for until the glass of water was held against his lips.

 

Wiping his mouth slightly on his shoulder, Naruto asked, “How long does it take for it to work?”

 

“About ten minutes,” the male nurse replied while putting away the box in one of the large pockets of his coat. He also took down some notes, probably the time when Naruto asked for sleeping pills.

 

“Can you please give me the envelope with the number twenty-four then?” He stared right at the man and, thankfully, the male nurse gave a nod before he switched on the reading light on the wall, right behind Naruto's bed. He then headed towards the box with letters, looking for a while before he got the right cover and handed it over.

 

The envelope marked with '24' was strangely light, Naruto noticed, before he tore open the closing.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I thought nothing could be worse than the first week after your accident, when you were still so heavily injured you could die any moment. But now, I feel the world narrowing down even harder than then._

_I received terrible news._

_As I expected, your doctors had a meeting with me today. Kakashi was there, too. I was told the likeliness you are brain-dead has rose once again. Even if you still have a slight activity on the screen, they announced it can still mean you will never be able to awake again, let alone completely recover. They even announced you may, in case of unexpected bettering, still carry away heavy brain-damage because of the coma... You could be disabled, both mentally and physically, upon awakening._

_And they told me they are waiting for another week, then they will switch off the machines – regardless of me agreeing to it or not._

_My mind is still... empty to some degree. I just received the news a couple of hours ago. According to the doctors, only a legal guardian can decide whether or not to keep the machines running. Since you are still young, the decision is to be made by a relative of yours. But since we are just a couple, there is nothing I can do as the boyfriend. They said they were sorry, but since we're not married, I have no impact on the decision._

_Kakashi knew. He knew from the start and didn't bother telling me. He probably didn't because he believed it was better if I heard that from the actual doctors. I am still deeply disappointed in him._

_Fuck. I... I don't know what I should do now. They are going to turn the machines off next week._

_ They are going to kill you next week. And all I can do is stand here and watch! _

_Love... God, love..._

_I will stop them. Somehow, I'll prevent them from going that far. No matter the costs. I WILL find a way to protect you. _

_You are my other half. I love you. I love you so much, I can barely put it into words. I thought I was on a good way showing you my feelings through these letters, but now I suddenly have the impression I didn't do enough. I didn't list you up all the wonderful days we spend together, the places we visited, the precious memories we made together. I didn't write detailed enough about the power of your smile, the beauty of your character, the way I worship and value your entire being. I didn't find the proper words to describe the color of your eyes, the melodic tone of your voice, the comfortable warmth you radiated when you were close to me._

_And now I have the feeling I am trapped in a corner, unable to go back and fix what I did wrong, unable to look forward. I have no time to make out another plan, to think of a better way to express how dear you are to me. There is no time._

_I have no time._

_Naruto... My beloved Naruto... I failed to protect you the way you needed to. And I don't know if I can still somehow make up for it and save you._

_I'm- I'm sorry_

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Aaaaaand then the drama happened. I really like how this chapter turned out, regardless of the theme.  
> Now I wonder about the nightmare I had Naruto have, but cutting it out would be no good. I wanted to improve this, not re-write it. 
> 
> Also - I find the job "male nurse" somehow very sexist v.v  
> That's one of the few things where Germany actually did a good job of being politically correct.  
> A direct translation would be "sick sister/sick brother".  
> Nya. Somehow these notes are annyoing. Oh well. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	26. 25th Letter - The Chance

It wasn't before somebody gently shook his shoulder that Naruto woke up. The pill had worked surprisingly well on knocking him out – only minutes after he had read the last few words of the letter he was gone.

 

The letter...

 

Blinking a few times to get properly awake, Naruto realized his bed was lowered and the envelope laid next to the box of the other envelopes. Someone must have put it there, once they found him deeply asleep.

 

“I'm sorry to wake you,” spoke a female voice, softly, “But the head physician will come soon for the regular Monday visit.”

 

“Thanks,” Naruto murmured, one hand rubbing over his face. Since he was still laying, he could do that rather easily; he doubted it would work if he sat. The nurse merely nodded before leaving him alone again, not even bothering him with breakfast. Not that Naruto felt hungry or anything. Actually, he rather lacked appetite. Was it a side-effect of the pills?

 

Or maybe he had yet to properly stomach Sasuke's last letter.

 

Damn... it had sounded like a farewell. As if Sasuke, in all his resolve, had given up upon facing an unbearable enemy.

 

Of course he had got a hang of himself again – otherwise Naruto wouldn't lay there, thinking about the passed year. Yet Sasuke had been tragically vulnerable, his weakness so great he couldn't hide it any longer, his despair transported through the words and sentences.

 

How horrible must it have been for him...

 

Rising the mattress, Naruto sat up so he could wake properly up. If the head doctor was going to visit him, he'd need a clear mind to remember all the things he wanted to ask for. Sure, he still felt terribly sorry and sad, but he also had to look forward – like Sasuke did so many months before.

 

Mentally he went through a short list: Music was on his wish-list, along with some actual food. Plus he wanted to ask when he might be released from hospital.

 

Focusing on the future was the least he could do, especially after so much happened to actually grant him one.

 

Subconsciously Naruto reached up his chest, his fingers brushing over the necklace he still wore. The stone was warm, heated up by his own skin. It was a good feeling, realizing differences in texture and temperature. While to his mind he only experienced that recently, his body craved the touch incredibly much, having been without it for so long.

 

Naruto didn't really believe somebody could understand how he felt.

 

The nurse had woken him just in time – not long later, the door opened again and a blond woman with the biggest tits Naruto had ever seen stepped in. She wore a pair of small glasses on her nose, her white coat not large enough to close thanks to her chest.

 

“Good morning, Naruto Uzumaki,” she greeted and something like a smile laid over her lips while she spoke. One hand rested against her hip she added, “Finally we meet for real. My name is Dr. Kato, but you may call me Tsunade.”

 

“Uh... hello, I guess?” Naruto replied, a little confused. He had the feeling he knew the woman's face, but he couldn't properly recall when he had last seen her.

 

“I treated you over the last year,” she explained while looking him over. Her brown eyes were sharp and efficient, yet carried something like warmth in them. “Hm, you look good. Impressively good, actually. I hadn't expected you to be up so soon.”

 

Suddenly the look in Naruto's eyes hardened dangerously. “You expected me to _never be up again._ ” His voice dripped with bitterness as he spoke, the anger so evident it darkened the entire room.

 

Tsunade didn't miss the tension filling the air. “Before judging, brat, you should know all the facts,” she commented neutrally.

 

“The fact is you guys almost _killed me_ ,” Naruto snarled in return.

 

The sigh Tsunade released was loud enough to be noticed, even by him. “Difficult brat...” Momentarily she closed her eyes before taking a deep breath.“Don't think we take such a decision easily. After all, a life depends on it.”

 

“And yet you-” Naruto argued, however cut himself off with a yelp when Tsunade, randomly, slammed the wheeled cupboard against the wall. The push had been so hard the items on top of it flew off, a glass shattering against the ground loudly.

 

Pointing at him with an angry finger and a furious expression she barked, “Haven't you learned to not interrupt people while they speak, brat?!”

 

Her outburst came so sudden and intense, Naruto could do nothing but slowly nod his head, still terrified. He totally didn't see it coming.

 

The muscles on her face relaxing again, Tsunade smoothed her coat before continuing. “As I said, a life is on the line, so such a question is carefully debated about. When a guardian or relative is not available, the responsibility lays within the state. I openly admit none of us expected you to recover so greatly since the signs were very bad.” She dug her hands in the pockets of her coat before adding, “With such a case, it lays in our responsibility to also think about the environment of the patient. It's not just about ending the suffering of the sick, but also of the ones around them.”

 

Naruto was still angry to some degree, but he could also clearly understand what Tsunade meant.

 

The suffering of the people left behind...

 

“However now we should change the topic and talk about the present instead,” she added, successfully dragging him out of his thoughts. With a much softer, nearly lovely voice she asked, “So, how do you feel?”

 

“I don't really know,” Naruto admitted, still rather intimidated by the fierce woman. For a doctor she certainly lacked in people skills, judging from the wild mood swings. To some degree she reminded him of Sakura even.

 

Tsunade barked a laugh at the answer. “Why so shy suddenly?” she inquired with a smile. True, she had an inner, violent asshole, but somehow her whole attitude seemed more relaxed and caring than before. “I checked on all the reports before I came and approved you taking some training. Plus, I want you to keep seeing Dr. Hatake at least every two days. Of course, if you feel the need to, you can always require a sooner appointment with him.” She shifted her weight slightly. “I also learned you have lots of visits and read regularly?”

 

Silently Naruto nodded, deciding it was healthier if he spoke as few words if possible around Tsunade. He really didn't want her to flip over his bed with him still laying in it next.

 

“You shouldn't overdo it at the start since your body is still rather stressed.” Her eyes looked over at the almost half-empty box. “And when I see that many envelopes missing already, I'll have the number reduced down to five letters a day.”

 

“What?!” Naruto replied, breaking his own rule to stay silent. “Why that?! I- I didn't have any headaches so far! I was told it's fine!”

 

“This isn't about headaches,” Tsunade calmly answered. “Apparently the content of the letters activates some of your memories. Down to the core it's a good thing you can remember, but you have to also consider your brain has been on stand-by for over a year – and there are _less_ than a handful of people on the entire globe who awoke after such a long while.” Lifting up her hands she crossed them beneath her enormous chest. “The possible effects of such a long coma are mostly undiscovered. Given what you went through already, we shouldn't take any risks.”

 

“Oh man...” Naruto complained, lowering his head. He changed his mind again – Tsunade was an old hag, throughout.

 

Tsunade turned her hand, looking down at her own wrist for a moment. “A nurse should come pick you up for the training soon; try to behave, will you? See you next Monday.” She had barely finished as she turned on the spot, heading for the door.

 

She had nearly left already by the time Naruto called out to her.

 

“Wait!” Once Tsunade stopped he added, “Can I get my music player back? Sasuke wrote me he brought one.”

 

Arching an eyebrow Tsunade replied, “Maybe. We'll see if you're a good boy and have only five letters a day, then we'll talk about giving you the player back.”

 

“Argh, that's kind of a hard decision... but I think I'll survive five-letters-days if I get some music in exchange,” Naruto grinned, trying to work his magic. Old hag or not, she certainly wouldn't be able to resist his charm?

 

“That's a deal then.” Tsunade smiled and turned back towards the door. “By the way, I know you already read one letter last night. That leaves only four for today,” she called over her shoulder before walking out of the room.

 

Naruto's frustrated yell was still audible, even with the door closed.

 

~*~

 

Until the nurse would come because of the training, Naruto made some calculations in his head, figuring out when he should schedule the letters. After all, five wasn't exactly much for an entire day; he had to plan out well when he had the envelopes so he didn't end up starving for one and having to wait until the next day for it. It was probably wise to have one after each meal – with a full stomach he could simply savor them better. The remained two would fit well in the morning and afternoon, between the single meals.

 

But then again, what if he had appointments? It would suck to have one letter at eleven-twenty and the next shortly after noon, since Naruto doubted he could randomly interrupt his meetings for pleasuring himself with a nice piece of Sasuke's handwriting.

 

He needed to effectively use his resources, making up a close yet flexible plan to meet his own needs the best. However, it turned out to be much more difficult than he had originally expected. So many things to weight out – his subjective need for a letter, the time of the day, his own schedule, not to mention unexpected events like random visits, calls, and perhaps also walks around the hospital. The potential risk for something like that happening was, Naruto thought, at good 40% in the afternoon. In the morning it was less likely, maybe 10%, since he would probably be busy with appointments then.

 

And to make it all worse, he was still randomly using boring business-ways of thinking. Had he turned into a business-expert during the coma? Or maybe Sasuke just mistook the Icha Icha for one of his books and accidentally read that out to Naruto. That was actually quite impossible since Sasuke was too smart for such a mistake, but still.

 

The problem was _still_ there.

 

So, tired of thinking about pointless things, Naruto eventually called the nurse and settled for, today, simply reading the next letter before he left for the training.

 

However the letter marked with '25' was just as strange as the previous. Though it was heavier than '24', something on the envelope looked off.

 

In the right, upper corner was a stamp of a post office, along with some markings. Actually, it looked like that letter was sent via regular mail – but from abroad.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_A lot has happened since my last letter and you might be confused why this one arrived with the regular mail. That is a rather long story – I'll try to keep it short though._

_I managed to clear my thoughts out and figured out a plan how to prevent the hospital from switching off the machines._

_The first thing I did was consulting my lawyer. Unfortunately that incompetent idiot only confirmed what the doctors said: Only your guardian or a close relative of yours can decide over their heads on the matter. They explained the reasons and rules broadly to me while Kakashi tried to fuck with my brain, suggesting me it was actually for the best of all of us. The only thing keeping me from hitting him was the pure power of my will and the knowledge I could do even less when they locked me up with lunatics again. Itachi also pushes me to move on, but I don't see what I should get over with. You're still there, alive, and as long as there is a faint possibility to have you back I'll fight tooth and nail over your life._

_So, I had to find a relative of yours, in the matter of days. I thought about simply paying somebody to pretend they're related to you, but I think that won't work out. Nobody in that hospital trusts me by now; I think they know how creative I can be and they smell the danger coming from me. I hired a couple of detectives to find connections to you, but they said it might take longer than the few days the hospital spared me before they switch off the machines. I still kept them, in case they find something out, while I dedicated myself to my own research._

_Love, it's really fucking difficult finding anything out regarding you when you were still little. Iruka suggested me to check on the orphanage you grew up in, but the people there couldn't tell me where you were from originally. All they knew was the name of your mother, Kushina Uzumaki, and that your father's name was Minato. Horribly frustrating they didn't make better records in the past._

_However, somehow I had the feeling there was a connection somewhere. Something which bothered me, in the back of my mind, but the words not being clear to me. And then it hit me, with the force of a train._

_Do you remember I told you about the new Icha Icha, mentioned in the interview? Well, the author spoke about more than just his new book. While watching the interview again, I focused entirely on what he said and became aware of the most obvious:_

_The author of Icha Icha, Densetsu Jiraiya, is your Godfather. It's not that the hero of the story is named after you – YOU'RE named after HIM. _

_I know how insane this must sound to you, but it fits. Jiraiya talked about a student he had while he wrote the first book. They were good friends and this student of his was about to launch a career as an author himself. However, this student's book wasn't published because something came in between; his girlfriend got pregnant and he was busy taking care of her and his unborn child. Jiraiya said he gave this student the first Icha Icha to read. His student liked the character a lot, his attitude and dreams, and hence decided to name his unborn son Naruto as well. He also made Jiraiya the boy's Godfather, but they never got around the official ceremony since the student had, along with his family, a deadly accident. From what Jiraiya was told, everyone had died, including the small baby._

_This sounds crazy, but it's exactly the same which happened to your parents, Naruto. You told me they died in an accident you survived, out of a wonder, before ending up in various orphanages. And the name. It can't be just a coincidence. Which means that man is your Godfather, your guardian. _

_I didn't think twice and tracked Jiraiya down with all my might. It took me two days to find his exact location, but since I didn't have a number I could call – or would have been let through, actually – I took the next plane and traveled across the globe to meet him._

_Unfortunately the meeting didn't go as smoothly as expected. I think the people were unsettled about my appearance since I didn't waste time with grooming myself beforehand. In the end they didn't let me on the set of the movie they're producing and my attempts to sneak onto the ground failed. But in the end I met Jiraiya in his hotel, since I spend a fortune for renting the room next to his._

_At first he didn't believe me. He called me insane and insulted me for daring to bring such an important topic so carelessly up to him. I do understand, to some degree, that he was shocked. After all, he just learned the Godchild he thought was dead was, in fact, still alive, laying in a coma in a hospital on the other end of the world while the doctors wanted to switch off the machines keeping him alive. If somebody came up telling [u] me[/u] that I wouldn't believe them either. Still, I tried to convince him to at least make a call to the hospital in order to momentarily save you, at the very last. In the end I tried to use force, which got me beaten up and taken to jail. But I left him a photo of yours, the number of the hospital scribbled onto the back, and asked him to try calling the _

_hospital and find out the truth for himself._

_Before I left, I had asked Suigetsu to keep an eye on you while I was away, leaving him with exact orders of what to do in case the doctors thought about making their move sooner. So, after the police interrogated me for hours before eventually tossing me into jail, I used my one free call to contact Sui, asking how you were doing._

_He told me the doctors will not switch off the machines, yet, since somebody contacted them, claiming to be your Godfather. Right after the call I wrote you this letter and sent it back to you._

_For the moment, my love, you're safe. Soon I'll be back by your side. I just need you to be a bit patient before I can hold your hand again._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Yep, Sas being crazy Sas. I think while being all cool and controlled, when something sets him off he is a very emotional and impulsive character.  
> Hence why I had him fly across the globe randomly. And get his ass kicked randomly.  
> But hey, Naruto got saved! Hurray. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	27. 26th Letter - The Roots

Usually Naruto would have been rolling over with laughter by now. The picture of Sasuke Uchiha standing on the other side of metal bars, glaring darkly at police-officers just like a gangster was simply too comic to believe it was real.

 

However Naruto was still way too shocked to do anything but press his hands over his mouth in a rather dramatic manner. His eyes were large and glassy while he laid there, his back against the bed.

 

He _did_ think Jiraiya sounded somewhat familiar to him, but for it to turn out _like that_...

 

“Pervy Jiraiya-sage is _my_ Godfather...?!” His voice nothing but a breath as he whispered to himself, his mind desperately struggling to wrap around the idea. And the Naruto-ninja who banged all the ladies in the books was supposed to be the one he got his name from? Epically awesome, on the one side, but then again it was so surreal Naruto felt like being either in a soap or some stupid story, his entire fate and the developments around him being nothing but the whim of some sadistic author who had a tendency for over-dramatic turns and was so full of themselves they just willingly brought him from one odd situation into the next. Did Jiraiya torture his characters similarly? Somehow, Naruto had shivers run down his back at the thought, suddenly feeling rather attached to the fictional Naruto in Icha Icha.

 

“Holy fuck...” he cursed, still overwhelmed with the entire situation and also somewhat crept out. After all, Naruto in Icha Icha had been so obvious, who'd have thought there was a connection?

 

At some point a nurse came, put him into the wheelchair, and pushed him out of the room. It was then Naruto realized it was time for his first training – and immediately his thoughts focused on the task at hand. What was he supposed to do? Asuma hadn't specified what he was going to do. Would he be trying to stand? Lift weights? Whatever it was, Naruto hoped it would help him recover faster.

 

The nurse was silent while she pushed him through the corridors, but unlike the other times when Naruto entered a room, this time a rather enthusiastic looking young man awaited him – with the thickest eyebrows he had ever seen in his life.

 

“Why, hello!” the man greeted overly cheerful. He was around his own age, Naruto assumed, and somehow that gave him a... good feeling. Then they could at least have some nice chatting in between. Not that older therapists sucked per say. Just, he felt a bit comfortable being around peers. Maybe Naruto could catch up on some recent stuff that way, making it easier for him to return to his daily routine eventually.

 

“Hi,” he replied with a grin. If he could, Naruto would have stretched his hand out for a shake.

 

But he didn't need to; in a flash, the young man dashed right before his chair, both of his hands closing around one of Naruto's and shaking it rather energetically.

 

“I'm Lee, nice to meet you!” he introduced with a large smile on his face. “I'll be your partner for the coming sessions. So, let's work together on your rehab!” He hastily got around the wheelchair and pushed Naruto towards a door in a nearby wall. Through it they entered a large room with many curtains hanging down from the ceiling, creating something like small spaces blocked from potential view. Some curtains were closed, the open ones showed there was an exam bed in each, along with a few odd looking pillows and smaller supplies.

 

“Alright, here we are.” Lee parked the wheelchair close to one of the beds. Right afterward he pulled close the curtain, cutting them off from the rest of the spacious hall.

 

“So... what are we gonna do?” Naruto asked after he took a curious glance around the small space. Only then he had realized there were some large, red bulbs on the ceiling right above the bed.

 

“Ah, nothing too exhausting for the start,” he replied before pushing a switch on the wall. The lights above the bed turned on immediately. “I heard you're rather actively doing some training in your room already, so today it's stretching. Then you can do even _more_ training!”

 

Lee wasn't much taller than himself, yet he lifted him so easily out of the chair Naruto was seriously concerned about his weight. While the nurses used some special trick to move him, Lee seemed to just plainly lift him up with his own physical strength.

 

Within a minute, Naruto laid flat on the bed, right under the lights. Now he noticed the warmth coming from them – it was so much he felt it though his clothes even.

 

But when Lee tugged on his pants he quickly tore his eyes away from the warm light. “Hey!” Naruto called, unable to prevent him from pulling them off – and reveal the pipe leaving his boxers and ending in the transparent bag half-filled with his own urine. When Lee moved over to pull his shirt off as well, Naruto growled, “Stop this! What are you doing?!”

 

Lee looked rather surprised by the question, as if undressing a helpless guy was the most normal thing in the world. “The infrared radiation works best when it hits the skin directly. Plus, I need to see how your muscles and nerves react at the stretching,” he explained, pulling the shirt all the way over Naruto's head. That he was still laying apparentlydidn't bother Lee at all, but once the necklace threatened to be removed along with the shirt Naruto used the little force he had in his arms to slap one of his hands away.

 

“Don't even think about touching his one, believe it,” he growled darkly, his free hand closing around the precious stone.

 

Suddenly Lee blushed, scratching the back of his head while he bowed a few times. “Ah, sorry, sorry, I was just- _so eager_ to see your body!” For a moment a horror spread over Naruto's face. Quickly Lee flailed his arms, adding, “N-not _that_ way! I just heard you're recovering so quickly while you train so hard, like the very fire of the youth drove you – that got me curious!”

 

One eyebrow still lifted Naruto murmured, “You're quite a weird one, Bushy Brow.”

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Lee repeated, bowing down again. “But, really, I have to see how your body reacts to the stretching to avoid injures. If I bend your leg too hard, the nerves might get damaged.”

 

“Next time you probably should tell me that _before_ you randomly undress me,” Naruto complained, yet a small grin tugged on the corner of his mouth. Lee was rather entertaining, in an odd way.

 

“Yeah, probably,” Lee softly laughed before his hands reached out for Naruto's leg. The last moment before he touched the skin he stopped, suddenly, and then jerked his hands back. A bit too loud he announced, “First of all I will bend your legs a bit, to smooth the nerves and muscles! Therefore, please tell me if it stings or so!”

 

“Uhm, I will?” Naruto answered a bit irritated. That Lee-person surely was some odd character.

 

Nodding quickly, Lee moved his hands forward again and gently grabbed one of Naruto's legs. He had one hand right behind his knee while his other closed around the ankle, slowly lifting the entire limp up before bending it at the knee. It was nowhere close to a 90° angle when Naruto released a sudden hiss.

 

“As I thought,” Lee whispered, his face wearing a rather serious expression.

 

“What does that mean?” Naruto asked, feeling his body warm up under the light.

 

Lee carefully stretched the leg again while explaining, “Not moving for so long has got your tendons very underdeveloped. We'll work long and hard to get you flexible enough you can move comfortably again.” He bend the leg again, though the hand had moved from directly behind Naruto's knee to the space where it connected his lower leg with it, his fingers pushing into the flesh. “I guess you'll have to get used to me undressing you now,” Lee added with a grin, trying to sound funny.

 

“So I can't move weights just yet?” Naruto further asked, rather disappointed. He actually hoped he could learn how to walk again, but it looked like he was nowhere close yet.

 

“Oh, you should keep exercising.” Lee stretched his leg again and moved around the exam bed, reaching for Naruto's other one. “But you shouldn't rise the weight at all. Rather, try to move the weight around a bit, bending your arms and shoulders. However, don't go beyond pain when you do it.” He bend the leg similar to the other side, however this time it went down a bit further before Naruto tensed up. “Ah, this one is in a better shape. I think this is the side which didn't break,” Lee said, though it was unclear to whom he spoke.

 

“Mah... I thought I was doing well,” Naruto replied with a sigh.

 

“You _are_ doing rather well,” Lee commented with a smile. “Admirable how eager to move you are already, after such a hard time! I have never met somebody with so much energy who awoke from coma before!”

 

Naruto grinned, faintly. “You mean it?” he further asked, feeling a bit flattered. With so many people saying he was doing great with his rehab, it had to mean _something_.

 

“Of course!” Lee confirmed, “You're the first person I know who woke up after a coma.”

 

If he was sitting, that would be the moment Naruto dropped his head so much, his entire body would bend forwards.

 

~*~

 

Unexpectedly, Naruto felt quite tired after the appointment with Lee. He didn't do much else but having his body moved and a bit of chatting, yet he had the impression he could feel every muscle in his body. Or maybe he felt so weak because of skipping breakfast?

 

At least it was close to noon; perhaps he could even have his lunch a bit earlier.

 

After the training, a nurse had come to pick him up again, the wheelchair rolling easily over the corridors. On their way they happened to run into a few sick children, playing hide'n'seek. For a moment Naruto had felt at ease, watching the children enjoying themselves so much. They were all sick, a few even bald – and Naruto knew painfully well why – and yet there seemed to be not a care for them in the world, no worries nor sorrows.

 

They were so bravely facing their sicknesses and issues... while Naruto could hardly sleep at night thanks to shadows of the past coming to haunt him. Of course it was understandable Naruto had trouble with what happened to him, but then again he should take those as what they were – nightmarish memories. Nothing which could harm him in the present. He shouldn't have his mood getting ruined by it, shaking it off just like the kids he saw.

 

Rather cheerful thanks to the coincidence, Naruto finally arrived in his room. The nurse put him gently into the bed, moments before another nurse came with the lunch and something to drink. Naruto accepted it all, his delight growing when he noticed he even had some bread with the soup that day. Rather poor food compared to the delicious Mochi from Iruka, but Naruto better didn't overly provoke Tsunade. After all, she still had his music player.

 

Once the plate was empty, Naruto glanced at the box with the letters for a long moment. If he recalled correctly, he was told he had suddenly bettered shortly after his Godfather appeared.

 

Curious of the content, he asked the nurse to give him the enveloped marked with a '26'.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I finally have returned. The police kept me in jail for another three days before they let me out. They'd have held me there even longer, but your Godfather dropped the charges so they had no more reason to keep me there. I took the next flight back and personally spoke to your doctors about your Godfather. Apparently he decided to have the machines running, for the next while, and I also found out he plans to come visiting you soon. I'm grateful he believed me after all; I don't want to imagine what would have happened if he didn't._

_This week I brought you some Dianthuses. I learned the colors express many different things and emotions. I got you some white and red ones; they represent eternal loyalty and burning passion. They look very well with you, I realized. To give you some impulse, I tried running the bloom of one over your cheek, so faintly you'd usually squirm away because it tickles. The pedals are so soft, much alike your finally healed skin._

_I also happened to have some talk with Suigetsu recently. He told me what he observed while he kept an eye on you and insisted on me overdoing it when I spoke about what he should do if things went bad. He demanded me to never drag him into something similar again, yet I believe he'd stand by my side when I ask him to. Still, I got him some amazing dinner to make it up to him, just so he won't keep going on my nerves. Kakashi was harder to calm again. I think I managed to see him, for the first time, actually being angry. He doesn't like how extreme I act, but in the end he's just my therapist; it's not like he can punish me for still believing in you getting better eventually. Though, I think things looked worse than they were to him because of my appearance. You wouldn't think so, but Jiraiya has quite a hard fist, as I happened to discover. But that's another story._

_On a more misfortune note, I also saw Kiba this week – actually just the day I returned, when I looked worse than ever. I think he wanted to talk to me about it, but was too intimidated to speak with me in the end. I think it's better that way, anyhow. The less I have to deal with your friends these tensed days, the better._

_It's still raining outside, which is rather good; when I left I didn't think about your plants needing care at all. If it was summer they might have suffered, but with the bad weather they survived even the week without water. Next time I'll make sure to have Iruka come over to check on them for you. Unfortunately Itachi was not that easily to please again. I found out he left about fifty messages on my mobile, along with over a hundred calls because I vanished from now to soon. He actually hit me as soon as I showed up at his place again. I can't remember when I last saw him that furious. He was so out of himself he threatened to kick me out of the company and get me grounded, though none of the two actually affects me. He's also too stubborn to accept it was a case of emergency and that I had to do what I did. I believe it's going to be hard work before we're on good terms again._

_While I came visiting you, I also noticed my last letter has yet to arrive here. I'll wait for a month or so – if it's not here by then, I'll just rewrite it. Maybe I should take some notes in the meantime; there are so many things I have to take care of some of my thoughts get lost on the way. Was I always this busy? I don't really know. Somehow the last few months and everything before it are blurry, making it hard for me to keep track of the time. I can't believe it's already mid November. Some of the Christmas decoration is already in the stores, waiting to be bought by somebody. In the higher places it already snowed as well, given the rather cold, bad weather. _

_Actually, I don't fully realize it's fall and soon winter. My nights have been cold for over half a year now, as well as lonely. Only here, near you, I can relax ever so lightly. A few times I fell asleep on the chair next to your bed, my head having turned too heavy for me while I held your hand in mine, my eyes constantly staring at your face in search for a faint motion. Sometimes I would wake up after a non-nightmare-strained nap, my head moving faintly thanks to the light heaving of your chest, your heartbeat so loud against my ears. It's nothing alike the times when we're in bed, together, sleeping serenely side-by-side under the covers and between pillows, sheltered from everything else around us, the very world narrowed down to the edges of our mattress. Yet I, or better my subconsciousness, craves your closeness so much my body automatically gives in to the exhaustion draining me, getting a bit of rest while the heat you radiate keeps it warm._

_It seems it's always Shizune who wakes me up, those times, her gentle touches on my shoulder enough to pull me out of my short sleep. I wonder if I can actually stay the night here, like I did at the beginning, right after your accident. But then again, I think Itachi made sure to keep me as little as possible in the hospital. He probably gets help from Kakashi as well. To them I seem unhealthy, caring so much for you I put spending time in your company over my vital needs such as sleep and eat. I say, how would they feel if it was their lover laying in a coma before their eyes? I don't think they really understand; at least for my brother, I'm sure he is not dealing with the matter at all. He's avoiding it all together, even when I try to reason with him. Would he be so cold and distant if it were me laying in the hospital? I don't know and he doesn't waste a single thought on it either._

_On a side-note, the detectives I employed managed to gather some information. For one, they found out the full names of your parents – Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki. Though, I think Jiraiya would have told you that anyhow. They tried to find the roots of the families as well but failed; all they figured is that the Uzumaki-family is pretty little and that the single members are fairly spread. Maybe I'll keep the research up, in case I need more people having to decide over the machines. I don't know Jiraiya enough as a person yet; under these circumstances, I don't want to rely entirely on him deciding over your fate. I'd rather look for an Ace I can keep up my sleeve, in the very case._

_Don't get me wrong – I believe he cares for you. There was a look in his eye when I tossed the photo of you his way, even if I saw it only for a moment. I'm glad for you I found him; not only because he keeps the machines running, but also for the time after you woke up. With him, you can finally fulfill one of your dreams and learn more about your parents. He will be able to tell you things no one else knows, feeding your starving hunger for knowledge so you can find your identity._

_You can't fool me, love; you may have said you don't need to know about your roots, that you could grow to an adult without them as well, but I know you better than that. You pretend to shrug it off, but I see how it faintly eats away at you, not knowing where you're from. How can you plan out your future when you don't know about your past?_

_I hope you can find some peace at the side of your Godfather, Naruto._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I don't feel that well, so this will be brief.  
> Somehow I feel like I made Lee extra-dull in this universe.  
> The letter is a complete mess, but I don't feel like fixing it. It's rather hopeless actually. 
> 
> Argh. Bad chap. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	28. 27th Letter - The Uncertainty

Saying Naruto wasn't surprised was only half of the truth. On the one side, he had never thought he showed any signs of insecurity coming from his foggy past – openly at least. But then again he would lie if he said he didn't feel Sasuke knew something, was aware of what bothered him when he had a weaker, less cheerful day, but cared too much about him to ask. There were only few things Naruto was sensitive about – his past, the time of when he was still a small child or younger, was among them. And since he knew how painful the matter was to him, Sasuke remained silent, biting back his comments, thoughts, and suggestions in favor of not pushing it further. Still, never had he imagined Sasuke was actually enough aware of it to go through the trouble of searching for relatives. Besides Itachi he had no relatives left himself, but it never seemed to bother him. And yet he went out, employing people just to gather more information about an unrelated family.

 

It seemed impossible – but Naruto had the feeling he loved Sasuke more and more with every letter he read.

 

The sheets aying on his chest, Naruto lowered the back of the mattress a little. He was only half-laying when he found the perfect angle to look outside from the bed. His head was tilted, ever so slightly, and for a moment he watched the clouds slowly crossing the blue sky, pushed forward by the strong winds waving so far up. The letter close to his heart, it felt like the adoration and care trapped in the single words flowed out, settling right in Naruto's chest and leaving him with a warm feeling in his gut.

 

With every new envelope, he wanted to see Sasuke more and more. For too long already had they been apart, separated in spirit while so close they could touch physically. Too long had they both suffered under the weight of reality.

 

Like so often before a soft knocking took Naruto's thoughts away from his thoughts and back into the present. “Come in,” he called, eventually turning his head away from the blue sky and the fluffy clouds.

 

Upon his permission the handle pushed down, the white door opening to reveal a rather well-dressed man. Though his clothes gave him a professional look, the outfit totally crashed with the thick lines of black eyeliner and the large, red tattoo on the left temple of the adult man.

 

Immediately Naruto's face lit up at the view. “Gaara! Good to see you!” he cheered, having trouble holding his body back. He wanted to jump up and embrace him right away, much like an agitated fox.

 

“Happy to see you awake, Naruto Uzumaki,” Gaara replied with his usual monotone voice, though a smile was obvious on his lips. Without hesitation he walked over to the bed with long steps, his hands closing around Naruto's in a second.

 

“It's really been a while,” Naruto said, his hands gently shaking Gaara's. “How have you been? How are you doing now?”

 

Taking a seat on the chair Gaara answered, “It has been essentially too long. I'm very relieved to see you so active again.” Again he smiled, faintly. “The doctors announced you could have carried away some damage from the coma, but I was told you are rather healthy for the given circumstances,” he added while crossing his arms before his chest.

 

“Yeah, seems I was very lucky.” Naruto nodded firmly while lifting up the bed so he could properly sit. “Sorry for worrying you so much. It must have been hard for you,” he added, voice soft and sensitive.

 

Gaara belonged to Naruto's oldest friends. They had had a similarly difficult time socializing with other people, so at some point they started hanging out together. In fact, once they grew older they had a romantic relationship, however broke up again after a while, settling for remaining good friends. Though Gaara looked cold more than anything, their bond ran so deep Naruto had no doubt he was affected by the events. That much eyeliner was a clear sign for Gaara trying to hide the shadows below his eyes, caused by lack of sleep.

 

“Now that you woke up again, I believe everything will turn fine.” Gaara relaxed slightly against the chair he sat on, as if his muscles sought a pause. “I saw Sakura last week and she is already able to smile again. That itself is enough of a proof. I would have come sooner myself, but Temari is traveling these days which leaves me taking care of her business as well.”

 

“I completely understand. It's hard taking care of a business.” Meanwhile Naruto folded the sheets again and put them back into the envelope, leaving the white cover on his blanket for the moment. “But I'm glad you could make it.” He tilted his head a little, grinning, “To me it feels like we have just recently seen each other, but I know quite a lot of time has passed since we met.”

 

“Running a business is, indeed, hard,” Gaara confirmed before adding, “But watching a good friend being badly sick is much harder. Therefore I didn't have to think twice about paying you a visit.”

 

Naruto turned his head away, the slightest bit embarrassed.

 

“You were allowed to put it on the wall?” Gaara suddenly threw in, breaking the light silence between them. Turning back around, Naruto saw him glance at the large poster of the greenhouse.

 

“Yeah,” he answered. “I asked if I could and the nurses had it stored away, I guess. Kind of makes it a bit more of a home.” He chuckled lightly, wondering for how long he had to make himself home in the boring room at the hospital. “Still fighting over the music player though,” he added with a snort.

 

“Once you have it back, I'll borrow you the CD of part thirteen,” Gaara promised, confusing Naruto for a moment.

 

When realization hit him he gasped loudly. “You don't mean...?!”

 

“Special edition,” Gaara stated, never looking away from the poster. “The CD was actually included in part two.”

 

“There are _two_?!” Naruto all but shouted upon hearing those news.

 

“Three. It's going to be launched in September,” Gaara calmly told.

 

“ _The fuck_?! I thought I was comatose for a year, not a _decade_!” Naruto would have run his hands through his hair by then if he physically could, he was so worked up.

 

“But the second was disappointing, probably the third will be alike. It also turned out the ominous special edition was actually a preview of part fifteen.” Gaara finally turned away from the poster, his eyes wandering to the box with the letters instead.

 

“The one with the dude who looks like Sasuke?” Naruto asked, groaning when Gaara nodded. “Ngh, can't wait for it...”

 

“Are you actually allowed to play anytime soon?” Gaara asked, his green eyes back on Naruto.

 

He shrugged his shoulders lightly. “Probably not, but a man can still dream,” he commented with a chuckle. “I'd appreciate some review though. You know, spoiler-free.” Naruto blinked an eye at Gaara before releasing a heavy sigh. What would he give for a Playstation in his room.

 

Again a moment of silence rose between them, broken by Gaara once again.

 

“You read quite a few letters already.” His sight moved back to the box.

 

Naruto followed his glance before answering, “They're very interesting and rather honest. I learned some sides of him that way I... had no idea existed.”

 

Gaara lowered his arms, resting them against his legs instead. “It was rather extreme. The paths we walked on were dark and painful.” He paused for a moment, his voice a mere whisper. “But to know light awaited at the end kept us sane, though I thought to never get out of it again and loose myself in the darkness somewhere on the way.”

 

Pressing his lips together, Naruto studied Gaara's profile closely. “I hope I can somehow make it up to what I forced you through,” he stated, not daring to reach out for Gaara. He knew how hard it must have been to him, to wander on the lost paths without the stability of his best friend.

 

“There is nothing to make up for.” Gaara shook his head, as if reassuring himself, while his arms came up to cross over his chest again. “The hope you gave us was more than enough, though I needed to be reminded of it.”

 

Naruto could easily guess who was to thank for that, yet he remained silent.

 

“Unfortunately I got to go. Get Temari's things done.” Gaara got up from the chair, smoothing out his suit again. “Goodbye, Naruto Uzumaki. See you soon.”

 

“Bye Gaara. Thanks for the visit,” Naruto replied with a weak wave of his hand. “Get some sleep tonight, okay?”

 

“I will,” Gaara answered before he left silently through the door.

 

~*~

 

When the door opened again, Naruto was lowly humming a melody to himself. Most of the time he had spend stomaching Gaara's visit, having trouble properly understanding the hints and gestures he had made. Usually it was no problem to Naruto, but somehow he realized his brain had still faint issues working when he concentrated too hard on something. Gaara was already hard to read when ones was completely aware of the surroundings, but with his thoughts fogging up Naruto had no real chance to fully grasp their meeting.

 

Tilting his head Naruto spotted a young girl standing in the doorway. She looked actually too young to be a real nurse, though she was dressed as one. Was she doing a working experience there instead?

 

Fumbling with her fingers she said, “M-Mr. Uzumaki, you have an appointment soon...” Her cheeks had darkened in color when she spoke, making her look quite shy and somewhat cute.

 

“Thanks for telling me,” he replied with a gentle smile, trying to calm the young lady down, but instead she blushed even harder at the words – which, in return, drove a chuckle from Naruto.

 

“It-It was nothing!” the girl answered, borderline yelling. She was quite tensed for being so young. For a moment Naruto thought about simply telling her to leave, but realizing it was afternoon already he recalled his precious little routine.

 

“Say, can you do me a favor?” he asked, wondering if it was a good idea since the girl turned as red as a tomato by then. “Can you please get the envelope marked with a twenty-seven from that box and give it to me? I can't reach out for it myself yet.”

 

She moved so quickly and clumsily she nearly fell, but eventually she held out the requested letter to Naruto with both hands. Her lips were pressed tightly together, trembling lightly as well as he accepted the cover. “Thank you, Sweetheart.”

 

The poor girl was blushing so much he thought she might faint, but luckily she made it to the door without collapsing – though she slammed it shut so hard she surely drew some unwanted attention onto herself.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The Dianthuses look still surprisingly fresh, so I took them along this week as well. The pedals are less smooth though; this time I didn't tease you with them, though the temptation was great._

_The rain has finally stopped, thought a rather harsh wind is blowing over the city these days. With some help from Iruka I cut the other plants of yours as well, before the first frost comes. We also wrapped the plants which stay outside during the winter into plastic sheets to protect them from too harsh coldness. All in all, they should do alright until next spring._

_This week Jiraiya also came to the hospital, staying for a few days. I saw him speaking with the nurses and physicians. He also wanted to talk with me at some point and I agreed. He wanted to know a bit about you and how you ended up in the coma. Since he is your guardian, I told him what I felt comfortable with – a bit about your past, how you tried finding out about your family and had no success with it. I also told him about the accident. I had the feeling he deserves to know the truth, so I told him about the fight we had before it, too. However, I was surprised to see he didn't blame me directly for what happened, though it's obvious the topic upsets him greatly. I was glad to see he has something like an instinct to protect you, or at least enough drive to care about your state of health. He writes perverted porn and kind of hits on every single nurse, but he seems to be a good person deep down._

_For now, it seems the doctors also stopped pushing the matter with the machines as well. I'm aware the question will rise again, eventually, but I don't have the time and energy to plan too far into the future. My new priority is to somehow figure out how we can provoke some activity from you. I told Jiraiya it's important he speaks with you and he thankfully goes through with it. He spoke about your parents, how you have a strong similarity to your father while you got some facial characteristics of your mother. He also told you about his job and the books; as soon as I told him what a great fan you are, he even shared some secrets with you, hidden meanings in the single chapters, sometimes even about his questionable way of researching material for the more sexual parts. He truly is the Pervy Sage the magazines call him._

_Itachi seems a bit more relaxed nowadays. I think he finally realized what I did was an impulsive action and that I usually plan things closely through before doing anything. By now I also spent a few nights in our flat, mostly towards the end of the week. Since it's closer to the hospital, I usually drop here to nap between the closed times and when the visiting hours start. He's not too founded of that, but since I have no medication anymore, I guess the likelihood something may happen is rather low._

_Though I don't like it, I still have to go see Kakashi. He also re-scheduled our appointments so I see him every two days. According to him, I have the tendency to lose every sense of reality, though I think he's exaggerating. I'm just determined. But as long as the doctors control if and when I can see you I have to give in to them, as bitter as it makes me. I kind of feel the therapy is pointless by now; I lost my trust into Kakashi Hatake and it's unlikely I can ever have faith in him again. I thought he respected me enough to speak openly with me – apparently, I was mistaken._

_I can't believe it's almost December already. It's been so long I last saw the azure of your eyes and heard the cheer in your voice... The current present makes the photo on my desk feel like a dream, a surreal fantasy where you and I are happy, the world turning calmly around us. When will we be able to be so carelessly happy again, Naruto? When will we laugh and visit fun-parks again? When will you randomly attack me and devour my lips with your own again? Until now, I was forced to witness how you grew weaker and weaker with every week, until you froze in the current state. I watched the screens show your brain has less and less activity. I was there when you were attached to various machines which feed and even breathe for you. I had to fight so they keep those machines running. When will the time come when you no longer need them, my love?_

_I should be strong and convinced of what I do, but I find myself worrying more with each day. For now I managed to prevent the obvious, but how long will I succeed? I'm doing my very best, but it's hard moving on without as much as a hint of confirmation I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to let you go, never, however what if you're suffering? What if you scream you want to finally rest and beg for release? Am I holding you back from what you seek the most? I can't allow me to doubt, but then again, I wonder if you know something I don't and therefore appear so motionless to us. Do you know you can't make it?_

_I don't know, and that's eating away at me. I want to help you, Naruto, with all my might... but I fail to understand what you want, what you seek. Are you even there, still? Didn't you, in fact, leave so much time ago already?_

_All I want is to serve you, assist you getting what you want. But then again, I am too egoistic to let go of you, forcing you to stay here even when all you want is to drift away. I love you so much it hurts... My heart aches when I see you like this, something inside me tearing at the thought you finally had the chance to learn about your past and can't grasp it. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and I can tell Jiraiya feels the same way. I see your friends look at you with sadness in their eyes, but I don't know if they are pained because they miss you or because they are forced to watch you ~~live~~ exists like that. It's way beyond to what you deserve, this pitiable situation you are forced into; laying motionlessly on a bed, tubes entering your body so you can actually survive. Did your breathing give out because you wanted it to? _

_I don't know. I know nothing anymore. I can't tell if it's the right thing I'm doing or if it's the exact opposite of your intentions. I don't know if it was a mistake finding your Godfather while you can't even as much as register his presence. Did I have you taste of something sweet you could have and then tore it away from you? Did I torture you with showing something you can never have again? Am I a bother with this obsessive clinging onto you? Or do you, in fact, still fight for dominance over your body and mind again and thank me from the bottom of your heart for what I did? Are you just moments from gaining conscience back and just wait for the right moment to strike?_

_I don't know. My needs and opinions are way too subjective for finding a proper answer to that, for figuring out what you want. Usually I'm the one with the objective sight, but this time, I fail to build up enough distance for making up my mind. This matter is so dear and important to me I can't act cold, not at all. These days I feel incredibly human, so human it bothers me. I'm not supposed to be 'human'. I'm supposed to be your protector and savior, for until you can come back to us. _

_I can't risk to lose myself now._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> I still feel rather bleh, so I'll keep it short again.  
> Changed a bit of the Final Fantasy things. Back then, it looked like Prince Noctis was actually taking place in a version of the XIII edition.  
> Yes, Gaara is a gaming nerd in this universe. And they used to date forever ago, between gaming sessions. Probably.  
> Also, this chap marks the middle of the story. We're half through. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	29. 28th Letter - The Future

Naruto slowly closed his eyes while he cleared his throat. He was alone in the room, perfect silence surrounding him, his words going unheard – and yet he imagined he was laying in his bed, somebody sitting in the chair next to him, the weight on their shoulders so heavy the entire being looked sunk together, moments from breaking from the near unbearable pressure.

 

“Just a little more, Sas...” Naruto fantasized how the weak body would move slightly at the noise, tired, hopeless eyes looking up to meet his. “Just a little more and I'll come back... That's a promise...”

 

Nobody could hear him and that time had long since passed – yet Naruto had the unbearable urge to say those words, to ease a bit of his own tension.

 

Actually, it wasn't tension he felt. It was more like a feeling of guilt – guilt for what he forced onto those closest to him. Until now he hadn't really noticed all too much impact. Sure, some of his friends like Sakura and Iruka were visibly relieved to see him, signaling just how much he was missed, but it was usual for them to return to their usual selves after a short time. They were emotionally strong people.

 

But Sasuke was, like on so many other things, a huge exception.

 

As an Uchiha he was a master at masking his emotions, if not entirely restraining them. Seemingly nothing made him happy or angry or whatever else. Then again, when he did snap Sasuke would have a violent, emotional outburst as he vented everything he had carefully bottled up until then. Hard to get him to that point, but not impossible.

 

Opinions, however, were an entirely other matter.

 

He may not look like it, with his borderline aristocratic looks, but that man could be as stubborn as a mule. Once made up his mind about something, it was pretty much impossible to change Sasuke's opinion all together. Actually, Naruto couldn't think of a time when Sasuke let go or changed his conviction in all the years of relationship.

 

And then he read the letter marked with a '27', suddenly facing such an incredible change. Instead of clinging and defending his own believes, Sasuke started thinking them all over, doubting them. Wondering, for the first time since Naruto knew him, if it wasn't time to alter his attitude and opinion greatly. A slow, creeping change which was all the more powerful and shaking than everything else Naruto had seen so far.

 

He was not in the position to judge whose suffering was bigger, but still Naruto had the right to feel deeply sorry. And God knew how sorry he felt for what kind of burden he gave to his beloved Sasuke.

 

Then again, it was touching and flattering how far Sasuke left his comfort zone for him. Bitter-sweet, in the most accurate way Naruto could think of.

 

He wasn't left with his thoughts for all too long. After a couple of minutes his 'appointment' finally arrived.

 

The door opened slowly, a tall figure stepping in before gently closing it again. “Hey Doc,” Naruto greeted, snickering quietly to himself. For an instant his thoughts drifted off again, wondering if Kakashi had actually cared about the fact he lost Sasuke's favor or if he just lazily shrugged it off, much alike Shikamaru – one of his closer friends – would.

 

“Hello, hello,” Kakashi called while heading to the single chair. He sat down, flipped the file open across his lap, and eventually stared up into Naruto's face. “How are you feeling?” he asked, pen ready in his hand.

 

“Kind of well,” Naruto answered with a grin.

 

“I bet, after all the Mochi you had.” Naruto could swear Kakashi was smirking beneath his mask.

 

“Those were nice, too.” Again he grinned, knowing Iruka's food was worth every jealousy. That man could cook so well, some might go as far as kill for a piece of his dishes.

 

Kakashi took a few notes before his eye came up to bore into Naruto's being. “I also learned you took some sleeping medication last night.” He didn't even blink; instead, Kakashi followed every single tensing and twitching on the weakened body on the bed. “What did you dream about?” he inquired, watching Naruto press his lips together.

 

“Just a stupid nightmare,” he insisted, not feeling like pushing the matter too hard. He was supposed to deal with his memory and the present, not talking about bad dreams underlining his momentarily difficult and tensed relationship.

 

“What was it?” Kakashi asked, receiving no answer. “About the accident?” he suggested. Naruto didn't react at all. “Foggy memories?” Again nothing. “Did you dream about Sasuke dying?” he suddenly implied.

 

Immediately Naruto jerked his head around, gasping, “How do you...?!”

 

“I am afraid I cannot talk with you about it,” Kakashi replied, the grin obvious in his voice. “So, about Sasuke after all. Then you must have learned about his almost-death through the sleeping pills.”

 

“I did, so?” Naruto answered, unwilling to reveal his own sources. Kakashi wanted to play games? Fine with him.

 

“It's interesting you are more unsettled because of nightmares concerning your, possibly, ex-boyfriend than your own traumatic memories,” Kakashi mused, taking a few notes like so often.

 

“Sasuke's not my ex,” Naruto insisted, more aware they were in love than ever.

 

“How do you know? Maybe he gave up on you eventually.” Naruto bit his bottom lip at what Kakashi implied, ready to throw something back, but he moved on before he came up with a suitable answer.

 

“And if your conviction comes from the letters – they came in over an entire year. Surely, the first few letters are very different from the current ones.” Blue eyes narrowed, the suspicion clear in them. “What leads you to believe the letters you haven't read yet will be any different? Sasuke's undying love for you might have withered, eventually, making him move on while currently it looks like he is craving to be with you more than anything.”

 

Naruto wanted to shout at him for daring to mess with his private life in such a way, but taking all his might, he forced himself to calmly state, “I'd like to move to another topic.”

 

“But this one is fairly interesting,” Kakashi replied, his eye closing in delight.

 

“And pretty much out of my comfort-zone,” Naruto added rather bitter.

 

Again Kakashi took silently some notes before he said, “Alright. I'm _dying_ to hear what you have to tell me.”

 

Naruto gritted his teeth so hard, their gnash was well audible.

 

~*~

 

How long did Sasuke last seeing Kakashi without killing him? Naruto could _really_ need some advice on how to deal with the overly tiring jerk. Oh, if he had the strength, he'd just got up and left the hospital, regardless of being allowed to or not.

 

Even if he kindly asked to change the topic, Kakashi would still keep edging on the matter of Sasuke and the relationship Naruto had with him. Or not anymore, actually. How much that had to do with his current state of mind was unknown to him, though Kakashi seemed so twisted by nature it was probably beyond him to understand.

 

Or maybe Naruto was just too tired to bother with the man.

 

Anyhow, given the time and his rumbling stomach, there were other things to care about anyway.

 

“Shizuneeee!” he cheered, happy to see her from the very bottom of his heart. Though, after having had a rather difficult time with Kakashi, Naruto was pretty sure he would have liked just about any face which appeared in the doorway to his room.

 

Unless it was Kakashi again, of course.

 

“So cheerful?” Shizune laughed softly, carrying in a tray like so often before.

 

“Had a long day,” Naruto replied, his stomach looking forward to food. His legs were also starting to sting, as Lee had predicted him earlier that day. But it was still bearable.

 

Shizune sat down and already cut the slices of bread into tiny pieces. “It was rather eventful for you. First seeing Doctor Tsunade, then exercises with Lee, from all people, for then ending up with Doctor Hatake... I actually know nobody who would have been able to see them all and _not_ feel drained afterward.” She laughed brightly and gave Naruto a bite.

 

“So, you know them closer?” Naruto asked before he got the next mouthful of food.

 

Shizune nodded her head. “We're all part of the staff and we worked together a lot since you came in,” she told, holding out the next piece to Naruto. Assuming he wanted to be entertained, she moved the conversation on, sharing a bit more info with him. “You see, you're quite a special case. Since you're here for such a long time, we also ended up spending much more time together, getting to know each other, your friends and relatives, as well as a part of you.”

 

Swallowing Naruto signaled he had a question, refusing the next bite. “Know me? How come? I wasn't very talkative,” he said, his mouth snapping for the piece of bread. He was rather satisfied how far he managed to lean towards it; just a little more training on his arms and he might be able to take bites off bread by himself.

 

“Your friends spoke a lot about you,” she told while feeding him. “They also needed some support and sometimes it already helps to listen. I think the worst was actually seeing you that motionless. From what I can tell, you're borderline hyperactive.”

 

Naruto showed her a bright, large grin.

 

“Anyhow,” she moved on, giving him the last piece of bread from the plate, “You can somehow say you brought us all together. Some friendships grew among the staff which weren't there before, improving a lot once you did better.” She leaned back on the chair, going silent for a moment. “Don't get me wrong, but it's not healthy for someone working at a hospital to grow too attached to the patients they treat. Makes things even worse if the case has a rather... unhappy outcome.”

 

Naruto knew exactly what she meant and wondered, for a moment, if it was painful to her his own case used to be rather 'unhappy' up to some point as well.

 

“It's a good thing you eventually won against the coma,” she stated with a smile. “It was... fascinating how much it changed the people around you, the simple fact you showed signs of life again. You mustn't underestimate the effect you have on people, Naruto.” The smile curling over her lips grew warm and loving when she added, “The ability to make people happy is a great gift. Never forget it's value.”

 

Having the feeling it was something very personal he was just told, Naruto looked rather serious when he nodded his head. “I won't. Thanks for reminding me,” he spoke, meaning the words from the bottom of his heart. After such a tiring day, he appreciated the positive feedback coming from Shizune. “And thanks for growing attached to me,” he added with a grin, trying to lighten the mood again.

 

She waved her hand slightly, pressing back a laughter. “You really _are_ a sweet-talker.” She blinked one eye at him teasingly.

 

“Hard to hide away my true nature,” he joked, barking a laugh.

 

“Before you get too much into it,” Shizune started, moving around the bed. Naruto grew immediately excited; it was time for the next letter. “I better get you distracted, ne?” she ended before digging through the box. “Which one is it?”

 

“Number twenty-eight,” Naruto answered, feeling his fingers twitch. Something inside him told him the next envelope would hold a very important message for him, something like a turn.

 

He couldn't wait to read it.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The activity of your brain increased! YOU'RE FINALLY WAKING UP!_

_The doctors detected a slight improvement on the screen recently. They ran a few tests and figured there is a bit more activity in your brain. Barely enough to immediately react to impulses from outside, but it's still there. The first sign you're finally preparing to awake._

_I can barely express my joy. I'm aware it's not much, actually the babiest of all possible baby-steps, yet I am deeply happy and relieved about these news. The doctors spoke with me, trying to tame my agitation. The little more activity you show can mean nothing, its still so faint. Realistically possible it's never going to get more than already, so they try to keep me down so I won't suffer even more. Actually, I'm acknowledging their efforts and care. But one thing differs them from me, clearly:_

_I know you better than that, Naruto._

_It can be my obsessive craving speaking, however I see this slight, subtle increase of activity as a gesture; whenever things looked bad, hopeless even, you'd turn your back towards me, barely glancing back over your shoulder as your right arm rose, not stopping before it's on the same height as your hip, and then close your hand into a fist while you thumped upwards. You always show that silent gesture moments before you release the storm that is your entire being, rocking whatever there was to rock with all your might. That gesture which tells 'Don't worry; I got this, believe it'._

_I see your improvement on condition as such a gesture, like a replacement to your usual thumps-up since you can't move just yet. I'm bracing myself for your storm, grateful to be witnessing it from the first row._

_God, love, I'm so- I'm so happy. Happy that you're about to wake up. Happy you finally won the first of all the battles you're about to face. I'm grateful for this great gift you made me, this week, showing me you're still there in spirit. Happy you finally have a future again._

_Upon you changing, I also thought about many things, making up my mind on a couple of matters._

_I realized I have been dwelling in the past for way too long. I did keep you updated on a few recent happenings, however most of my letters were merely tales you already knew, dear memories we shared. I have been living in the past, for the last few months, walking backwards instead of forward. But now you shook me awake from my mental slumber – inspired me to move my view onto more important things, things which can still be and happen rather than what has passed. I decided to follow your example and move forward._

_For you, I want to change. I don't want you to wake up and see me like this, a dark, pitiable shadow of my former self. I've been painfully self-indulgent, developing in a way which would earn me not a smack but a downright beating up from you. You deserve better than this horrible rest of what once was a human being. It took me way too long to realize what you would want to see when you wake up again, my guesses fogged up thanks to the misty paths of the past I crossed. Now I see razor-sharp again, realizing what's important for you, me – us. _

_Instead of telling you stories you know, I'll do what I can to create new opportunities for the future. I'll find ways and learn things about you neither of us did before – things about your past, your roots, things we can do in the future, possibly together. I'll form a future full of new dreams, new memories to you. I can't tell how successful I will be, but I will definitely do what I can to satisfy your needs and accomplish your dreams._

_For now, I have already set up a meeting with Jiraiya; I will visit him in his home and gather whatever I can find out about your parents and their families. The doctors predicted you will take several months before you actually wake up and another few before you can return to your daily routine. I assume it would be good if I found something 'to entertain you' until you may leave the hospital. Learning things about your parents, possibly even go through things which belonged to them, seemed rather attractive to me. I'm sure your Godfather has some things, or at least some leads for me. Perhaps I can even find some relatives of yours? The stories they could tell you – stories you had no idea about, tales which will you make understand yourself better._

_Further, I decided I have to orientate onto the future when dealing with my private life as well. It's time for me to finally get the apartment cleaned, as well as to look for a few new things. Some plants to replace the ones that withered, as well as new books about gardening. Not to forget, it's time for me to deal with some new releases of movies, books, games, and music. I've let that slack quite a long time._

_By the way – for this week, I decided to bring you orange and blue irises. They symbolize irrepressible energy and creativity. Further, the orange represents warmth and optimism, as I already mentioned in one of my earlier messages. I also took some blue ones since they stay for freedom and vitality. Irises are also announcing good news._

_I believe there is no better bloom for this week, my love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> I had a terrible night. Probably oversaw a few mistakes when I tried editing this piece.  
> I'm still not doing so well, so this is short again. 
> 
> Naruto improved. Hurray.  
> Kakashi is a douche. Nya. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	30. 29th Letter - The Link

Lowly Naruto chuckled to himself. Now _that_ was more like the Sasuke he knew. A tiny bit too cheerful, maybe, and kind of in a rush, but definitely more like the Sasuke he knew.

 

… … …

 

Oh damn it all.

 

Turning his head away, Naruto tried to force back the tears in his eyes. He couldn't stop them from spilling over, running down his cheeks so quickly his collar felt damp already. It took him all his force to tear away from the sheets of paper and what he had seen on them.

 

On some spots, all over the letter, the sheets were lightly wrinkled. Not winkled as of somebody had been holding them too hard – more, those spots were undulated, the size of a circle. Like drops of liquid had fallen onto the paper and dried there.

 

It was unlikely, impossible even. There must have been another, plausible reason for the strange drop-sized spots all over the letter. Yet Naruto was sobbing lowly, an image of Sasuke appearing before his inner eye, how he sat on a chair, in their kitchen maybe, while he wrote his message down, his upper body trembling a bit.

 

How Sasuke sat there, crying, his tears falling and hitting the sheets on different places.

 

Never before had Naruto seen him cry. In fact, he hadn't heard Sasuke ever had in the past either. The one and only time had been when he was a young child and his parents died – and even _then_ he got himself under control again relatively fast for a kid, as the witnesses described.

 

Could the same man who never cried weep tears when he received news so faint and borderline meaningless? Out of the mere promise they may carry on more, such as a long-awaited awakening of someone dear to him?

 

Unbelievable. Impossible.

 

Yet Naruto had seen traces of dried tears on the silent paper, only witness of a moment when a strong man revealed a great weakness.

 

Sasuke had cried tears – because of him.

 

Naruto felt as if he experienced the same grade of relief and happiness which could move one to tears himself. How could he ever have thought he meant anything less than everything to Sasuke? He felt truly foolish now, stupid, like a total idiot. Naruto hadn't cherished their love nearly as much as he should have.

 

For an instant, he remembered Suigetsu's words – and wondered if he was worth anything Sasuke did and felt for him at all.

 

~*~

 

“You should tell him something, too,” spoke Sakura's voice, her tone calm, nearly gentle.

 

“Where's the point? He doesn't answer.” That was Sai talking. Naruto immediately recognized his neutral voice.

 

Sharper than before, Sakura hissed, “The doctors said he _could_ hear us, so you're supposed to say something!”

 

“Alright,” Sai replied, and then there was silence for a moment. “I don't know what to say... Naruto usually does all the talking.”

 

Sakura sighed so heavily Naruto couldn't help a grin. He couldn't see anything in the room, only blackness, but it was easy to picture the expressions.. Rather comically, actually.

 

“Do you think we reach him?” Sai suddenly asked, the atmosphere growing rather heavy and tensed all of a sudden.

 

Sakura hesitated with her answer. “I don't know,” she admitted, her voice low. She used to speak with that tone when she was worried.

 

“Maybe we have to work together for reaching him,” Sai mused. “When all the people who're important to Naruto gathered up... maybe then he'd react.”

 

“What are you trying to say?” Sakura sounded somewhat... off. Angry, furious even. Naruto had noticed that much darkness in her voice only a handful of times so far.

 

“You know who's most precious to Naruto,” Sai implied and the air turned chilly. It was, almost, like Sasuke was there and just got badly insulted. Then a similar sensation would wash over Naruto.

 

“You can't ask me to do that,” Sakura insisted.

 

“Even if it's for Naruto's sake?”

 

There was a short pause.

 

“Sasuke has nothing to do with the accident,” Sai stated.

 

“He's got _most_ to do with the accident!” Sakura growled. “More than anyone else!”

 

“He didn't drive the car. In fact, if it wasn't for his first aid, Naruto would have died. You can't ignore that,” Sai spoke, neutral, matter-of-fact.

 

“It's his fault it came that far to begin with...” Sakura had whispered, so lowly Naruto almost missed it. “I'll never forgive him.”

 

“You know Naruto well; you're familiar to how he acts when he's angry. He'd turn impulsive and do and say things he'll later regret.”

 

Oh, how right Sai was. Painfully right. How often had Naruto got himself in trouble, also with his friends, because he just snapped all of a sudden.

 

“And Sasuke is deeply regretting it. That much is obvious. He truly cares and is honestly sorry for what has happened. Maybe more than all of us,” Sai added, as if he tried to convince her to finally give in to whatever she was being stubborn about.

 

“Still,” Sakura snorted, “I'll never forgive him. For as long as I live. 'Being sorry' isn't going to bring Naruto back.”

 

“I had no idea you could be like this.” For the rarest times, Sai sounded utterly concerned, if not unsettled. Like he just got deeply disappointed. It confused Naruto to hear him speaking like that.

 

“You know what?” Sakura started and her voice had never been sharper, never been colder, “I don't give _a_ _fuck_ about what you think of me. Naruto was hit by the car because _that motherfucker_ failed to stop him from leaving.” The chill in the air turned almost unbearable, the ill emotions radiating from Sakura in an almost creepy way. “He didn't care enough to run after Naruto, stopping him from crossing the street and-” She cut herself off, her voice having started to shake at the last few words. When she spoke again, it was as controlled as at the very beginning. “I don't want to talk about it now.” There was the pull of the door when it opened, so hard and quick Naruto sensed some of the air dancing across the skin of his arm. “I'm getting the music player.”

 

It wasn't like when Naruto awoke from a nightmare – the sweat was missing, as well as the hard beating of his heart. Instead he released a soft gasp when he pulled out of sleep, shocked more than anything. Seeing Sakura in such a way – so much unlike her nature... She was warm, so warm and loving, sometimes also angry and scary, but always did she carry some kind of warmth in her very being.

 

It was a... creepy experience Naruto made, when he was still trapped in coma. He saw a part of her he had no idea existed and also feared, to some degree.

 

The accident – it had an impact on so, so many more people than only himself.

 

Did Naruto even grasp the entire weight of the damage the coma caused? Yes, some people were brought together by it, like the staff of the hospital and what was left of his biological family. Probably most of his friend got closer together through the accident, too.

 

Yet there was so, so much else going on, happening under the surface... His dear people changing, reaching the limits of their mental and physical strength when they struggled with hope and despair. Bonds breaking, hate growing as well as antipathy. While the people developed some kind of solidarity and closeness, the passed year also brought up the ill emotions up which were tamed until then, revealing those mercilessly.

 

For the first time since he woke up, Naruto realized just how _messed up_ his environment may have turned over the last couple of months.

 

Taking a deep breath, he forced his mind to calm. “Take a step at a time,” he whispered to himself, repeating the words over and over like a low mantra. He could sort it out, eventually. All he needed was some time and a good plan. Just a bit of logical order in his actions, lots and lots of good spirit, not to forget a healthy portion of determination – the mix should do it.

 

Shizune's words suddenly echoed inside his head, loudly. _The ability to make people happy is a great gift. Never forget it's value._

 

Lots of shit had hit the fan in the meantime, but Naruto could make them all happy again – just how he was the cause for their sadness. They wouldn't be able to make everything that happened undone, but it would be enough to return them to their former selves.

 

Sighing heavily he brought a hand close to his face so he could rub the sleep from his eyes. He wasn't refreshed, actually Naruto could need some more sleep, yet he struggled to stay awake. The problems weren't going to vanish, neither would they solve themselves. He better got started soonest possible instead of wasting his time laying sleepily around. Lifting his arm he felt around for the remote, pushing the button so he could sit up. Slowly the bed rose, never stopping while Naruto pushed his finger down. At some point he jerked his hand away from the remote though – a sudden pain had sparked up on his hip, making Naruto inhale sharply. Did that come from the stretching of the previous day? Whatever the reason, there was no way he could sit straight like that.

 

Great.

 

He wanted to get started, not slowed down unnecessarily!

 

Scowling Naruto released a huff, his arms crossing over the area of his stomach. He'd have preferred the chest, but well, he wasn't there just yet.

 

“One step at a time,” he growled, a weak attempt to calm himself down again. It didn't particularly work, so instead Naruto tried some distraction next. The poster was no real use – in fact, it made his blood boil even more, considering there was some hell of a work waiting for him there if he could trust Sasuke's letters. What was there all to do? Some planting and watering, possibly also some overall cleaning. Was the greenhouse still intact? If the weather was too bad it might have got some holes which needed an urgent fixing.

 

Lost in his thoughts about his plants, Naruto didn't notice how the door opened and a nurse stepped in, bringing his breakfast. Only when the tray moved into his view did Naruto snap out of his mind with a jerk, enough to make the woman jump alike.

 

“Damn! I swear, someday I'll suffer some real heart attack, believe it!” Naruto complained, one hand laying flat over his stomach before he pushed it up to rest against his chest. He recognized the nurse being Yurika and for a moment he regretted having spoken so harshly.

 

Breathing deeply a few times, Yurika managed to calm her own raging heart before she answered. “You must have been in quite some thoughts, considering I even greeted you and you wouldn't react.”

 

For a moment Naruto felt his cheeks heating up in slight embarrassment. Way to make an idiot out of himself.

 

Deciding it was wiser to not talk to much, he accepted the breakfast in silence. He only replied to what was really necessary, but thankfully Yurika was understanding the signs and kept the conversation relatively short, as if she avoided forcing him to talk if he didn't want to. Probably Naruto was just being rude, but really, he couldn't help having gotten up with a rather bad mood. The inability to move because of some mere stretching made it even worse to him.

 

“Would you like a letter now?” Yurika softly asked while she put away the plate which had carried a slice of bread with butter and marmalade, along with a glass former filled with milk.

 

For a moment Naruto considered the offer, but eventually nodded. He was rather curious what Sasuke had found out in a week.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The doctors finally confirmed what I knew from the very start; the increase of brain-activity is steady. It's always just a tiny bit more, but that itself is already exceptional. According to them, the next improvement should have come only in a couple of weeks, but only eight days after they noticed your first change they already measured another one. They're downright amazed about how fast you recover. I kind of knew you would do so greatly long before; you've always been rather quick when it came to recovering._

_The Irises are still looking good, though they suffered a bit because of the cold. After all, it's December already. It even snowed a bit on higher places around town. You'd really enjoy the sight, love. The doctors don't have calculated the time for your awakening yet, but it's certain it won't happen this winter. A real shame. I decided to take some photos of the town once it snows harder – then you'll have some little reminder, since it happens so rarely to see the town dressed in a white layer._

_Finally the awareness of you waking up soon has also reached your friends. I have seen them much more relieved than usual, even Gaara and Sai who usually mask their tension rather well. It's so obvious, how the heavy weights lifted off everyone's shoulders, you can feel it in the air; it's light and so, so much fresher than usual. Surprisingly, some of your friends seem to get more social with me as well. Calm people like Neji and Shikamaru, mostly, but I can also somewhat sense the others are slowly changing their mood when I'm around. No idea how I feel about it just yet. It needs to sink in more._

_As I announced in my previous letter, I have spoken to Jiraiya a lot this week. He also invited me over to his house next one, since he had some appointments recently to get his schedule fixed. After all, now that you have stepped into his life he also wants to be there for you and reachable for the hospital in case there are complications. Further, he also made me a proxy in case of emergencies. I am deeply honored he both gave me the power to protect you better as well as entrusts me with this kind of responsibility, regardless of how our first meeting went. Now I can finally say I got your back no matter what; I can't recall the last time I managed to sleep so well and deep in the last few months._

_However, back to the main topic._

_I have spoken with Jiraiya a lot, learning about your parents. I believe you'll want to discover most on your own, so I'll keep the descriptions short and focus more on where I see them in you._

_From the looks, you got the eyes and hair of your father. Your mane is just a slight bit wilder than his, or he was better at taming it, from what I can tell on photos I saw. Your features are rather more like your mothers. Of course you're looking less like her, now that you're a grown man, but when I remember when you were younger I recognized some similarities on your faces. It's rather cute; you're taking more after her in looks, just like me._

_As for the character, you seem to be like your mother as well. She used to be rather wild and impulsive, just like you. Not to mention, she loved making pranks. I bet she got in lots of trouble when she was a kid like you did. But you also got some strikes of your father. From what I learned, he was nearly legendarily determined; in fact, he fought several years for getting the attention from your mother. At first I thought that sounded rather stubborn than anything else, but when I thought about it, you're not stubborn at all. It's more like passionate determination and nearly steel-like persistence. Therefore, I think he passed that strike of character on to you._

_While I listened to Jiraiya, I figured you seem to carry only the best of your parents within you. You're loving and caring, have a shining spirit along with qualities such as solidarity, unbreakable trust, and a charismatic aura around yourself. Then again you can be very emotional when angry, speak directly what you think, regardless of if it's a good or bad thing. And then there are those times when you get that dreamy gleam in your eyes, lowly enjoying yourself in the moment... Those are all qualities your parents had as well – and there are so, so many more to come. I could write you dozens of pages filled with information about them, who they were, what they became. But I understand how important your parents are to you, or better, the connection you want to create, the bond you wish to have with them. As much as I wish to assist you on this, all I can do is merely open the gates for you – in the end, I have to let you walk forward on your own, discovering what you seek for yourself so you can finally link your personality with the roots you emerged from. Still, I want to be right behind you as you walk, creep in your very shadow if I have to – so I can be there in case you need me._

_This is a very important step for you. I know it will alter your very character, though I don't know in which way exactly yet. All I know is that the change is inevitable and natural; you will mature under these new possibilities and circumstances, developing your personality the way you sought to for so long already. I'm happy you get this opportunity, my love._

_I can't wait to see you grow._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Man. I'm running out of title-ideas D:  
> Also I started feeling a bit better. I'll try answering the comments soon. 
> 
> Not much happened in this chap, but I enjoyed how the picture of Sakura's character comes out in this universe.  
> Personally I think she is quite a passionate character who, though the focuses were placed preeeeetty wrong when she was younger, developed into a strong woman at some point.  
> Too bad Canon fucked this up. Oh well. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	31. 30th Letter - The Change

Naruto's heart downright fluttered inside his chest. He didn't know about his parents, at all; only a slight feeling of being loved was something he had always been aware of actually connected him with them. Reading somebody who knew him as closely as Sasuke made a comparison and found so many similarities moved something inside Naruto, something he could hardly describe. He felt happy, relieved, excited as well. He felt so much he was overwhelmed by the sensations.

 

His parents – Naruto had always known they were with him, somehow. And now he had the ultimate reassurance in his hands. There was a connection to them, to the people who gave him his life – a connection running so deep and strong Naruto was amazed. Never had he imagined to feel that way after just a couple of facts. Was he so desperate to learn about his family? About what made him the son of Minato and Kushina? Or was he just happy to finally belong somewhere?

 

Sure, he had a place in the world, one he worked greatly for. He also had a safe spot in the hearts of his dear people. Yet learning he would fit, as a character, in a family he could have... was something different.

 

This was only the first of the letters orientated onto the future, but Naruto already liked those quite a lot. Not only because of the content, but also because – unlike the other ones – the pages were no longer filled with grief and fear but with hope and anticipation.

 

After a moment Naruto laughed softly at himself.

 

Even before he had actually woken up he had managed to make at least one person happier. A very soothing thought.

 

Glancing down at the sheets, Naruto neatly folded the letter again and put it back into the envelope. He really needed to get a folder for them soon. Rolling his head a bit he looked outside, wondering what his schedule said for the day. Would he have another check on his body? He just hoped to have a nice nurse clearing his gut later. The one from the day before had been rather cold, making the experience not exactly better to him. She even got annoyed when he started humming a song to distract himself from fingers and tubes forcing their way into his anus!

 

Not that he _disliked_ digits slipping into his ass per say. Actually, he really enjoyed it when Sasuke worked his entrance with those skilled fingers and the talented ton-

 

“Alright, that's enough,” Naruto said to himself, aloud. He had noticed already how his needs slowly crept into the daylight again, but he'd rather not have dirty thoughts while in hospital. Since somebody could enter at any time of the day, he really couldn't risk a boner. Plus, he sadly doubted he could get rid of an erection on his own, given the weak hands. Naruto could be kinky, but orgasm denial performed from and onto himself went a bit far in his eyes.

 

“I said enough with the dirty thoughts!” he repeated, louder that time.

 

“What kind of dirty thoughts?” a voice suddenly threw in, making him jump. Snapping his head around since he had been facing the window, Naruto hadn't noticed somebody coming in. He sighed heavily when he noticed it were, thankfully, people he knew well enough to not bother about his reputation.

 

Leaning his head against the mattress he greeted, “Hello Sakura, Sai! It's been a while.”

 

Inside, Naruto winced at his own comment. Sakura was still upset, at least partly, judging from how her face tensed at the words.

 

“Hello,” she said, lowly, followed by a nod from Sai.

 

“How have you been?” Sai asked while he walked into the room.

 

“Quite alright, thanks.” Naruto pressed his lips tightly shut after the brief answer. Damn, things must be really bad if Sai ended up doing the talking. Did Sakura even want to come along? Naruto found himself unable to tell.

 

He thought quickly, weighting out his possibilities and eventually deciding for how to proceed. “I know you can't forgive him,” he started, his face turned towards Sakura. Maybe it was rude to not speak more with Sai, after he even bothered to start a conversation, but Naruto knew him well enough to be sure he understood.

 

As expected, the first reaction from Sakura was confusion – it was written all over her face. That was the opportunity Naruto needed to explain himself while she paid attention to him.

 

“I also understand a great lot has happened while I was in coma. Things were said and happened which can't be turned undone again. But, please...” He paused, for a moment, before he took a deep breath and moved on. “Please, give me a chance to fix it again. I can't promise things will turn like they once were, or that I can make peace between you and Sasuke. But I want us all, eventually, to be able to laugh again together... like we used to.” He swallowed hard. “I can't fix everything within a week though. It'll take some time, but I swear, I'll do everything I can to make you all happy again.” His eyes searched for Sakura's, seeking a sign of approval or at least a bit of forgiveness. “Please, believe in me. I won't let you down again – any of you,” he promised while his hands clenched into fists. Yeah... he'd never let anybody down again.

 

Sakura made a strange noise and her lips tensed for a second before she faced the floor. Naruto knew she was suppressing tears; he just couldn't tell if they were of thankfulness, sadness, or anger. All he could do was hope for a good outcome.

 

“You're some moron,” Sakura commented, her voice just a little bit shaking. When she lifted her head, she was perfectly controlling herself again. Only the sparkle in her eyes showed her emotions. “Wasting precious time speaking about nonsense, after we haven't seen in a few days! Now, tell me how you have been. What did the doctors say?” She stamped forward, taking a seat on the single chair next to the bed.

 

Behind her, Naruto crossed eyes with Sai for a brief moment. And for the rarest times, he saw a genuine smile curling over thin lips while they silently mouthed the words 'thank you'.

 

Another step towards fixing everything was made.

 

~*~

 

They had stayed for about two hours, but then Sakura had to leave since she had some kind of appointment elsewhere. Too bad since she seemed to slowly relax again and forgive Naruto for their fight, bit-by-bit. Sai however stayed since he was relatively free in the morning.

 

Once Sakura was gone, Naruto said, “Sorry I was so rude before. I just thought... she'd need me to talk to her.”

 

Sai looked up from his sketchbook – for as long as they knew each other, he used to draw a bit when he was feeling comfortable – and replied, “It's fine. Friends should have understanding for the others' needs.” He looked back down at the paper, his hand moving a pencil across it. “I'm glad to see her shine again. The last few months had been rough for her. I wasn't of much help either.”

 

“You were,” Naruto insisted, sensing the ill feelings Sai harbored. “It was very nice of yours to remind her about the important things, like rather caring for her friend instead of dwelling in thoughts of anger and hate for other people.”

 

Sai's hand stilled and he looked up, blinking once. “So comatose people _do_ notice what happens around them,” he mused. Never been a stupid one, Sai immediately knew what Naruto was talking about without needing more information.

 

“Don't get me wrong; I can't really remember properly,” Naruto explained, glancing down at his opened hands. “It's more parts of what happened that come back to me, pretty randomly. The time before the accident is rather foggy, too, though my therapist said I'll recall everything eventually.”

 

“Odd,” Sai commented, closing his sketchbook. “And you remembered about the time I spoke to Sakura?” he asked, pausing for a moment. “Maybe I should apologize. I was rather direct that time.”

 

Naruto held back a chuckle. “No, it's fine. Friends should be able to be honest with each other. Besides... you were right.”

 

“About what?” Sai inquired, his head tilting a little in curiosity. He used to be much more reserved and controlled, alike Sasuke in a way. It was good seeing him let his emotions take a toll on his body, even if the result wasn't more than a faint widening of his eyes in interest and a turn of his head.

 

“About the accident. That it wasn't Sasuke's fault,” Naruto replied with a haunted smile. Sure he wasn't to blame – it had been Naruto's fault, all the way, even when Sasuke did do and say some things which eventually made him snap.

 

“No, that's wrong,” Sai suddenly stated, making Naruto arch an eyebrow at him. “I said he had nothing to do with the actual accident. But I believe he is to blame, as well as you are,” he corrected before straightening again. “I don't know the details, but I think in a fight both are equally responsible for what comes out. You two are not different from other people on that aspect.” He looked down at his sketchbook for a moment before glancing up again, right into Naruto's eyes. “You both are responsible for shattering your lives to fragments. And you have both to start putting the pieces together individually, as well as take the blame for what effect it had on other people around you.”

 

“That's kind of wise and deep...” Naruto murmured, thinking closely about the words. Sai was completely right – it was them who shook up the earth beneath their feet and it was them who had to deal with the resulting fallout.

 

“But before you can start fixing everything up, you have to forgive _yourself_ ,” he added, making Naruto furrow his eyebrows in confusion. “And that's probably the hardest thing you have to do.” He glanced down at his sketchbook, opening it again. The pencil was back on the paper, drawing a few lines over the canvas. “I doubt Sasuke managed to make that step just yet, though he's on a good way of doing it,” he spoke, lowly, while he focused fully on the drawing.

 

“You're pretty observant, Sai.” Naruto smiled gently, understanding what he tried to tell him. As long as he allowed himself to be bothered by the guilt of what his coma had done to everyone, he couldn't properly function. Instead, Naruto had to accept what had happened and which mistakes he made – then he could properly concentrate onto easing the pain of those dear to him.

 

And he knew what would get his mind towards forgiving himself perfectly well.

 

“Sai?” he called, waiting until he looked up from the picture. “Can you hand me over the envelope marked thirty?”

 

Sai offered him a smile, quickly getting up to pick up the letter. He even loosened the cover a bit, just enough so Naruto could properly grasp it with his fingers and open it himself.

 

Breathing in and out deeply, he tore open the envelope.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_You wouldn't believe what has happened._

_As I said in the last letter, I met Jiraiya in his home this week. Turns out he lives only a couple of hours away from here, so I'm positive he will visit more often when he's around. Anyhow, I drove to his house and it snowed so hard we couldn't leave for two entire days. He lives in the middle of nowhere, what makes me feel of him as some kind hermit. He lives there on his entire own, not wanting a soul around himself when he retires there, so there was also nobody coming to clear the roads. Since it's also a bit higher, we got trapped in the house completely. At least he gets his power from cables running below the ground, so I could call Itachi and tell him I wouldn't be able to make it back anytime soon. I took several photos of the area, otherwise you wouldn't believe it can actually snow so much here._

_The good part about being stuck there was we had plenty of time to talk. I learned a lot about Jiraiya and what he had been doing over the last few years, as well as about your parents. He knew more about your father though, since they were mentor and student. Your father was a lot into reading and literature itself; I had the chance to read a few of his shorter books since Jiraiya kept them after his death. I think you'd like them; maybe I'll ask Jiraiya to read them to you during his visits. He also has dozens of albums with photos! Most of your father when he was younger, but there are also a lot of shots with both of your parents. I don't want to spoil you too much, but they're really beautiful. I didn't know them myself, but they still radiate some warmth on the photos, somehow alike yours but in a different way. They really loved each other and I'm certain they loved you as well, Naruto, even when they had yet to meet you._

_Also, I kind of learned Jiraiya is the pervert he is declared as in the magazines. Thankfully he's as straight as an arrow, otherwise I would have been concerned sleeping in the same house. In some of the rooms are so many posters featuring women in little or no clothing at all, it's downright tasteless. According to him, he uses them as a 'source of inspiration' for the books. Somehow I don't buy that entirely, but well, it's not like I can change the situation. At least I got confirmed what a kind person he is, deep down. He'll become a pillar for you in the future I'm grateful for. You give so much, Naruto, the least I can wish for you is to have people willing to go just as far for you as you would for them. We also talked a lot about you in general and what the doctors said about your recovery. After all, there are some things needing to be sorted out by the time you wake up again. _

_Other than meeting with Jiraiya, I was utterly busy this week. I hardly went to work since I have some other things to do, but Juugo and Kimimaro are still doing excellent. Further, I figured out my new employee, Karin Fuuka, is related to you. I recognized her red hair being alike the one of your mother, since you showed me the single photo you have of them once. I learned her mother was a first-grade cousin of yours. Unfortunately her mother died several years ago, therefore I couldn't investigate more on the Uzumaki family in total yet. Though, I have the impression those people were rather moving; like, Karin grew up in a foreign land, far away from here, but her mother moved there herself from a completely other spot. I think it can easily be the members of your family are spread all over the world after all. The wish to travel seems to run in the Uzumaki family itself – you, too, are always excited when I napped you out of the blue and took you to places you have never seen before. Since you are related, I figured you'd like to meet her and told her to pay you visits regularly. She immediately agreed, so I think she is, too, interested in getting in touch with people she's related to._

_I also spoke to Iruka a lot one day. Since Christmas is next week, the schools are about to close for the holidays, so he got some time at hand. He's genuinely joyful about your improvement and I kind of became aware how dark his face had turned until just a few weeks ago. I had turned blind to his worry, which kind of shames me to some degree. He was one of the few who were interested in my health along yours; Iruka kept a close eye on me and made sure I was doing at least alright while the weeks crept on. In exchange, I didn't as much as realize or actually bother about his own psych, missing to support him the way he did with me. I have to properly apologize to him, eventually, and see to make up for the trouble I caused him._

_Itachi held the company's yearly Christmas Gala and invited all sorts of people. I had to attend the event as well and found myself quite tired afterward. I'm not used to be among so many people anymore, let alone chat with those about all and nothing. Though, I found myself leaving after a while since I wasn't feeling too well. Itachi kindly excused me – after all, anything happening at the Gala would directly backfire on his reputation, along with the company's. But he was pleasingly understanding that evening, what I'm deeply grateful for._

_The apartment is pretty clean by now, too. I did the laundry and changed the covers, along with finally freeing everything from dust. It's terrifying how much I let it slack. Though, I have to admit it was – and still is – painful being there without you, Naruto. It's way too quiet and abandoned without your bright spirit here. But since you will, eventually, wake up again I find the thought less aching of being there alone. I simply imagine you're on a long vacation which will end sometime; then you'll return here, filling this sad place with life all over again. With that in mind, it's more bearable to move around here and clean up. The nightmares also became slightly less, making me aware just how little I have slept the last half year. Once you're back, laying next to me on the mattress, I might sleep a few days straight. I wouldn't mind it too much, though. I became remotely easy to satisfy so having you there, simply laying next to me in your sleep, would be enough to make me rest in peace._

_To put at least a bit of Christmas feeling in your direct environment, I got a large Euphorbia this week. Sadly the red, star-like leaves have no real scent, but they look wonderful with the white snow silently falling down from the sky outside your window. Actually, the space outside of your room is pretty popular at the hospital. There's a small hill where all the kids go to enjoy themselves, if they are allowed to leave the bed. Their laughter and happy cries are so loud you can sometimes hear them from here, too. I hope their joyfulness gives you some entertainment and encourages you to work harder so you can join them sooner._

_I hope it snows a lot next year as well – then we can enjoy it together._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I'm doing slightly better, but that somehow didn't really help in this chap.   
> It was hard to edit and I'm quite unhappy with it... but I can't really alter much since what happened here will have quite the impact on coming chaps.   
> Also, I noticed the next one will be one of my favorites! Really looking forward to see your reaction on it :) 
> 
> Damn. This title thing is getting quite difficult. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	32. 31st Letter - The Gift

“Are you alright?” Sai asked with concern, his eyes flicking rather quickly around while he looked at Naruto.

 

“Hm?” Blinking a few times more than usual Naruto looked up, forcing himself to take his eyes off the letter.

 

“You look about ready to cry,” Sai pointed out, clearly overtaxed with the situation. His helplessness was so obvious it was almost comical; the muscles on his arms were strained while his lips twitched, followed by a visible throbbing of the vein on his temple.

 

“I'm fine,” Naruto replied, heaving a sigh. “I'm just... This letter was quite intense. It's about my parents.” He could hardly keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. He was so utterly, utterly touched – hearing there were photos of his parents, photos which transported the message they loved their child deeply, just the length of an arm away. Soon Naruto would be able to hold the albums in his hands, looking at the photographs of the parents he never had. How recent were they? Were there some photos with him, too? He, the tiny infant, laying in the arms of his mother while his father held them in a protective embrace?

 

What a wonderful picture.

 

“But you don't even know them. Why would you cry then?” Sai asked and Naruto felt like something stabbed his chest at the words.

 

Sighing, loudly, he explained, “That's the point. I'm happy to hear there is _anything_ to learn about them, Sai, and that moves me to tears of joy.”

 

“Ah. Makes sense... in an odd way,” Sai replied, sounding too neutral for it to be an ironic comment. For a moment Naruto wondered who of them exactly was the odd one. At least he had enough understanding for the twisted, awkward character of him to not explode with anger at the harsh, bold way Sai reacted to his sensitive emotions. How the person who said all those meaningful, rather emotional things just a few minutes before could be the same as the one who just asked that odd questions was sometimes a mystery of its own.

 

Silently Naruto put the sheets back into the envelope, not really in the mood to sink in promising fantasies while Sai was around. He had been ignoring him for way too long already.

 

“So, what are you drawing?” Naruto asked, feeling the urge to talk a bit. He could always distract best that way.

 

Sai tilted his head, forcing a smile as he answered, “Oh, this and that.”

 

“Is it for the art class?” Naruto inquired, seeing if he could get him to talk a bit more. Though he usually was the one doing the talking, he kind of ran out of smalltalk material thanks to the coma.

 

“I already graduated a while ago,” Sai replied, his smile fading again and leaving him with a neutral expression. He didn't appear surprised or so, but his impassive face still gave off the impression he had trouble following.

 

Naruto furrowed his eyebrows. “What? But you weren't finished before another ye- oh.” He cut himself off with somewhat mixed feelings. Of course Sai had already graduated; 'another year' had passed in the meantime.

 

Seeing Naruto struggle, Sai started speaking again, as if to help him out of the awkward situation. “I participated in an art exhibition a few months ago, along with other young, promising artists. A big boss of some company came to me then and ordered a couple of drawings for the buildings. I have another exhibition coming in two months; maybe you can come.” He offered a gentle smile to Naruto.

 

“I'd love to. It's great you have such a success already,” he replied, putting a smile on himself, though he still felt rather... he couldn't really describe it. It was strange, having such a twisted sense for time. He was also older, wasn't he? Turned twenty-four last October. In a few months he'd be twenty- _five_ already. Without really noticing, he'd be a year older.

 

“Thanks.” Sai chuckled quietly, the skin around his nose turning a bit darker in color. Was he that flattered he even blushed?

 

While things looked the same on the surface, Naruto was reminded of the changes hidden beneath all over again. Everyone was the same and yet different. In the most extreme cases, he'd have to know them all over again – and all that before he could even _think_ about fixing whatever went wrong in their lives because of him.

 

There was a loud knocking on the door, one Naruto didn't recognize. Silently he watched the handle push down and the door opening, Sai having turned a bit on his chair so he could look towards it as well. A tall man appeared in the doorway with quite long hair and a fire red vest over a dark green shirt. But the most striking part of his were the red tattoos starting below his eyes and reaching down to his jaw.

 

“Ah, great, you're in!” The man grinned when he stepped in, his hands resting against his hips.

It took Naruto two more seconds to recognize the man – and instantly his jaw dropped while his heart raced a mile a minute.

 

“Y-you're...” he gasped, unable to finish the sentence. All he could do was staring, dumbfounded, at the tall man who just made his entrance.

 

“That's right,” the white-haired man replied, his voice soft as he spoke. “Nice to meet you, Naruto.”

 

“Hi,” Naruto returned, unable to come up with something better. It felt simply too unreal that the author of his favorite book and also Godfather stood, suddenly, inside his simple hospital-room, arms rested against his hips as he took a quick look around.

 

Sai was the first to move – he rose from his chair and packed his pencil and sketchbook away. “I better get going,” he stated with a small smile, looking straight at Naruto.

 

It snapped him out of his trance. “Sai, sorry, you don't have to-”

 

“There is some catching up you have to do,” he interrupted. “It's okay. I'll try to come by later this week again.” Sai cut out every other attempt for protest as he started for the door.

 

“Thanks,” Naruto called after him, deeply grateful. Obviously Sai got much better at reading the mood and acting accordingly. Naruto had to shamelessly give him some credit for the huge improvement.

 

The door closed with a click, leaving the man who turned out to be Jiraiya and Naruto alone.

 

Somehow, the situation was rather odd on both sides. Not really knowing what to do Jiraiya scratched the back of his head while Naruto chewed on his bottom lip nervously.

 

Suddenly Naruto let out a chuckle, admitting, “There is so much I want to talk with you about I don't know where to actually start.”

 

“I can perfectly understand you,” Jiraiya replied with a chuckle of his own. “But, since I plan on staying, we've got more than enough time to talk, don't we?” he suggested, quickly adding, “Only if you want to, of course. I could understand if you feel crowded or pushed, as well as disappointed.”

 

Naruto shook his head quickly. “No! I'd love if you stayed,” he said, almost afraid Jiraiya would immediately leave again otherwise. “It's just a bit much, that's all.”

 

Jiraiya grinned broadly at him while he, finally, took a seat on the edge of the bed instead of the chair, like he wanted to be physically closer. “So, how have you been? You look way healthier than I remember.” He lifted one leg onto the mattress so he could sit more comfortable.

 

“Rather well. Or, err, as well as somebody can be after not moving for a year,” Naruto told with a smile. He was still nervous, but it was already getting better.

 

“You put on some weight. That's a good start,” Jiraiya said while closely studying his face. “Wow... your eyes are quite a bit bluer than Minato's.”

 

“They are?!” Naruto asked with excitement. Barking a laugh Jiraiya gently ruffled his hair with one hand.

 

“And there is Kushina again. Missed that Uzumaki-fire for quite some time.” He chuckled once he finished, his entire body shaking at his uneven breathing.

 

Jerking his head away from the touch Naruto grinned, “Well, I am their child after all. But, I admit, it's great getting such an affirmation. Believe it.”

 

The look in Jiraiya's eyes grew soft. “It's fantastic to see you so well again. Sorry I didn't show up sooner and helped,” he stated while gently boxing his fist against Naruto's cheek. “But from now on, feel free to call whenever you need anything. Whatever it is, I'll be there for you.”

 

“Thank you. That means quite a lot to me,” Naruto admitted with a sheepish smile. “I can't wait to finally talk with you about mom and dad. Sasuke recently told me you got some albums and old books from dad at your place.”

 

Jiraiya furrowed his eyebrows. “You have already seen him? I thought he'd be abroad until next week,” he said with a hint of confusion in his voice.

 

“I think he still is, from what I know,” Naruto replied. He nodded towards the box to his left, explaining, “He wrote it in one of his letters. The most recent, actually.” A smile curling over his lips Naruto started running his fingertips over the envelope still laying on his blanket. “Though I'd rather have him here. Stupid bastard, traveling around like that while I'm here,” he murmured, the smile remaining.

 

For a moment Jiraiya's eyes hardened, but he quickly hid it away. “You're looking forward to see him again, right?”

 

Lifting his head up, Naruto blinked a few times in confusion. “Of course. After all, he's my other half. I feel somewhat incomplete without him here,” he answered.

 

For a moment Jiraiya looked like he was about to say something, but then he held the words suddenly back. “I'm happy for you and that special bond you had. Kind of reminds me of Minato...” He chuckled lowly. Apparently that was quite a habit. “In fact, he said pretty much the same about your mother. That they were only whole when they were together.”

 

“That's great!” Naruto cheered, out of the blue. It even startled Jiraiya for a moment, if his jerk was any indication.

 

With sparkling eyes Naruto added, “If dad managed to stay with mom for the rest of their lives, it means I can do that, too.”

 

Jiraiya laughed so hard, the entire bed shook with its force. “What a logic you've got there! Really refreshing,” he said, ruffling up Naruto's hair once again. He seemed to enjoy that a lot – or the blond hair was simply too tempting. “So, up to which letter did you read?” he asked with true interest.

 

“Thirty,” Naruto answered, his hand still on said envelope. Recalling a line of it he added, “Was the one directly before Christmas.”

 

“Oh!” Immediately Jiraiya reached around the bed, much alike Suigestu a few days before, and pulled the box with the letters closer. “So the next is the one for Christmas-week, right?” he asked without looking up. Both of his hands dug through the box, pushing the remained letters out of the way.

 

“Yeah, I guess so?” Naruto answered while watching him work around. Eventually Jiraiya lifted something up – a rather large looking packet. It was square, the upper side pretty big while it wasn't very thick.

 

“Ah, I knew he was going to pack it up for you.” Jiraiya snickered while looking at the packet. After a moment he held it out to Naruto, asking, “Would you like to open it? I'm very curious about your reaction.”

 

A bit confused Naruto accepted the packet, eyeing it closely when it laid on his lap. The packet was rather heavy... what could be inside?

 

He fumbled with a small strap on the side of the brown thing, but it was simply too strong for him to tear. It was the usual closing, or better opening, of boxes which delivered books, but the paperboard was simply too thick for him just yet. “Should I help?” Jiraiya asked, his large hand already laying half-way over Naruto's.

 

“Yeah, please,” he replied, curiosity finally taking over. Was that the Christmas present Sasuke got him? The one for his birthday had been very tiny, when he compared them.

 

Easily Jiraiya pulled on the strap, the paperboard tearing open right across the middle of the packet. However once the strap broke away he stopped, as if he left the rest of the opening to Naruto again.

 

Slowly Naruto opened the two lids, spotting a dark-orange square inside the packet. When his fingertips brushed over it he noticed it was somehow smooth, as if it was some kind of cloth. On top laid a bright-orange envelope with the characters 'To Naruto' written across it. Immediately he lifted it up, pulling out a white card with a drawn Christmas-tree on the front. He knew the design from somewhere... wasn't that Sai's drawing style?

 

Even more confused Naruto opened the card, reading the few short sentences quickly.

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Merry Christmas._

_I hope you'll enjoy your present._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

Glancing down at the dark-orange something, Naruto eventually spotted silver on it – a title, the characters pressed deeply into what he assumed was a cover. The curly writing said 'For You, From Us', a title Naruto couldn't really remember to ever have heard.

 

For a moment he looked up, searching for Jiraiya's eyes. When they glanced at each other he nodded silently, encouraging Naruto to finally open the book.

 

Carefully he lifted the present out of the packet, afraid to harm the hardcover, Jiraiya removing the box for him so he could lay the book back into his lap.

 

After a moment of hesitation Naruto opened the book, having to turn two empty pages before he suddenly spotted bright, shining colors. Eyebrows furrowed he stared down at the two pages, seeing familiar faces on them.

 

The background of the pages was a simple but creamy white, a black decoration drawn around colorful photos, almost like it was a frame. The pictures were almost as big as the entire page, but below was a small space with words written on it.

 

At first Naruto took in the photo on the left. It showed Kiba with Hinata in a tight embrace, sitting outside on a bench. They were packed in thick clothing, a clear sign for the low temperatures, and the tree they sat under was covered in snow and small, colorful lights. Beside them sat Kiba's large dog Akamaru, his head tilted slightly while he looked towards the camera. The couple was smiling gently, Kiba wearing his usual grin while Hinata's face was slightly flushed, maybe from her general shyness or perhaps from the cold. The writing below read “Merry Christmas, buddy! Can't wait to hear you laugh again. – Kiba” and “Merry Christmas, Naruto. I hope you'll recover soon. – Hinata”. The styles looked strange, as if it were their actual handwriting directly printed into the book.

 

On the next page he saw other familiar faces – Shikamaru, lazily laying on his side while he absently looked at an inflamed candle placed on the table next to him. He rested his head on top of his hand, his other laying on the side of his stomach. At the table sat another friend of Naruto, Choji, who was also Shikamaru's best friend since diapers. As usual he was eating something, the bowl of maroons still laying before him though he momentarily stopped eating so he could look at the camera. Unlike Kiba and Hinata they were inside, probably Shikamaru's living-room. Again there were lines at the bottom looking much alike individual handwriting. “Merry Christmas, Naruto! – Choji” and “'Mas – Shika”.

 

Skipping a few pages, Naruto stopped again when he was more or less in the middle of the book. There he saw, surprisingly, a photo of Sasuke's staff from Taka. They were posing in front of the main building of the office, ankle deep in snow. He recognized Karin, thought she looked rather unhappy about standing outside, Suigetsu right next to her with his hands crossed behind his head. Then there was also Juugo, a tall, bulky man who was probably the kindest person on the planet next to a serious looking man who appeared to be a ghost. Kimimaro had always been a rather shady type, Naruto had to admit, so he didn't particularly bother he looked like some spirit. “Merry Christmas – Karin, Sui, Juugo, Kimimaro” was written across the bottom, the names looking more like a signature.

 

On the other side was a photo of the various nurses and doctors who treated Naruto; Shizune was there, as well as Doctor Tsunade, Kakashi, and everyone else. They stood in front of a white wall which got a green and red garland hanging right below the ceiling as a decoration. Every single of them was smiling – but Kakashi, who only held an Icha Icha book in front of his face, as if he was reading – at the camera, again a greeting placed right below the photo along with every single of their names.

 

It took Naruto a moment to fully realize what the book was about, but when it hit him he was unable to close his mouth again.

 

Apparently, the book was full of newly made photos of people he knew, collected in a large book. Further the greetings written under the pictures seemed to have been made by hand as well and then added below the photograph, every single one individually phrased by the people featured on the page. Now that he thought about it, the black, inky decoration which served as an optical frame might have been made by Sai; he used to scribble like that, at times. Likely he had designed the frames as well, after he already made the card.

 

There was just one thing Naruto couldn't really understand just yet:

 

If the rather thick book showed everyone he knew – friends, co-workers, family – then why did only Sasuke sign the card which came along? Wasn't the book a collective gift from everyone? Surely Sasuke hadn't... had he?

 

No. There was no way Sasuke had actually gone personally to every single one and asked them to pose for a photo, especially while some of Naruto's friends were still blaming him for the accident. Even if he walked to them, they would have turned his request down immediately.

 

Plus, when did he actually start making the book? The photos looked to be around Christmas time, but it was pretty much impossible Sasuke managed to get the entire thing done within two weeks. He must have started taking the photos much sooner to actually be done by Christmas.

 

… No.

 

As crazy as it sounded, the book must have been created within the time where Naruto showed more brain-activity and Christmas Day. The couple of faces he had seen – everyone looked so relaxed, so happy, not a sign of fear or worry obvious in their features. If Sasuke would have taken the photos earlier, then there had to be a dark gleam in their eyes or another sign for their grief and pain. But the eyes he looked into, printed on the smooth paper – they spoke for themselves. The photos must have been taken _after_ the joyful news about Naruto's recovery. And the notes! His friends took their time writing them down, genuine get well soon wishes along with a happy Christmas. Just how much effort exactly had Sasuke put into the book? Between taking the photos, gathering the notes, settling for a design and eventually print it... How on earth did he make it to the deadline?

 

“This is just... crazy,” he murmured lowly.

 

 

 

And yet it was the most precious present Naruto had ever received in his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Here an out-of-schedule update. Partly I was simply dying to see your reactions to this chap, and partly the company which repaired my phone pissed me off so much I needed to vent. 
> 
> As I mentioned in the last chap, this is one of my favorite chapters.  
> It's also the only one which does not have an actual letter in it, safe for the small writing on the card.  
> If you ask my friends, I'm something like a pro at gifting, so my ideas are usually quite thought out, unique, and overly special.  
> I remember having struggled a lot with a suitable gift and eventually came up with this idea.  
> Throughout the next chaps, Naruto will check on the photos once in a while.  
> I didn't go and think of a photo for every character, but a few more are definitely coming up. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chap. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	33. 32nd Letter - The Resolution

Absently Naruto ran his fingers over the shiny, smooth pages, the collection of all his precious people gathered in a single book. A smile laid over his lips when he remembered nobody had even mentioned the album to begin with, saving the surprise up to the very last moment.

 

Next to him Jiraiya remained silent – giving him the space and calmness Naruto needed to properly cherish the unique present. Though, he _did_ glance rather interested towards the pages, as if his curiosity over the final result was taking the better of him.

 

Completely focusing on the book, Naruto turned over the pages rather fast. He'd go slower though it eventually, taking in all the details, but first he wanted to take an overall view of the entire thing. Naruto was impatient like that when it came to presents, has been since he was a kid.

 

He saw so many faces in the album... from people he saw almost daily like Kiba and Sai to friends he had missed over the last few years, like Haku. Naruto had stopped at that photo a bit longer, impressed how much his friend had changed already. The hair was longer than before and there were quite decently sizes breasts visible on the chest already. He had silently smiled at the photo, happy Haku finally took the step and outed herself wanting to live as a woman.

 

There was even one of Jiraiya included, while he sat on a large divan in front of a fireplace, grinning mischievously at the camera. His room looked rather rich and big, pretty much reminding Naruto of something like the cave of a pimp or something. He even spotted a rather odd poster on the back, half-way hidden behind something like a red blanket.

 

When Naruto moved onto the next page however he stilled.

 

Those two were different from the other.

 

Instead of having a single photo like the other pages, the left side he currently looked at was an entire collage. Five photos where spread over it, some bigger and some smaller, always featuring the same two people.

 

Naruto's parents.

 

They looked a bit different on every shot; on the one at the top they appeared to be teenagers, the two of them hanging out on a white beach. His mom was enthusiastically waving at the camera, a wide grin over her face, while his dad was approaching slowly with a watermelon tugged under one of his arms, a gentle smile gracing his lips.

 

Next was a stripe of four photos, like the ones coming out from a small stall. Kushina was making funny faces on three of them, Minato having joined her on the first two shots. On the third, he gently touched the side of her face. On the fourth, they were kissing tenderly with both having closed their eyes.

 

On the last few pictures, Kushina's belly grew more and more in size while Minato seemed somewhat happier than usual on them. On the last one he was even resting his head on top of Kushina's large stomach, his hand gently laying next to his head as if he was feeling something.

 

The right page featured, again, a large photo – Minato as he had one arm around her, his eyes looking tired but still shining with so much warmth it radiated right from the picture. Kushina looked snuggled against his chest, her head just under his chin. She appeared exhausted, more so than Minato, but her features where soft and relaxed while she glanced down between them.

 

Safely cradled in her arms was a bundle of orange fabric, a tiny, slightly red face of a baby in it's middle. The eyes were softly closed and mouth opened in deep sleep, tiny fists closed right before the infant's chest. On top of the baby's head was a fluff of shining blond hair.

 

Below the photo featuring the young family was a writing as well – a rather sharp looking, simple one, reading “Thank you for letting us become parents. Thank you so much for being born to us. We love you, Naruto. – Mom & Dad”

 

On its own accord, his bottom lip started trembling uncontrolled. He found himself biting back a sob, his teeth closing so hard his muscles started to cramp while he looked down at the photo with teary eyes.

 

“That was taken a couple of days after you were born,” Jiraiya lowly explained. “The lines were written by your dad across the back of the photo. I have the original in my house, but Sasuke asked me if he could add those few shots into your book.”

 

Slowly Naruto lifted one hand, wiping at his eyes. “Damn bastard,” he cursed softly, “Giving me such a present while not even being here when I open it... fuck!”

 

How much did he wish Sasuke was there with him. How much did he want to thank him a million times for giving him such a gift. How desperately did he want to pull him close, in that moment – the man who showered him in so much love it was unbearable.

 

The album in his lap was more than a present; it was a demonstration of feelings so powerful and running so deep it went beyond everything Naruto knew. How else could Sasuke know, of all the photos he saw at Jiraiya's place, he needed to add that particular one into the book? Naruto had never voiced his fears, his worries. Researching about his past also meant he might have stumbled upon something he didn't like. What if his parents were too young to have a baby? What if Naruto had been an accident? Did they look forward to the child? Did they love him? The chances for such a truth were low but always there – on bad days, those dark thoughts held him back from searching for answers. So, how did Sasuke know that simple picture of a young family along with the few words was all Naruto wished for? It couldn't be a coincidence – Sasuke was not the type for those. More, he must have closely checked on the variety he had and chosen the photos carefully among them.

 

“I can't wait to see the rest of the photos,” Naruto admitted with a smile. He already loved the tiny preview he got through the album.

 

Snuffling a single time, he managed to get a hold of himself again. It was fine being emotional, but Naruto felt very much like a crybaby lately. He hadn't spilled so many tears in half of his life compared to the ones he cried the last couple of days. Maybe that was because of the entire coma and accident-thing. It was all simply too much to keep his cool.

 

Calm again, Naruto turned over the pages and found himself looking at, apparently, the last photo of the album – and all color left his face when he saw it.

 

Sasuke's photo.

 

The picture was taken in their living-room, near the sofa. A tree was placed in the corner behind the couch, illuminated by colorful lights. Many golden bells and shining ball ornaments were all over the dark green branches, as well as golden colored garlands. It was richly decorated, even when Naruto hadn't done it himself. Sasuke was usually very cheap when it came to décor.

 

Anyhow, the tree looked very Christmasish, even a few gifts placed under it for better effect. Sasuke himself was sitting on the couch, his legs hidden under the orange blanket they had there while his upper body was covered by a large red pullover with a few snowflakes embroidered over the chest and stomach. He was faintly smiling at the camera, his eyes dark and unreadable because of the distance. Under it he had written “I can't wait to sit here with you again, Naruto. I love you. – Sasuke”, his curly handwriting as beautiful as ever.

 

But Naruto still saw it.

 

Even when he wore rather loose clothes, Sasuke had obviously lost weight. A lot of weight. He looked sickly skinny, his cheeks sunken in so heavily his cheekbones were overly prominent. Dark, almost black shadows were under his eyes, proofs of his nightmares and lack of sleep, while his hair and the skin had lost some of their shine. His entire being appeared weakened, to the point of complete exhaustion. Sasuke looked so sick it was terrifying.

 

And that man had rushed around to get the album ready before Christmas? Where did he gather the strength for it? Had he collapsed somewhere in between? Because, honestly, Sasuke looked ready to sink together right on the spot.

 

The photo made his stomach clench painfully.

 

Unable to bear the view, Naruto closed the book, facing at the far end of the room.

 

“I'm here,” Jiraiya said, only a mere whisper. Yet it made Naruto turn his head around and look at him. “In case you need support or anything,” he added, concern and a bit of worry reflecting in his wise eyes.

 

Clearing his throat noisily, Naruto tried to put his thoughts together. “It's okay. I'm just... shocked,” he replied, truthfully. “I knew it was bad, but not... _that_ bad.”

 

“He looks already better on the picture than when I first met him,” Jiraiya told. “And by now he looks rather healthy again. You don't have to worry about him.”

 

“That doesn't make it undone,” Naruto whispered bitterly. The thought that Sasuke was in such an unworthy state sometime in his life was already hard to bear. To think it was because of himself made it all the more worse. “Sasuke should never look that... pathetic. He's Sasuke Uchiha, God damn it!” Naruto shouted in anger and regret. “He isn't meant to _ever_ look like that! He's supposed to stand tall and surpass everyone else! To see him like this,” He started down at the album, the picture of the weakened human still appearing before his eyes every time he blinked. “Sickens me so much I feel like throwing up,” he spat in distaste. For a moment he felt like tearing the entire page out of the book and burn it right away, wiping out every evidence of Sasuke ever having looked like that.

 

But since the photo of his parents with him was on the backside, Naruto couldn't bring himself to. It almost looked like Sasuke had known how he'd react and therefore printed the album so it was impossible, or at least too painful, for Naruto to get rid of his photo. Plotting bastard that he was Sasuke probably saw the change of mood coming as well and therefore put his picture at the very end, so it would be easy to avoid in the future.

 

“You're quite fired up,” Jiraiya chuckled lowly before gently reaching for the album. “Perhaps we should put this one away until you lost the urge to tear the page out, shouldn't we?”

 

Naruto allowed the item to be removed and huffed, “Am I that easy to read?”

 

“Like an open book,” Jiraiya confirmed and laid the album onto the nightstand, putting the box with the envelopes right on top of it.

 

~*~

 

Jiraiya had stayed rather long. When it was time for lunch he even offered to feed Naruto – kind of embarrassing, on the one hand, but also a clear sign for his wish to be better in the role of a Godfather – and hadn't left before it was two in the afternoon. Naruto had also asked, right before he left, if he could bring him a folder the next day so he could finally put the letters away.

 

He had also, kindly, taken the envelope marked with '32' and left it on the side of the mattress, within Naruto's reach.

 

For a felt eternity the white piece of paper laid there, teasingly, but Naruto still lacked the will to read it. Anger and guilt still pulsed through his system; the horrid photo wouldn't vanish from his thoughts, even when Jiraiya confirmed how well Sasuke was doing again. At least he could finally understand why Itachi fed him to every fast food imaginable; if Sasuke was _even worse_ before it was close to a wonder he didn't starve. In Naruto's opinion, it was only fried all-you-can-eat buffets for them for a couple of months. He really needed to get some meat back on those bones soonest possible.

 

For the tenth time, Naruto glared down at the envelope. Would Sasuke even mention the present in that letter? Probably not since he most likely knew how he'd react upon seeing his photo. Once seriously pissed off it was wiser to not mock Naruto further.

 

A couple of glares later he eventually picked the cover up, giving in to his wish to have an update.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Since you have been steadily improving for the last few weeks, the doctors made some expectations and prognosticated you'll awake sometime next summer. An awfully long time to go, given it's merely the end of December, but I'm still very relieved. Having an actual date relaxes me a great lot._

_The entire town is still covered on snow. It's incredible! You'd be enjoying yourself so much... Staying out until late in the night, coming back soaking wet and shivering, leaving me with warming you up again so you won't get sick. Actually it's not that cold after all. Fresh, yes, but with proper clothes it's even enjoyable being outside. I found myself taking a few walks again, after a long while. Somehow I didn't feel like being outside while you were in the hospital and I have to admit I can't properly enjoy my walks neither today. However, while I was out having dinner with Iruka a few times I found a nice, small park in another part of the city. I'm quite comfortable walking around there, seeing my footprints in the snow behind me._

_Since it's almost New Year, I closed up Taka for the time between Christmas and January 1 st. I think they deserved themselves a break; Suigetsu actually invited himself over to our place for New Year. It'll be the first time in years we spend that day together. I'll also stop by at Itachi's for a while, too. He's been working a lot after the Gala and he seems more tensed than usual. He, too, closed business over the holidays but still drives to his office almost every day. _

_I also checked out a few temples recently. I'll pay one of them a visit on New Year's, praying for health and happiness, as well as strength to face the daily challenges awaiting in the near future. I've never been the most spiritual of all people, but Iruka suggested me to go see a temple so I took the advice. It was also him who suggested me a few places in the outskirts of town. He knows surprisingly much about the borders and downtown – I don't know if I should be concerned about that. Anyhow, some of the places were very nice. Once you'll be out of hospital, we should go there together._

_Now that Christmas is over and I have a few free days, I tried finding out a bit more about the Uzumaki family. Karin had only disappointingly little information about her mother, ending in a dead-end. Sadly, Jiraiya also knows just bits about the Uzumaki. I plan on looking through some records of hospitals and perhaps also get a few detectives as well, to see if they can track somebody down. At least I know they traveled a lot, so I might be successful abroad. Worth a try, at the very least. I'll start the new research in Karin's former hometown. There I might get some new leads._

_With the New Year in reach, I also started thinking a bit, mostly what I want to archive next year and what I got done this passed one. But, somehow, I can't really come up with something at all. The only thing I want to do next year is earn your forgiveness and make peace with a couple of people. A few still hold a grudge against me while others entirely distrust me. I'd like to be at least on a neutral stage with them again, for your sake. You'll be busy enough with rehab and overcoming the accident once you wake up; you don't need an overly tensed atmosphere around you as well. I want to make things easier for you, as much as I can._

_I've spoken with Kakashi again and it seems I got fully off the pills by now. We talk a lot about many things. Though I don't trust him on a personal base, he remains an extremely skilled and intelligent man. As long as we talk about facts, I don't have any issue agreeing with him. At this point, I kind of have to take back what I wrote in one of my earlier letters; if you're assigned to him for therapy, you should make the best of it. I know it'll be difficult, especially since he enjoys fucking with other people's minds, but if you can bear it he'll be a great assistance to you, Naruto. But since I know you and your character well, you'll probably make friends with him soon anyhow – after you overcame the urge to strangle him. At least I'm not worried about you getting yourself into problems. Your body is so weakened, you won't be able to physically attack him at all. And I know already you'll feel like hitting him, very hard. He might be the best, but God knows Kakashi's also a very heavy burden._

_The Euphorbia is still rather good looking. Since it's an actual plant, I might keep it at our place for the time being. It would be a shame throwing it away while it's still well and healthy. It even got a few new red leaves; they feel rather tender under my fingertips. However I think I'll get you other flowers next week – it's getting a bit late for Christmas-themed flowers. Reminds me, I need to figure out which bloom to get you for the next time. Since you're slowly waking up, the doctors said you might also start noticing things around you, like touches, voices, also smells. I'll see if I can find something with a rather faint scent so you can slowly get used to the smells again. I'll also make sure to talk to the nurses and see if I can bring you some of your comfortable pajamas. For now you're wearing the simple clothing offered by the hospital, at first because it was difficult and complicated to move you and later because I lacked the drive to think about something like that. Most likely it'll be one of your orange baggies as well as a few undershirts. For the winter I might bring along actual shirts, too. With all the sleeping, I wonder if you produce as much heat as you used to; better not taking any risks getting you sick._

_Oh – since I got the prognosticated date of your awakening, I also adjusted the size of the box. When my calculations are correct, it should be mostly filled with envelopes by the time you come back to conscience._

_I hope you'll be able to banish some of the boredom with my letters, Naruto._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> I feel a bit worse, so this will be rather short again.   
> I'll be away next weekend, so there might not be an update. Maybe I'll feel up to post and edit the next one on the following Monday.   
> Depends on my mood really. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chap. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	34. 33rd Letter - The Fire

Snorting Naruto tugged the letter back into the envelope. As expected, Sasuke avoided even mentioning the gift. Stupid calculating bastard.

 

Laying the cover back down on the mattress, Naruto took the chance to check on his clothing. Yeah, those were some of his looser pants in bright orange and he also recognized his undershirt. It had a small hole on the left side, at the level of his stomach, the seam having opened slightly due to overuse. Until then he hadn't as much as bothered about his clothes. They were comfortable and familiar, so he took them as self-understanding and didn't think about them.

 

He was just about to lay down for a nap when there was, again, a knock at his door.

 

Sighing he still lowered the part of the bed behind his back, not stopping before he was half-way laying. “Yeah?” he called, loud enough to be heard through the door, and watched how the handle pushed down. And like with Jiraiya first, a stranger appeared in the doorway.

 

Eyebrows furrowing Naruto took in the appearance. The shape belonged to a woman, that much was clear, and she wore a dark blue dress around herself. Stunningly long, spiky hair covered her face and reached down to, at the very least, her knees in length. It also looked a bit bronze, like a mix of red and brunet hair, and a pair of large sunglasses hid her eyes from view.

 

Next to her stood another person Naruto hadn't even noticed before – a short, almost teeny boy with blue hair and the ugliest glasses Naruto had ever seen. They had something like large round headphones at the end of the earpieces, apparently covering his ears as well. Where those people related? Probably not since they totally didn't look alike.

 

“Oh, what a nice surprise to find you awake,” the woman said, her full lips moving barely as she spoke. She pulled the glasses off, her hair shifting a bit as she did so. Half of her face was, in fact, hidden by her thick bangs while a green eye glanced at him in interest. “And how good you look. More color surely suits your face,” she added before stepping closer. The teen next to her hurried forward as well, quickly pulling the chair back for her so she could take a seat.

 

“Oh, uhm, thanks...?” Naruto murmured, a little confused. The woman was a complete stranger to him and, actually, rather pretty so close up. She looked young, barely a few years older than himself, and she grinned somewhat strangely at him while she rested her head on top of one fist, studying him closely. “Are we related, maybe...?” he inquired. Judging from the reddish hair, she might have been an Uzumaki, too. By now Naruto got somewhat used to relatives randomly coming for a visit, so he wouldn't be exactly stunned if she turned out to be yet another cousin of his.

 

The woman, however, laughed brightly before she replied. “Oh, no. We're all but related, young man.”

 

“Then... what are you doing here?” Naruto asked, more than confused. If they weren't related, what could she possibly want?

 

“I came to formally apologize,” the woman answered, her face growing hard all of a sudden. Before she had a playful gleam in her eye, but it had completely vanished. “My name is Mei 'Mizukage' Terumi. About a year ago, you were involved in a car accident.”

 

Slightly Naruto's eyes widened. “You mean, _you_ were the one driving?!” he gasped, the realization to meet the one who almost killed him shaking him up to the point his ears rang.

 

“I wasn't the driver, but it was my car,” Mei explained, keeping her cool perfectly. “I was on the backseat when it happened. But since it was my driver, I am equally responsible for what happened to you as him.” She suddenly bowed forward, so much her forehead touched her knees. “Please accept my apology, Naruto Uzumaki. I will do my best to make up for what you were forced through.”

 

A bit helpless, Naruto glanced around the room, as if there was something in there which could get him out of the messy situation. “Uhm,” he eventually mouthed, saying, “Sorry, but I don't really get it. It makes no sense.”

 

In a second Mei whipped her upper body up again, staring intensely at him. She didn't speak, but her eye looked so demanding Naruto started explaining himself out of his own accord.

 

“I mean, Miss- Miss Mizukage, I don't understand why you apologize to me. It wasn't _you_ driving, right?” he said, feeling how the single eye bore into his very being.

 

Suddenly, however, she leaned back on the chair and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “But it was _my_ driver. As his employer, it's my duty to stand in for what he did and bear the consequences,” she replied, surprisingly dry considering her gentle appearance.

 

“Just,” Naruto murmured, “Like, I don't want to insult you or anything, I just don't get it. How can you be responsible for what a worker of yours did? As a superior, you aren't to blame for what your employees do, unless it's based on the contract and written...” He trailed off, shaking his head rapidly. Where did that business bafflegab come from?! “ _What I'm trying to say,_ is, well, thanks for the apology, though I don't blame you for anything,” he finished, taking a deep breath.

 

For a moment there was silence – and then Mei laughed softly, lowly, making her noises sound way too much like a small moan.

 

“Miss Mizukage?” Naruto called, confused once again. He just didn't get that odd woman or her reasons why she came.

 

“You're a very charismatic young man, Naruto,” she admitted with a smile. “And I am glad you accept my apology. I was very concerned about your health.” She tilted her head to the side, studying him again. It was slowly creeping him out, how she stared at him.

 

“Thanks... I guess?” he answered, simply to say _something_ to break the silence between them.

 

“I was worried I wouldn't get the chance to personally apologize to you at all,” Mei stated while crossing her legs. One got utterly exposed through the action, her skin coming into view through a long cut in her dress.

 

“How come?” Naruto asked, unaffected. She _was_ a pretty woman, but he was still gay to the core for a certain man, so he didn't even glance at the view she offered him.

 

Mei heaved a sigh as she told, “Your fierce partner wasn't very founded of my plans. I have to admit, I only could come here since he's out of town.”

 

“Well, now you finally managed to get it off your chest,” Naruto grinned, brightly. “Therefore you shouldn't worry too much anymore, Miss Mizukage.”

 

Again she studied him with a soft laughter while she reached into her pocket with one hand. “A very charming young man,” she muttered while holding out her closed hand to him. “This is for you.” Mei smiled tenderly before pressing her hand down on top of Naruto's. When he turned it around and opened it, something small slipped into his palm. As she pulled back, Naruto realized it was a small goody in cream-colored paper. “Unfortunately I have to leave. My schedule is very full,” Mei said as she got up, a sole glance in the direction of the teen being enough for him to dash to the door and jerk it open for her. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Naruto Uzumaki,” she said over her shoulder, blinking an eye at him before pulling the glasses back on.

 

A little dumbfounded Naruto gave a nod and answered, “Yeah, it was nice. Thanks, Miss Mizukage.”

 

Once the door closed, leaving Naruto alone again, he glanced down at his hand. The goody still laid in there, he paper ruffled on the two sides of the round middle. “Candy, hu...?” he murmured to himself. For a second he also wondered how quickly he had relaxed around the woman, though he originally thought she had been the one hitting him with the car. He also could understand Sasuke not wanting her exactly around; apparently she felt partly responsible for the accident and that was already enough to set Sasuke off, as it seemed. And what was the goody she gave him for?

 

Deep in thoughts Naruto played a little with the candy, rolling it around on his palm while he tried to wrap his mind around who he just met. In the moment she explained what she came for, it had been clear to him she wasn't to blame for what had happened. But, had that been the right assumption? Wasn't she, in fact, also an important factor in the accident? After all, if she hadn't been around, her driver wouldn't have either.

 

“Nah,” Naruto said to himself, “She hadn't been the one driving. Period.”

 

He better stuck to the few things which still made sense to his head – especially since there was much more confusing stuff bothering him additionally. Like, the random business stuff coming out of his mouth since he woke up. Was that even normal? Or had he got some brain damage after all, due to the coma?

 

Murmuring to himself in thought Naruto finally lowered the mattress until he laid flatly. His eyes were already closing, the lids heavy after he had been up for the entire day. Watching the album also ate away on his little forces, especially on his mental ones. Who'd have thought being happy and delighted would be so tiring to him, one day...

 

~*~

 

“Hm... let me sleep...” Naruto complained, his eyebrows knitting when the shaking on his shoulder remained.

 

“It's time for your dinner,” Shizune stated. “And Sasuke's recent letter arrived with the mail today,” she added when her shaking went ignored.

 

In the blink of an eye Naruto laid on his back, eyes wide and awake while he pushed down on the button to lift his bed. Shaking her head Shizune let the envelope marked with '52' fall into the box. For a moment he considered asking for it; everything inside him ached for Sasuke, for knowing if he was on the way back already. However in the end he decided against it. Sasuke went through the trouble of writing them in a certain order - it felt wrong to skip so many envenlopes and instead jump to the present. 

 

While watching her, Naruto happened to glance at the album as well. “Thanks,” he stated, making her turn towards him with confused eyes. “I opened the Christmas packet today,” he told with a warm smile, “And I saw the photo of you guys in the album. Thank you for it.”

 

“It was nothing,” Shizune insisted while, like so often before, she cut the soft bread into small pieces. “It was a very nice idea from Sasuke. We were happy to help making it.” Carefully she lifted the first piece up. “You should keep sleeping after dinner. Tomorrow it's training with Lee again, so you'll need your forces,” she said upon holding out the first bite to him.

 

“Mhm,” Naruto confirmed, his mouth still full with food. After swallowing he added, “He's quite the pushy type. My legs still slightly sting from the last stretching.”

 

Shizune hummed in though while she fed him. “I'll get you some magnesium later. That should ease the pain.” She didn't give him the time to reply, already holding out the next piece. “You also have another appointment for a check-up tomorrow. It's also the time when we'll take a blood-sample.”

 

“Why that?” Naruto asked before accepting the new bite.

 

“Because of the poor nutrition, you probably suffer from all sorts of deficiencies. It's better to keep a close eye on those, as well as the flow of hormones. It may be disturbed due to the long coma,” she explained, arching an eyebrow when she found the plate being already empty. “For just having woken up you ate rather fast,” she noticed, staring at Naruto almost reproachful. “You should better take your time and chew properly before swallowing.”

 

Leaving his mouth fall open he stared at her before answering, “But _you're_ the one who fed me so fast!”

 

For a moment her face darkened in color, but Shizune quickly got a hold of herself again. “Anyhow, you should head straight to sleep after reading the next letter,” she said, walking around the bed like so often before.

 

“Number thirty-three,” Naruto supplied, holding back a chuckle. It had been rather cute, seeing her so embarrassed, even if it was only for a moment.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_With the new year came freezing temperatures. They dropped so much the snow on the roads is freezing over with a layer of ice. I could barely get the engine of the car to work on a few of the mornings, it was so unreasonably cold. At least the weather was good so the festivals for New Year's took place all over the town. Iruka invited me to a small get-together and prepared some Mochi. Actually, he also gave me some along for the staff of the hospital, mostly for the ones caring for you. Why I was send out to deliver the food I don't know; I think he wanted to make me look good among the doctors, after the rough months we have had. At least I had Suigetsu with me, so I didn't have to drag the boxes around on my own. For a moment I thought it was a genuinely social act he made, helping out a friend for bringing a nice treat to people who had to work even on the holidays, but when I saw him steal away some of the Mochi I noticed he was just greedy. He also took a lot to drink that night, so he ended up sleeping on our sofa until he was sober again._

_I also went seeing Itachi, since I couldn't really get more done on the research about your family. We went to one of the temples, praying for our parents. It's been a while I went visiting the graves with him, what fills me with shame. I really overindulged myself. After that we went to a small confectionery where he had chocolate worth a fortune. In there, I noticed I went to that shop with you a couple of times in the past, when you suddenly felt like having hot chocolate. _

_This year a great lot of people called up our landline, even when New Year's was already over. They all send their regards and best wishes for this new year. Some of your friends called, too, and apologized to me. They said they thought a lot and decided it wasn't fair of them to treat me like they did. I'm deeply grateful – not for my sake, but for the fact you'll wake up and find a few of your friends free from anger and grudge._

_Jiraiya called me as well and said he'll be abroad again for a while, working on the next movie of Icha Icha. He told me he left some of your father's novels in your room and said I should read them out to you when I have the chance, since you show more activity when you listen to the spoken words. We agreed on encouraging the stimulation so it helps your brain to work again. After such a long pause, the doctors said you might have trouble speaking and moving upon awakening, since the brain was in stand-by. He also gave me a few pages of the newest Icha Icha book, but I think it may be risky to read them out to you at the hospital. After all, I know how you react when I quote some of the hero's lines, using that voice... _

_I have the feeling I'm slightly trailing off, so I better focus again._

_I ran into Gaara again sometime this week and we talked a little. He, too, is deeply relieved you seem to finally wake up. He was genuinely worried about you; it's obvious how much lighter he feels once the weight got off his shoulders. We had some coffee at the cafeteria of the hospital and he inquired a little about Jiraiya. I was surprised to see him so interested into him; Gaara wants to get to know him closer, so he can figure out if he can trust him or not. I'm impressed to see he's so close to you he'd worry about you possibly getting hurt or disappointed by somebody apparently related to you._

_Since the nurses confirmed it's okay, I brought some of your clothes to the hospital. I like you much better wearing those. Before you only wore white things, colorless and way too pale, going too well with your complexion for my taste. The shockingly orange shirt suits you way more; the startling color matches your wildness. I think it also motivates you more to move on and hurry up. After all, orange stands for optimism, vitality, and energy, right? Perhaps the comfortable clothes send some positive waves over to you, giving you strength you badly need. Apparently it's extremely difficult to wake up from a coma, especially half a year after its begin. But I'm confident you'll make it. You just like taking your time and tease us, naughty little love._

_I wondered what flower I should get you now, since it's the new year. I thought a lot and eventually settled for a large, dark red Anthurium. It's a flower with a large, heart-shaped bloom. Since it's so big, it kind of overpowers every other flower in a bouquet. Therefore, people see it as some kind of provoking bloom. But it also represents exoticism and strength. I got it for you because the Anthurium pretty much is what you are to me – an individual, stunningly beautiful flower which outshines every other plant around itself. You're exotic to me, in looks and personality, an individual among billion equals. And you also carry an unbearable power within yourself, enough to overcome every single obstacle on your way. Sometimes it's so much and so powerful, your fire, I have the feeling I'm getting my fingertips burned, yet I wouldn't want to miss a single second of it. I'd touch you over and over again, reaching my hand out to you even when you threaten to burn it with your shier energy._

_Even now, while you lay motionlessly on the bed, the only thing showing you're moving being the silent monitor on the side of your bed with the occasional jump in the straight line, I can sense it. You're more vital than you were a couple of weeks ago; your fire is awakening, your spirit breaking free from the slumber. I see the small, flickering flame inside you grow bigger and bigger with every day, it's warmth reaching out to all the people around you equally._

_I love seeing you so fired up, Naruto._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Damn, my feet are killing me. It was a good idea to take today off and recover.  
> The weekend was long and stressing, bit still kind of alright. 
> 
> I thought a lot about which character might be suitable to have been driving the car and in the end settled for Mei.  
> I really enjoy writing her; whenever I have a role to fill out which is slightly off-track but not evil, she comes to my mind.  
> The entire candy and Miss Mizukage thing came from a sidequest with her in Ninja Storm III.  
> Naruto showed her around the village while she, in fact, wanted to check out the power of the men in it (ofc Nardo was oblivious to that) and gave him some candy in the end.  
> It was a funny episode. 
> 
> Okay, got some stuff to do. See you around. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	35. 34th Letter - The Beauty

The low, rumbling voice of a man quietly told, “Ayashi was entirely trapped; there was no way for him to escape. Above him the ceiling was slowly coming down, threatening to smash it down with its weight, while the bridge he planned on crossing was completely broken. The door on his back was no option either, given it was sealed tightly. From far away, he heard the shriek of a woman.

  
'Bastard! Let her go!' he demanded, his eyes burning with a wild fire at the sight of his beloved Yue getting lowered in a pool filled with sharks, Dr. Orochi calmly chuckling while he stood next to her.

 

'Now, where would be the fun in that, Agent Kaze? You've got to work for saving your precious little girl,' Dr. Orochi told, his hand teasingly grasping a hold on Yue's chin.

 

She immediately bit down at the hand, earning herself a slap from the man.

 

'Motherfucker!' Ayashi yelled, his fists banging down at the thick glass trapping him inside the room.

 

Chuckling darkly Dr. Orochi turned around, smirking, 'I've got to leave now; important matters need to be taken care of. You surely understand.' He stepped into an elevator, calling, 'Adios, Agent Kaze. I enjoyed our little game for as long as it lasted'.

 

The doors closed, leaving the two partners alone with their fate. Yue was jerking on the ties, trying to loosen them, while Ayashi desperately searched for a way out.

 

'Ayashi', she suddenly called, softly. He heard her easily over the speakers in the room. 'I love you... so much...!'

 

'Hey,' he replied, smiling reassuringly up at her. 'Don't dare telling your farewell just yet. I'll get us out of here; all you have to do is believe in me.'

 

She forced her tears back, knowing well Ayashi wouldn't let her down, no matter the-”

 

The man suddenly cut himself off, turning silent for a moment. “Ah, nice to see you. How have you been?” he asked.

 

“How should I be? Pissed off, of course! It's borderline impossible to get rid of all of those idiots,” another male voice answered. Naruto immediately recognized the man as Sasuke. “If I see another journalist today, I'll give them something _real_ to report about,” he added with a growl.

 

“Easy. I made sure they won't get anywhere near him,” the first man told. The voice sounded familiar... could it be Jiraiya? “Would you like to read a little?” There was a rustling, as if he offered the text to Sasuke.

 

“No. You should do that,” he insisted, rather bitter and tensed. “I don't feel like reading now at all.” Steps could he heard, suggesting Sasuke was walking around the room for some reason.

 

The sound of an opening book reached Naruto's ears, but the voice didn't read at all. “Is there anything you'd like to talk about?” Jiraiya, instead, asked with a calm tone.

 

“I tell you I'm fine!” Sasuke hissed, “I just don't feel like fucking reading right now.”

 

“That wasn't my question,” Jiraiya neutrally replied.

 

“Tsk. Just leave me alone.” Sasuke growled low in his throat, rather frustrated.

 

Silence.

 

“If you like, you can stay at my house for a few days,” Jiraiya suddenly offered. Sauske didn't comment on that. “Nobody goes there and I'll be abroad soon. You can take a slight rest up there if you like.”

 

“... Is that really alright with you?” Sasuke inquired, lowly.

 

Naruto could practically hear Jiraiya's grin in the voice. “Of course. I'll bring you some spare keys tomorrow.”

 

“Thanks,” Sasuke muttered before releasing a heavy, exhausted sigh. “A break sounds heavenly.”

 

Alike the previous day, Naruto awoke relatively decent. He also didn't feel nearly as bad as then, given the rather calm memory he recalled. Though, he felt confused, mostly about the context. Apparently Jiraiya had been reading him one of the novels from his father aloud, the story of some hero, his girl, and the evil guy. But why was Sasuke in such a bad mood? Strange, given the fact the memory was from the time _after_ Naruto was doing better. Actually, he had thought simply nothing could get Sasuke upset after that. Yet it was obvious how tensed he was – so much he even snapped at other people. And why would he need a break, far off the city?

 

At least Jiraiya offered him some help. Somebody being there and helping Sasuke through the, obviously, difficult time was a soothing thought.

 

Stretching on the mattress, Naruto released a loud yawn. If he wasn't mistaken, he had a relatively free morning; only Kakashi would show up, the usual appointment, and in the afternoon Lee was waiting for him with more stretching. He also recalled some short medical check-up and a blood sample.

 

Feeling itchy on his side, he reached under his shirt to scratch himself. That reminded him he could really need another bath, especially after he had been sweating a lot lately. The red bulbs in the training hall were quite warming.

 

Curling his toes Naruto slowly woke up properly, wondering what time it was. It was rather rare he didn't get torn from sleep; who knew how long his body decided to rest in the slumber then. It could easily be late morning from what he knew.

 

He made a mental note to ask for a clock he could keep in his room when he had the chance.

 

His mouth opened again in a yawn, tiny tears collecting in his eyes at the action. He brought his other hand up to rub at them – when he laid on his back, he kind of managed to get his arms and hands to work remotely well.

 

Since it was too early for the next envelope, Naruto wondered what else he could do. Turning his head around he glanced at the room, not really spotting anything interesting. Man, now he wished he had the music-player already; he loved listening to some cheerful tunes after he woke up, helping him to start the day in a good mood.

 

Holding back another yawn he blinked to his left – and saw the orange cover of the book. The back was pointed to him, the letters 'For You, From Us' also written over it. It was upside down, but since Naruto knew the title it wasn't exactly a problem to know what the letters read.

 

He felt around for the remote, his eyes glancing intensely at the cover, even when he pushed the button which lifted him up.

 

Should he really risk looking through it again? Actually, the book was a pleasing way to kill the time until breakfast – if it wasn't for the horrible photo on its last page. It was hard to ignore it, even when Naruto would look at the other photos with the smiling, healthy faces of his friends.

 

It wasn't like he wanted to ignore the photo of Sasuke, to ban it from his thoughts entirely. He was just too bothered by it, the picture too painful to him for stomaching. But, could he be judged for how he felt? Yes, they were lovers, their beings closely intertwined with each other – and that was making it so hard to Naruto. Because he loved Sasuke so much the photo felt like a stab to him, directly into his chest, the blade turning painfully when he realized the reason for the horrible state was Naruto himself.

 

While he stared at the book, Sai's words pushed back into the front of his mind. _You have to forgive_ _yourself_ _; and that's probably the hardest thing to do_.

 

Forgive...

 

Before he could change his mind, Naruto quickly pushed the call button for the nurse.

 

~*~

 

He had checked on a few photos closer while the time passed by, not stopping even when a nurse came to take a blood sample. At the moment, Naruto was looking down at the picture of Sai and Sakura – and came to a surprising realization.

 

The photo was taken in Sai's studio, from what it looked like. Perhaps he had convinced Sakura to visit him and then he and the photographer – probably Sasuke, he was very good at making shots – had taken her off guard, more or less forcing her to pose along. Sakura had agreed, eventually, though she was probably pretty much pissed off they were going to take a photo for a Christmas present while there wasn't as much as winterish decoration in the studio. Sai sucked at those, keeping his rooms rather practically furnished and only keeping a couple of hiw own drawings on the walls so they didn't look entirely empty. He liked black and white a lot, so those colors clearly dominated his environment.

 

As a result, Sakura had apparently drawn a green Christmas tree with various colorful decoration on it across a large canvas. It was so messy her rage was practically radiating from it and the white suit she got for painting was covered in dots of color. Some even landed on her cheek, looking somewhat smeared as it was wiped away. Still she proudly presented the result, the drawing between her and Sai when they posed for the photo. Sai was smiling, faintly, his cheeks slightly flushed because he had laughed before. Like always there were hand-written greetings at the bottom, but Naruto found himself completely ignoring those, his azure eyes staring at the corner of the photo, or better, at Sai's right hand.

 

He had blue painting coating a few of his digits. The same blue that was across Sakura's cheek.

 

It looked like _he_ had wiped the paint away. With that in mind, Naruto checked closer on him – how he stood, how his muscles tensed, what his gestures gave away. In addition, he remembered Sai's behavior from the visits he paid him, along with his foggy memories, and came to a clear conclusion:

 

Sai _liked_ Sakura. Liked her as _more_ than a mere friend.

 

But it didn't look like he had confessed his feelings just yet, or as much as sorted them out. Sai tended to be difficult when it came to emotions. He probably got more attached to Sakura over the passed year, but given there was no opportunity yet – thanks to Naruto's complicated state of health – anything had properly developed between them.

 

At first, Naruto was excited; he'd be truly happy if his friends found their significant other in themselves. But then again, it wasn't his job to push things, especially after the present seemed so complicated. Maybe he could give Sai subtle suggestions... tell him to take Sakura out for dinner, now that he was doing better. Since she belonged to the ones most worried about Naruto and the accident, a huge weight was suddenly lifted off her shoulders once he woke up.

 

Naruto couldn't help a delighted grin. It would be simply _awesome_ if a romance resulted from his comatose time. He wasn't the sappiest person, but he'd rather have a cheesy relationship than all the pain and tension the accident and the following consequences caused.

 

When breakfast was brought, Naruto felt rather positive. He even had appetite, despite the fact it was the odd, stupid fruit salad again, and finished his meal relatively quickly. Since he let it slack a bit, he also asked the nurse to hand him over the weights. Lee had told him, on the first appointment, the red lights also helped to prevent muscle soreness, so it would be smart if Naruto did some workout before since he wouldn't be in too much pain the next day then.

 

Of course, he also had the nurse give him the envelope marked with '34'.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Another week has passed and I realized I am actually happy about the time passing now. Before it always left a bitter taste to me when I placed the number on the envelopes, unable to black out another week had passed without you showing any sign of life. But now that there is a goal in summer, I find myself almost delighted when I write the number onto the cover. I can't wait for the moment when I write the last one down._

_It's still freezing and it stopped snowing entirely. Rather good, given Coming of Age Day was recently. The traffic is always horrible that time of the year._

_Do you remember our Coming of Age ceremony? You were so nervous I kept chuckling and you hit me in the gut for it a few times. It didn't set well to you being declared an adult, you rather would have stayed a teen for the rest of your life. The suit looked fantastic on you that day – how the sleek, black material covered your body perfectly, like a second skin, while you were clearly uncomfortable in the tight clothes. You asked me to fix your tie that day since you were overtaxed with the task. All the time you ranted about having checked on every single youtube-video about ties and still failed at the knots, declaring all the ones who made the videos idiots. It was somehow adorable, how you let your tension out on faceless network-users just to mask how nervous you were. Thankfully the tension left as soon as we got home and I started undoing my traditional kimono with my family's crest on the back._

_I picked up business with Taka again since Kimimaro got suddenly sick. It's fine though since January is a rather calm month. Usually the things to do are jobs I can't pass on to others, like making a plan of the invests coming this year. The plan was fixed rather fast and I consulted Juugo about some moves, since he is more aware of the current state of the company than myself. Over the months he became a very important part of my staff, more so than he was before._

_I gave the detectives the information I have from Karin and they are currently investigating there. They have no results yet, but I am certain something will come out of the trip. Somehow I can feel it, though you are usually the intuitive part of our relationship. Jiraiya will also keep his ears open in case somebody interesting crosses his path. After all, if you have other relatives around, they probably knew your mother rather than you and might approach Jiraiya since he was a known friend of hers. He said there was also somebody he might know, but he couldn't properly recall the name or who the person actually was. He promised to think about it and look through his records. When he knows something closer, he promised to contact me._

_Speaking of Jiraiya, he has left the country again. However he left plenty of books here I read to you regularly, but it looks like I can't get the tone right. Your brain-activity remains the same when I read the stories out for you. Since Sakura is still rather cold with me, I left a note in your room for her to tell her about the books. Perhaps she is better at reading them that I. Hopefully she'll grow tired of hating me eventually. At least that had Shikamaru apologize to me, but then again, Shikamaru is probably too lazy to be anything else but lazy; hating somebody or be angry with them is likely too bothersome to him. Sakura has got much more stamina than him on that aspect._

_Recently I asked your other friend, Sai, a favor and was so satisfied about how it turned out I ordered some little drawings from him. He also has an art exhibition soon and I plan on sending Itachi there to check it out. You wouldn't tell right away, but my brother is very much into art. Especially abstract drawings with black, white, and a single additional color belong to his favorites. Since Sai did so excellent with the favor and his style is alike what Itachi favors, I thought about having the two of them meet. Sai just graduated and I believe it's quite hard to get established in the scene when it comes to cultural arts, so I hope I did him a favor by giving him a potentially large deal. And I have to admit, his art doesn't completely hurt my eyes, so I rather have his drawings fill up Itachi's home rather than what my brother has now. For the few times I slept over at his place, I took the pictures off the wall, they were so horrid. _

_Unfortunately the flower already withered. As beautiful as the Anthuriums are, they suffer greatly under cold temperatures. As a substitution I got you a Calla. Before you freak out – I know those flowers are usually used in arrangement for funerals, but I learned they have also a way more positive meaning. The Calla also represents an elegant appearance; you can take the bloom to express things like 'I'm fascinated by you' or 'You're beautiful'. I personally got it this week to transport the second option._

_Of course, to me you've always been beautiful, Naruto. Not only in looks but also as a person, as a character. When I look at you it seems the sun just appeared behind a wall of dark clouds, bathing the world in light and showing me just how fantastic and colorful it is. But to me, you're become even more gorgeous recently._

_Until a short while ago, your skin was pale, borderline white, almost like the flesh of a corpse. You were lifeless if not dead already, judging from the looks alone. However now everything changed, gradually at least. The blood flows stronger through your veins, making your skin darken ever so slightly in color. It looks more lively, fresher, nothing like your usual tan yet but already better. It seems like your flesh turned rosy and warm again, now that you're bracing yourself to wake up. Your body grows stronger and stronger, the health visible by now, and just yesterday the doctors changed the breathing-machine since your lungs are slowly beginning to work on their own again. This one is slightly simpler in function and also allows to gradually reduce the force of the machine so your body gets used to breathe in alone, step-by-step. The doctors also ran a couple of other tests to see how much you already notice. As I mentioned, the activity of your brain rises when Jiraiya reads the stories for you, and the doctors also figured you are responding to impulses like touches, temperatures, and pain. This all confirms the theory you're waking up further. While there was a slight doubt and risk left before, now it's completely banished. They also encouraged for your visits to speak excessively with you and are favoring to hold your hand and touch your skin when we're around. It's something like a tease to your body until your brain commands for you to wake up so to stop it._

_I'll see to get some soft flowers to tickle your face again, love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Had to work yesterday, so I only got the chap edited today.  
> I know there are slight hints of SaixSakura, however in the sequel that gets completely wiped out so I didn't add it in the tags.  
> Plus, not like any of the two is aware of stuff anyway. 
> 
> I remembered, as I edited, that the company where I did my job training had a management who was a lot into art.  
> There were some pictures I really liked (and we could decor our office as we wanted), so I kinda adapted Itachi's taste to mine. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chap, however here a slight hint for the further developments:  
> Pay close attentions to the small details ;D
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	36. 35th Letter - The Stress

Naruto had a knowing grin gracing his lips after reading the recent letter. So the boss of some huge business was Itachi? Very interesting... He had to remember squeezing some information out of Sai the next time he came visiting. It was also, somewhat, confirmed he had worked on the album as well; which other 'favor' could Sasuke mean?

 

Folding the letter again Naruto was just about to pick up the weight when the door opened. Confused he looked up, furrowing his eyebrows when he spotted Doctor Hatake standing in the doorway.

 

That man had some timing.

 

“Good morning,” Kakashi greeted, the door closing behind him. “You were doing exercises? I thought the appointment was in the afternoon.” He walked over to the chair, taking a seat.

 

Leaning back Naruto replied, “I had no idea when you'd come, so I thought I might as well do something useful in the meantime.”

 

“How very thoughtful,” Kakashi said while opening the folder. Like always a pen was already laying in his hand, ready to take any notes. “So, how are you feeling?”

 

“Good,” Naruto answered with a grin.

 

“I heard you took no more pills to sleep these last few days.” He wrote something down into the file before locking eyes with Naruto again.

 

“I had no nightmares since,” he told with a shrug of his shoulders. “The memories I recall are rather calm, too. They're from the time after I was doing better, I guess.”

 

“How would you know that so precisely?” Kakashi inquired while crossing his legs.

 

Naruto put on a brilliant smile as he explained, “They involve my Godfather, Jiraiya, and he only showed up after I showed signs of improvement.” He paused for a moment before adding, “Last night I dreamed he sat here and read a story aloud. Then Sasuke came, too.”

 

Kakashi seemed to twitch his eyebrow, ever so lightly, but he got control over himself again so fast Naruto was slightly unsure whether it actually happened. “Is Sasuke _always_ involved in your memories?” he asked, neutrally, the pen back on the paper.

 

Naruto had to think a moment about the question. He had never really thought about it before. Was Sasuke always involved?

 

After a couple of minutes he eventually answered, “Now that you say it... yeah. I only had a single memory where he wasn't physically there. It was about Sai and Sakura. But they mentioned him in their conversation.” He watched Kakashi take a few quick notes at his reply and for a moment he looked like his mind was working very hard. “Does that matter in some way?” Naruto asked when his curiosity reached its peak.

 

“In a way, it does,” Kakashi admitted, finishing the sentence he was writing in silence before he spoke again. “Your mind seems very focused on Sasuke. All the memories you recall involve him, as well as the single nightmare which was based on something which happened to him. Considering all the people coming and leaving this room, it's very interesting your brain filters out the events involving Sasuke on its own.” He paused for a moment. “Eventually you'll remember possibly everything, including the visits from other people, but the fixation on Sasuke is very obvious.”

 

“He means a lot to me,” Naruto admitted, “And from what I know he was also regularly here. So, isn't it actually _normal_ I'd remember things with him most?” He tilted his head in both curiosity and confusion.

 

“Normal, maybe, but also unexpected,” Kakashi answered before writing down a few more things. “But let's move on. Did you notice anything off so far? Do you have problems thinking, feeling of sickness, is anything out of the ordinary...” He was looking back up while he was listing the possibilities, his visible eye carrying a stern gleam. It clearly said he wouldn't further explain why it was unexpected from Naruto to only remember about Sasuke.

 

Pouting a little but immediately shaking his head when he reminded himself he was a grown man, Naruto thought about the new question as well. “Not that I can think of. No headaches or so and I can also rather easily remember lyrics from songs. Though...” He trailled off when something did in fact cross his mind. “There is something strange. I somehow know a lot about commercial activities and business overall.”

 

“And you had no connection to those topics before?” Kakashi asked, writing something down again. “Or can you specify what is strange about it exactly?”

 

“Sasuke runs his own business and has a few books in our home,” he answered, giving Kakashi a look when he received a strange eye upon mentioning, _again_ , Sasuke in some way, “But I've never read them. They're way too boring for my taste. Still, I somehow come up with commercial thinking and some special words sometimes.” This time, Naruto studied Kakashi's face closely, seeing if he could pick up something from his mimic.

 

But the half-covered poker-face was unreadable. “That's not too unusual,” he told, neutrally. “Former comatose people tend to mix information up. Therefore it can be they suddenly recall things they have never actively learned themselves or properly heard before. In your case – you suddenly know everything about commercial and business, be it the specific wording or management, though you have never really been in the matter. Perhaps you caught up a few things with Sasuke and due to the stand-by and re-activating of your brain you happened to cross those memories by chance and memorized them again.”

 

Naruto's face suggested he didn't really get what he just said.

 

“It's something temporally; it'll pass again,” Kakashi added and closed his eye half when sudden understanding washed over Naruto's features.

 

“Thank _God_! I don't need that boring garbage in my mind, believe it.” A relieved, heavy sigh escaped his lips. He'd rather fill his brain with Ramen-wisdom and all the photos and stories of and about his parents.

 

“So you have had anything out of the order but that?” Kakashi asked, moving the conversation on.

 

“No, not really. I think it's all good,” Naruto answered with a grin.

 

“And how was your day yesterday? Did you have a few conversations and could you follow those relatively well?” he further inquired, this time not taking any notes. Instead Kakashi studied Naruto's face again.

 

“Yeah, some people came visiting,” Naruto admitted. “Some friends, my Godfather... Oh, and also the employer of the guy who hit me with the car.”

 

Kakashi arched an eyebrow at the answer. “The employer of the driver? And how did you, or better, your body react to her?” He was already moving the pen over the paper, obviously interested in what he heard.

 

Naruto shrugged as he said, “At first I was feeling sick since I thought she was- but wait!” He stared at Kakashi suspiciously. “How do you know it's a woman?! I only said employer, without the gender!”

 

“Sadly I can't talk about my sources with you, Naruto,” Kakashi replied with a sing-song voice. “Now, if you'd move on?”

 

Huffing he told, “So, yeah, first I felt sick, but since she wasn't the one driving I felt easier again rather fast. I don't really blame her since she wasn't the one actually driving, but it was nice she apologized. Ah, and she gave me candy.” He glanced at the small space on top of his counter, seeing the round goody still laying there.

 

“Candy you say,” Kakashi murmured while writing. “So you were first shocked but quickly wore it off again, right?”

 

“Pretty much,” Naruto confirmed. “Why is that important?”

 

“For properly assisting you in getting better, it's crucial I get an idea about your character.” Briefly he looked up from the file. “And extreme situations such as a direct confrontation with the accident give away a lot about your psych.”

 

“And my reaction was good?” Naruto inquired, rather interested.

 

“There is no thing such as good or bad,” was Kakashi's answer. “However I can tell this indicates you're exceptionally strong in character,”

 

He watched Naruto's face light up at the somewhat-compliment.

 

“Or just downright dumb.”

 

At the dark scowl he received, Kakashi gave a soft chuckle.

 

~*~

 

Sasuke had been right – Kakashi really was somebody awakening his urge to strangle. Oh, and how strong it was! Naruto actually felt the strength to leap out of the bed and kick his ass right away. But, being a mature young man, he rather used the excessive energy to lift the weight a couple of times more than usual.

 

After a few minutes however he stopped, panting lightly. His muscles felt warm from the movement and even some sweat built on his body. Hopefully he could bath soon; a few more enraging talks with Kakashi and he'd start stinking.

 

Sighing Naruto started doing the training with his legs next. He could already move them better, the pulling from the stretch Lee gave him completely gone already thanks to the excellent treating from Shizune the previous evening. There really was anything he could complain about staff-wise; they all treated him very well.

 

Looking at the poster in front of his bed, Naruto wished he had some music playing in the background. Usually it was alright being in the room since more often than not he had some company, but then there were times where utter silence dominated the closer area, the only noises being Naruto's breathing and perhaps rustling of the blanket.

 

Quite boring, to his taste. Time seemed to crawl by on those occasions.

 

He kept lifting and holding his legs up a few more times before he settled for relaxing a little. It would take a while before he got lunch and it was probably sometime in the middle between morning and noon.

 

Deciding it was time for the next envelope he pushed a button down on the remote. A minute later somebody came – the same young girl which gave him one of the letters already a few days before.

 

“Hey,” he gently greeted, holding back a chuckle when the teenaged girl blushed a little. “Nice to see you again.”

 

“H-hi...” she whispered, lowly.

 

“Would you do me a favor and give me the envelope number thirty-five from the box?” he asked, wanting to release the poor girl soonest possible. Apparently she was a tiny bit in love with him, if he understood her tense correctly.

 

She hurried over to the box, face still considerably red, and dug through it quickly. However, just when she lifted out the correct envelope and handed it over, she accidentally bumped into the box – pushing it hard enough to make it fall off the nightstand, the envelopes spreading all over the floor.

 

Her face was so red, seemingly all her blood pumped into her head. “Oh my God! I- I'm so sorry! I'll just... I'm sorry, I...” she stuttered, her hands clenching and unclenching in front of her chest in hesitation. Her big eyes started filling with tears, threatening to spill over any second.

 

“It's okay, sweetheart,” Naruto softly called from the spot on the bed. He caught her attention with it and gently smiled at her, forgiveness evident in his gesture. “Nothing got broken, so everything's fine. So, smile again, alright?”

 

Slowly the tears in her eyes subsided, a tiny smile curling over her lips.

 

“That's much better. Now, if you promise to pick them all up again, we'll pretend this never happened,” he promised, flashing her a grin. “I'd help you, sweetheart, I'd really do, but I can't even sit up on my own.”

 

She giggled lowly at the comment and immediately knelt down, carefully picking up all the envelopes and putting them back into the box. She was quite collected as she did so, working quick and turning the covers so she could see the numbers in the corner. “Fifty-two should be the most recent,” Naruto informed her, assisting her on checking if she got them all.

 

“I count eighteen,” she said while placing the box securely on the nightstand again.

 

Holding the envelope marked with '35' up Naruto said, “And this makes them nineteen. Complete, if my mathematical skills didn't completely go out the window just yet.”

 

The young girl laughed brightly, nodding her head at the answer. “Then they're complete. And... sorry again, Sir,” she said, murmuring the last part.

 

“It's nothing. Thanks for the help,” he answered, blinking an eye at her when she left through the door again.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_I have the feeling Jack Frost moved here recently. It keeps staying cold, so much I had to take the plants on the balcony inside. For now I stored them simply in front of the doors to the balcony, so to keep them remotely fresh, but since they're packed up tightly they block out the light coming in completely. I didn't consult Iruka on the matter and the books are only helpful if I knew just what kind of plants they are, but since you had those for a few years already and it had never been this cold then, I rather took them inside. Once the chill got less, I'll put them outside again._

_Speaking of Jack Frost – there has recently been a movie in the theater called 'Rise of the Guardians'. I saw some commercial about it on TV, looks rather well animated. It's from the same people who created 'How to Train Your Dragon'. Basically, there are these few people – Jack Frost, the Sandman, Toothfairy, and Santa Clause – who fight against Pitch Black, the villain of the movie. It's mostly about protecting the children and also about Jack finding his proper place in the world. Perhaps I'll borrow the movie once you woke up so you can watch it at the hospital. It's a movie for children, or better families, but the animation is exceptionally good as well as the story. A bit dark and suspense, from what I read in comments._

_The detectives actually found a lead in Karin's hometown. Apparently, there is a man named Nagato Uzumaki who was the brother of her mother. He currently lives abroad, but the detectives got me a private e-mail address along with a phone number. I called him and explained the situation. After a while, he agreed to meet me. I'll travel to his house sometime in two weeks. Hopefully he got more information about the Uzumaki for me. The origins would be interesting; then I'd have at least one point where everything else spread out. My hopes are little, but I don't want to cross that option out completely._

_While he is abroad, Jiraiya called me a couple of times this week, seeing if I was alright. I needed some time off and he offered me to stay at his house for the time being, so I can relax._

_I thought very much about telling you this or not, Naruto. But eventually I came to the assumption you'd deserve to know the truth from at least my end of the story._

_You know I'm remotely known across the country since Uchiha is a big name, even when Itachi is actually in charge for the business we inherited from our parents. There had already been some reports about your heavy accident in some newspapers, but once I ended up at hospital because of the overdose the media got fairly interested in this case. I don't know why and how the information got out, but there are rumors around I wanted to kill myself because you, my lover, are in a coma and likely would never awake. From the photo in the album from my Christmas letter you can also tell I wasn't looking entirely... healthy either, so there was quite some pressure on us recently, even when you had no idea of it. I had a serious talk with the runners of the hospital because of it and made clear I did not wish any journalist coming up to your room any time soon, as well as to not spread any more information about your case to the public._

_But it happened, again. I found myself confronted with reporters at the Gala Itachi runs yearly and they pushed me into a corner with their questions. It was horrible, with what kind of questions they came up and how much they knew about you, me, us. I felt so ill Itachi allowed me to leave the Gala earlier and he also kicked those journalists out, what got him into the focus of them as well. Since it looks like you're waking up, it also draws other media around as well, given it's extraordinary somebody wakes up after such a long coma. They stalk everyone you know, be it friends or family, though the most interesting persons to them are you closely followed by me. I want to protect you from the stress as much as I can, but by now I think it's inevitable they will come to you and ask for interviews once you wake up, and also for a longer while afterward. I don't know how you will feel about it, but to me all this public attention is highly tormenting, more so since I refuse to tell them anything._

_Jiraiya noticed my distress as well and offered to help. Since he is much more used to deal with those kind of people and has a great influence, he managed to back them all off from the hospital, your closer friends, and me. He also gave me the opportunity to take a time-out at a place they don't know about. They shouldn't be bothering you for as long as you're in the hospital and he also made clear there would be heavy consequences if they dared reporting anything without the official permission from you, in the first place, and some other people from the hospital and a couple of Jiraiya's lawyers. Through this letter, I wanted to somehow warn you from the coming reports about your story._

_However, no matter how mus they press on the matter, I will allow anybody to disturb your recovery, Naruto._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> In this chap I tried to add some realism to the story.   
> In fact, it's very unusual for people to reawake after such a long coma and the thing with the unknown knowledge is also real. I read about a sky-diver who knew exactly how to fly a plane after a coma, though he never sad in the cockpit before. Since I'm from the commercial/industry sector myself, I sourced Naruto's version of unknown knowledge from there so I can safe up on research. 
> 
> Also, imo the media would be fairly interested in Naruto's coma-case, especially after Sasuke's incident. Usually the media never reports about the grief and pain from the familys, but once suicide or murder is tossed in everyone and their mom suddenly wanna know about it. That sometimes disgusts me about the media and reports in general. 
> 
> For once, the letter focuses on Sasuke's life and the happenings in there.   
> Since he was out, I also dropped the flower-thing for this time.   
> Also - Guardians of Light is fucking amazing. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	37. 36th Letter - The Background

Naruto looked down at the sheets of paper with mixed feelings. He honestly didn't know what to think about what he just read.

 

Well, he supposed the entire thing about his coma was exceptional, especially since the doctors kept telling him so. That given, it was also not exactly unusual the media would be interested in his story.

 

However what Naruto couldn't really stomach was what they seemed to write while he wasn't even able to comment on it. How they, obviously, reported about Sasuke having attempted to commit suicide. How they were after all of Naruto's friends to press some information out of them. How they put pressure onto the hospital and its staff. What had they published already? What did they know so far?

 

Somehow it made Naruto's stomach clench in an odd way. He had never really been in any news or something, but he had heard some stories from Sasuke – how pushy and tormenting they could get. And if Itachi ended up throwing them out during his pompous Gala, then it had been bad. Very bad.

 

But for the moment Naruto pushed the worries away. He would have to deal with the reporters eventually, however they currently were his smallest problem. Before he'd take care of them, fixing things with Sasuke and his friends had priority. Besides – it looked like Jiraiya had got the matter under control. Perhaps they didn't know for all too long yet, but Naruto had still the feeling he could rely on the old pervert when things got serious.

 

Still... his chest felt somewhat heavy.

 

He better looked for some distraction.

 

But, since he had already trained, the options were relatively few. So in the end he settled for calling a nurse so he could have the photo album again. A grin graced his lips when the young girl from earlier came in. At least her face wasn't as flushed as usual.

 

“Hey,” he greeted, “Sorry for bothering you, but... can you maybe give me that book over there?” He pointed at the album laying on top of the movable cupboard, rather proud of himself he had the strength to lift his hand and gesture towards the item. If he kept the speed up, he'd be able to grasp his things by himself soon.

 

“You're not bothering at all. It's my job to help you, Sir!” Her hands moved carefully when she reached for the album, almost like she was afraid to drop everything again.

 

“Please, call me Naruto,” he said with a smile. If he was going to stick around for longer, he'd rather have the people call him by his name. On that aspect, it didn't matter if he was talking to physicians, nurses, or young teens making a job training.

 

“Okay,” she replied while brushing one of her long, brunet locks behind one ear. She glanced at Naruto, rather shyly, before she added, “My name is Tamaki.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Tamaki.” A grin graced his lips while accepting the album. “Thanks a lot,” he said, already opening the book across his lap. He happened to be on the page featuring Gaara and his family. They were all sitting in the large winter garden Gaara kept in his home. The floors were heated, keeping it warm even during the colder seasons. He could easily afford the costs, thanks to his successful business, and the family liked it rather hot to begin with. Gaara also grew many cacti there, all sorts of those, and in winter he used to stick tiny snowflakes on top of short toothpicks into the pots. The larger cacti then carried bells in all sorts of colors and the glassy walls of the winter garden had some figures like snowmen sprayed on them. Temari and Kankuro, Gaara's older siblings, were gently embracing their baby brother who stood between them, large smiles over their faces when they looked at the camera. Gaara himself looked a bit embarrassed; his cheeks were slightly darker in color thanks to the physical closeness provided by his family and he was playing with the hem of his pullover while he tried to smile, just a little.

 

Those times, Gaara was downright adorable. He used to have some social issues he managed to overcome, but sometimes he would still feel a bit awkward and show it in the smallest gestures. It was a nice change to the usually very controlled and serious business-Gaara.

 

“What's the book about?” Tamaki suddenly asked. It was only then Naruto realized she hadn't left the room yet.

 

For a moment he looked up at her, but soon his eyes dropped down to the album again. “It's a gift,” he answered while his fingers gently brushed the smooth paper. He glanced at the other side, seeing Neji Hyuuga, another friend who Naruto met at school years before. They had had a rough start as well, but eventually they became good friends. “A collection of photos from my friends and family, sending me their regards and best wishes.” He grinned widely, so much it lit up his entire face. “I think I've never got a present as precious as this one. You know, you'd think this book is filled with people who're precious to me – which is basically true – but more...” He trailed off, his eyes getting a warm gleam when he stroked his thumb over the cover. “The people who posed for these photos did it because _I_ mean something to _them_ , too. And it's a great feeling having so many people think about you.” As he admitted that he looked up at Tamaki again. “Man, this somehow sounds really sappy,” he laughed, feeling a little embarrassed all of a sudden. After all, he hardly knew the teenaged girl, yet he spoke nearly uncomfortably open with her.

 

“It's not,” she suddenly threw in, making Naruto stop laughing in an instant. Tamaki was looking at the album when she rubbed her left arm with her other hand, adding, “More, I think you're lucky to have received such a special gift.”

 

“Yeah. Guess I'm a really lucky man, hu?” A chuckle came with his answer, his fingers still tenderly touching the pages.

 

Lucky indeed – to have so many people have his back. They were all there, ready to support him, and the symbolic proof of it was the album where all contributed to. Even his parents backed him up, although he never had the chance to meet them.

 

No matter how low Naruto felt – he could always reach for the book with the orange cover to remind himself he was not alone.

 

What Sasuke had done by creating that album – the value was impossible to put into words. And Naruto had the feeling he couldn't pay back for it, even in an entire lifetime.

 

Eventually Tamaki moved to the door. “If you need anything else, just push the call-button,” she informed him before leaving him alone, a smile over her lips.

 

“Thanks again,” Naruto replied, a bit absently. He was turning the pages again, watching the photos closely – the photos of all the people who he was important to. For the first time in his life, Naruto was thinking about all of his friends, becoming aware about the masses of people he knew. So, so many sent their regards, hoped for him to better, worried about him. All of them faced an extreme situation – a friend edging death over and over – which had a clear effect on them. They changed, grew, matured because of it and were rewarded with the joyful news of their friend eventually coming back to them. There had been suffer and grief, later happiness and gratefulness.

 

They had all been there for him, in the good equally to the bad times.

 

Though, Naruto had noticed a faint change when he looked through the book. There had been many people in there, but he also missed one – Itachi Uchiha.

 

Since he and Sasuke had been dating, Itachi had also used to be a rather present person in Naruto's life. He had almost seen something like an older brother in Itachi; when Naruto needed help or advice, he sometimes went to seek his guidance. Just a few years separated them in age, but Itachi had always been a rather intelligent and wise man with a caring heart. He knew, to some degree, how it was growing up without parents since they died when Sasuke and he were still relatively young. But while Itachi filled out the role of a parent to his brother, there had been nobody there to properly prepare Itachi himself for a life as an adult. However he developed so well, often Naruto thought of him as an awfully young father rather than an older brother.

 

It was painful to see how much the bond to him had suffered.

 

But then again, Naruto could understand the sudden distance very well.

 

Itachi had probably suffered over the accident, like everyone else, but he was also grounded enough to not have it overwhelm him. But then, when Sasuke was drifting dangerously far away, his self-control must have started to slip from him bit-by-bit. No matter how mature and strong Itachi was – his weakness was clear and ever-present. As soon as anything happened to Sasuke, it directly affected him as well. It was merely natural he grew disliking, if not downright detesting, Naruto over the last year. The more Sasuke suffered, the harder it must have turned for Itachi to stand there and watch, unable to do anything to ease his beloved brother's pain.

 

Would he ever forgive Naruto to begin with?

 

Impossible to answer. Maybe Itachi would overcome his anger eventually, perhaps he'd end up in a casket without having ever spoken to Naruto again. If he was anything alike Sasuke when it came to be stubborn, the second option felt quite likely at the moment. However, when Lady Luck smiled upon Naruto at the right moment, he might be able to win Itachi over again. After all, the Uchihas had a clear weakness for him – or, better, the person able to fully resist his charm had yet to appear.

 

The time passed quickly when Naruto looked through the album. He had been so focused on the book he hadn't even noticed he was hungry, as well as he missed he was sweating all over thanks to the unusually high temperature in the room. Only when the knock on the door pulled him out of his daydreaming did he realize it.

 

It was Shizune who brought his meal – she grimaced as soon as she stepped in – and after she placed the tray on the counter she immediately hurried back to the door and turned on a small remote there. After a minute Naruto heard the noise of the air conditioner springing alive, right above the door.

 

“Phew!” she gasped. “Haven't you melted yet?! Haaa, I have rarely walked into a room this hot!”

 

Naruto grinned sheepishly. “Sorry,” he mouthed, “I was just looking at the album and forgot everything else around.”

 

“Thank goodness you'll get a bath after the appointment with Lee... With all this sweat, it'll be close to a wonder if we manage to drag you off the bed,” she commented while pulling the cover from the plate. A pale yellow pile of smashed potatoes appeared, along with a few tiny bits of meat.

 

“I can bath later?” Naruto asked, his mouth watering at the food displayed to him.

 

“Yes. After the stretching, since you might sweat there, too,” Shizune told.

 

“Yes...!” he replied, throwing his arms up in joy – and have them crash back down in the matter of seconds since he couldn't hold them like that at all. “I kind of hoped you'd say that,” he admitted, licking over his lips when he took in the delicious food again. “A perfect meal, air conditioner, training with a bath afterward- wait.” He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “There must be a snag on this. So much good stuff...” he mused, studying Shizune closely.

 

She only smiled at him – in a very awkward way Naruto knew way too well.

 

“Oh _no_! You can't be _serious_!” he gasped, feeling the muscles in his abdomen tensing at the mere thought.

 

“It can't be helped,” she replied, picking up the first forkful of smashed potatoes.

 

“Come oooon, Shizune! Isn't there, like, another way?” he asked, avoiding the food. His appetite was gone in the moment he realized his bowel was going to be emptied in the late afternoon.

 

She huffed lowly. “Eating everything up and doing your training, that's gonna help. Now stop acting like a child,” she pushed, holding the food out to Naruto.

 

Eventually he gave in, occasionally whining while his mouth was full. Unfortunately Shizune remained hard as a rock, seemingly turning even her heart temporally into concrete. Naruto knew it couldn't be helped, at all, but still... he'd never get used to it. Under any circumstances.

 

He was finished soon, but the food had lost most of it appeal beforehand, so he wasn't exactly happy. “Can I at least have an envelope? To distract from having foreign fingers work my ass and dick later?” he asked, not bothering to play nice. Before he had the damn accident, Naruto would have never thought he could ever complain of hands working his lower body. But then again, he couldn't really compare a nurse treating him to the pleasure he usually received back in his bedroom. Or outside, that is.

 

Shizune had laughed softly at his behavior, but reached for the letter number '36' nonetheless.

 

Maybe her heart wasn't entirely out of concrete just yet.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The few days off at Jiraiya's place really helped me. I could sleep and recover to some degree, as well as calm down a bit. The only downside was I couldn't see you for a few days, but I think you benefit more from me being remotely rested than when I'm on edge._

_While I was away, Iruka offered to take care of the plants back at home. He also said it was a good idea to take the ones on the balcony inside, at least temporally. According to him, the best time to put them back outside is the beginning or March, if the temperatures rise a little by then. He said there might still come a few chills that month, but then they wouldn't last long enough to actually damage the plants. They'd need the light from outside so they can properly grow in spring. He also suggested me to not bother too much about the greenhouse until you're back. The plants in there would be very delicate and need a lot of experience and attention which I can't really provide. I plan to get further with the research about your family rather than grow a few seedlings outside. You're much more gifted than me on that aspect, so I leave it to you._

_Speaking of family – I talked a few times to Nagato over the phone. Unlike the other Uzumaki I got to know so far, he is very hesitant and calm. Until now, I believed the Uzumaki are more on the wild side. However, that makes the entire case more interesting, actually. He is still strongly suggesting we meet and I plan to travel to his hometown next week. That was also the place where their father, who happened to be the direct cousin of your mother, grew up and started a family. I plan on taking the camera along and take a few pictures. Maybe it's interesting to know where your relatives lived and grew up._

_I took another few walks this week, mostly because the reporters finally backed off. I used to spent most of my time inside, the last few months, but now I rather feel stuck when I sit at home, like I'm doing nothing. So, instead, I rather go for a walk. I visited some of the places we used to go to before the accident; small restaurants, shops, parks, and other places. It's a relief I don't feel sick when I go there anymore. I kind of avoided everything which would remind me of you before you were doing better, out of fear to never get back what we had. However now I'm convinced we will make many new memories soon, so it's fine to check out the old places._

_Thankfully, Itachi also managed to recover from the bad publicity. The name Uchiha pretty much disappeared from the magazines and it seems like the people are starting to forget about the outburst close to Christmas. Whatever Jiraiya did, he did it very well and thoroughly. I have read a few interviews of his recently as well and he kind of blocked every question around you, his Godchild, and rather gave them a few spoilers and teasers of the coming movie and the next book. Apparently the journalists are far more interested in that than his private life._

_The activity of your brain is constantly increasing, too. By now you also started reacting to touches from outside, for example when somebody holds your hand. Not a faint brush of fingertips, but more of the kind of somebody clenching down. The doctors highly approve the reading and also announced they want to play your favorite songs more as well. Likely you'll respond to those since you like the tunes and also know the lyrics; when you hear the music, your brain is encouraged to remember the words and hence has more activity. Whenever I meet Shizune and ask her for an update, she confirms there is usually always somebody in your room either playing you music, read you a story, or lowly speaking to you about all and nothing. The more company you have the better, especially since I can focus more on the research when I know you're not alone._

_Sadly, during my investigations I got not a single lead to your father's side of the family yet. All Jiraiya was able to tell me is that your father was a lone child grown by his mother alone. She was very sick and died once he was a young adult, leaving no records about your father's background. Shortly before she passed away, your father ended up being Jiraiya's student, since they have known each other since your father was a teen. I'm sorry I couldn't come up with more; it's strange that your mother's side, which is spread all over the globe, gives much more information than your father's, which had always lived on the same spot. But I think Jiraiya will have enough to tell about your father to keep you entertained as well as to give you a good look into his character. Actually, since he knows fairly little about your mother, my main goal of this research is to find people who can talk with you about her; giving you a picture alike the one Jiraiya can give you about your father. Since Nagato is older, he might have known your mother personally, even. We hadn't had the chance to talk about her all too much yet, and I have to admit I'd rather speak with him about such a sensitive matter when I can look into his face. Your mother is precious to you – I don't want to share the little I know about her with just about anybody. I kind of feel the same way about you, too. All Nagato knows so far is that you're his relative, quite sick currently, and interested in learning more about the Uzumaki family as a total. I want to give you the chance to decide for yourself how much you want to give away from yourself to something like a 'stranger'._

_I'd rather die than expose your being to the world._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chap! 
> 
> Yeah, Tamaki is an actual Naruto character. She is the granddaughter of the Neko-Baa, the kitten grandma Sasuke visited in between.   
> I made her a bit younger than in Canon since she is making a job experience and stuff. 
> 
> The mood is currently pointing at the future - a nice change to the other aspect mostly dominating the first half.   
> I kinda like how this turned out as a total, concept-wise; though not fully happy with the execution, the plot is one of my best.   
> By now I have the epilog re-written, but I'm still not fully happy with it. It's difficult to come up with something that properly wraps up the story.   
> When you keep on reading... you shall understand just how much I struggle orz 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	38. 37th Letter - The Cousin

The sigh Naruto let out was unexpectedly heavy. He felt strangely relieved to read that letter, though he couldn't exactly tell why. Maybe he was just glad to read the journalists actually left everyone alone, perhaps it was the way Sasuke promised to keep the descriptions about Naruto fairly vague, giving him the chance to introduce himself to potential relatives.

 

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door, one Naruto was happy to recognize. “Come in, old man!” he called cheerfully.

 

Jiraiya didn't look all that happy when he stepped in, though.

 

“I'm not old, brat,” he grumbled while resting his hands against his hips. A bag out of cotton hung from his wrist, looking rather large and quartered. “Here I am, even bringing you the folder you asked for, and all I hear are insults.” His features looked slightly grimaced, as if his age was a rather sensitive spot.

 

“I call my soulmate 'bastard' most of the time. Actually, me calling you names is a sign of deep affection,” Naruto reasoned with a grin. It was a rather sad thing, though – using insults as gentle pet-names – but that was one of his odder habits.

 

“You'd go as far as to call Sasuke your soulmate?” Jiraiya inquired while pulling the folder out. From what Naruto could see there were already plenty of plastic wraps inside. It would be easy to put the letters into them.

 

“Of course,” he said to answer the question. “After all that he did for me and what has happened...” Unaware of it, Naruto glanced at the album, his eyes filled with sincere warmth. “I could never let him go again. Though that sounds so sappy it makes me sick.” He chuckled so much his entire upper body shook – and yet he furrowed his eyebrows at the strange look Jiraiya had on his face.

 

It was the second time already.

 

“What's the matter?” he asked, the curiosity too strong for him to hold back any longer.

 

“Nothing. I'm just impressed since you don't see such a deep connection all too often,” Jiraiya answered while opening the folder across the small container.

 

And for the second time he had quite avoided the questions, his words even being very alike to the last time.

 

Something was cooking – that much Naruto knew.

 

“So, where are the letters?” Jiraiya asked to break the silence between them.

 

“In that drawer,” he replied, still thinking about what he just witnessed. Eventually, Naruto would find out what Jiraiya was hiding.

 

Eventually.

 

~*~

 

“Fuck!” Naruto hissed, his head slamming back against the examination bed.

 

“Sorry,” Lee apologized before slowly moving the leg he had been bending back. “You move along so well, I kind of forgot myself.” He carefully laid the leg down again and moved in front of the bed. Immediately he bend over it, his hands stretched out. Sighing Naruto lifted his hands and closed them around Lee's, allowing him to lift his upper body off the bed and making his back bend. Lee was moving very carefully, pulling inch per inch until he sensed the slightest bit of tension. Naruto was sitting in a degree of barely more than ninety when he stopped.

 

“This is very good!” Lee praised with a toothy smile. “Like this, I think you can easily sit straight by yourself in about two weeks.”

 

“At least the training pays off,” Naruto gasped, the tension on his back bothering him. Lee kept him like that for a few more seconds before lowering him down again.

 

“Hard work always does,” Lee insisted before adding, “Though, your arms are extremely well again. I'll tell the nurses to give you, for now, very light glasses and bottles of plastic with a straw. You should be able to drink on your own again that way.”

 

Naruto nodded, sighing when he felt the warmth coming from the bulbs on the ceiling. “A first step into independence,” he joked, feeling how sweat was forming all over his body.

 

“It's actually more than that.” Lee was bending his legs again, more gently that time. “When your arms and shoulders are strong enough to carry you, then you can get used to seat yourself in a wheelchair,” he explained while stretching the leg as far as it would go. “It's nothing like walking, but I think the ability to see something else than the walls of your room is already a great change.”

 

“Yeah, sounds rather good to me,” Naruto replied with a grin – again interrupting himself with a pained hiss. “God damn it, how could I get that inflexible?!” he complained while his hands closed into fists.

 

“The lack of movement,” Lee explained neutrally. Though, he probably just answered out of habit – he had explained, long and broad, why Naruto had such a weak body once already. Now he was probably too focused on the stretching to properly think and remember.

 

“Can't wait for the bath after this,” Naruto commented, just to say _something_. As exhausting as the sessions with Lee were, Naruto found himself bored most of the time. All he got to do was laying limply on the examination bed while his body was moved for him. And, to be honest, he _was_ looking forward to his bath. Scrubbing his lower regions clean was one of the few things he managed to do rather easily. However when he reminded himself what came _after_ the bath, his drive pretty much vanished into nothingness.

 

Twenty stinging minutes later, Lee straightened with a 'phew' and wiped over his forehead. “We're done for today,” he stated with a smile, thumbing at Naruto. “You were awesome! Can't wait to see how you improved next time!” he added with a voice so cheerful it tired Naruto even more than he was already.

 

“When exactly is the next appointment?” he asked while Lee carefully but quickly put him back into the wheelchair.

 

“In two days, if I'm not mistaken.” Lee quickly moved around the chair once he opened the curtains and started pushing Naruto out of the small space. “Until then try what I said about the glass. But when it's still too heavy, don't overdo it. A day more or less isn't the world,” he said while crossing the corridors along with Naruto. Lee had offered to deliver him to the cleaning room of his floor since his next appointment was only in about fifteen minutes. In that time he could – according to his own valuation – do at least a hundred of sit-ups, twenty rounds around the building of the hospital, or other random things which had to do with sports. Oddly enough, Lee also pushed himself so far as to 'punish' himself with three hundred push-ups in case he failed to reach his goal in the given time.

 

Somehow, Naruto realized he had quite many odd types in his direct environment and started wondering if he attracted those characters in some way.

 

Soon they reached the room, Shizune already waiting for them with that unsettling smile over her lips. Relatively soon later Naruto was sitting in the tub filled with water, rubbing a piece of soap over his legs slowly. At first the damn piece used to slip out of his grasp, so he ended up holding the white quarter with both hands to keep it in place. Though, since he took his sweet time bathing he didn't really might catching the soap over and over again.

 

After all, the time between getting into the bath and the clearing of his bowel was the sweet period where he was catheter-free; he better took full advantage of it until he got rid of the thing once and for all.

 

Unfortunately he didn't have full privacy since Shizune kept guard by his side.

 

“I guess it's impossible for me to just stay in this bathtub for the rest of my life?” Naruto asked, clearly joking. Though, if that meant nothing getting pushed into his dick ever again, he seriously considered the option.

 

“Well, I think the dirty water would gross you out after the third day,” Shizune answered, joining him in the moment of fun.

 

“I can be very stubborn,” Naruto insisted with a wiggle of his eyebrow. “But, hands down, bathing is awesome... though I prefer showers.”

 

Shizune nodded, silently agreeing with him. “However, you'll have to get out _eventually_ , Naruto.” She used her strict-professional-nurse voice as she spoke.

 

“But getting out means catheter and enemas,” he replied, close to whining. Thankfully he could look away, but then again, the feeling was hard to ignore, though Shizune was extra-careful and gentle when she did it. Somehow Naruto had the feeling it could be a great lot worse.

 

Suddenly hands roamed through his short hair, liquid soap spreading as Shizune washed his head. Naruto could hardly lift his arms up to there, let alone scrub the filth out on his own.

 

Sadly, once Shizune started washing his hair she was silently telling him the bath-time was over very soon. At least she was super-gentle when she rubbed the soap into his scalp, going as far as to give him a light massage in the process. The last time, Naruto had pretty much dozed off while he hummed contently to himself.

 

This time it was no different – after two minutes he sunk dangerously deep into the tub, his entire body relaxing under the firm touch. Only when Shizune suddenly sprayed water all over his head did he wake up with a jerk, his hands slipping from the edges of the bathtub after he had rested them there.

 

Turning his head around he glared at her, darkly, releasing an annoyed huff at her cheerful expression. For a woman a couple of years older than him, she was unexpectedly playful once in a while.

 

Since he was fully awake and clean, Naruto was next lifted up with the usual device before being sat in a rather simple wheelchair. Apparently it was for the special purpose of drying since it was fully out of plastic, or had at least so few metal parts the water didn't really harm it.

 

Shizune was just drying his chest when she suddenly said, “You know, once the _other_ thing is done, I got a little something for you as a reward.” Naruto looked up at her, water still running down his face. Speaking casually she told, “I was to free to go to your room before coming here and took the envelope marked thirty-seven for you. Just in case you feel like reading after we're done.”

 

“I have to admit the motivation _is_ good,” Naruto replied, his eyes still locked with Shizune's. “But I doubt anything can seriously make up for _that_ stuff. Oh, unless Sasuke jumps out of the envelope. That might be enough to make me forget about pipes sticking into my ass and dick.”

 

“He _was_ thin, but not enough to fit into a cover just yet,” Shizune answered while wiping the water off his face. “I'm sure he'll show up soon. You just have to be a little more patient,” she added in a much softer tone.

 

“And survive all the enemas and catheters...” Naruto commented, lowly.

 

At least he had a letter to look forward to.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Incredible how short the days have turned already. I have the feelings it's constantly dark, especially since it turned cloudy again. The chill became a little less, however I will still wait a bit longer before I put the plants outside again, especially since I might be in and out irregularly. I think Iruka would gladly offer to keep an eye on them, but it feels wrong to take advantage of him and make him check close to daily our apartment. He already did and does more than enough; I'd rather have him spend his free time with you than go water your plants._

_This week, I finally managed to meet Nagato. He is, indeed, a lot calmer than you. His hair is red – as he told me, a usually clear sign for members of the Uzumaki family – though it's way darker than the one of your mother and Karin's. It's more something like crimson. As I learned, his father also had similarly dark red hair. Unfortunately he couldn't supply me with a photo. He also mentioned he has met your mother once, when he was still very young. She was a couple of years older than him and they got in touch on some bigger party organized by their grandfathers. They didn't get along too well though; your mother was rather open and dynamic while Nagato is more the silent, shy type._

_Sadly, his father died during a war. Afterward, Nagato left the country and met two people of his age, a girl named Conan and a boy called Yahiko. I am telling you this because I managed to convince Nagato to visit you, sometime, and since they have been friends for so long they consider themselves family I found it rather rude to not introduce them to you. Nagato is the only redhead, so you should be able to tell him apart from the others rather easily. He also needs a bit of time to warm up, regardless of being an adult almost twice as old as us, and he might be a little intimidated if you directly tackle him down like you always do. I believe you two would find a lot to talk about once he opened up and I'm certain you'll manage to reach him. You always do that, regardless of the person you're talking to, so I'm positive it will work out._

_I promised not to give too much away, so I rather move to another topic. Since you have seen my photo in the album, I felt like I should tell you I managed to gain some weight again. My frame is still relatively thin compared to usual, but I'm no longer looking like a starved man. Itachi and Iruka had been feeding me regularly and, oddly, Gaara kept an eye on my plates and choice of food when we went out to dinner as well. Suigetsu is also observing me, though he openly states he wants to make sure I don't collapse because of hunger and therefore follows me around. It's refreshing to have him; he states directly what he thinks, regardless if I want to hear it or not. In some ways, he reminds me of you, Naruto. When you're deeply frustrated and your blood boils, you throw honesty bombs around as well._

_The activity of your brain is steadily improving. The doctors are impressed how relatively big the steps are which you take, especially after you were constantly bad back in October and November. Sure, you showed quite openly how fast you can heal with the wounds from the accident, but they were expecting it would take longer for your brain to pick up, too. They are also stating some mild worries by now; when you reboot so fast, it might be based on the fact there is simply little for your brain to start over again. Perhaps you carried some severe damage away and wake up with a mental disorder. They can only tell for sure that you're okay once they ran a few tests in an awakened state. At least your limbs show signs they still feel, so hopefully you won't be paralyzed. Of course I am expecting the best since your fast recovery had never really had an impact on the 'quality' of your healing. The bruise on your arm would simply disappear much faster than with other people._

_The machine responsible for your breathing has also been lowered a little. Since you can't really tell when it's too much and your brain hasn't been reacting fast enough either, the doctors want to take baby-steps on that matter since too little oxygen in your body might end up killing you, in the worst case. They monitor you much more since recently to properly observe how you're doing. Maybe another two months and it'll be switched off entirely. Needless to say I am very pleased over the fact those words don't send chills over my back any longer. This time, the switching off won't mean you gave up, but more you'll be well enough to no longer need its support. I'm debating to ask if I may pull out the plug, once the time comes. No idea why – I just feel like doing that important step, as if to show you I trust you to live without it as well._

_By the way, I printed the photos I took of Nagato's hometown already and put them in a simple album at home. I also added some shots from Jiraiya's house, as well as the places we often went to before the accident. It's something like a small album I want to give you once you woke up again, so you can imagine yourself away from the room and to places you were to or will visit sometime soon. I didn't take photos of every square inch of the area; just enough to give you an idea of the general place. Your strong imagination will do the rest, probably._

_Last week I didn't bring a flower along since I was barely here due to the stress, however this week I got you a few Violets. Their color is more towards a faint, delicate blue and they have a yellow dot in its middle, along with short black stripes over the pedals. There are also some shockingly red and yellow ones I brought along. The Violets represent innocence and also secrecy. I thought that characteristic is rather fitting for this week since I didn't tell Nagato about you, at all. The blue ones also stay for something like a plea for patience – I am asking you to wait a bit longer before I can be the same man as the one in your memory, strong-willed, proud, and secure. I understand your disappointment, all too well, and I will do anything to make it back up to you, no matter how hard I have to work. I bought the red and yellow ones for a much simpler reason – since it's so gray and, as you would put it, 'depressing winter season-ish', I thought these strongly colored blooms will cheer you up – especially since I run them over your face and lips in a tease._

_I can't wait to see you twitch at the gentle tickle, love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Ah, I'm somehow unhappy with this chap. There are some which really annoy me and bore me out, and this is one of them -_-  
> I'm also running out of titles somehow. Phew, and that while there are some more chaps to go! 
> 
> Something is cooking. Ooooooooh!
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	39. 38th Letter - The Valentine

After the training, bath, and the letter, Naruto found himself napping once he was back in his room. His eyelids had turned simply too heavy for him to hold them up. Besides, it wasn't like he had any bigger plans for the late afternoon; Jiraiya had already showed up and Shizune had mentioned Sakura and Sai could, sadly, not come for that day. So there wasn't really much to do, save for dinner and the following letter.

 

But, oddly, Naruto heard noises at some point.

 

He wasn't completely asleep, but he was laying on his side with his face towards the window. For somebody entering, he might look dozed off though. Probably that was the reason why the voices spoke rather quietly.

 

“We might as well wake him up, after all the way here,” a male voice suggested.

 

“No,” another one replied. “He must be really tired, after such a hard time... we can always come back tomorrow.” He spoke calmer and a bit lowlier than the first, like he was seriously concerned about Naruto's health.

 

“Oh come on,” the first complained, “You know very well we wanted to depart as early as possible tomorrow. Otherwise we'll _never_ make it back without getting stuck in hours of traffic jams.”

 

“Don't be so egoistic, Yahiko,” a female voice threw calmly in.

 

Yahiko... Naruto knew that name from somewhere.

 

Stretching a little on the mattress he woke properly up, mumbling while he turned onto his back and blinked towards the spot where he suspected the visitors to be – and, in fact, he saw a group of three standing close to his bed.

 

The first one he noticed was a tall man with shockingly orange hair. He also had some piercings on his face; one was on his eyebrow, then another through the bridge of his nose, the last one pierced the corner of his lip. Quite one from the punk-scene, from the looks alone. His hands were buried in the pockets of his torn jeans while he looked back at Naruto with a neutral expression.

 

Next to him stood a woman with equally extreme colored hair. Her's was dark blue, a tone so strong for a moment Naruto thought it might be a wig. A large white flower was placed on the upper side of her head, next to a topknot, and she had a piercing under her lips as well. There was also some black and blue make-up around her eyes, making her look like a punk too, though she was somehow borderline emo-looking as well.

 

When their eyes locked, a gentle smile curled over her lips. “See? He's awake now.” The man with the orange hair rolled his eyes as the comment, as if he was displeased to admit she was right.

 

Suddenly there was a movement – the third member of the group stepped carefully closer, showing himself. He had dark red hair which mostly covered his face; only a small gab between his bangs showed one of his eyes. He looked calm and somewhat serious while he eyed Naruto closely.

 

It took him a moment to realize that man must have been Nagato.

 

“Hello Naruto,” he greeted, however didn't step closer.

 

“Hi,” Naruto replied with a grin. He kept his head turned around when he lifted up the bed with the remote. “It's great to meet you guys,” he added, cheerfully, what earned himself a few questioning glances.

 

“So you knew we were coming?” Yahiko asked, his arms crossing over his chest.

 

Naruto nodded faintly. “Sasuke kind of mentioned that in a letter,” he explained. Quite a good timing, actually – to end up reading the letter about his cousin and his friends right before they showed up.

 

“So much for cousin's surprise,” he sighed, heavily, what earned him a gentle shove from Conan.

 

But...

 

“Cousin?” Naruto repeated, a bit confused. “So _you're_ Nagato?”

 

The man with the orange hair gave a laugh. “No. my name is Yahiko,” he confirmed, still chuckling over the fact he was mistaken for Nagato.

 

“But you just said...” Naruto murmured, even more confused than already.

 

Yahiko chuckled again before saying, “Nagato is like a brother to me. Therefore you're, somewhat, my cousin, too.”

 

It was still confusing, but somehow made a bit more sense than before. “Well, good for me,” Naruto eventually stated with a broad grin, “With two cousins the fun doubles, too!”

 

“Ha! I like this kid!” Yahiko claimed, grinning in a way very similar to Naruto. “Come on, Nagato. Say something, too.” he pushed, making Nagato look first at him and than towards the bed. He seemed uncertain of what to do, or he was just awfully silent.

 

Remembering what Sasuke wrote in his letter, Naruto quickly licked over his lips while thinking of what to say to break the ice between them. “Uhm, thanks for coming to visit me, though we don't really know each other. It means a lot to me,” he stated, trying to push all the questions burning on his tongue back for the moment.

 

“It's nothing, really,” Nagato lowly insisted. “You are the only relative I know about, so it's nice to meet you in person.”

 

“Oh, I know the feeling.” Naruto smiled warmly. “But, like, there is another cousin we have; the daughter of your dad's sister, I guess? Or was it the cousin of- ah, no idea.” He laughed softly, the urge to scratch the back of his head great but his arm not following his command to reach up.

 

“You mean Karin,” Nagato supplied.

 

“Yeah! Though, she is kind of anti-social to me. Must be the jealousy,” Naruto joked, feeling kind of stupid all of a sudden. He really needed to practice holding himself back.

 

“She is pretty fierce. Kind of reminded me of Kushina...” Nagato murmured, trailing off almost like he was just remembering about her in that very moment.

 

And then Naruto lost his control.

 

“Do you know about my mom?” he asked, unable to keep his excitement back. “Something... anything.” His eyes were large with curiosity and interest, desperate to hear about his mother.

 

Nagato shifted his weight a little before speaking. “Only a little. I was very young when I met her,” he calmly told. “She hit me, then, because I didn't play the way she liked and she also ate my Ramen when I didn't look.”

 

Naruto burst into laughter at the image, seeing a chibi version of his mother sneaking to the bowl chibi Nagato had laid before himself before his inner eye. “Oh, sorry, just- that's kind of funny,” he stated, desperately trying to stop laughing.

 

But instead of getting angry or intimidated, Nagato stared at him intensely. Actually, that made Naruto get a hold of himself even faster.

 

After a while of uncomfortable silence – even Yahiko didn't say a word – Naruto cleared his throat and asked, “What is it?”

 

“You...” Nagato whispered, sounding like he wasn't quite there, “Just now... if you had long, red hair, I could have sworn Kushina was sitting in front of me.”

 

Naruto blinked a few times, a smile laying over his lips at the words. “How come?” he inquired, liking the idea of another person than Jiraiya to say he was alike his mother.

 

“The expression when you laughed. It's the exact same, with the only difference of your jaw being more edgy than hers,” he told, a smile gracing his lips as well. “It's true that she was kind of a handful, but I still liked being around her. There used to be something warm about her which quickly took over the people. I can feel the same warmth on you, too, Naruto.”

 

In the corner of his vision, Naruto saw Yahiko and Conan look at each other for a moment, as if they were uncertain on how to handle the situation or were surprised about Nagato speaking like that.

 

“Well,” Naruto started, thinking about how to ease the mood again. “I'm glad if I can make the people around me smile, especially after all I put them through.” He paused for a moment, making up his mind before continuing. “This warmth I have... I want to use it for the sake of other people.”

 

He didn't know why, but there was a feeling in his chest – like a warm touch, as if he had reached out to Nagato and got a response from him.

 

“I believe you will have no issues archiving what you seek,” Nagato stated with a gentle smile.

 

~*~

 

Nagato and his friends had stayed until dinner and they had even managed to talk a little. Nagato had told about his past and how he had been while Naruto opened up a little and said how he grew up. They knew each other a little better, though there was still a lot to say. Sadly, the three had to leave again soon since Yahiko had some stuff to do back in their home the following day. However they promised to come back, most likely on the weekend.

 

“It's amazing, really,” Naruto told before getting the next bite of his dinner. Mouth still half-full he added, “To have so many relatives. I had no idea! And Nagato said I'm a lot like my mom.”

 

Shizune shoved the next piece into his mouth in a vain try to make him shut up. “You shouldn't speak with your mouth full,” she stated, reminding him to show some manners. But Naruto was still too excited about the visit to really mind anything. He didn't even care he behaved like a pig, making a total mess of himself.

 

“I can't wait to see them again. Yahiko is kinda cool, too!” He had to stop when Shizune forced another bite into him. “And look what Conan left! Isn't the origami fox cute?”

 

It turned out Conan really enjoyed making figures of paper – the flower decorating her hair was out of paper, too – and she had made a small fox out of white and red paper. The tiny animal had a long tail and its front was lowered, the paws flat as if it was preparing to playfully jump something. Conan had said she had made one because Naruto had looked, on the photo Sasuke gave them on his visit, like a grinning, cheery fox. That he liked foxes a lot was an added bonus on the small gift.

 

“It's really neat,” Shizune confirmed, sighing as the plate was _finally_ empty. “Sounds like you had a rather eventful day again.” She put the cover back over the tray before running a napkin over Naruto's mouth.

 

“Sort of,” he commented, grimacing when she cleaned off his face like he was a baby. “Oh, by the way, Lee said I should get some light glasses and bottles with a straw so I can drink myself again.”

 

“I'll write a note so the nurse in the morning will bring you some suitable stuff,” Shizune replied, the smile finally back over her lips. Before she had rather looked serious to borderline annoyed, but apparently being done with dinner was enough to calm her again.

 

“Awesome, thanks,” Naruto grinned. “And, like, can you, maybe...” he murmured, suddenly feeling a bit guilty he gave her such a hard time during dinner. He really should have just eaten and _then_ talked his head off.

 

Shizune gave a soft laugh and already reached for the box, taking out the envelope marked with '38'. When Naruto held it however, his eyebrows knitted together. Confused he lifted it a bit, breathing in through his nose. “This one kind of... smells,” he noticed, speaking aloud so Shizune would hear it as well.

 

“It does,” she smiled, apparently having recognized the faint scent already.

 

“I can't recall what it reminds me of...” Naruto commented, concentrating hard. He _knew_ the smell, but from where?

 

Shizune merely got up, taking the tray along. “Well, Sasuke wrote that one while he was in here, that particular week,” she said, speaking in complete mysteries.

 

Figuring he'd understand once he read the letter, Naruto tore open the cover.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_This week I could decide on flowers very easily, though it seems kind of simple to go for it._

_A few days ago was Valentine's Day._

_At first, I though about getting you a bit of chocolate and leave it along with this letter, however then I remembered it would be summer when you awake. The chocolate might have melted by then, making a lot of mess. Therefore I rather left it at home, in the fridge. It took me a little longer to make it this year since I looked through a few receipts and had to try a lot before it worked the way I wanted it to. I hope it's also sweet enough for you since I had nobody to try it this time around._

_But while I couldn't give you chocolate, I kind of tried to balance it out with the flowers. I got two large bouquets of red roses with a few white ones mixed inside. The meaning of roses is rather easy, as well as the meaning of red ones, but I learned that red and white roses mixed represent unity and warmth of heart. Actually, the roses have many meanings depending on the color. For example, yellow ones can stand for jealousy, but also for the message 'I am suffering'. However, that time is over for me; the moment you did better, my suffering was eased greatly, blown away with the wind._

_I took the bouquets along the entire week, every single day. I took some vacation from work and kind of reduced my research for this week so I could visit you more often. Valentine's Day always held some hidden meaning for us; only then I could warm myself for some sappiness and you became smartly romantic. I enjoy thinking back to the tender moments we shared between the candlelight dinners accompanied by faint music, the silent walks we took around forests and beaches, and the hours we spent in front of the fireplace next to each other. How often did you come up with little, romantic presents while I whispered low vows into your ear. We celebrated our love often and passionately, but somehow Valentine's Day was the time where we did it rather calmly, tenderly, staying aware of the burning fire of our relationship but still seeking to have it reduced down to a flickering flame. Almost like we were reminding ourselves of the time when our love was still a small seedling, a delicate plant which dreamed to grow into a large and solid tree one day._

_Since you are somewhat blocked, currently, I thought back for both of us. I recall what we did over all those years and whispered sweet nothingness into your ear while I filled the room with flowers, symbols of my love for you. I stayed close to you, becoming aware of the warmth of your body and the faint noise of your own breathing. The sound was nearly overpowered by the machine, but I still hear it, Naruto – how you faintly suck in air and press it back out, breathing deeply like you were asleep._

_Naruto, my love; I cherish you with all my being. The way your skin feels smooth to my touch, how you gently breathe, I love watching your golden bangs fall out of my grasp when I let go, faintly rustling when they fall against your forehead. I adore how your lips move when I run my fingers over them, being reminded of soft cushions. The taste of your mouth and flesh is addicting, making me crave for so much more when I explore it with my fingers and lips. Your bright spirit is beautiful to me, the way it cheers up the entire environment with its plain existence. And then, when you laugh and talk and yell, I can sense every single emotion waving through your body. I love the way you can express yourself so easily, the ability to experience all the feelings imaginable and also transport it to others. The light of your eyes, so blue and clear, is gorgeous to me; when you look at me I feel like the luckiest being alive – being allowed to reflect in those azure pools, see them brighten a tiny bit more when they land on me._

_Often I wonder if I even deserved all I have, if I am worth the privilege to have you by my side. But then I realize something. You may call it egoistic and self-centered, but I believe there is nobody out there who would fit better to you. I am the one who makes your eyes lit up, I am the one making you laugh and scream and cry, I am the only one who can love you with the intensity you need. You can only shine so fantastically because I am by your side, as well as I can only be who I am because I have you. We shape each other in an unique way, being an exception to everything else in this world. Sometimes we hurt each other, deeply, but when I stop for a moment and reflect I come to the conclusion it's a part of us. To us, fighting is equally important to getting along well. We need to have times when we show utter hate to each other as well as the times when we are loving so much it hurts. Hurting, healing, crying, laughing – we need all of it and more, covering all the extremes imaginable as well as what lays beyond._

_A life filled with pure, tender love and brightness might be tempting. Surely it would be less exhausting and, more importantly, not as painful. Then there would never be doubts and questions, statements which stab the heart directly with their plain, evil honestly. There would be no fights and no wounds, no hate and no crying._

_But it would be only a half-as fulfilling life. It's the fight which happened before that makes the renewed peace so important. It's the inflicted wounds which make the feeling of healing so much sweeter. It's the constant possibility to break apart in pain and hate that makes us cherish and groom our existing love with all our beings._

_Only then are we complete, my beloved Naruto._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I was tempted to title this chap as "the cheese", it's so cheesy. Bah. I still kind of like it though, how it came out.  
> Especially the end of the letter captures their dynamic pretty well imo. 
> 
> BTW, if you wonder how the origami looks, I was sort of inspired by a pic looking similar to this:  
> http://www.grupoetor.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/origami-fox-designed-and-folded-by-mindaugas-cesnavicius-how-to-make-an-origami-fox-box-how-to-make-an-origami-fox-body.jpg
> 
> Ah, nothing much to say to this chap. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	40. 39th Letter - The Plans

“You're giving me too many things lately. You're all I need. You smiled at me and said, 'Don't get me wrong, I love you, but does that mean I have to meet your father?'”

 

Naruto knew that song well – from one of the nicest games. Figures, since it was also from the same people who made Final Fantasy. Those guys always had some great intro music going on. The sound was off though, nothing like the usual noise from his boxes at home.

 

“When we are older you will understand what I meant when I said 'No'”

 

It rather sounded like the lyrics came from his crappy music player, though the voice sounded clear while it was considerably deeper and richer than the original. He only had a portable one since he had the large stereo at home and a rather fancy MP3-player for the times he was around.

 

“Damn it,” hissed a male voice and all of a sudden Naruto didn't particularly bother for the song in the background anymore.

 

“Why... just _why_?!” the male hissed, sounding very much like a frustrated Sasuke. The times where he was like that were very few; Sasuke was rather the person who grew overly mad and exploded once driven too far, out of the subconscious conviction he could just do whatever he pleased either by using his intellect or brutal force. Only when those options weren't working he began acting frustrated, though Naruto usually ended up responding passionate enough to consider the point taken.

 

“What is your fucking _problem_?!” he growled, his tone suggesting he was close to break something, even if all he got were his bare hands and a hard wall. If furious enough, he could bring even that down. “Why with everyone else but me?! Just _why_ , Naruto?!”

 

Sasuke paused for a moment, then the noise of something falling down very close by made Naruto flinch inside. “Fuck,” Sasuke huffed, quickly repeating, “Fuck!” with a much louder and angrier voice. The frustration was still there but it was clearly subsiding. Not a minute later the noise of the chair moving hard over the floor cut the silence, Sasuke heaving a loud sigh right afterward. It sounded like he had let himself fall down into it out of pure exhaustion.

 

“The future doesn't scare me at all.”

 

“Fuck this stupid shit!” he cursed and slammed his hand down on something. Immediately the music stopped, leaving uncomfortable silence back. Again Sasuke sighed, rustling of hair following, like he was running his own hands through it.

 

After a while he asked, “I don't... understand.” He paused. “Isn't what I do enough? What do I have to do to make you forgive me?” he asked, his voice a delicate whisper. “Do you hate me by now? So much you refuse to even notice me?”

 

What did he mean? Naruto had no idea. All he knew was he couldn't move or speak.

 

He felt something – lips gently laying over his.

 

He wanted to return the contact, or at least keep it up. But the mouth pulled away way too soon for his taste. He'd wished the touch would have lasted longer, his entire being craving to experience more of those kisses.

 

“Damn it,” Sasuke murmured and, somehow, it sounded like he was gritting his teeth. “Is this what you want, Naruto?” he asked without ever receiving an answer. “If you decide like this... I'll-”

 

The door opened with a creak, making Sasuke cut himself off suddenly.

 

“Oh. You.” It was definitely Sakura's voice speaking, and she sounded quite pissed off.

 

“I was leaving anyway,” Sasuke spat, the chair scratching over the floor as he got up and stormed towards the door.

 

The slamming had been so loud and violent Naruto woke up with a gasp, realizing it had been just another dream. But there had been a strong tension in that one, even when it was, apparently, a memory from the time after he did better. Why else would the two actually talk to each other, even if it were just a couple of words?

 

Sighing Naruto moved a hand to his head, laying his palm over his forehead. He felt a light throbbing there, his body feeling strange as odd sensations flowed through it. It had been a dream of a kind, so to say, and his weak limbs seemed more than ready to act thanks to it, almost like he had desperately wanted to do something back at the time where the memory came from and yet held back.

 

Turning his head around, Naruto realized it was just early morning. The sky was slightly lit, but not enough to call it a sunrise yet. If he had to guess he'd say it was maybe three or four am. Still way too early to ask for breakfast or a letter.

 

A bit grumpy he turned onto his side, away from the light. He ended up facing the door instead and, unable to stop himself from it, he imagined how the Sasuke from his latest dream sat on the single chair, right next to his bed. How he had sunken into it and buried his face in his hands, moving his fingers up to clench in his black bangs. He would then draw in a shaky breath, struggling to sort things out while he battled the frustration.

 

And, somehow, Naruto also saw him look up from his hands, the gleam in his eyes reflecting agony and desperation, for some reason.

 

Sighing Naruto closed his eyes. This wasn't the moment to think about such things; everything was fine now and he'd work hard to ease Sasuke's pain the best he could once they met again.

 

Until then, he better gathered his forces and recovered soonest possible.

 

~*~

 

The sun shone in, showing it was rather late, but Naruto still turned away and curled stronger into the blanket, determined to sleep in a little longer.

 

“Hey,” Sasuke called, softly. “Leave me some of the covers, too.”

 

A body pushed up against Naruto's, legs brushing his gently and hands dancing over his chest and sides. He hummed contently at the touch, one of his eyes opening to watch Sasuke closer. He, too, held his eyes closed while a faint smile laid over his lips, his head blindly moving forward until he could nuzzle Naruto's face.

 

“That tickles,” he murmured, however moved his head closer anyhow. Their noses touched, as well as their lips and foreheads.

 

“I don't see you minding that,” Sasuke breathed before forcing Naruto onto his back with his hands, ending up hovering above his upper body that way. Chuckling Sasuke lowered his head, their lips meeting in a kiss while he intertwined his fingers with Naruto's. While he leaned above him like that, Naruto could spot a few of the bruises he inflicted on him the previous night, as well as a few kissing-marks gracing the space between his neck and shoulder.

 

“This for me?” Sasuke teased as he pulled away, chuckling darkly when he rocked his hips against Naruto's, driving a low moan from him that way. “You're quite insatiable; we just did it the previous night,” he commented but still kept rolling his hips.

 

“You saying you can't go another round, bastard?” Naruto threw back, panting lightly.

 

“What a question,” Sasuke replied with a smirk. “I'll never have enough of this. Not in this lifetime.” He thrust his hips down more forceful, as to make his point clear.

 

“Good for me,” Naruto commented with a chuckle. “Because it'll need more than a lifetime to satisfy me, too.”

 

“Guess that means we're never to be apart, hu?” Sasuke said before gently biting down on one of Naruto's ears.

 

“This is quite sappy, especially this early in the morning.” Naruto grinned before bringing his legs up and closing them around Sasuke's hips, pulling him closer. “But I guess you're right on that aspect.”

 

Suddenly Naruto woke up, this time because of a stinging in his lower regions. He hissed at the ache, only partly realizing he had just been dreaming about one of his older memories. But why was he in pain?

 

“Holy fuck...!” he cursed, pressing one eye shut while he tried to bear the ache. Panting slightly he lifted up his blanket, checking on his crotch – and froze in horror and anger at what he found.

 

Apparently, the promise to experience some adult-related content in his dream got him hard. And when his cock hardened, it apparently squeezed down on the damn catheter enough to cause him some pain, gradually becoming more the more erected he got.

 

Now his semi-hard dick created a clear tent on his boxers, even slightly standing out of the opening while the pipe still poked out of the very tip.

 

At the sight, the stinging was only half as bad than before. Seeing himself in such a miserable situation was _way_ worse than that.

 

“Fucking shit...” Quickly he let go of his blanket in order to cover his face with his hands. Naruto could already feel his cheeks heating in embarrassment. “Why can't _this_ be the fucking dream?!” he complained, wondering how long it would take for his cock to return to normal. Usually he would have just jacked off in this situation, but somehow the catheter was intimidating him too much for trying.

 

And then the door opened, the nurse bringing his breakfast.

 

Well, shit.

 

Quickly Naruto jerked his hands down, casually laying them over his crotch to hide his boner. He really didn't need witnesses.

 

When he noticed it was the fat nurse's shift, everything became a little worse.

 

“Good morning,” he greeted, speaking lowly. “Haa, I had a terrible night... couldn't get any sleep. So, if you don't mind...” he said, trying to act rather tired.

 

“It's time for breakfast. No discussions,” she barked, the tray falling hard when she threw it.

 

“But I'm too tired to eat-” he started but was harshly cut off by her.

 

“If you have the energy to discus, then you also are awake enough to eat,” she huffed, staring at Naruto so hard he slowly reached for the remote while his other hand still covered his crotch. Rather awkwardly he sat up, hoping she didn't really look at him closer, and lowered his other hand to his groin again. At least she was so rude his erection faded a bit faster than before.

 

Maybe, if he was lucky, he'd make it through breakfast without totally embarrassing himself.

 

If not, well... Naruto rather avoided thinking about that outcome.

 

At least he'd get another letter after forcing the food down his throat.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_Oddly, the rich scent of the roses is still filling the room though I didn't bring them. Since it was rather cold and dark, they withered awfully quickly, however the flowery smell is still all around, reminding of their delicate beauty._

_I had to work again this week, but at least Kimimaro showed up after a long sickness. He is still rather weak and pale, however well enough to attend work. Still, I told him to take an easy time until he is fully healthy again. After all, I'm in as well as Juugo. If Kimimaro would take another few days off, we should be able to run the business anyhow. On the other hand, I appreciate how much effort and care he puts into his job. I might give him a rise soon._

_This week I got a few calls from Jiraiya, mostly to update on your status. He also implied he might be working on another book, but he just gave me some teasers I didn't really care for and kept the plans rather vague. I think he was a bit disappointed he couldn't really lure me with information about his books, though I told him that you are the actual fan and I just read them out of boredom. Anyhow, it won't be another two years before he's going to publish this 'secret work', so teasers aren't really going to work. Maybe he'll even send some chaps beforehand to us, just for fun. He said Minato liked to both read and write a lot, so he might be expecting you to be some bookworm, too. As long as it entertains you, I'm fine with pretty much anything though. _

_The investigations about the Uzumaki family are proceeding rather slowly. Nagato didn't have leads at all and his memories are rather old and foggy. I asked him to try to remember and call me once something crosses his mind. A general direction would be enough, since I managed to find him through Karin already without even as much as a name to work with. I thought about checking some countries abroad as well, but without as much as a lead it's going to be impossible to find somebody._

_Though, upon my researching I did stumble upon a rather, how should I put it, 'odd' tribe. Mostly two guys named Ay and Bee. As far as I know, Ay was an opponent of your father. Turns out your old man wasn't only a smart author but also gifted at sports. He even ran for the championship of the country, qualifying himself for the Olympics as well. Back then he had been too young to participate, however that man could run as fast as a dash. In fact, his nickname was 'Konoha's Yellow Flash' named after the college he went to. Ay was pretty much his tightest competitor, but no matter how fast he moved your dad would always be a bit quicker than him. It kind of ate away at him up to the present. Though, I somehow doubt that man is particularly fast; he's tall and bulky looking rather than sleek as runners usually are._

_Anyhow, his younger brother Bee was rather looking up at your dad, especially as an author. From what I know he's a rapper (I guess his artists' name is KillerBee or something) and according to him your father's stories held quite a couple of rhymes in them, what in addition turned him into a great fan. I personally have yet to find such a rhyme in the stories, but Bee seems a bit awkward in general, so I don't particularly think about it. Still, he kind of became aware of you due to the short time where you ran the news and would like to meet you one day. I'll leave it up to you if you wish to see the weirdo or not._

_I have spoken to Itachi a bit more this week, mostly because the plans for budgets for the company are due soon. We discussed the planned spends and stayed rather late most of the days. It's always annoying and stressing; if you remember, I used to always come home rather drained and tired this time of the year. Now it's any different, though I end up being alone at home, without the warmth of your body accompanying me into sleep. At least I was kept updated of your health over the phone, now that I am a proxy. You are still doing well and the doctors actually started sending some trainers to you to stretch your arms and legs. I was told it's better if we start the treatment now already so you can get a more effective rehab once you awoke again. The most tricky thing is to get you flexible again, enough for you to properly bend your joints. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to grasp or move at all, though you'll need way more assistance at the beginning than usual anyhow. They also announced you might be on and off for the first few weeks after you awoke while being aware of it. And sleep; you will likely sleep a lot at the start._

_The time is passing by so quickly, the day of when you wake up coming closer and closer. I'm pretty excited about it already. Maybe I should think of a few things to do once you're back? We could travel to some mountains. The air up there is healthy and fresh – I'm sure it'll benefit to your weakened body. The sight will be rather decent, too, not to mention the save distance to any kind of journalists or reporters. Or perhaps we could go to the beach? After all, it'll be summer. I'm sure the cool water would be pleasing on the burning hot days._

_Though, I have the feeling I am overdoing it. These kind of decisions should be made by both of us, together. I can always come up with my usual surprises later, when you're recovered enough to bear the sudden trips. At the beginning, it should be more about resting and healing gradually. According to Kakashi, it's also likely you'll have trouble dealing with the actual accident and the fact of having been in a coma. He has had some patients already, so he has a feeling for the special needs of former-comatose people. While your body has physically healed, the broken bones fixed and bruises vanished, it may be that your brain thinks of the accident having happened only recently, putting you in a state of shock. Or, you could suffer from a form of amnesia, unable to remember the details up to months before the car hit you. The memory will return completely, at some point, but at first you might suffer a great lot under the circumstances which got you into the coma to begin with._

_At first I thought about getting you something colorful this week, but after my appointment with Kakashi I settled for another plant._

_This time, I brought you some blooming rosemary. You know, the plant used to spice up food. The flowers are quite soft and milky white, but nearly scentless compared to the strong flavor and the smell of the green leaves. Those were rather hard to provide, especially in a blooming state, but I'd do anything for you, love._

_To come back to the point – I chose rosemary because it's the plant for memory. It also symbolizes loyalty and constancy. I got a few branches in hope of it helping you to keep your memories, especially the ones dear to you. I don't know how much you will know yet, but I wish for it to be mostly happy images, not the nightmares I faced for so many months._

_Hopefully the rosemary will spare you the worst._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Since I have to work tomorrow, I sat down and gave this a quick edit today. I don't think I'll feel really up for it tomorrow, especially since I had a nasty cold this week. 
> 
> Btw, this is the song Sasuke was in fact murmuring during the memory.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRicv_vkUFI  
> Simple and Clean from Kingdom Hearts, first intro; there are like a billion versions of it, mostly because it gets taken down often by the copyrighters.   
> I found this version with all intros so you get an idea of the general type/theme of the songs from the series. 
> 
> Many things happening! Hints all over, catheter boners, etc. etc..   
> More is to come, so stay tuned :)
> 
> Regards,  
> \- T


	41. 40th Letter - The Tries

The letter had been nice, especially the thought about Sasuke getting rosemary as a somewhat-talisman for him, but Naruto's mood was still bad.

 

No matter how hard he tried to distract, it still didn't sit well with him to be torn out of a dream because his coming boner _hurt too much_. While it wasn't that his dick was too hard but because of some pipe stuck unnaturally in it.

 

Fuck was he pathetic.

 

Growling in frustration he rolled together under the blanket, as if to hide himself from the world while he sulked. The knock on the door he ignored, not bothering about whoever just came for a visit. Actually, he was so annoyed, he would have ignored Sasuke coming in, too.

 

When his blanket was violently yanked away, Naruto became aware of whom just came – and groaned in annoyance.

 

“What do you think you're doing?” Sakura huffed, the blanket still in her hand when she rested her fist against her hip. “If you're grumpy, do something about it,” she insisted before tossing the thin blanket over the edge of the bed.

 

“I wish I could,” Naruto replied, rather dryly. “I'm sick and tired of the humiliating bag of piss hanging on the bed. Believe it.” Seriously, how embarrassing was that? Even worse than having somebody watching him taking a leak. Then he would at least be able to control if or if not he urinated. With the stupid catheter it just flowed out, drop by humiliating drop.

 

“Better than constantly pissing yourself,” Sakura commented while sitting down on the side of his bed. Quite unusual; as far as he remembered, she always went straight for the chair.

 

“I wanna hear you say that with a pipe pushed up your pussy all the way- OUCH!” He hadn't even finished speaking when she hit his head with a hard fist. However, shortly after the beat she ran her fingers delicately through his hair.

 

“I can imagine it's uncomfortable,” Sakura started, “But it's for your best. And it's not a permanent thing.”

 

Naruto huffed into his pillow. “Still annoying as shit,” he commented, enjoying the gentle touch on his head. Somehow it felt familiar – like he had got it over and over again. “Did you do this while I was in coma, too?” he eventually asked, still sinking in the familiarity of the caress.

 

“You mean running my hand through your hair?” she asked without stopping. Naruto nodded faintly, his eyes closing to concentrate more on the touch. “Actually... yeah. Your hair was unusually flat when I came for visits, so I guess I wanted to ruffle it up a bit.” Her digits closed around a few bangs and rubbed them between her fingertips. “Why?”

 

He took a moment before answering. “I sort of remember this touch. Or, at least, my body.”

 

Yeah... it definitely felt familiar, the way those fingers moved through his blond hair and over his head.

 

Sakura tilted her head a little. “That's kind of interesting,” she admitted. “I mean the sensation of remembering something while, well, not in the mind,” she explained, feeling the urge to specify what she meant.

 

“It's weird, not interesting,” Naruto replied, reflecting about the statement. Shuddering lightly he added, “I kind of have the constant feeling I missed something. Like, that I didn't notice it was you who stroked me like this until I recognized it. With my body knowing things I'm not aware of...” He trailed off, remembering about his first dream. The uneasy feeling was still there, in his mind, and his body stiffened with a twinge in his chest he couldn't understand just yet.

 

Moistening his lips, he whispered, “It makes me feel incredibly lost...”

 

“Oh, Naruto...” Sakura called, softly, and again he had the feeling everyone from his body over his friends to the random visitor running passed his bedroom knew pretty much everything while he stumbled in the dark.

 

“And sort of paranoid,” he eventually added, voicing his worries.

 

Was it a normal reaction? To feel like everyone was ganging up against him, as if they left information out on purpose? He didn't like that feeling. Not at all. He would be even _more_ miserable if he couldn't even trust his friends anymore. But then again, hadn't Sakura refused to say Sasuke had gone? While it wasn't _that_ bad he wasn't around.

 

Well, _of course_ it was shitty to not have him there, but from what Naruto read in the recent letters, it was likely he was abroad looking for more of his relatives. That was a good excuse, wasn't it? And he was still sending his weekly messages.

 

But then again, Sakura didn't want him to feel hurt – and somehow, the memory he recalled earlier was kind of painful to him. So, were the people around him hiding something?

 

Sighing loudly Naruto clenched his eyes shut, barking at himself to stop thinking about such nonsense. He better left no room for such bullshit to begin with.

 

“Are you alright?” Sakura asked, out of the blue. She must have noticed how he tensed up.

 

“Yeah. Just had little sleep last night,” Naruto half-admited, half-lied. Yes, he had had only little sleep, but he was nowhere close to 'alright'.

 

“Would you like to sleep? I'm sure I can get you some relaxing tea,” Sakura offered, her hand leaving his hair.

 

Pressing his lips together forcefully, Naruto took a deep breath before answering, “That would be great. Thanks.”

 

Not a minute later she was out of the room getting him the drink – and Naruto was back in the solitude of his thoughts.

 

~*~

 

The tea Sakura provided was so bitter, Naruto had the feeling he had to add half a bag of sugar before he could swallow the brew down. Naturally she had complaint about how much he had sugared it up, but then again it him who drank it, so he was free to alter the drink as he liked it.

 

Sakura had stayed for a while longer, but somehow he didn't feel like talking and apparently looked quite tired, so she rather kept the conversations light and easy. In the end she left though, stating she had still lots of stuff to do and would be back the next evening earliest. At least she had completely forgiven him; Naruto had been a bit tensed about it, wondering if they were fine again.

 

When the door closed behind her, he found himself alone with his thoughts again. There wasn't really much else to do, given his schedule was free until afternoon. Probably the docs assumed he would be tired after an intense appointment with Lee and thought he'd like to sleep in.

 

Well, if it hadn't been for the damn catheter, Naruto might have done just that.

 

Sighing he laid on his back, arms crossed behind his head while he reflected. It was a typical pose for him – somehow, Naruto would think ten times better when he laid like that. And, in fact, his mind cleared up rather quickly once he had his arms bend and the feeling of hands under his skull.

 

So, what did he know?

 

As far as he could tell, Sasuke had been frustrated. It would already help figure out what bothered him, but sadly the possibilities were uncountable. Should he analyze the problem from another side, then?

 

Another great help would be finding out from which time the memory was from. Was it before or after he did better?

 

“Think logically,” he murmured to himself. The music player was on. When had Sasuke brought it to the hospital? Some months after Naruto fell into the coma, if he recalled correctly. So that left the time around September or so to the present day.

 

What else did he notice?

 

At some point, Sakura had entered the room. She had sounded tensed... but she had spoken. That narrowed down the time to December to the present, or when Naruto was generously guessing, around January or February to the present.

 

Naruto made a brief summary in his mind: Sasuke was frustrated about something which must have been or happened between February and the present day. What else was there to know? Naruto's friends were slowly but steadily forgiving him, Sasuke was searching for his lost relatives, and Naruto himself was rebooting his brain.

 

Closing his eyes he tried to remember the words Sasuke had spoken. It had been something about 'everyone else but me'. And he asked what he should do to make Naruto forgive him. But then again, what was there to forgive? It wasn't like they had had a fight recently, or at least Naruto was pretty sure he could not start arguing while in coma. Was he referring to the original fight, then?

 

“That makes no sense...” he mused aloud. Why would Sasuke, at that point, ask for forgiveness? At the start, alright, but why so soon before Naruto actually awoke? And even if, what would being forgiven or not change? If Naruto was awake it surely make a difference, but when didn't see what effect it would have if he forgave Sasuke for whatever at that point.

 

But – wait.

 

Naruto opened his eyes again, his memory clear for a moment.

 

Sasuke had started saying something at the end. _If you decide like this, I'll_ – well, something.

 

Suddenly Naruto brought a hand to his chest, rubbing it. There was a faint stinging again, slightly left. He tried his best to ignore it, for a moment, and focused back on his memory.

 

So, Sasuke wanted to do something, while that something was still unknown to Naruto. He had the feeling it would help a great lot knowing what exactly Sasuke planned or did, but the possibilities to find the unknown something out were very few. Who might know was Suigetsu, but he wouldn't just tell Naruto out of the blue. Itachi may be informed as well, however there was no way he'd as much as talk with him.

 

The twinge intensified, briefly.

 

Turning his head around, Naruto ended up glancing at the box with the left envelopes. There might be something in there. Not that Sasuke was all too open about his plots when he wrote his letters – at least on his more secret ones – but perhaps that whatever-he-wanted-to-do belonged to one of the open plans.

 

Worth a try.

 

Pressing the button on the remote, Naruto called for a nurse while he lifted the bed up, ready to read number '40'.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_The weeks seemingly fly by; I have the feeling I wrote the last letter just the other day. I could easily get used to this speed._

_It's still cold, but at least the sun is shining a bit more often lately. Though, the rays are not strong enough to warm the area up, so the plants are still inside. The other ones I gave to Iruka are completely well again, so I took them back. Somehow, the entire apartment rather looks like a jungle than a flat. All the green is overwhelming and also surreal once you look outside and only see gray clouds and ice on the windows._

_The detectives have yet to find anything out. It's kind of disappointing, especially after all the money I pay them. I'll cut down their wages to see if that 'motivates' them enough to put more effort into the research. And if they find nothing out, then there probably isn't much they can figure out to begin with._

_By now, I told Karin to come visit you on a weekly base since you show an improvement of activity when she is around. Maybe you feel already you two are family? It's not that unusual for you to act on instinct since your body seems to pick up things much faster than your mind. That's actually quite endearing, to some degree._

_We finished reading you the stories, but simply re-read them since Jiraiya's new book is far away from being finished. I also brought his older books here, so to give you a bit of a variation. Gaara started putting some new, odd CD into the player. He said it's from that game series, Final Fantasy, which you enjoy so much. However there wasn't much of an activity at those songs, probably because you don't know they are from the game just yet. Kiba also started bringing some more recent songs and new releases from bands you listened to. It's amazing to see how much effort everyone puts into this, trying to stimulate and make your waking up easier for you. You can be sure that everyone who contributed to the Christmas gift honestly got your back. We're all here, for you. Me, too._

_I have spoken with Kakashi a bit more intensely this week, about various things regarding the future. After all, it will have an impact on me, too – your awakening. Things will change a lot then and I am trying to prepare myself for it. Many things cross my mind..._

_How well will you be?_

_Which damage did you carry out of the accident?_

_What did you forget, what do you remember?_

_Not to mention all the stress coming along with the journalists and reporters. It's true that they're off your back, for now, but eventually they will offer enough to make the sell of the story attractive, at least to the hospital. The day will come when you have to deal with the topic. I'm worried it will happen too soon, putting too much pressure on you too early._

_I have never been in such a situation and the joy of you doing better is quite strong, but I can't allow myself to lose sight of the more long-termed developments. Before it was hard for me to plan, but now that you're out of danger, I can sort my thoughts out again. And didn't I promise I'd clear things out for you outside while you fight for conscience? To me, dealing with these kind of things belongs to that, too. I gave you a promise I will keep, no matter what._

_By the way, I bought a few new clothes for you. Since you start feeling more, I bought a few warmer, cuddly pieces you can wear. What the others don't know is that you kind of move closer to soft materials, literally curling into them. Since expecting you to snuggle into an entire blanket is a little much, I thought tempting you to simply rub your arm against your body for more of the soft friction would work out better. Of course I picked only orange things, to make it more enjoyable to you. I hope this plan works out._

_The rosemary is still blooming nicely, so I brought the small branches along again. I also tried to hold the leaves under your nose, seeing if the volatile oils tickle a reaction of you you. After all, rosemary is quite strong in scent. Did you know it's also used to keep demons away? Probably because of the unusually strong smell. Maybe it can keep the nightmares off? I never thought about getting something like a lucky charm, but since Sui is quite a lot into it, I might ask him for something to use. He's an expert about Celtic stuff and even gave me some kind of charm when I was worse off. Perhaps I should ask him about that topic. When I offer to eat as much junk food as he likes, he will easily agree to some chat._

_Since I was surprised about the meaning of rosemary, I looked up some more herbs. Surprisingly, sage means 'I am thinking of you'. Peppermint stays for 'forgive me' and clove has even different meanings depending on the color. And lemon? It means 'I cannot grant you that wish'. Funny what things I thought about; not a year ago I'd have never imagined I'd sit around, writing about meanings of flowers and plants. Then again, a year ago there were many, many things I didn't think closely about._

_I remember I told you I'd do my best to turn back into the person you used to know. By now, I kind of realized I cannot fulfill that promise. This accident, what happened to you, everything which came along... it changed me. In a way I can't make undone again. I find myself doing and saying things I would, under other circumstances, have never done or spoken aloud. Though, writing letters isn't speaking, but I am telling you many things while you lay here like this._

_I wonder how much of it actually reaches you, Naruto._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I mentioned that before, but damn, this additional title thingy is haaaaaard.  
> Coming up with new titles while not doing repetitions is more difficult than I expected. 
> 
> More worries. More uncertainities. More Confusion.  
> A dramatic reveal is about to come, so stay tuned! 
> 
> I'll be sort of busy with a... project... I contribute at, so there won't be double updates in the near future.  
> The project is waaaay more important :D but also a secret. 
> 
> Regards,  
> \- T


	42. 41st letter - The Stress

Falling back against the mattress – which wasn't an entirely large distance since he sat – Naruto let out a frustrated groan.

 

Clarification? Who was he trying to fool? He was dealing with Sasuke un-fucking-readable Uchiha.

And the worst was, from how the letter sounded, something was cooking. Sasuke used to speak in myths around the topic when it was so obvious it should be clear but people – or, better, Naruto – failed to still point it out. Then he'd go all rhetorical questions and stare at oneself with dark eyes, getting more and more furious with every passing minute. And, unfortunate as he was, Naruto felt good a dozen of those angry onyx eyes glaring at him – while having no idea why.

 

“I fucking hate this shit,” he huffed, rolling onto his side. Still frustrated Naruto pushed around on the remote again, the bed going flat with a low buzzing of the devices. He wasn't feeling like doing much, let alone that his brain would function under those unruly circumstances. Under stress, his mind would work even slower than already. And really, the current pressure-level was at 'Sasuke stands before you, pointing a riffle right at your face ordering 'think'', which was pretty much the highest it could actually get.

 

Sighing Naruto rolled onto his back, wondering. The odd tension was still sitting firmly in his gut, making it hard to focus. He was missing something – something of very great importance. Naruto had the feeling Sasuke had done something in the meantime which had a great impact on both of them. And he was also aware he'd eventually find out what it was – and the discovery will not sit well with him.

 

Now that he thought closely about it, Naruto became aware of the somewhat knot he had had in his stomach since he first woke up. It had been just a faint pull, easily blanked out as soon as he thought about the beautiful letters and the wonderful people around himself. But now that he was aware of it, the twinge was impossible to ignore.

 

And the fear to keep reading increased.

 

It was a fact Sasuke would explode eventually and come out with whatever bothered him. Those times they were borderline breaking up, shouts and ill feelings spreading between them. Taking some break of a couple of days wasn't all that unusual then. Sasuke would retire back at his brother's while Naruto crashed at Sai's those nights since they both felt uncomfortable staying in the apartment alone. Naruto had actually plenty of places to stay for a few days, but Sai was the one who respected his privacy most, never asking questions or searching for reasons. Kiba was way noisier. Though, usually they fixed it within a short while again.

 

But somehow this was... different.

 

The period of time could be way longer than usual. Perhaps several months had passed since whatever went wrong between them had started. They didn't make peace again. The situation was familiar but utterly foreign in its intensity.

 

It scared the shit out of Naruto.

 

“Don't be paranoid,” he talked to himself. “Whatever it is, it's surely fixable. The letters keep coming, too. So, it wasn't so bad he doesn't care anymore about me, right? If it was _really_ bad, Sasuke wouldn't keep writing them.” Naruto kept reassuring himself, though it didn't help to make the knot in his stomach go away.

 

Huffing he rolled onto his stomach, face pressed into the thin pillow. He was probably just making himself crazy over nothing at all.

 

“Good morning, kid!” shouted a voice suddenly, making Naruto jerk his had around to stare at the door. When he recognized Jiraiya he heaved a heavy sigh.

 

“Ever considered I might have a weak heart after the coma, old man?” he asked before lowering his head onto the pillow once again. He had lifted it up briefly for a better view at the door. Now though he reached for the remote, lifting his bed into a sitting position once again.

 

“Don't even try me with that bullshit, kid. And quit that 'old man' already.” Snorting Jiraiya sat down on the chair, his arm folding before his chest.

 

Naruto chuckled softly at the action. “So, how is the movie coming along?” he asked, feeling the urge to talk a bit more about what Jiraiya did and how he was rather than focusing on topics directly related to him. Showing interest, so to say.

 

Not that Naruto was uninterested or anything; there were just some topics with more priority before. Now that he wanted to think away from his coma and past, it was rather convenient to learn more about his good old Godfather. Plus, being a true fan of Icha Icha, he was more than excited about the new movie coming out.

 

Jiraiya blinked, his face looking rather surprised before he grinned widely. “It's developing nicely,” he told, clearly relaxing as he spoke. “I guess the filming should be done by this summer, then it's another few months for the editing and fixing up. I actually planned to invite you to the premiere, as a special guest.”

 

“What?! _Me_?!” Naruto gasped, borderline shocked.

 

“Sure. Being my Godchild and great fan of the series – who should come if not you?” Jiraiya asked, the smile on his face suggesting how pleased he was with the surprise.

 

“Premiere...” Naruto repeated, lowly. “Premiere as in Menma being there, too?!”

 

At the nod, he almost jumped out of bed in pure joy.

 

“Menma! I'm gonna see freaking Menma _for real_!” Naruto cheered, throwing his arms up. They even remained in the air a couple of seconds longer than usual.

 

“You could talk to him, too,” Jiraiya suggested, making the cheers silence in the blink of an eye. Naruto stared at him wide-eyed as he added, “Menma has been quite interested in the series since the start. Of course he'd find it interesting to speak with you, the little kid who got named after the hero. And from what I know, you're quite similar to the fictional Naruto as well.”

 

His mouth dropped open unceremoniously, he was so stunned.

 

Menma Mitsuna was the main actor of Icha Icha – a handsome young man with black, spiky hair and pale blue eyes grown up abroad. From sources it was common knowledge Menma ended up in the casting out of a chance and somehow was immediately picked, despite earlier difficulties with the role he had to play. Usually he acted as the main villain, his list of reputations in that sector nearly endless. Making him the hero was kind of a struggle at first, but Menma did excellent anyhow. He kind of looked a lot like Naruto as well, at least on the facial expression-level, though he was a couple of years older than him. That was one of the many reasons why Naruto was so much into the movie to begin with, even if it was fairly shorter than the book – since the main actor looked so much like him and had the same name when he was in his role, Naruto felt more connected to the story and the character.

 

The chance to talk to the very same person he had admired for so long... and hearing he might search for a talk with Naruto himself was a more than unique chance.

 

“I'd love to come!” he grinned, his heart fluttering a little at the thought of going to the premiere. He wouldn't only see Menma, but also everyone else who put their hard work into the sequel of Icha Icha.

 

But suddenly something crossed Naruto's mind.

 

“But, like, could Sasuke come, too?” he asked before explaining, “I know he's not the biggest fan, but I don't like to leave him out.”

 

Jiraiya seemed to hesitate and for a moment the same, odd gleam took place in his eyes as the last time. “As for me, you can take along whoever you wish. As the producer and author I have access to as many cards as I need,” he answered, voice unfamiliar neutral.

 

The knot in Naruto's gut came back to the surface.

 

“What's the matter?” Naruto eventually inquired.

 

“Nothing,” Jiraiya replied. It sounded like a total lie.

 

“Listen, if you know something I don't, then-” Naruto started but found himself cut off by a shake of the Jiraiya's head.

 

Taking a deep breath he said, “This is something I can't help you with. And to be honest, I don't want to get dragged into it either.” He leaned back on his chair, his arms coming up to cross over his chest again in a defensive way. “So, please, don't push me into discomfort.”

 

Naruto pressed his lips together before he snarled a single 'fine'. Obviously Jiraiya knew very well what caused the knot in his stomach, but refused to share his wisdom. Not that Naruto could blame him; if he truly felt uncomfortable, he didn't want to force the old man to speak.

 

However it meant Naruto had to figure out the source for his odd feelings entirely on his own.

 

~*~

 

Jiraiya had stayed until after lunch, taking again the advantage to feed Naruto himself. They had had a nice conversation until then, mostly about the movie and what Jiraiya had changed from the original storyline. He also implied another, completely different adventure featuring a new character he had yet to name being in progress, mostly a first attempt to get into another branch of the entertainment industry. What exactly the story was about he kept to himself, though.

 

Kind of sneaky, in Naruto's opinion.

 

They had also started talking a bit about his dad Minato, mostly of his success in the sports area. Turned out Minato was truly as fast as a flash – nobody could catch up with him once he started running. Even Kushina set first eyes on him as a man when he was taking part on a race for his school. Kushina had been at a similar event for shot-put taking place on the same area – Jiraiya confirmed she was extremely strong for a girl and even outmatched men double her size – and had ended up watching him run. Later, at the party after the actual competitions, they had started talking a little and grew interested into each other.

 

Upon hearing how sportive his parents were, Naruto recalled how well he used to be in broad jump back at school, what made him grin a little. For that sport, ones needed both speed _and_ force – so he basically combined the two advantages of his parents within himself.

 

Though, his dad was probably a bit faster than him as well as his mom was stronger. Still he liked the thought of him having yet another connection to them.

 

Since the movie was still in the middle of production, Jiraiya had to leave right after lunch. He used to get some phone-calls in the afternoon, mostly from his assistants and employees to update him on the works. Because of the difference in time, that was pretty much the busiest time for him.

 

At least he had pulled out the envelope marked with '41' out before disappearing, as well as filled the light bottle with fresh water.

 

Naruto had already opened the cover and unfolded the letter when he reached for the bottle. It was difficult, but he managed to lift it up enough for the tip of the very long straw to reach his lips – and then Naruto took a swallow on his own.

 

It made the tasteless water sweet and delicious on his tongue.

 

+*+

 

_My beloved Naruto,_

_March has arrived this month and it is already brighter than usual. The sun is still weak but more present. Some of the trees are already growing little buds on the branches, preparing for spring. I think I can put the plants out again in a few weeks without them getting damaged. A really lucky strike after this intensely cold time; I really thought it would stay like this way longer._

_Finally the entire planing is through. Itachi seems very relieved about it and considered taking a couple of days off, leaving me in charge for most of his business. Was about time he took a break; since I was pretty much off for a long time, he ended up taking care of my deals as well and constantly worked, even over the holidays. I won't be able to see you that often, but I kind of think it's alright anyhow. You won't be alone, especially since Jiraiya mentioned he'd come for a visit soon again. I even learned Juugo showed up in your room a few times as well, seeing how you were doing. I had no idea about that until recently and I am kind of impressed how much he cares though he hardly knows you. Probably he kind of feels concerned because of you being my chosen partner, something like a part of me. He isn't the type to openly state his thoughts; I believe he, too, was worried about me but expressed that in his own way._

_I met up with Gaara again and had our usual coffee. We talked about a few things, mostly your improvements and how amazed the therapists are about your returned flexibility, but also about various other things. He also suggested me to pre-order some game for you online, a special edition of some Final Fantasy which will be released by the end of summer. I followed the advice and also saw a special release of Kingdom Hearts in high definition. I ordered that one as well. You can take it as a late anniversary present, since it wouldn't be out before September. It has some special remake of an additional game in it which Gaara assured me you don't have. I understand you being into that silly stuff (come on, Disney? Playable?), but how Gaara ended up being into those games will remain a mystery to me. He rather looks like the horror-gamer to me. _

_I spoke with Kakashi more intensely this week. Though I used to have only one appointment a week since you started doing better, I asked for a bit more assistance recently. A lot goes through my head, so much it drains me. I started lacking appetite again, though I force myself to eat anyhow, also to prevent Itachi from worrying. I'd rather have large helpings at home than any more of the disgusting junk food he suggests. Suigetsu must have noticed something, too. He took me out at lunch a few times to all-you-can-eat buffets close by. Still junk food, to some degree, but at least they also have more tasteful stuff on the menu. Kakashi pretty much approved that and encouraged me to hang out more with Sui. He has seen him a few times, when he came to the appointment with me at the company, and thinks he is good for me._

_Time keeps flying by... I can feel your awakening coming closer and closer. The journalists are still far away, which is good, but I am still rather stressed. I hardly have free time – I mostly get hooked up at work, come here for a visit, and then drop into bed right after brushing my teeth. Can hardly recall the last time I slept so deeply. Kind of a relieve since I am even too tired for nightmares. I should wash the covers soon though; they are starting to smell. I might not remember the nightmares, but I often wake up bathing in my own sweat. I wonder where it comes from, but all Kakashi could figure out was it being stress-related. Once I calmed down a bit, it should get away._

_The detectives haven't found much out yet. They only learned about a former school your mother attended. I called the offices up, but since so much time has passed nobody working there, including the headmaster, knows about her. I will still pay them a visit in two weeks since I heard they have some old trophies there she won for sports activities. They couldn't tell me more, but they promised to look in the archives to see if they can find her old school file or some yearbook with her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the time when I go there._

_Recently I ran into Hinata. Thankfully she was alone – Kiba is still rather closed up towards me – and we had an interesting chat. She, too, apologized for how negative she treated me, but she also made quite clear she doesn't really take back what she said. I was impressed at how strong and determined she could be; I'd have never imagined she'd come up reasoning herself in front of me, being so silent and shy most of the time. She also sort of warned me from hurting you, as if she noticed something. I didn't really say much, mostly listened, rather fascinated, at how she spoke with me. I believe your accident changed her as well, though I have never seen any hint of a difference on her before._

_Since spring is within reach, or so it seems, I decided to bring you some Chamomile this week. And if you believe what I think – yes, the same which is used to brew tea._

_I know you don't like the tea, but the scent of the flowers is much weaker than when mixed with hot water. You can barely notice it, actually. Also, I got the Chamomile because of its meaning in the language of flowers, not for annoying you._

_In fact, Chamomile represents the spring. It's a popular gift since it's the spring messenger. It also brings healing, given it's a common part of herbal medicine of all sorts. Therefore it also stands for hope and comfort since it eases diseases and pain. It somehow suits that flower a lot, as well as the current situation. I hope dearly for a lot of things, Naruto, since hope is all I currently have left._

_Hope – an odd word to me. I clung to hope before, in the most desperate moments of the last few months, but never found any help in it. All I could trust in were my skills and my efforts to get what I seek. And now I am back to the point when all I have left is that unreliable hope._

_The Chamomile might be my lucky charm, this time._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I've been very depressed lately, so the update comes a bit later than usual.   
> I had to force myself to actually get up an edit it. 
> 
> Again hints and suspicious happenings... but soon it'll be relieved.   
> Looking actually really forward to that chap, as well as the feedback it will draw. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	43. 42nd Letter - The Break

Alright, now Naruto was getting seriously concerned, the knot in his stomach growing about ten times in size after this new letter.

 

What did he do? Just what the hell did Sasuke _do_ while he was in coma?

 

It was one thing _Naruto_ pointing out his obvious discomfort with hope, seeing the struggles from outside and feel it in his chest. But _Sasuke_ going on about how little he relies to hope and yet grabs it in some kind of last resort? That was disturbing. Sick. Just wrong. Why on earth would he write that? Had Naruto somehow ended up in the twilight zone between noon and afternoon? It certainly felt like that.

 

What on earth had happened...

 

Naruto was biting his bottom lip when he leaned fully against the mattress, thinking. Though there wasn't exactly much to think about – he was just as confused and unknowing as before. All he found out was that it got worse. Plus, Jiraiya obviously knew what it was about but couldn't share it for some reason.

 

Damn frustrating, actually.

 

Turning his head a little, Naruto glanced at the box with the last few envelopes. The twinge in his chest intensified again and he was tempted to read the next letter. He only changed his mind after he called the nurse though.

 

Like usual during the day, Tamaki ended up coming for him. Naruto figured she was still a trainee and since his condition was well enough by now, she was enough to assist him. Only a few days ago only nurses would enter whenever he called.

 

“Hi Naruto,” she greeted with a smile. She was getting good at controlling her face – the blush across her cheeks was barely noticeable by now. “How can I help you?”

 

Quickly he licked over his lips, his mind quickly searching for something else he might need other than the letter. “Uhm, can you please fill up my glass with water?” he asked, his eyes turning to the small counter with his glass. Suddenly though he remembered something Sasuke had mentioned in one of his letters. “And also one of the books not named Icha Icha. They should be in one of those drawers.”

 

Now that he thought about it, his idea wasn't so bad; reading one if his dad's works would surely distract him enough until it was time for the next letter.

 

“Sure,” Tamaki replied, already filling his little glass with water again. Next she opened the bottom drawer which happened to just be the one filled with the books. Naruto could see the covers from his spot on the bed. She randomly grasped one of them and handed it over to him.

 

Like the last time though she didn't leave right away, but instead started a conversation. “Is it a good book?” she asked, her voice curious as she tried to get a peek into the sheets. He had opened the book across his lap as he laid it down.

 

Naruto shrugged his shoulders and replied, “I don't really know. Haven't read it yet.”

 

“Oh,” she gasped, turning slightly redder around the nose.

 

“It's fine. You couldn't know it,” he said with a light smile. “They were written by my dad. Mostly, at least.”

 

“So he's an author?” she further inquired, going as far as to sit down on the chair.

 

Naruto grinned a bit. “I guess he was. He died shortly after I was born, so I don't know exactly much about him.” He chuckled at that, knowing it was going to change soon. With Jiraiya's and Sasuke's help, he'd know borderline everything there was to learn about them.

 

Tamaki's features hardened a bit when she whispered, “Ah, I better keep my mouth shut... only insensitive things seem to come out...”

 

“Again, you couldn't know. It's fine, really,” Naruto insisted, running his thumb over the cover of the book in his hands once he closed it again. “I didn't know he was an author either. Not until recently. It's kinda cool, in a way. Gives me also lots of material to kill time, ne?”

 

The joke worked – Tamaki giggled softly at the comment, the tense in her slightly easing. “I heard from Miss Shizune your visits used to read you the stories aloud while you were in the coma. So, don't you know the stories already?”

 

Naruto furrowed his eyebrows a little before he answered. “Well, not really, I guess. I do remember one moment when my Godfather read it out for me, but otherwise my memory is rather foggy. Maybe I'll recognize some parts of the stories, maybe not. It's kind of weird.”

 

“I bet,” she stated, her eyes laying on the thin book in Naruto's lap. “I... I better should be going,” she quickly added, getting up from the chair again. “If you need anything, just ring and I'll come right away!”

 

“Thanks a lot, Tamaki. And I will,” Naruto answered with a smile, making her blush harder. She borderline fled from the room, the door slamming when she shut it.

 

For a moment Naruto stared at it, wondering. Apparently she was kind of interested in him in a more romantic way. Maybe he should gently incline he had a boyfriend the next time they talked with each other.

 

But for now he'd let himself get carried away by the book in his hands.

 

What was his dad's style? Did he also write stuff like Jiraiya? Heated romances with a hint of alternative universe? Or was he more on the serious side? Perhaps he even wrote bizarre things or thrillers?

 

The options seemed endless, so Naruto simply settled for finding it out.

 

Curious he opened the cover, landing on the first page. It was printed, as far as he could see, and the first page read 'For my beloved Tomato, Luna's greatest fan by far.'

 

Naruto arched and eyebrow. “Tomato?” he read out aloud, clearly confused. Who could his dad mean? It couldn't be his mom... right? But, if it was her nickname, how the hell did they come up with it?

 

For the moment, Naruto shrugged the question off and rather moved on to the first actual page. The book was rather thin, so maybe he even managed to get it read entirely by the time he could ask for the next letter.

 

~*~

 

The story was quite interesting despite its shortness.

 

Unlike the story Naruto remembered, this one played in a pirate-setting. Luna was a feisty, adventurous girl who sailed the seas in search for an old treasure her older brother Sol told her about when she was little. She had quite made the name of herself during the search and even defeated some high-ranked pirate named Bloody O.P. At some point. After the final battle, where she got severely wounded, her First Mate Arashi took her back home and guarded by her side until she finally got out of the danger-zone.

 

The story started off with her jumping out of bed and narrating the latest happenings and moved on to her claiming her ship back and finally retake her search for the treasure. Bloody O.P. possessed some new pieces of information about its actual location, so they had enough of a lead to find it this time around. Arashi had been sent off to prepare everything for her arrival and apparently she was pretty hot-tempered, actually going as far as to consider grilling him alive if he messed up. While a successful pirate she didn't own much; a skull-necklace she got from her lost brother, a black hat with a white feather stuck on the side, and a sleek, trusting sword she named Minakaze.

 

On one of her sails she rejoined with her brother Sol, who was said to be missing for over a decade, but their reunion was disturbed by a sneaky attack from the government and the marine. She had managed to get everyone out alive, but ended up caught in the process. What Naruto liked was her attitude; she was supposed to be hanged and yet she was more bothered by the fact she wouldn't be able to claim her treasure than by her soon-to-be death. She even went as far as to call it 'professional risk'. Hell, she even cracked some jokes with the hangman – a quite bulky man she only referred to as 'big guy'.

 

However when she finally accepted the finalty of her situation and the hangman started the mechanism, the floor beneath her all but vanishing, Naruto held his breath – and released it with something close to a cheer when the rope, which was supposed to stretch and choke her to death, instead gave in and she fell entirely down the shaft.

 

Turned out that Arashi shot the rope from afar while Sol waited underneath the door, catching Luna the moment she fell securely in his arms. The story ended with them disappearing through the crowd of people, the final lines saying her own story had yet to end.

 

Naruto wore a large grin as closed the book after having read the last sentence. He wasn't a big fan of pirate stories, but he was kind of liking that particular one. It was obvious his dad wrote it for his mom. She was probably pictured as Luna, the badass pirate girl, so the others were maybe former friends of her or people she knew? And the brother... did his mom have a brother in reality, too?

 

Anyhow, it was really endearing how much effort his dad had put in a story for his mom. Naruto somehow knew she liked it, too. Hopefully the other future adventures where somewhere on the pile of books he had as well.

 

Smiling faintly he pushed the call-button, ready for the next letter – and immediately his great mood was tinted, the fact he was going to read Sasuke's next message reawakening the odd feeling in his gut.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_According to the weather forecast, the temperatures should get warmer from now on, so I put the plants out on the balcony again. It's a change to finally see the colors of our walls again, I tell you. It feels it took forever to see them again. I also took the opportunity to clean out the apartment now that most of the plants are out of the way. Before I simply had too little space to properly move things around. You'd wonder how much dust can get collected over just a few weeks._

_I had had very intense talks this week, too. Mostly with doctors, Kakashi, and Jiraiya. I've also spoken to Iruka a little, but not as detailed as with them. It was kind of hard for me, but thanks to them I can see a bit clearer and think better. But no matter how long I talked to them, it doesn't make this exactly easier to me. In fact, I don't really know how to put this properly into words. I guess I best start of at the start._

_The thing is – you show no reaction, Naruto. Your brain activity is constantly increasing and you also show direct reactions when your friends are with you, speaking and touching or playing you some music. You show that you are aware they are there. But as soon as it's me reading you out a story or speaking to you, you don't seem to really notice me. It's been bothering me for a few weeks now and I thought it was somehow normal, that you'd eventually show more brain activity when it's me, too._

_But you didn't._

_No matter what I did, be it speaking or touching, you plainly ignore it all and I have no idea why. I am doing what I can to make it up to you, to make your forgive me for what I did. Hell, I even beg you to give me a sign, to tell me what to change, but you never react. I thought a lot about it and also spoke with Kakashi about this issues. I love you, with all my heart, but it seems to not be enough yet._

_I spent a lot of time thinking. Not just about me, but also about you and the future. Once you woke up, you'll be very weak. In fact, the first few weeks you are only allowed to have so many visitors to keep the stress level for your brain low. And when I think about all the people I found – Jiraiya, Karin, Nagato – you'll have quite a handful of people around yourself. Not to mention all the energy you'll have to put into the rehab. On a wider thought, there will also be the journalists bothering you, as well as many other things._

_It's not easy for me to decide like this, but I figured it might be better if we separate for a while._

_I still love you. You're my significant other and nothing will ever change about that. But I am also tired, Naruto. So, so tired... What I do is draining me and I suffered a lot through your coma as well. Not in the way you did, but alike. The last few months have been true hell to me and they shaped me to a great degree. I think it's for the best if we get some distance between us so we can be closer again in the future. I need some time to recover, as well as you. In addition, you'll be rather busy with getting to know your family, too. I don't want to be in the way when you're forming a connection to your roots. Until recently it was self-understanding to me to be there with you, but now I realized there might be the possibility you don't want me around to begin with. It never occurred me, but it can easily be that way. Maybe you don't react to my tries to reach you because you hate me so much. The moment we parted was filled with ill feelings... It wouldn't entirely surprise me if you're still bitter because of it._

_Regardless of how our relationship now is, I will keep my promise and write you these letters. I think you deserve to stay updated on what happened around you while you were in coma, as well as how far the research about your mother goes on. I'll just try to write it more out of the view of a narrator than to be emotional in them. I think it's going to be pretty hard... but it can't be helped. I still love you and will patiently wait for the time when you allow me to try winning you over again._

_For this week, I decided to bring some Forget-me-nots. They just started blooming at the shop recently and I believe they fit well for this situation. I wish you don't forget about me and how deep my feelings run for you, my love._

_For now, I am breaking up with you. I am sorry I had to write it into this letter, but, you see – when I told you so verbally, you didn't as much as mentally flinch._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I adjusted the tags a little, mostly because the next chap may be triggering. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	44. 43rd letter - The Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plase check the new tags on top! TRIGGER WARNING!

Naruto stared open-mouthed at the sheets in his hands.

 

His first reaction after a felt eternity of shock was to clench his fingers around the paper. He squeezed so hard the letter tore a little, even, and when he should tell the truth everything inside him wanted to shred the fucking thing into pieces until it was confetti.

 

Then the anger reached his features. He grimaced, his teeth gritted so hard his jaw was cramping painfully. His eyes narrowed at the words, over the last few sentences, over the 'I am breaking up with you'.

 

“Who do you fucking think you are, motherfucking piece of shit?!” he shouted, venting his anger directly. “How dare you leaving me like this?! Bastard! Asshole! I have something to say in this, too!!!” Out of pure anger, Naruto rumpled the sheets of paper up before throwing them away. The distance was pathetically short, but he still felt a slight bit better at the action. “I won't fucking allow it! Never! You are _not_ fucking breaking up with me!” he yelled, the fury still present. Naruto wanted to break something, express his white anger in the entire room. He wanted to spring up and tear the poster off the wall, to flip over the stupid counter and the nightstand, to hit the box with the remained letters hard enough to send it flying to the ground. He wanted to tear his blanket apart and destroy his pillow. But, most of all, he wanted to have Sasuke physically there so he could yell and shout and beat the living shit out of him.

 

There was so much he wanted to do, so so much... but he couldn't.

 

He couldn't get up and turn the room upside down. He didn't have the force to tear the thin fabric surrounding him. He wasn't strong enough to wipe everything he had on his counter off with a single move.

 

There was no Sasuke there to argue with.

 

“Fuck...” Naruto growled, his arm reaching out to grab the phone on his nightstand. He bumped into the item, making it fall down, but he was a few inches too far away to grasp the cable of the headpiece. His goal was to call somebody – anybody – and do everything possible to immediately locate the fucking bastard and drag him right back to the hospital and into his room. Naruto was even ready to call up Itachi, if that was any help.

 

However he couldn't even reach the phone.

 

“God damn it!” he shouted, turning into the exact opposite direction. He needed to get some energy out of his system before he burst.

 

Anger dominating him, he grasped the book of his father and tried throwing it against the wall. The thin item fell right onto his feet, not even making it passed his bed.

 

Furiously Naruto shouted and screamed, kicking his feet to get the book off the bed at the very least. In the meantime he waved his hand violently, managing to toss over the light glass he had emptied before. But his arm was too weak to tipple over the larger bottle of water next to it.

 

Suddenly the door flew open, a very pale Tamaki standing in the doorway. “Get the fuck out! Leave me alone!” he shouted even before she could speak. She was gone in a second, so fast she even left the door open.

 

Naruto didn't really bother.

 

Instead he tried to yank the pillow from behind his head, his entire body squirming when he fought against the fabric. His body was too heavy though, pressing it so tightly between himself and the mattress it didn't move.

 

“Motherfucking bastard... Come here, right now!” he called in vain, various other insults leaving his lips the longer he tried to desperately break something but found himself too weak to do anything. By then a few actual nurses had come, including Shizune.

 

“Naruto, calm down. What on earth-” she started but was rudely cut off by his yelling.

 

“I said to fucking leave me alone! All of you! Get the fuck _out_!” He was flailing his arms wildly in a try to keep the people away.

 

Shizune turned towards one of the nurses. “Get a sedative, immediately. The rest of you, secure him,” she ordered in a professional tone.

 

Raging, Naruto screamed, “I don't want a fucking drug! Just let me be, for fuck's sake!” He jerked his arms away, shouting. “Don't fucking touch me! Let me go!”

 

He didn't want to be put to sleep. He wanted to do what he always did when he was so unreasonably angry. He wanted to deal with the issue immediately, right on the spot.

 

But he couldn't.

 

The tragedy behind the scene was that no matter how much he wished to, there was, in fact, nothing he could do. The only thing remotely working was his voice – and he wanted to scream out at the sudden pain spreading inside his chest. He wanted to yell in agony at the thought the love of his life had left him. It was the most painful experience he had ever had. His stomach turned upside down in grief and anger and if it had been sooner after lunch, the food might have just forced itself out of his system again.

 

And now he was supposed to be denied to use his voice – the only organ for his unbearable pain – as well.

 

The nurses kept him secured on the bed by the time Shizune approached with a syringe. “No! I said fucking _no_!” Naruto shouted, jerking to get free, however the grasp of the two other nurses keeping him still was too strong for him.

 

“You'll calm down in a second,” Shizune promised when she pierced his arm.

 

“I don't want to calm down!” he yelled. “My voice is all I have! Don't take it from me!” Naruto was still squirming when he already felt the relaxing effect of the drug. His body went limp in the matter of a minute, his head rolling onto its side on the mattress while his mouth and voice refused to work.

 

And then the pressure he still had in his body seemed to center in his face, the tension growing right around his eyes, intensifying until he finally started crying silently to himself.

 

That was all he could do to express the raging emotions tearing on his insides – silent tears of a weak, heartbroken man.

 

~*~

 

The sedative did keep him down, but Naruto was far away from falling asleep because of it. The only difference to before was he could hardly move and even less speak, leaving himself to endure all the rage in his system.

 

At least Shizune had followed his request and called up Kakashi. By the time he actually shower up, Naruto could even remotely speak. Though, he only glared darkly at the now filled chair most of the time.

 

“So, I heard you wished to see me?” Kakashi started while taking down some notes.

 

“Yeah,” Naruto snarled. “Specifically, I want to know why you fucking encouraged Sasuke to break up with me.”

 

While he was unable to express his anger, Naruto had tried distracting himself with thinking. It didn't really help, save for him finding quite a handful of culprits he could blame for what had happened. It was unfair, to some degree, but he had to somehow vent the raging emotions. Besides, he could clearly picture how Kakashi suggested Sasuke to decide the way he did. Hell, he had tried the same with Naruto, fucking his brain into believing Sasuke had left him!

 

… Then again, it was basically true, but that was not the point.

 

Instead of answering right away, Kakashi took some notes. Naruto hated the noise of the pen scratching over the paper.

 

After a while he eventually commented, “So the secret's out.”

 

“... That's all you've got to say?!” Naruto barked after a moment of shock. He couldn't believe what Kakashi came up with, sitting on the chair so calmly it unnerved him.

 

“The decision was sure to come. I cannot go into too much detail, but it was for Sasuke's sake to make that step,” he told, not even as much as looking up. Naruto was going to throw something back, but the sedative was still quite affecting him. His voice gave long since in by the time Kakashi added, “The truth is he was suffering. You showed no sign to acknowledge him, which can be extremely painful given the situation. Back then it was the wisest choice.” He made a last dot on his notes and then finally glanced up, right into Naruto's still wild eyes. “It is kind of a surprise you were, in fact, apparently very aware of Sasuke's presence. While your body gave no physical sign, your brain practically _only_ recalls memories including him during the comatose phase. And when I read about the staff having to sedate you before you hurt either yourself or somebody else, you are pretty devastated about that decision, too.”

 

“Of course I am,” Naruto murmured, snorting, “That's something both have to decide. He got no fucking right to break up without as much as consulting me on the matter.”

 

“He did, but you apparently did not care,” Kakashi stated and Naruto felt like leaping across the bed and punch his masked face.

 

“I do!” he growled since he couldn't yet yell again.

 

“Did you?” Kakashi asked, quickly adding, “Did you truly care about him over the last few months of your coma or are you just, in fact, smitten in all possible ways because you heard what he did for you?”

 

Naruto wanted to answer, badly, but he couldn't come up with something by the time Kakashi moved on.

 

“Since you awoke, your feelings and opinions have changed, shaped by the happenings of the last few months. You may feel like it being unfair and painful to realize you no longer have a love-relationship now, but it can easily be it was all you sought while you were still comatose – to be left alone by the man responsible for your situation.” Never did he turn away, but Naruto hardly noticed. Instead he was busy gritting his teeth and clenching his hands into fists.

 

“You're wrong,” he eventually stated. “No matter how angry he makes me, I'd never ever want Sasuke gone. Don't think you know me because of some waves you saw on a computer screen for a couple of months.” Naruto was staring right back at him by then, his eyes carrying a strong and equally challenging gleam in them.

 

Oddly, he felt like Kakashi was smiling lightly beneath his mask. “It's not on a screen. The results come out on a piece of paper,” he teased with a playful undertone. It only served to rile Naruto further up.

 

“I don't give a shit how it's done. It was a figure of speech!” he barked, still frustrated he couldn't properly move – and over the fact Kakashi was pretty much screwing his brain again.

 

~*~

 

By the time he had dinner, Naruto had tamed his anger and pain enough to not act impulsive again. The medication had taught him some serious lessons earlier. No more shouting from his side – or at least he'd try to keep it down – until he had the motherfucking bastard there in person to vent his anger.

 

The sedative had mostly worn off by the late evening, so Naruto eventually decided to call up a nurse and ask for the next letter. At least he could be sure there was no way it was going to be worse than the previous. Number '42' was pretty much untopable, or at least he believed so.

 

Fingers lightly sweating, he eventually tore open the lid and unfolded the sheets.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_The Forget-me-nots are still blooming nicely. I think that comes from the brighter days and the warmer temperatures. Perhaps they will even last until next week? That would be funny though._

_Since your breathing has constantly improved, the doctors have announced to have the machines be switched off during the night. They don't want to have it permanently gone just yet since you are rather active during the day. It might be a little much for your organism for now. But since you improve so quickly, they might have it gone within the next two weeks._

_Some rather odd man was left doing your stretching. His name is Gai, if I caught it correctly, and he is some kind of expert for comatose patients. He is also quite close to Kakashi, from what I heard, and he's head over heels for you healing so fast. Mostly, he blames it to the burning fire of youth that you're doing so well. I think he is rather on the strange side. He also got this trainee named Lee he wants to put you up with once it's time for rehab. I don't really get why he told me all that. He seems to be a generally talkative guy, so I guess he just spoke out of habit._

_Unfortunately the school your mother used to visit had little information for me as I visited. According to the files she merely did a scholarship there for half a year before returning to her old school. As that lays far in the past, the staff could only give me that general information as they no longer store the papers featuring the names and addresses of the former pupils._

_The snow has fully melted by now, which caused some higher water in the lower regions. Nothing too bad though. I also finally could access the greenhouse again, but it looks rather affected by the harsh weather. I might have the gardener of the building fix it up for you so you can start off right when you get back, though that might take a longer while._

_Speaking of building – I am still living in the apartment. I plan on staying here until you're well enough to come back. I think somebody should be here and look after the things. Again, I think it would be unfair having Iruka check on the apartment, though I think he'd do the favor gladly. I believe his place is rather by your side than anywhere else. Your brain practically does flick-flacks when he's close and reads you the adventures of the pirate Luna and the agent Arashi._

_By now, I figured the tales of your father have some kind of autobiographic content. For example, I think Isla Whirpool is leaned onto your last name, Uzumaki. I also think that Luna's reliable blade, Minakaze, is a mix of your father's entire name, Minato Namikaze. Perhaps he also added himself into the story as the character Arashi. It's rather hard to confirm. Maybe I can find out more about your family or friends of your parents out through them, so I made some copies I try to analyze when I have the time. I am pretty sure Bloody O.P. is also a hint to Jiraiya (I think the full name is Bloody Old Pervert, but that's just a guess). I am especially interested into Lunas brother, Sol. Maybe it means your mother had a brother in reality, too? I will set the detectives onto this lead and see what comes out._

_Speaking of Jiraiya – he recently released a new trailer of the new Icha Icha movie. It looks rather fine, especially the effects. Naruto's Jutsu looks fantastic so far. I think you'll enjoy that movie a lot once it's out. They also got some new actors for the side roles of the second book. They seem very well chosen and capable for the characters. It's surely going to be a success, more so than the first movie._

_I was pleased to hear Nagato came for a short visit this week. He spoke a bit to you and he and his friends took the opportunity to check out the town as well. Unfortunately, he said he will be rather busy for a longer while. But he promised to come back for a visit sometime in May._

_Since I had the chance, I also asked him if he remembered your mother having a brother. He thought hard about it, but sadly couldn't recall such a person immediately. If he is like the Sol from the pirate story, he might have been a lot older than them. It wouldn't be all too unusual if they didn't exactly hang out. I remember Itachi used to be away on larger events with adults while I ended up with some peers. Probably it was the same with your mother and your potential uncle. Though, he said he'd look through his father's things again to see if he finds some clue._

_This week, Shizune also witnessed something very interesting._

_While she was changing the covers and therefore moved you temporarily, she noticed something like a faint twitch on your hand when she removed the blanket. There was also a relatively strong increase in the activity of your brain back then, signaling you had the intention to express something with your movement. It's also some kind of relief since it means you can actually move at least one arm to some degree. The doctors will keep a closer eye on it and see if there will come more. The more you move, the more likely it is your motoric function is intact. With enough stretching, you might be able to control your arms again right after waking up. Though, you'd need to build up some muscles then, too. Actually you look very thin right now, but not because of little food but more because the muscles on your body regressed heavily during the long coma._

_Knowing you, I'm sure you'll build them up fast again. In the function of your proxy, I told the nurses to make sure they have medication for muscle soreness ready once you start exercising. You'll totally overdo it from the very start and only end up slowing yourself down with it._

_Make sure to have a lot of magnesium once you wake up._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> My private life is kinda breaking apart right now, so I will keep this short.  
> In fact, the title fits my situation rather well... 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	45. 44th Letter - The Preparations

If he wasn't still lightly drugged Naruto might have just torn that letter as well, it was so full of bullshit.

 

The content had been kind of alright – pretty distant but it somehow still fulfilled its purpose to keep him updated – however the last part was making Naruto truly sick. 'Watch out to not overdo it'? Seriously?

 

If Sasuke was so fucking worried about his well-being, then he should have never broken up. Now Naruto might have got a hold of himself again, but only because he had ended up drugged when he allowed to express his inner feelings and because he was just completely convinced they'd get together again. Still, it had felt like a knife had stabbed his chest when he read the words for the first time. It still hurt, too. Quite intensely, actually...

 

Annoyed, Naruto simply tossed the sheets off the bed, having them wave down to the ground. He might not have been strong enough to tear them, but he could always throw them away.

 

Though, he probably was going to ask somebody to pick them up again the next day.

 

Huffing angrily over himself caring so much about the stupid letter, Naruto lowered the bed completely and turned demonstratively away. It was still very bright outside, however he wasn't feeling like staying up at all.

 

… Not that Naruto was particularly feeling like sleeping either.

 

“Fuck,” he hissed to himself, pulling the thin blanket over his head. Now that he finished reading the thoughts came back, what Kakashi had said ghosting through his mind. And though he was angry, God knew he was, Naruto still had a bad conscience about the decision Sasuke had to make. He might not have been completely there that time, but he knew Sasuke did what he did partly because of him, too. If Naruto's body had given a physical sign, Sasuke would have decided to keep enduring his personal hell. No matter how painful it would have been, with the glimpse of hope left he could do it.

 

However Naruto failed to give him security that crucial moment.

 

Why would his body react that way? Naruto knew for a fact his memory, foggy as it was, only ghosted around his beloved bastard. As soon as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, giving his brain the chance to work through all the information it had stored, he'd see Sasuke's face, notice his particular smell – an unmistakeable mixture of the scent of the wind along with a faint touch of ice –, hear his wonderful voice, and feel his gentle, caressing touch on his own skin. He was constantly there, so close and real Naruto had the feeling he'd see him the moment he opened his eyes again. Goosebumps would be left where the pale fingers stroked and his entire frame would shiver when Sasuke called out his name, no matter how lowly.

 

Naruto had never been able to stay cold when Sasuke was close – then why would his body go stiff in such an important moment?

 

It made no sense to him, no matter how hard he thought about it.

 

~*~

 

The door opened with a low creak and immediately he heard, “Could you keep an eye on the door until I'm... done here?” It had been very lowly, but it was definitely Sasuke speaking.

 

“Sure. I've got your back,” somebody answered. Probably Suigetsu, judging from the voice.

 

The door closed again after a moment, the room turning silent after the low click. It was so perfectly silent Naruto wondered if Sasuke was actually there or not. However then he heard a loud, heavy sigh before footsteps cut through the silence. They were heading his way and stopped eventually by the spot where the chair was, more or less. Not a moment later Sasuke sat down and there was silence again.

 

“Hey Naruto,” he said at some point. His voice was heavy and tensed, as if he had so many things going through his head it even affected his usually controlled self. “I have been,” Sasuke paused, sounding a lot like he pressed his lips shut for a moment. “ _thinking_ a lot, lately. About us and what I could do better. But I wondered if it... actually...”

 

He trailed off and Naruto heard him run a hand through his hair while releasing a shaky breath. Sasuke was suffering.

 

“I was wondering if this is even fixable to begin with,” he stated after a longer pause. “Listen, I know it was also my fault and I know that I hurt you. But, please, just... can't you give me another chance, Naruto?”

 

His voice was so weak, so thick with desperation.

 

“Just a sign will be enough. Anything.”

 

Again a pause and Naruto had the feeling he was waiting. Expecting something. _Hoping_ for something.

 

Another shaky breath, along with a short gasp.

 

“I still love you. More than anything in my life,” Sasuke confessed, as if he was taking his last resort by speaking about those strong emotions he stored inside. “Aren't we lovers? Soulmates? Aren't we two halves which turn complete together?” he listed, putting more pressure onto Naruto.

 

 _I love you, too_ , he thought in his inability to voice it out properly.

 

The next gasp came from Sasuke, but that one sounded barely held back. It took him a moment before he spoke again.

 

“Fine. I think I understand.” His voice was so neutral it hurt. Whenever Sasuke was in a heavy situation, he used to shut down his emotions, lock them carefully inside until he was done with whatever he did. “If this is what you want, I won't be in your way.” There was a rustling, like he got up from his chair. Ready to flee once he had finished, like he usually did when the pain was too much to endure.

 

“I'm breaking up with you, Naruto,” Sasuke stated, bluntly, and he felt a twinge so painful in his chest Naruto thought his very heart was tearing apart.

 

It took a painful eternity to hear the door opening – almost like Sasuke had hesitated to leave, still hoping Naruto would decide otherwise and give him a sign after all.

 

With something borderline a shout Naruto tore his eyes open, his hand jerking up to grab a fistful of the material of his shirt, right on the spot above his heart. He was bathing in his own sweat, the memory so vivid it felt like Sasuke had just stepped out of the room.

 

However the worst was Naruto finally knew why his body didn't react back then.

 

Deep down, he had wanted them to part – but not because of him not loving Sasuke any longer.

 

With shocking clarity he knew his body had remained still because he knew it was for the best; not for him, but for Sasuke.

 

Over the last months, Sasuke had suffered nearly too much for a human being. The pressure had almost crushed him while his spirit had already started cracking. He had gone so far Naruto could no longer witness it, how he seemed to keep walking barefoot on a path filled with fragments of glass, his feet bloody from the cuts and his pants torn from the times he fell. His eyes, once beautiful dark orbs filled with force, had turned dull from the mental agony.

 

Sasuke didn't deserve to suffer anymore – _Naruto_ didn't deserve him to suffer like that anymore.

 

In point of fact, Naruto wasn't worth of anything Sasuke had gone through. He didn't deserve a single touch, a single word, or even as much as a fucking single of those countless letters he kept in a folder and in a box. Sasuke was way too good for him.

 

And subconsciously, he had know it. All along. He had tried to brush him off with the constant, fake ignorance. He had wanted to provoke Sasuke to leave and put an end to his personal hell, as much as it hurt Naruto to do it. His skin felt cold with the lack of his warm caresses and his ears seemed deaf when his loving voice was nowhere to be heard.

 

Sasuke was meant to be with somebody who'd never hurt him the way Naruto had. They may have been in love, they may have been two parts of a whole, but it was just plain wrong to destroy his other half in such a horrible, cruel way. And he loved Sasuke enough to set him free from the wonderfully dreadful cage which was their relationship.

 

Feeling sick, Naruto rolled onto his side. Knowing he had basically decided for that outcome all along hurt almost more than when he read Sasuke's letter. The tragedy behind it all was they both loved each other above all, still, however also knew they had to part before they ended up breaking each other. It was probably one of the most mature decisions Naruto had ever made.

 

Something would always miss, in his soul, but things were good the way they were.

 

For now, he would simply consult himself with the letters his lost love had sent him, each one written with care and affection. It was all he had left, after all.

 

A wave of bad conscience hitting him, Naruto turned onto his other side and crawled towards the edge. He was laying on his stomach, therefore it was remotely easy to throw an arm off the bed and reach down. He blindly moved his fingertips around, barely touching the floor, and eventually felt the smooth material of paper beneath them. However he was still too high to properly grasp the sheets.

 

At first, Naruto tried leaning more off the bed, but almost lost his balance in the process. Changing his mind – falling out of the bed would get him into probably more problems than his emotional outbreak the previous day – he quickly thought for an alternative. In the end he remembered Shizune used to lift his bed entirely up when she sat him into the wheelchair.

 

Turning his head around enough to see the remote, Naruto lifted it up with his other hand and quickly scanned the symbols. He tried them almost all and eventually he felt the bed lower under himself.

 

Determined, he kept his finger on the button and sunk the mattress down as far as it would go, not stopping before he could properly grasp the papers of the letter he carelessly threw away the previous evening. Two he picked up rather well, but the last one was trickier since it slipped partly under the bed. After a few tries he had that one as well though.

 

Huffing in exhaustion he crawled fully back onto the bed, his left hand still clenched around the sheets of the letter. Once he laid on his back again, Naruto took a moment to softly pant. He had still been rather tensed because of the dream and with the additional exercise it took him a bit longer to calm down.

 

When his breathing evened out, he checked onto the papers. They were a bit dusty because of the floor, so Naruto carefully wiped them clean with his palm. Suddenly he regretted to have dropped them the previous evening; Sasuke had just been worried, unable to just shake off what they had in the matter of a week. Who was Naruto to take offense in that? Or maybe he had just been angry, that very moment, because the subtle care he was facing between the words only reminded him of his own feelings.

 

It would take a long while to accept the new situation.

 

Still tired but not feeling like sleeping at all – especially after that horridly vivid memory – Naruto decided to read the next letter. The faster he was through them, the better. They were only painful reminders of the shattered pieces of his former relationship. Now that he also woke up, Sasuke would eventually stop writing them, too.

 

Once the time came, it would make moving forward easier to Naruto.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_Unbelievable as it sounds, but spring finally arrived. The sun shines a great lot more than usual and the grass is turning into a healthy green. The space before your window looks kind of lively again. You wouldn't have liked it before, with all the dried grass and the missing color. I even saw some flowers growing there, white daisies mostly. I picked some up and brought them into your bedroom._

_On a side note, Daisies have some meanings in the language of flowers, too. It represents naturalness and real luck. Funnily, the Daisy also questions the current feelings of the partner between lovers. Kind of fitting, in an odd way. Then again, since we aren't exactly lovers anymore, that particular meaning is rather pointless. Still, I think you have a natural kind of beauty on you; I believe the flower suits you that way. Her simple yet elegant look matches you in some aspects._

_I checked closer on the books of your father and figured out a few things. As oddly as it sounds, but I think the ship's doctor, Doc Tsu, is a connection to your current leading physician, Doctor Tsunade Kato. She has some connection to Jiraiya as well, as I found out, and she was also remotely close to your mother. I was partly annoyed about that realization. She could have said something about your parents and their friends back when they wanted to switch off your machines! It would surely have made things much easier. Though, perhaps she wasn't too sure about it and therefore said nothing. It looks like she and Jiraiya were apart long before you were born, so she might have never known about him being your Godfather. _

_In addition, it seems your father added himself into the story, too. I learned he used the pen-name 'Arashi' at times, mostly when he wrote pieces with more critical and adult-themed contents. The character from the story, the First Mate, could be an adaption of himself into the story – not only as a reliable blade but also as an actual human being who was there for Luna. It's very interesting to look at the story that way and it kind of enforces my idea about Sol being real. I just have trouble making out his real name. I consulted Jiraiya on the matter as well and he did recall your mother had an older brother – but the connection between them was rather tense, from what I heard. The reason behind it is unknown though. Jiraiya promised to think closer about it and see if he remembers at least his first name and last location._

_This week, I saw Iruka come visiting you along that student of his you're friends with. Konohamaru, if I remember right. The kid seemed rather happy and excited to see you progressing. Iruka could hardly stop him from overwhelming you. It was endearing to some degree – you are like an older brother to him and he misses you a lot. He also said he'd show up more often from now on so you won't feel lonely. Iruka himself is also coming regularly. Occasionally he'd also bring along some food and have a bite or two while he's with you, as to give you company when you receive your meals._

_The doctors ran some more tests and witnessed your muscles twitching a few times as well. It's a very good sign, meaning your body and brain are readying to start working fully again. Perhaps you'll even awake sooner than predicted, but they said they'd have to keep observing you and run a couple of more tests for making sure. In the meantime you just improve steadily. They will also switch off the breathing machine next week. A true relief for many of us._

_I heard Sai is rather busy, too. My brother kind of keeps him employed so much he can hardly visit for now. It somehow suits Itachi to be that pushy about the art. He just wants to make your life harder, though he is remotely pleased about the latest... developments between us. I will try to keep him tamed though. Dealing with him when he's on a personal ego trip is very exhausting and annoying. But, Sai is rather talented. A few paintings are already hanging on the walls and they look very good to me. He seems to hit Itachi's taste just right. The money he gets will surely help him too, especially when he decides to get some more projects running._

_Since the detectives failed to deliver, I got rid of them for now. Apparently I found every connection to your mom in the closer area, which means I will have to widen my range of research out to abroad to find your uncle. Who'd have thought it would be such a long way to find leads to your mother? It's pretty challenging, especially since even people who met her know fairly little. She is like a big mystery, to some degree. It will keep you occupied to check through the results, I guess. Especially when you read through the fictions, too. I think there is a lot to learn about your mother's character, hobbies, preferences and such in those tales. Once you got the hang of it, it's easy to read your father's style and see the hidden clues. You'll develop an eye for it soon, too._

_Recently, I saw many different people come to visit you. The news have spread by now and it seems your friends decided to stop by more often now that you actually show some reaction. Sure, some came very regularly, but I also saw many other people coming these days, too. Haku, for example. Also Neji Hyuuga. I hardly saw him before and now two times in two weeks. They are all getting ready for your arrival and seem to wish to confirm it's true you're returning with their own eyes._

_I can understand how grateful they are for the waves and signs on the papers recording your brain activity. Perhaps even more than themselves._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> This week's letter is a bit late since I had to work yesterday. On the good side, I am feeling LOTS better mentally.  
> Even the title for this chapter came to me rather easily. 
> 
> The dramatic reveals remain - the break-up was consensual :O  
> Also, I find it funny how everyone thinks Kakashi is an ass.  
> Gentle reminder, the fact he 'manipulated' everything is Narutos assumption... and we should all know he's not the brightest candle on the cake.  
> Just sayin v.v
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chap and regards,  
> -T


	46. 45th Letter - The Egoism

Naruto was still holding the smooth sheets in his hands, his fingers playing with the edge of the first page a bit. That letter had truly been more of a narrating one, neutrally listing the most important events in the environment. It was... odd to read so little about Sasuke himself.

 

But then again, wasn't that normal after the choice they made?

 

All of a sudden the door flew open, so hard it slammed against the wall. “Kid!” Jiraiya all but yelled, completely covered in sweat, like he had run all the way to the room.

 

Yet Naruto didn't as much as flinch when he approached. “Hey,” he mouthed, utterly lowly, and his fingers stilled. He better didn't get the sheets wrinkled up too much.

 

“How are you feeling?!” Jiraiya asked, still agitated. He all but leaped to the chair and took a seat, the feet violently scrapping over the floor when he twisted it around and sat with spread legs on it. He also crossed his arms over the backrest, his large hands closed around it, when he added, “I heard this morning you had a breakdown! What happened?!”

 

Naruto grimaced lightly at the words. “I was doing bad, yeah. I actually got some sedative.”

 

“Sedative!” Jiraiya repeated, his voice close to a howl. “They should have called me instead of doing things on their own! For what fucking reason am I here?!” He kept ranting and ranting, but Naruto didn't find himself caring too much. Instead he was reflecting about his quite sad situation and silently mourning over the loss.

 

At some point though, the noises died down. It took a while for Naruto to realize that and once he looked up, he met Jiraiya's worried eyes. “Man, you look quite bad there, kid,” he stated, the worry clear in his voice.

 

“I just had a touch day,” Naruto reasoned, trying to keep himself at bay. He really had to get familiar with being without Sasuke now. The faster he did, the earlier the pain would stop. “Oh,” he called out, suddenly. “I kind of forgot... I don't need another card for the premiere. It's gonna be just me, I guess.” Naruto tried to smile, reminding himself of what a great event that was going to be. All the stars he was going to meet! Not to mention the actual movie. He'd be one of the first people to see it in full length. Maybe he could even sit next to Menma? Now _that_ would be great!

 

However, Jiraiya's concerned look shattered the bits of joy he had mercilessly.

 

“Guess you found out about it,” he whispered and Naruto knew exactly what he meant.

 

He shouldn't have felt that way – but it made Naruto angry to have the confirmation Jiraiya had known all along. “You could have told me earlier,” he hissed, nearly snapped even. It hurt to be aware how knowing everyone was except for him. How foolish... Naruto had actually looked very forward to see Sasuke again, closing him in his arms, feeling and tasting him to the out-most.

 

“When I see you now, I know exactly why I kept my mouth shut.” Jiraiya avoided his eyes as he spoke while a hand moved up to absently rub over the back of his neck.

 

“And what is it you see?” Naruto asked, his voice sounding sharper than he intended it to be. Jiraiya barely knew him as a person; it was natural, somehow, that he rather kept such striking news to himself. After all, he was in no position to judge what the message would do to Naruto.

 

“As I said, you don't look too well.” Jiraiya paused for a moment before adding, “Kind of reminds me of a guy I saw last November, suddenly showing up before my door and saying he needed my help with something.” He eventually looked up, staring right at Naruto. “Same pained, sick-looking features. Almost like the ones of a ghost.”

 

“I suppose it's good I have no mirror then,” Naruto replied with something like a small chuckle. Was he trying to be funny? Maybe. Or perhaps he just wanted to distract himself from the image forming in his head.

 

At his comment Jiraiya turned silent, though. Instead he kept looking at Naruto so intensely it was borderline bothering, as if he tried to look into his very core.

 

“I honestly thought you two could be any different from each other,” he started, at some point, making Naruto furrow his eyebrows slightly. “Being close to you and then around him is a difference like day and night. Yet, right now, you're very... similar to each other. Alike, even.” He relaxed, ever so slightly, before adding, “I think once you met again, everything will work out just fine. Trust into the words of an old man.”

 

Naruto should have laughed at the nickname. He should have been happy to be told everything would be fine. He should have believed into the words.

 

His entire being ought to give in to the fantastic feeling of affirmation and faith.

 

But he didn't.

 

“There is nothing to 'work out',” he insisted with a bitter voice. “We broke up and that's it. Better this way, anyhow... before we actually destroyed each other to the core.”

 

Every single word hurt as soon as it came over his lips, yet he forced himself to speak them out. It was nothing but the truth – it was about time he looked it straight in the eye.

 

“Is that really the right decision?” Jiraiya retorted neutrally. “Is it really the right way when you end up both suffering while you could be happy?” He paused for a second, as if he wanted to let the words sink in. “You could be happy, Naruto. You both could.”

 

“No,” Naruto whispered before drawing in a deep breath. “I- Especially I don't deserve it.” He pressed his lips together firmly before explaining, “It's not right to hurt somebody you love as much as I did. I can't allow Sasuke to suffer further. For what he did, me compromising a little is the very least I can do.” He paused, shaking his head briefly, almost like he tried getting rid of something. When Naruto opened his eyes again, there was only clear determination reflecting in his eyes. “I'll never allow him to be in so much pain again. Ever. And if that means pushing him away from me with all my force, that's what I'll fucking do. Believe it.”

 

For a moment there was something electrifying in the air – a true spark, the energy all but sizzling silently all around Naruto.

 

It had been an intense scene... if Jiraiya hadn't suddenly ruffled up his spiky hair while laughing loudly.

 

“Trust me, once you two see each other, both of you are gonna toss your plans out the window,” he assured, still grinning like an idiot.

 

Naruto slapped his hand away before huffing, “This isn't funny at all! I'm fucking serious about it!”

 

“I know, kid,” Jiraiya soothed, even pulling his hand back. “But I'm glad I won't have to worry about you too much. You two are gonna make it. That's for sure.”

 

“Shut up already,” Naruto complained while carefully folding the sheets of the letter together. It always helped to calm him down again when his blood was boiling.

 

It didn't ease the pain in his chest, though. Not the slightest bit.

 

~*~

 

Jiraiya had been quite annoying since then. Shortly after their more serious talk, he went back to rant over the hospital and the staff not having called him immediately. When he heard they had even debated about tying Naruto onto the bed he had almost flipped his table, demanding to speak to some higher physician immediately and shouting stuff about his somewhat-nephew being treated so badly. Then again, he had somewhat snickered when he was told how Naruto had tried throwing stuff around his room in fury and acted like a lunatic. He said that was something Kushina would have done, too.

 

No matter how bad he felt, Naruto found comfort in thinking how similar he was to his parents. Knowing his mom would have acted any different was an amazing thought and, for a moment, he wondered how his dad managed to handle such a romp with a fierce character. Was he the calm pole in their relationship? Or was he just rather calm when it came to passion? People could truly be passionate without having to shout it out with their entire being like Naruto did.

 

He would have loved to learn more about their dynamic in the relationship, especially now that his wounds were still so fresh. It would help if he got a clue or a hint for he and Sasuke not having fit as well together as he thought. Perhaps it just seemed so perfect because they were still young and full of hidden secrets? Once the years passed and they knew each other inside-out, they might have grown bored of each other.

 

Now, given Naruto and his mom were so very alike – what did his dad have which tied his mom on him so much?

 

It was a restless and hopeless search, but anything was better than enduring the pain alone. When Naruto could think and lie to himself well enough, he might, at some point, believe they were not perfect together at all.

 

Most obvious lie in history, but worth a try.

 

At least Jiraiya had left at some point – his excuse had been he wanted to talk to somebody after all – which left Naruto alone for blissful ten minutes. Then the door opened and he got his breakfast delivered by the fat nurse.

 

Since he wasn't very hungry, he mostly poked around in the food with his spoon. Thankfully he had managed to convince the nurse he was capable of eating on his own. In fact, he managed to do so rather well; it was yogurt again with a bit of honey and some nuts inside. It took long, but he could slowly lift a spoonful to his mouth and eat alone.

 

In addition, he could simply take his time instead of having it forced down his throat so quickly his stomach might hurt later. Plus, since he wasn't really hungry he could just have bite after bite until he was full.

 

While pushing a larger piece of a hazelnut to the side of the bowl, Naruto happened to glance over at his window. The grass was so high outside and looking so smooth and comfortable... for a moment he fantasied how the fresh green would feel under his body, the blades gently tickling his skin when a breeze came up. It felt like it was ages ago he had last been in the nature and he suddenly felt like having a walk in a forest.

 

There was one close by, in fact. The hospital was rather far out and just a bit further out of town was a forest. He had been there a couple of times with Sasuke, but mostly Naruto searched for the woods when he had some problem he had to deal with. To get a clear head he'd walk down the muddy paths, listening to the rustling of the leaves and the singing of the birds while he breathed in the rich scent of the warm grass and the fresh water from the short river crossing the forest.

 

How much would he enjoy a walk there, right now, in the conforming solitude of the nature.

 

But then again, that place carried many memories about Sasuke.

 

Often Naruto went there after they had a fight, seeing if he could calm down again and decide on his next steps. Sometimes they were together there though, taking a calm and silent walk to a withered cabin deep in the woods and back again, bathing in the natural beauty around before they headed back to the stressing city and their fast lives.

 

When Naruto lowered his gaze, he ended up looking at the large box of the letters. After he had knocked it over the previous evening, somebody must have picked the discarded envelopes up and put them back to their rightful space. Maybe it had been Tamaki? She had looked rather pale about his outburst and perhaps felt sorry for him. It somehow suited her to have picked them up when he was knocked remotely out by the sedative.

 

However now only a handful of letters were left. Ten or so, probably less – then Naruto would have restored the entire passed year with all its highs and downs.

 

How much was there left to know, before he was back in the present? Not even two weeks ago he had started reading the mysterious letters and now the once large, white spot in his memory was mostly filled with images, fantasies based on the words he had read in the meantime. There was much left to imagination, but Naruto got a close idea of the developments.

 

He wondered, for a moment, what else the envelopes carried in them. Was it just the updates of the closer area? No. The carefully written letters carried much more than simply that. They were pieces, facets, fragments of memories from another person. Looks into the world around through different eyes – looks from Sasuke's point of view.

 

Simple pieces of paper, yet so incredibly more it was impossible to fathom it entirely.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_This week has been quite vary for you. Many different people stopped by for a visit, almost like in the time shortly after the accident. Then most of your friends all but dashed to the hospital, shocked about hearing something happened to you. It's good they're also gathering here when you do better. If there is something you no longer have to be afraid of it's ending up alone._

_Beside the lots of visits, you also got more intensive training with Gai. The doctors said it's better for your body, especially now that you start moving your fingertips and toes. Barely, but the movement is there. It's impressive yet unreal. Just until Christmas you didn't even twitch; by now you can even close your fingers around a handful of fabric of your blanket. I wonder how long exactly it will take before you have your full mobility back. When I asked for some kind of time frame, I was told it can take anything between weeks and years, it's depending so much on the person of the matter._

_Suigetsu started coming to see you, too. He is mostly accompanying Karin, meaning he comes to your room every Sunday. They somehow ended up making a regular visit that day. I'm not questioning it, since it isn't exactly my business to check out who walks in and leaves your room by now. Anyhow, he told me Karin tried to read you a story once and apparently made a mistake. Sui, being the ass he is, teased her and got himself the book against his head along with a smack. She probably won't read you things anymore, but thankfully there are more than enough readers in your closer environment._

_Speaking of books, I have done some more research about Sol. Jiraiya confirmed your mother had a brother, but he can't recall the name safe for that it starts with a K. Apparently their relationship was pretty strained, so she didn't bring him up at all. Nagato also started recalling an older boy with hair as red as your mother's. If he has the same shade, he should be traceable in some way. I hired another detective and have them searching mayor social networks like facebook to see if they find any interesting photo of a redhead. If they look alike, there is a good chance to find him, even if he is somewhere around the world. My goal is to find him at some point – if somebody can give you information about your mother, it's him._

_Spring has officially arrived as well. Finally the nurses can keep the window of your room open, having the air chance drastically in quality. You've always been a fan of fresh air, even yanking the windows open in the middle of winter. In fact, there was a slight change on your brain activity upon changing the air in the room and the nurses witnessed you breathing much louder those times as well. It seems you wanted to properly savor the scent of the wind filled with the rich, bloomy smell of the daisies outside. You truly love your fresh air, don't you?_

_The temperatures have risen a lot so I removed the covers from the plants. They seemed to breathe once I let them out, the tightly packed branches spreading in the matter of a day. They already had lots of buds which completely opened by now, tiny, new leaves growing all over the plants. It somehow looks like they celebrated a new birth that way – the once naked brown of the branches growing new life on them, the delicate green spots filling them entirely. It will only take a bit more before the buds for the flowers will grow, blooming fully in May._

_This week I brought some Daffodils in a very strong yellow. I read they stand for freshness, liveliness, and fertility. Since they mostly bloom in spring, they are much of a symbol for that season as well. Their scent is very strong, though I only saw so many natural grown ones so far. Only recently I noticed how very flashy they are, too. Their shape is quite strange and especially the yellow ones are so bright they are pretty much impossible to miss._

_Then again, another name for Daffodil is Narcissus. In fact, I also learned they mean egoism and vanity. Probably that's the reason they are named Narcissus to begin with._

_Somehow, that flower fits scarily well for the current situation. It's most likely out of egoism we decided to do what we did, our minds making up in certain ways mostly for personal use. The feelings of regret and pain came because we failed to fill out the role we thought for ourselves, making us a failure to our personal eyes. And now, to fix it up, we lie to ourselves to convince us we did it for each other, while, maybe, we just based our decisions on our own subconscious and egoistic needs._

_Actually, that would explain a lot of things._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Again a bit late, thanks to a recent injury. I fucked up my knee so I can barely bend it, so sitting is a pain.  
> Today it works quite well so far, so I decided to grab the opportunity and quickly edit this chap. 
> 
> The distance is growing between them and they focus more on themselves; that's why I decided for this title.  
> Imo and as I learned myself, ones has to love oneself just as much as they love others to be healthy.  
> Both Sas and Nardo have quite a lot to work out for themselves while everyone around gives them different opinions on how to proceed.  
> Someone else is going to toss in their opinion on the matter, too ;D 
> 
> Thanks for reading and regards,  
> -T


	47. 46th Letter - The Progress

“Naruto?”

 

“Hm?” Eventually he turned his head back around. For the longest time, Naruto had simply stared out of the window without really seeing anything. He was deep in thoughts, thinking about various things, including the end of the last letter he read.

 

“You appear very unfocused,” Kakashi commented while staring down at the file in his lap. “But I heard nothing about more sedative or other drugs been given to you.”

 

“A lot crosses my mind currently,” Naruto reasoned before glancing at the window again.

 

“And what exactly?” Kakashi asked, leaning slightly forward on the chair he sat on.

 

“Don't really feel like talking about it.” Especially not with him, Naruto mentally added. This was a personal topic – very personal, actually. He'd rather talk with somebody like his friends or maybe Iruka over the sensitive matter, not just the random stranger who liked to fuck with his brain anyhow.

 

Kakashi wrote something down while he inquired, “Is it about yesterday?”

 

Naruto didn't even bother to reply to the question.

 

“You know, my job is to help you with facing mentally difficult things,” he told, calmly, and put the pen down.

 

“ _Your job_ is to fix the mental mess caused by the coma and the accident. Problems I have with people close to me are, by all means, none of your fucking business, Kakashi,” Naruto stated, his voice slightly tensed.

 

“Ouch,” Kakashi retorted. “Must be a habit to address older people by their first name when losing respect.” He leaned back on his chair, studying Naruto for a moment. “It may be true it is none of my business, yet I am responsible for your mental health. Given the stress you had lately with the letters, the accident, and now this emotional trauma, it's important to keep a closer eye on you. We wouldn't want you to get a broken-heart syndrome now.”

 

Naruto would have expected him to chuckle at that point, but Kakashi didn't. Instead he kept staring so hard at him it felt like the single eye bore into his head intensely.

 

“You're in a critical state, Naruto. It's easier to slip into a form of depression for you now – and once you are too deep into it, it will be heavier medication rather than a few nice chats with me to fix it up. And trust me to know you would hate that,” Kakashi explained with a neutral tone. He used to pull that one out when he spoke about things regarding the actual therapy and further medical steps.

 

“Getting some pills to feel better sounds rather appealing, actually,” Naruto answered, suddenly getting comfortable with the idea of getting antidepressants. Just a little happy-pill and he could just forget everything for a blissful moment. Who wouldn't take a bright, cheery look at things rather than a dark and depressive one?

 

“It's true pills can give immediate help,” Kakashi replied, “However your problems still remain. And don't forget the adverse reactions; headaches, dizziness, and possibly also trouble with coordination.”

 

“I'm still not talking with you about anything regarding Sasuke,” Naruto insisted, stubbornly and also a little annoyed. Suited Kakashi to ruin his fantasy of just drifting to la-la-land shamelessly.

 

For a moment there was silence. Soon however the pen moved over the papers again with a scratching noise, indicating Kakashi was writing something down.

 

“How is your memory doing? Can you remember more about the time you were in coma?” he asked, obviously respecting Naruto's wish for once. But then again, the topic was still damn close to the Sasuke-subject.

 

“Yeah,” Naruto lowly admitted, forcing the pictures appearing in his mind into the back of his memory.

 

“Does it get clearer?” Kakashi further inquired, chocking his head slightly.

 

“Too sharp for their own good,” Naruto murmured in response, his arms closing slightly around his own body.

 

“So another memory alike the _previous_ ones,” Kakashi commented while taking his annoying notes. The noise was riling Naruto up in a nearly mad manner. “I take the theme was alike always?”

 

“Why don't you just call it a day and _leave_?!” Naruto asked in return, close to snapping. Seriously, Kakashi was beyond any kind of line when it came to poke around in painful matters. Actually, the guy rather seemed to pour more salt into the wound once he found a spot than working to resolve the issue.

 

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Naruto.” With that he scribbled down more into the file, the noise ringing in Naruto's ears so loudly he was very, very close to just burst. He felt like yelling and shouting Kakashi out of the room, but in the last second he remembered how it felt getting drugged, so he forced his anger back again.

 

“You know fucking well what I mean, Kakashi,” was all he said, though his voice was laced with spite and bitterness. Naruto was tired, tired of it all... he just wanted to be for himself and mourn over the loss he recently suffered. Or, better, the loss he had been carrying around for a while but just got aware of.

 

After a while Kakashi broke the silence between them with, “It is kind of paradox. On the one hand, you don't want to speak about Sasuke, on the other hand you can think about nothing else but him. Quite a tie, isn't it?” He tilted his head, eyes focused on Naruto the entire time. But instead of pushing, Kakashi patiently waited for him to get used to the idea and answer out of his own accord.

 

“It's just too soon, alright?” Naruto eventually stated. After a moment he added, “I just need some time to actually get it before I can talk about it.”

 

“Understandable.” This time Kakashi didn't take his notes, but instead kept looking at him.

 

At some point Naruto closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. “I'm tired... seriously,” he said with a low voice.

 

“Then you should rest for today,” Kakashi replied while getting up. “Since your condition was rather tense yesterday, I had your appointments for the afternoon canceled. The only thing will be a blood sample sometime in the afternoon. You should get some rest in the meantime.” He packed the file away, the still remotely thin folder pressed tightly under his arm. “Goodbye for now. In case you need to talk, just let the nurses know. I'll squeeze you into my schedule,” he added, already starting for the door.

 

“Kak- I mean, Doc Hatake?” Naruto softly called from his spot on the bed. Once Kakashi stopped and looked back at him over his shoulder he added, “Sorry for, well...”

 

“It's fine,” Kakashi replied and again Naruto had the feeling he was smiling beneath his mask.

 

~*~

 

It had been sometime in the morning when the appointment ended, but when lunch came Naruto had all but rested. He had tried, really, but he found not even enough sleep to call it a nap. As soon as he closed his eyes he saw Sasuke, how he stood just in front of the door, his hand closed around the handle but not pushing down yet, waiting in vain for a sign from Naruto.

 

A horrible, painful picture – which made, in addition, his entire body shiver, like it recalled how hard it held back when the breaking up came. Then again, that mental image full of agony might have been the last Naruto would ever see of Sasuke.

 

He was known to not be the smartest, yet Naruto wasn't a complete fool. With way too much clarity he was aware they had to be far, far apart in the future so they could actually endure being separated. Yes, they could, theoretically, still be close without being lovers, but it was a helpless case with them. It would take only a little while for them to give in to their strong feelings – and then, once they were lovers again, they'd run the risk to hurt each other once more. And Naruto had made a vow to himself; the times when he made Sasuke suffer were officially over. He wasn't going to make the man yell out in pain and cry tears of relieve any more. There would never be silent letters confessing deep feelings ever again. It would never happen Naruto was the cause for so much stress Sasuke took an overdose of sedatives.

 

In order to keep the promise made to himself, Naruto had to keep him as far away as he could. Yet, when he became aware what a life without Sasuke meant, he felt truly close to him. For a moment Naruto could understand the pain he must have felt during the previous year – the pain of loosing a part of his own heart, getting brutally torn out from his chest.

 

Much alike with breakfast, Naruto mostly poked his food with the fork rather than eating. His stomach was irritated by the overall stress and the lacking sleep. Though he hadn't had much of a bite hours before he felt all but hungry when he looked at the pile of watery vegetables and the cut pieces of meat on his plate. His appetite was gone, for good maybe. In fact, Naruto wasn't sure if he'd feel hungry even when he was served fresh Ramen from Ichiraku's.

 

“Don't you like it, Naruto?” the nurse asked a bit worriedly. She had been on vacation the last two weeks, therefore they hadn't really met so far. It was her first day in, so she couldn't know about Naruto's preferences yet.

 

“Not really,” he replied, still poking the food. He stabbed one of the pieces of meat with his fork, tentatively taking a bite. He had trouble getting the food as much as passed his throat. “I don't feel very hungry either,” he added, not even bothering to grin. For one of the rarest times, he was too mentally drained to act nice and cheery. All Naruto wanted was to be left alone until he figured how to deal with the grief. Surely a life without Sasuke wasn't the happiest he could get, but then again he couldn't end up laying depressed under his blanket until he died.

 

“I could leave something here for you. The bread at least,” the nurse suggested, making him feel bad for a second.

 

“Bread sounds rather good to me. It'd be great if you really could leave it on the cupboard or something,” Naruto lied. Doubtful he could as much as chew the food, however he gave the nurse some credit for her efforts.

 

“Alright.” She took the small plate with the few slices of bread from the tray before putting the lid over it. Naruto had lowered the bed a little so she could take it away easier. In the meantime he also picked up the light bottle, taking a small swallow of water through the straw. If he slacked off drinking as well he'd surely get in trouble.

 

Usually Naruto wouldn't mind it all too much, but currently he just wanted a bit of solitude.

 

Before leaving, the nurse walked over to the box and pulled out the envelope with the lowest number. She hadn't even asked if she should get it, but probably read about those in the reports and wanted to make a good job.

 

Naruto forced a smile when she gave him the letter, though he felt all but like reading it. Only when she left the room did the fake smile fade away, leaving him stare down at the envelope in his hand. Number 46... he didn't have many more than a bit over 50. Just a few more sheets and he was done reading the elegant handwriting on the white papers for good.

 

The thought gave him mixed feelings.

 

Sighing loudly Naruto opened the cover and unfolded the letter without reading it. He looked at the sheets, noticing how they seemed to get shorter. Before he used to have good two and a half pages, now he was lucky when he ended up with roughly two. It only served to remind him what he had lost:

 

Only a few more letters left and he didn't even learn much about Sasuke through them.

 

By keeping his personal experiences and thoughts to himself for the most part, Sasuke had somehow shortened the messages up. Before he used to express how excited he was to have the weeks pass, but now he held his emotions all back, hidden to even Naruto. Did he do that out of anger? As a way to take revenge on Naruto by not speaking about his feelings? Or maybe he felt he might get hurt when he kept himself so open. He had hinted something alike in the earlier letters, saying something about the ultimate way to crush him with what he revealed in the weekly envelopes.

 

Then again, perhaps, he just thought it made things easier for him. Maybe he was just like Naruto, forcing his own feelings back and accepting the love they shared was over, the connection torn beyond repair. Who knew, perhaps he also knew they would be unable to live next to each other, aware they would soon get back into their intimate, comfortable relationship and wait for an opportunity to hurt one another all over again.

 

Maybe Sasuke's and Naruto's suffering was mutual, like so much else they shared.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_Jiraiya took a break from the filming and came for a visit back to town. He spend most of his time here and searched his home for information about your mother and her family. While doing so, he dug out some shorter, unedited works from your father. Since he, apparently, worked some autobiographical things into his fictions, I took them with me and searched for more hints pointing at your uncle. Unfortunately those works are much harder to interpret since they are so heavily unfinished. Some sentences lack sense all together and the wording is sometimes off. To get a proper result out of the information I could gather, I hired some psychologist in order to create something like a character sheet about Sol. Of course the books mustn't be completely reflecting your uncle as he is in real life, but then I have at least something I can work with._

_During my personal research, I kind of figured out he and your father had some issues. In the books about pirates they show their cold relationship rather openly, though it appears more that your father would like to somehow approach him while your uncle borderline hates him. This can be an indication for why nobody knows much about him; Sol might have cut off the contact once your mother and your father ended up together, for some unknown reason. I don't know how it is having a younger sister, but I could understand if he was rather protective of her that he felt hatred towards your father, who came and took her away. When I think about Itachi and how he changed, it's a rather good theory. But I think the only one knowing the truth is your uncle himself._

_You'd be surprised how well your plants are growing recently. I can't recall ever having seen them so green this early of the year. It almost looks like they know you will be coming back soon and therefore want to grow as large as possible as to make you happy. I remember you used to praise them for every new leaf they grew. As long as they grow and stay healthy, I don't particularly mind them. Though, I might have to add a new stick in the pot of Captain Orchid. A few more buds and the delicate branch might give in under the weight of the flowers._

_Recently the movie 'Kate & Leopold' was on TV. It's some kind of romance movie Sakura used to watch, if I remember correctly, along with her gang of girls. I just randomly ended up seeing it when I zapped through the program. What actually got me hooked was a scene I happened to see, somewhere in the middle of the movie. The main character, Leopold, was with some side character in a flower shop. It looked like Charles (that side character) was looking for a bouquet for a date and suddenly Leopold brought up the language of flowers. Funnily he suggested Charles to take an Amaryllis, which symbolizes a great attraction, but nothing more. It's mostly like a compliment and a popular gift for somebody one likes. I thought about taking that flower for you once, but choose against it since my feelings ran deeper than mere attraction. _

_Speaking of flowers, I got you a few Bird-of-paradise flowers this week. Mostly their very individual and interesting look attracted me. They have a rather long bud which opens on the top. Orange pedals grow towards the sky on top of them and there are also fainter blue pedals in the plant as well. All in all, it truly looks like a colorful bird sitting on top of a branch, ruffling up its feathers – with some fantasy, of course. Those flowers grow mostly in the south and stand for colorfulness and exoticism. In addition, they represent uniqueness._

_I took those flowers mostly because they reminded me a lot of you. So outstanding and extraordinary – I seemed to have just been attracted by them and before I knew it I stood by a pot filled with them. When I then heard what they mean in the language of flowers, I wasn't very surprised how I got myself there anymore. They just silently called out to me, as if there was a deeper meaning for why I took those for this week. Technically I could have brought the Daffodils again since they were still fresh, but somehow I decided against them._

_When I saw the Bird-of-paradise flowers, I knew they were meant to stand on your nightstand this week. Maybe I will get an actual plant of those, too, for my office. I have the feeling it lacks live._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> My leg is quite alright again, so I managed to edit this one on schedule.  
> For a sidenote, I had Kakashi act like he did in this chap in the original already. From this point on he began acting calmer and more approachable throughout the story.  
> I think there will be only one more visit from him before the end. 
> 
> Speaking of the end, it's drawing closer...  
> I better head back and tweak some more on the epilog. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	48. 47th Letter - The Difference

Naruto folded the letter again with a loud hiss. Sasuke buying a plant for his office? All the more, a flower he just stated reminded him strongly of his former lover?

 

“Don't make this so fucking difficult to me, bastard...” Naruto murmured while stuffing the sheets back into the envelope. Reading the subtle hints of his pain was even worse than when Sasuke openly stated his feelings. Thanks to the previous letters, Naruto got very aware of the smaller things mentioned in the phrases – and that made it impossible for him to miss the longing lacing the last part of the letter. And he could also recall the movie he talked about very well. It was, as Sasuke had implied, one of Sakura's favorite works ever, hence she spoke so often with Naruto about it he knew the plot almost inside-out. The romantic yet comical tale of Kate and Leopold, as well as the rather serious and emotional ending, were well known to him. He could only guess what such a sappy piece had done to Sasuke, given the situation he was in. Usually he would have just changed the channel, rather watching some documentation, but somehow Naruto had the feeling he had actually watched the movie up to the end.

 

“God,” he sighed, laying one arm over his eyes. Since he was semi-laying he could easily lift it up enough to perform the action. At least now he knew, for sure, Sasuke was in a similar situation as him. They were both in the process of cutting the connection they had while every single tear was filled with pain.

 

But that made kind of sense; they had been a perfect unity, to some degree, and it was difficult to divide two mixed up liquids again. Separating was supposed to be hard and difficult to them.

 

Though, actually Naruto doubted Sasuke knew he, too, was suffering. To him, it had looked like Naruto long since cut their bond. Sasuke was blissfully unaware of the agony Naruto currently felt... and things were good that way. Sasuke's feelings were still so strong and deep – if he knew how painful it was for Naruto, he'd likely suffer alongside him, just as Naruto felt the agony increase when he imagined his significant other was afflicted with loneliness, abandonment, and countless other cruel feelings.

 

In that very moment, Naruto recalled what Jiraiya had said in the morning. About them getting everything sorted out as soon as they met again. Old idiot... could he even fathom what they felt for each other? Sure, it had been impressive what Sasuke had done and Naruto gave some indications of their relationship away himself, but he doubted the majority of people could actually understand what they were going through. And judging from how the present felt, it was unlikely they'd as much as dare to get closer to one another again – not because they learned how to life without their bond, but out of unbearable fear to ever face this kind of agony again.

 

Unconsciously, Naruto closed the hand hanging off the side of his head into a fist. Beautiful, painful Sasuke – the more he thought about it, the more desperate Naruto got. The thought of being without him was more unsettling than the memory of the accident, yet Naruto, mutated into a sick masochist, found himself bearing it and going even further on his borderline self-destructive road. He had wonderful years filled with memories to look back to, as well as the letters and the most recent presents. It would serve well to ease the pain of the loss. However now he wasn't ready to recall them – not yet. The agony was still too fresh, too strong to focus on the happier past. Now, all Naruto could think of was everything he'd lost.

 

No longer would he wake up next to a pillow carrying the scent of wind and ice. No longer would he get to eat the fantastic dishes prepared with the purest intention to please the one dining. No longer would he feel soft, delicate warmth engulfing him once arms closed around his body.

 

No longer.

 

Never again.

 

“Damn,” Naruto lowly cursed, quickly rolling onto his side and curling together. The world suddenly felt cold and abandoned, narrowed down on him so much he felt like the only human being left in the universe. Eyes screwed shut he clenched his hands around the stone from his necklace, squeezing so much he felt the slightly sharper tip digging into his skin. Was he calmer, Naruto might have been impressed at how much force he could come up with already. But now his entire being focuses on curling together, his legs drawn back close to his chest to provide himself with security and the briefest hint of warmth.

 

He hated himself. He hated himself for having started off a fight over God knew what and ending up rushing out onto the street. He hated the driver of the fucking car for having hit him so hard he ended up in coma. He hated Sasuke for having been his boyfriend, up to then, and he hated him for not just having let him die on the pavement strained with his blood. He hated Sasuke for not having just given in and he hated the doctors for not having switched off the machines sooner. He hated Sasuke for having started to collect information about his parents and he hated him for all the people he forced into his life, giving him a family. He hated him, so so much, hated Sasuke and everybody and everything on the entire God damned planet.

 

He hated and loved everything about it.

 

It was such a contradiction it was ridiculous.

 

The urge to break something rose again. Naruto wanted to take something out of glass or ceramic and smash it against the next wall. The way the fragile items would shatter into a million fragments gave him relief, as if the glass represented his bubble of emotions and he had it finally burst, all the intense sensations volatilizing within a moment and leaving him much calmer. Naruto liked to imagine the glass represented himself and by breaking it he prevented his soul from simply busting like a balloon with too much air inside.

 

But he was still too weak for doing it, beside the fact everything in his room was either out of paper, plastic, fabric, or metal.

 

To make everything worse, the door started to open while he was in such a pathetic state. “Fuck, Naruto?!” gasped a voice before quick steps approached. At least it was male – Naruto did all but feel like dealing with Sakura right now, especially since she probably didn't know Sasuke had broken up with him months prior. In addition, she still hated the bastard enough to strain Naruto's tensed nerves even more with her mere attitude.

 

“Dude, should I call for help?! What is it?!” the man asked again, gently rubbing Naruto's shoulder with one hand. The touch was hesitant and light against his cramping muscles.

 

“No. Just... leave me alone,” Naruto mouthed, still unable to as much as open his eyes.

 

“Fine...” the other said and started for the door. “I won't call for help, but I'm not leaving you alone like this. What kind of friend would I be, otherwise?” he added and moved the chair around. Since Naruto was facing towards the window, the man dropped it right in his view before sitting down himself. His frame blocked the warm light from shining in, darkening Naruto's sight beneath his closed lids.

 

After a while the man stated, “Buddy, if you wanna talk, I'm right here.” It was then Naruto finally realized who the voice belonged to. Kiba was probably the luckiest choice he had when somebody came for a visit – he was easier to handle than others, for as long as he didn't drop by his place to crash after a fight with Sasuke. For a moment Naruto even wondered how Kiba would react to his decision. Would he be happy? Relieved? Care at all?

 

With Kiba pushed so obviously into his narrowed universe, Naruto gradually calmed down again. It still stung, right in his chest, but when he had somebody there with him he could at least remotely remind himself he wasn't alone. Hell, he had an entire album filled with people who'd be there for him!

 

“You feeling better?” Kiba asked, his eyes looking sharp when Naruto glanced at him.

 

“A little. Thanks for the company,” he mouthed, exhaustion washing over him. A thin layer of sweat had formed across his skin, the drop running down his temple and gathering in his pillow.

 

“No problem.” There was a moment of silence between them. “What is it? I haven't seen you this pale in a long time,” Kiba said, his body leaning back against the chair a little while he pushed one food against the frame of the bed, having his leg bend slightly that way.

 

“I just got some news recently and made up my mind on a few things,” Naruto explained, gradually pushing his legs downwards, undoing the tight bundle he turned into.

 

The features on Kiba's face tightened slightly, as if he was thinking very hard and making his own assumptions. “So, you're not seeing Sasuke anymore?” he eventually asked, making Naruto flinch slightly.

 

“Is it that obvious?” Naruto murmured bitterly. If Kiba was already reading him, things were truly bad. He'd have to train a bit to mask his true feelings, at least briefly.

 

“You just looked very lonely, so I gave the idea a shot,” Kiba explained, his arms crossing in front of his chest. “You were too attached to him for your own good. How you can appear so abandoned while you have all sorts of people around you will always remain a mystery to me.” He released a heavy sigh, one hand coming up to rub over his eyes.

 

Getting defensive, Naruto gritted his teeth for a moment before he answered, “How would _you_ feel when you suddenly decide to part ways with Hinata?”

 

“No need to get aggressive,” Kiba calmly responded, effectively taking the growing fire out of Naruto's being. “I'd rather not think about it. But then again, I think it's hard to compare what you two had to other people anyhow.” He sighed loudly, his eyes closing for a moment. “Hands down, I fucking hate that son of a bitch. I actually tried beating him up a couple of times. But, son of a bitch or not, he is the one who used to make one of my best friends truly happy and who also saved his life twice in less than a year. That's something I can't ignore.” His arms unfolded slowly and his hands landed in his lap instead. It was obvious how unhappy Kiba was about the realization and also how very aware he was of that. “And I also saw genuine feelings on his stupid face whenever I was misfortune enough to walk into him.” Nervously Kiba scratched the back of his head suddenly, as if he searched for the right words to say. “I can't say I'm not happy that son of a bitch is gone, but... I can't also say I like seeing you suffering so much because of it. I'd rather have you cheery and happy, even if that means seeing the guy I'd like to high five in the face with a chair regularly.”

 

Even if he was feeling like shit, Naruto couldn't hold back the soft chuckle at the comment. The image of Kiba swinging a chair above his head in wild anger was just hilarious to him.

 

“But in the end, it's up to you how you decide. I just want you to know I'm here in case you need a buddy or so. Not fuck-buddy though; I'd rather buy you a flesh-light if you need relief,” he stated, the arms back up to cross over his chest.

 

Naruto snorted at the offer. “Thanks, but I rather decline the offer. Missing sex might be the tiniest problem, actually,” he replied before gently closing his eyes again. Yeah, sexual tension was really his smallest issue.

 

“I don't want to get involved, but,” Kiba bit his lips when he paused. “Wouldn't it be better to, well, stay together if it's too painful?” he eventually suggested, quickly adding, “Not that I know much about this sappy stuff. I just wondered if, like, it feels wrong.”

 

Naruto breathed in and out a few times before answering, “It feels horrible and wrong, but it's better this way. I couldn't forgive myself if we destroyed each other and thanks to this entire coma-thing, I became aware just how dangerously close to the edge we were.”

 

Could he even put it that way, 'being close to the edge'? Wasn't it more they were already walking on a fragile path not broader than a foot for a long time, nothing but a dangerously deep pit around them?

 

Likely. They had just been too busy looking at one another to notice it sooner.

 

“Don't talk that depressed,” Kiba murmured lowly. “It sounds like you were about to jump off the next bridge.”

 

“I don't plan to kill myself,” Naruto immediately stated, though what he currently did to himself felt a damn lot like suicide. “But as you said, what we had was very special and probably not meant to ever end. Forcefully cutting the connection is,” He paused, quickly licking over his lips before whispering, “almost unbearably painful.”

 

Kiba looked like he wanted to say or do something, but couldn't properly decide for what to do. In fact, he appeared rather helpless in the situation, and so he did the only thing he could do for his friend:

 

Silently be there and offer comforting company.

 

That was all Naruto could hope for, actually – having the feeling of not being alone. Even when the world seemingly broke apart around him and he fell into the pit, he could be sure there were countless pair of hands down there to catch him before he could crash against whatever awaited down there.

 

He should be happy – he had that security on his side while Sasuke was, probably, off with far less to keep himself from falling.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto_

_Because of the more sunny weather, the bird-of-paradise flowers are still fine and healthy. I also learned they are rather uncomplicated to handle, so I might bring them along next week as well. Shizune had been rather funny to watch when she first saw them – she actually thought a real bird was inside your room. According to her, the orange and blue pedals look more like the fluff of feathers on top of the bird's head while the less colorful downside is the pecker. It's interesting, since to me it looked more like only the colorful part above was the bird. Due to the transport and new adjustment to the environment, the flower straightened out horizontally a bit. Perhaps that's why it looks like a bird now._

_The detectives have done the internet research, but without a result. Since your uncle was a couple of years older than your mother, it might be likely he isn't all too active on social portals to begin with. It's more something regarding our generation. This might also be a hint he has no children so far – it's common for parents to watch their kids online, so if he had a son or a daughter, he might have created a profile on the forums. This kind of throws the research back briefly. Without as much as a lead, it will be extremely difficult to find him if he lives abroad. He will be found, eventually, but it will take considerably longer when we have to search country by country. But it doesn't mean it's hopeless; it merely takes a while more than expected._

_Because of the harsh winter, the Hanami came exceptionally late this year. In fact, the trees just started blooming recently, bathing the entire city in delicate pink. I brought a few cut branches along this week and saw Iruka and some of your friends did the same. I saw them having Bento in your room almost daily and you seemed quite delighted about the company. Even some of the staff decorated your room with blooming branches of Sakura-trees since they know you enjoy plants a lot. I think they even shot some photos; maybe you should ask them to show them to you once you woke up. Some of the flowers would gently fall off the branches and land on your bed and blanket. It was a very nice sight._

_By now, the box is nearly full with envelopes. Guess my calculations were remotely well done, considering it should be perfectly filled with letters when you awake in late summer. I wrote quite some since I closed the cover of the first one. They are the only hints of the lots of time which have passed. To me, it's all blurred up, so it's hard to tell how many months and weeks actually passed by. Funny, to some degree._

_Since the weather got warmer, I brought some of your lighter clothes to the hospital, all from your closet. In addition I took the warmer stuff back to the apartment and washed it. It's quite a bit of laundry, even when I washed and dried a few machines full already. The bathroom got quite damp because of everything I left to dry in there, so I have to wind it up often to avoid the walls getting too wet. The good thing is it's going to be a single task since you can use the considerably lighter clothes up to fall. If you were still comatose I might have brought heavier clothing then, but once you're awake I'm sure you'll insist on your pants and the shirts with the short sleeves until we get sub-zero temperatures again._

_By the way, you started receiving mail from your friends again. The letters and packets are directly for you, so I left everything unopened in the apartment. Some were given into my hands from them with the request to store them until you wake up again. They also understood you'd need to rest for the time being and were fine with me stating I would hold everything back until you were well enough to deal with it._

_When I got the packets from your friends, I wondered if I should take the two I sent you back here, too,and leave them along the other ones until you wish to open them. Then again, my promise with the letters started much sooner than when your friends decided to send you things – therefore, I will leave the two packets in your room._

_I don't want to be treated equally as your friends; I am all but even to them._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> My leg is doing better, though it's still kinda weak.  
> But with the approaching vacation it's gonna get better I think. 
> 
> We almost reached the end... and I still haven't retouched the epilog I rewrote for this story.  
> Guess I'll do that in October, when i got time at my hands. 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	49. 48th Letter - The Departure

Kiba had already left by the time Naruto decided to read the next letter. He had stayed for quite a long while, though they didn't talk all too much with each other. Yet it had helped having Kiba around for the most part.

 

But now that Naruto read the new letter, he started feeling lost and lonely again. It was so painfully distant, nothing alike the other ones. What would he give to know how Sasuke was, how he felt... how things were running at the company and if he and Itachi got along better. Did they give their employees a bit of time off so they could enjoy Sakura week?

 

All those little things, small pieces on information which gave away how Sasuke's life looked like – with them missing, it was like Sasuke tried to lock Naruto out of it. Maybe he did so out of frustration, perhaps he kept silent because he assumed Naruto didn't want to read anything about it. After all, Sasuke thought he detested him, didn't he?

 

“Someone please remove my brain,” Naruto stated into the empty room

 

“You should be grateful your brain works fine, young man,” replied a voice which scared the living hell out of Naruto. Jerking because of people randomly sneaking on to him was becoming a bad habit.

 

“Now that I think about it, heart surgery might be more needed,” Naruto dryly commented. He wanted to be funny, he really did, but with his own dark thoughts creeping in the back of his head it was hard to be cheerful.

 

Shizune, experienced as she was, noticed it right away. “How was your day?” she asked in a try to start a conversation, however Naruto could tell she either was informed about his tensed state of mind or made her own close guesses on it.

 

“Not really eventful,” he answered lowly while he watched her getting a wheelchair ready. That confused him a little. “I thought all my appointments were canceled for the day?”

 

She stopped momentarily and something like a wicked grin laid over her lips. “So you'd rather not have a bath?” she asked, her voice laced with fake concern.

 

“Bath sounds rather nice,” Naruto admitted, wondering if he could get his mind off things in the water-filled tub. Plus, he could finally get rid of the dried sweat all over his body. His outburst from the previous day and the nightmarish memory from the morning had taken their toll on his hygiene.

 

“Alright. Up you go,” she murmured while lifting Naruto out of the bed and sitting him into the chair. Seconds later she closed the bag of the catheter around his leg and he found himself wincing.

 

Great. Beside his inner turmoil and stress, he also had to do _that_ again.

 

Experienced Shizune pushed him around the corridor and for the first time Naruto noticed he recognized the floor. He knew the paintings and the colors of the walls, as well as which hallway they had to follow next. It was quite impressive to him; usually Naruto had quite some trouble with memorizing ways and got lost more often than not.

 

This time however he knew they had arrived even before Shizune stopped the wheelchair to open the door. Silently she pushed him in, quickly moving on to undress Naruto and removing the catheter momentarily. It wasn't before she lowered him into the bathtub that she began speaking.

 

“You're quite silent today,” she commented while neatly folding the clothes together. She had picked up two fresh pairs of boxers and a shirt even before they had left the room before.

 

Naruto shrugged his shoulders as he answered, “Just tired. You know, after the sedative and all that.”

 

He wasn't bitching per say. He was merely pointing clearly out he fucking hated being drugged to the point he couldn't even move.

 

“There was no other choice back then. You see, strong emotions may put your body into a high state of distress and since it's still weak and your brain not fully recovered, it could have led to massive complications if you, for example, had too much adrenaline in your system,” she explained without giving Naruto as much as an opportunity to interrupt her. She probably did that to assure she could say everything before he came up with something else.

 

“I still didn't like it,” Naruto insisted. Closing his fist around the soap he said, “I already can barely move as I want myself to. Holding this slippery quarter is already putting my hands on their limits.” He tried to squeeze down a bit harder but failed to do so. “Having this little movement I have taken away as well... it's making me uncomfortable.”

 

“I understand,” Shizune said while gently washing his back. “But while you're here, our main goal is to keep you healthy and have you get better. Sometimes we also have to do something we don't like to assure the patient's safety. Giving you the sedative was among those things – and don't assume it was easy for me.” She paused while giving Naruto a soothing massage on his tensed shoulders. “It's never easy to give somebody drugs to forcefully keep them calm, especially ones who are as lively as you.” Using a small bowl she washed the foam off his back while Naruto was left staring at the soap in his hands.

 

“Next time, just punch me in the face. Sakura got me calmed with that action countless of times,” Naruto suggested, grinning slightly. Oh yeah, Sakura's fist was quite the secret medicine. One punch could knock out the strongest man in the matter of seconds.

 

“I'm afraid we don't have such methods.” Shizune softly laughed while washing his hair. Naruto was rather fine with that – he didn't feel like spending all too much time in the bath anyhow. He had noticed rather soon it didn't help to get his thoughts elsewhere, so he might as well finish it as quickly as possible.

 

Once Shizune started drying him off however, he suddenly said, “I heard you mistook a flower for a bird?”

 

She immediately stopped her doing and instead furrowed her eyebrows.

 

Seeing she had trouble recalling, Naruto explained, “I got flowers in my room every week. One time the flower looked so odd you thought it was a bird?”

 

“Oh! _That_ time!” Shizune called out, understanding written all over her face. “Yes, I thought it was a bird at first! That was kind of a surprise; I jerked so hard I dropped the pile with the fresh covers for the bed.”

 

Naruto laughed at the mental image. “The flower had 'bird' in its name as well, so I think you can be forgiven. Still, I'd have loved to see your face that time.”

 

“I'd appreciate you not mentioning it to Doctor Tsunade. She just dropped the joke the other day,” Shizune commented while finishing the drying.

 

“Maybe I can keep the secret to myself... in exchange for no drugs anymore,” Naruto chuckled, rather darkly. Once in a while he really enjoyed being a bit of an asshole. Some certain bastard had rubbed off on him, apparently.

 

“Ha ha. Very funny, aren't we.” The way she said that it sounded more like a dry statement full of sarcasm rather than a question. Probably she meant to be sarcastic anyhow, so it was fine with Naruto.

 

“I'd be open to no more catheters and enemas, too,” he informed, getting surprisingly delighted about his teasing. It almost felt like something evil took control over his body and used the new power to annoy the people around. Sasuke's bad influence, probably.

 

As for Shizune, she didn't even bother to answer the question. Instead she silently went rougher on Naruto once she did her other 'duties', which pretty much reminded him to rather stay put the next time.

 

~*~

 

After he returned to his room, Naruto had the feeling he had gone a bit too far with Shizune earlier. She had left immediately once she put him back into the bed, without as much as a goodbye or see you later. It made him feel bad, actually. Naruto had just wanted to play a little around and was simply too much into it to realize he hurt Shizune's feelings or anything like that.

 

The only benefit about the new trouble was he could slightly forget about the other ones. For about one hour he had been thinking very hard how to make it up to her again, or at least about how he could properly apologize. He knew all too well how damn exhausting he could be when he was overly angry or annoyed. She had just done her job the best she could while Naruto had acted like a giant baby. Perhaps he even deserved getting sedated so much – before he could actually do harm to his poor, tired body.

 

Dinner came around at some point and, strangely, it was Shizune again who brought it to him. For a split second he even thought she had forgiven him, but once she came closer and he noticed her icy aura he quickly returned into reality.

 

“You know,” he started at some point while pushing around the pieces of bread with his fork much alike at noon and breakfast. He patiently waited for her approval or acknowledgment before he would move on, but after a couple of minutes of pure silence from her he added, “I'm sorry if I went too far back then. I was just, like... stressing time and all.” His lips pressed tightly together in nervousness, his eyes unable to look up at all. “I'm really sorry,” Naruto repeated after another while, his fork moving a bit more frantically than before.

 

“You totally bought it, didn't you?” Shizune eventually laughed and once Naruto jerked his head up and looked her straight in the eye he finally understood.

 

“Oh _fuck me_!” he cursed, shaking his head when he realized she had just acted. “I believed you were pissed off beyond all limits! I thought the entire evening how I could say sorry to you!”

 

“Hopefully that teaches you to not mock the staff from the hospital,” Shizune laughed with a smile on her face. “We are working hard already without having some youngster giving us a difficult time. I hope you'll keep that in mind.”

 

“I will, ma'am,” Naruto promised, still playing around with the food on his plate.

 

“... Are you lacking appetite?” she eventually asked and instantly he stopped. “I read you didn't have much of a breakfast and also refused most of the lunch. You need to eat to stay strong.”

 

Seeing no point in lying to her – and Shizune would simply _know_ if he did – he admitted, “I have some problems with my private life currently. Somehow killed my appetite.”

 

“Hm,” she murmured, deep in thoughts. “At least have some vitamins and juices then. To keep you remotely strong.”

 

“Meh, juice...” Naruto replied, not entirely interested. He liked juice overall, but the strange water mixed with vitamins he got at the hospital left an odd taste on his tongue. He'd rather force down a few bites of bread than that. “How much should I eat, at least? But I can't take the entire plate,” he said while piercing a piece with his fork.

 

“Half of them, as a minimum... you hadn't had much food in total and not much water either,” she answered while keeping a close eye on him. “And if you're not feeling well, I can call Doctor Hatake. He instructed to have him immediately contacted when it's you,” she added, her voice laced with concern.

 

Naruto stopped the fork half an inch before his mouth before huffing, “And I told him I'd rather not talk with him about Sasuke.” With that he forced the bite into his mouth and chewed it more angrily than intended.

 

He was seriously getting annoyed by everyone. Alright, he was obviously feeling bad, but all he asked for was for them to just freaking accept his wish to be left alone a little. Kiba had been the first and only to understand his need and offered all the advice he could, being the good friend he was. Before Naruto ended up with Kakashi, he'd rather have Kiba called to the hospital for appointments.

 

“Just keep in mind we're all here,” Shizune soothingly said, watching him pick up another few pieces. “Even if we drug you to the point you can't move, we just have your best in our interest.”

 

“And currently the best is to just leave me brooding. At least a bit.” He swallowed the bite, feeling his stomach tense all of a sudden. “I just need a break. A pause. Please grant me that,” he whispered, feeling a wave of exhaustion taking over him. He was tired, his mind as well as his body.

 

He just needed some rest.

 

Laying the fork down, he then used his free hand to lower the bed a little. Shizune didn't comment on him having eaten so little but, instead, put the lid silently over the tray again.

 

“Would you like me to get the next letter or do you wish to rest a little?” she asked, her eyes focused fully on him.

 

“The envelope, please. Maybe it got a bedtime story in it for me,” he stated, forcing a weak smile.

 

Bedtime story... yeah, sure. His lies kept getting worse and worse.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_This week was quite eventful compared to the last few ones._

_The detectives finally found a lead. They managed to track down the last school your mother attended, thanks to some records of sports. I immediately contacted them and after explaining the situation, the people from the school gave me insight on her file. I could find all her previous schools that way and stumbled upon a middle school abroad._

_Since it is a very good lead, I decided to travel there and investigate first hand._

_For that I took some preparations here. Given I will be far away and I also plan to leave everything behind to be undisturbed, I instructed the people from the hospital to contact Jiraiya in a case of emergency. I spoke with him about it and he agreed to bear the responsibility. He knows how important this is for you, therefore he offered his help._

_In addition I gave Iruka the key to the apartment with the request to take care of the plants. I scheduled my stay abroad to be about four weeks, possibly more if I can't find out what I seek. During that time the plants might wither away when they aren't cared for. I also transferred a bit of power onto him as your proxy. For example, he is to be called in case Jiraiya is not reachable and he will also be allowed to sign documents regarding your treatment when Jiraiya agreed to it. This should pretty much cover all potential happenings coming up._

_This trip will be very important. I plan to go see the schools your mother attended when she was younger and also to check out former places she lived in. There is a good chance your uncle will be around as well, or at least traceable through the older addresses. It was a truly lucky strike to find this lead – otherwise I'd have taken several months to as much as look through the different countries he could be at. Still, given he is an Uzumaki himself, it can easily be he moved into a completely other place by now. It's almost like a treasure hunt, much alike the one in the books of your father._

_As for the letters, I will keep writing them. The country has pretty good postal service, so they should arrive rather soon even when I'm across the globe. Perhaps there will be a delay of a couple of days from one to another. I spoke with Shizune so she makes sure the envelopes are still dropped into the box in your room, close to the other ones so the collection stays complete._

_Since I will be away for so long, there won't be new flowers brought to your room in the meantime. I did leave Itachi a note with a special request, but I wonder if he will as much as read it. He wasn't very happy about my plans, but he won't change my mind on this._

_As I will depart soon, I wanted to choose something special for this week. It took me a lot of time to decide since there are still countless plants left I haven't even thought about so far. In fact, it took me up to the last day to decide for a flower – but since the ones I picked wither very quickly once cut, I think it fits all the more._

_This week I brought you a bouquet of Cranesbills in red, orange, white, and mixed colors. This flower has a relatively easy and simple meaning, unlike many of the other I brought to your room up to this day. In fact, I can't recall a flower with a similarly specific yet decisive meaning, though I did hours of research privately and read a couple of books about the language of flowers._

_The Cranesbills have this simple and utterly fitting meaning:_

_I will wait for you at the well-known place._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> We are steadily approaching the end of this story, nearly a year after I started posting it.   
> Today it came a bit later since I napped and rested up some; this week I fell while I was inline skating and, yet again, fucked up my leg.   
> Nothing got broken thankfully, but I did get roughed up a little v.v 
> 
> Also I started working on a new, kinda crazy fic.   
> It shall circle around genderbend and ABO-verse. Simply because I have yet to read a good fiction in that sector, safe for one xD   
> Dunno when I will start posting it. Phew... 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chap and regards,  
> -T


	50. 49th Letter - The Beginning

Naruto had stayed remotely calm about the letter. Since the theme was pretty simple it was easier to bear it.

 

“Will you be fine?” Shizune asked after she put the new letters into the folder.

 

“Yeah, thanks. I might just doze a little,” Naruto replied while looking up at the ceiling.

 

“Next week is the visit with Doctor Tsunade again. Maybe you'll get your music player back,” she added in a weak try to start a conversation. But really, Naruto didn't feel like talking at all. He just silently nodded at the statement, doing the same when Shizune informed him the schedule for next week was on his cupboard if he wanted to take a look.

 

Only barely he noticed the door closed with a low noise, indicating he was alone. It was then his thoughts finally started wandering – the curiosity taking the better of him now that he knew Sasuke found something.

 

Though, technically it was nothing big; merely the school Naruto's mother attended sometime in her life. Without being a relative, the administration wouldn't even allow Sasuke a single glance at the files. Data privacy and stuff. Then again, Sasuke was Sasuke, and beside that also ridiculously wealthy. Not rich enough to buy an entire hospital, but if he offered a high enough donation, the schools would surely like to cooperate with him and sell off some information about a student long since passed.

 

Maybe, with that information, Sasuke would then be able to find the former home of his mom – where she grew up, where she lived with her parents, where she spent several years. Naruto would love to see it for himself if such a place existed.

 

And maybe, just maybe, the small house or apartment or wherever his mom lived was still inhabited by somebody. Maybe his uncle he only knew through the novels of his dad still lived there, either on his own or with his family, the man who had known his mom since she was born.

 

What would he be like? Was he a lively character like Naruto and his mom? Was he more reserved like Nagato? Did he know he had a nephew somewhere across the globe? How would he react if he knew?

 

There were so many things possible Naruto's head started spinning just thinking about it. The stories that man could tell him... about his mom, himself, their family, even his dad. Beside Jiraiya, the unknown uncle was one of the currently most interesting people on the planet to him.

 

For the first time in two days, Naruto didn't feel drowning in depression only. More, he was excited and curious as well, the dark feelings mixing with the good ones until he was unable to as much as tell what he felt the most.

 

And how many letters were left?

 

Shizune had recently dropped a new one, sometime in the middle of the week or so... Tamaki had then picked them all up when she accidentally threw down the entire box. What was the last number she had said? Fifty... it had been fifty-two.

 

Naruto had just read number forty-eight.

 

That meant...

 

Sasuke was currently still abroad.

 

He had written he planned to depart the following week, so in number forty-nine, and had planned to stay about a month or so. Nine, ten, one, two...

 

With a gasp Naruto stiffened on the mattress. Not only was Sasuke, maybe, speaking with his uncle in the exact same moment, but he'd also return soon. Very soon, if he didn't extend his stay. And without as much as a mobile or a computer or any other mode of communication other than the letters, he could theoretically arrive any day. Theoretically, he could just walk in through the door on the other end of the room in the next few minutes.

 

His throat gone dry, Naruto slowly turned his head around until he was staring right at the bright quarter on the wall. He suddenly felt uneasy, the few pieces of bread he had been eating threatening to force themselves out of his body again at the mere thought Sasuke could show up at any second.

 

Releasing a shaky breath, Naruto closed his eyes and tried to calm down. The idea of Sasuke appearing was unsettling him. On the one side he was unreasonably happy and excited at the thought of seeing him again. On the other, much darker side he felt almost unbearably sick.

 

Damn, he had only realized they broke up little over a day ago; he simply wasn't _ready_ to see Sasuke again so soon. He still had to stomach the shock and accept the present. He still had to steel his being so he could even _bear_ seeing the man who had his heart tear apart when they separated again.

 

A break. He needed a fucking _break_ from it all. Just a little time, maybe a week or a month or perhaps a few months where he could just mourn silently and get familiar with the new feeling of emotional loneliness. Seeing Sasuke again while he was in such an unbalanced, pathetic state would make it all the more impossible to do.

 

For the first time in almost three weeks, Naruto seriously wished he'd never woken up to begin with.

 

~*~

 

Naruto felt warm. So gently, comfortably warm... it felt like he was floating in a bubble of warmth while his feet slowly brought him forward. He was laughing delighted, the sun so bright and big above his head, standing in the middle of the never ending azure of the sky. The rustling of the grass sounded nice under his feet, gently tickling his naked toes while his hand was clenched around another one.

 

Beside him walked Sasuke, a smile on his face and a faint chuckle escaping his lips while they stepped through the ankle-high grass. Naruto felt happy to the core, the warmth of Sasuke floating out of his hand and into Naruto's while they walked, the area around them filled with harmony and joy.

 

But there was a faint noise in Naruto's ears, something he couldn't clearly make out. “What's the matter?” Sasuke suddenly asked, the smile never wearing off. If possible, it made the area around them feel even better.

 

“Nothing,” Naruto replied before walking further through the grass. But, somehow, slowly it started getting fresher. With every step he made the sky seemed to darken, like the sun would set, and the air got colder and colder. In a try to keep himself warm Naruto leaned closer to Sasuke. “Got kind of chilly, hasn't it?” he commented while he noticed the warmth disappearing more and more. He also started feeling uncomfortable and lost the further he walked, the noise in his ears also turning louder. He still couldn't really name it though he knew the sound rather well.

 

By the time he finally came to a halt the air had turned colder than ice. Sasuke had made another few steps forward, only stopping when Naruto's hand kept him back. The area had turned pitch-black around them, making it impossible to see the way ahead any more.

 

“Let's go back,” Naruto suggested, the feeling of uneasiness growing.

 

“... Why do you want to go back?” Sasuke asked without even turning his head around. “Won't we walk on this path forward for the rest of our lives? Why would you want to go backwards?” he added with a painfully neutral voice.

 

When he finally turned around, Naruto had been so shocked he almost let go.

 

Sasuke looked sick, almost starved even. His skin was gray and the hair lost it's shimmer. The cheeks were sunken in and his clothes seemed far too wide for his skinny frame.

 

“Don't you love me anymore?” he eventually asked, his thin lips moving barely while the noise around them turned borderline too loud to hear.

 

Hissing Naruto reached up to his head with his free hand, holding the side of his skull. Why was he hearing that strange, ticking noise? It was regular before, however now it sounded frantic and fast. Like the time was running out.

 

“... I see,” Sasuke murmured and let his hand go. He walked a few steps backwards on the dark path, his grimacing face directed to Naruto the entire time. “If this is what you want, I won't be in your way,” he added with a voice so low and weak it seemed to break any second.

 

Naruto wanted to reach out for him, but he stopped in mid action when he noticed something like a bulge on his chest. He was wearing a strange, orange jacket with a zipper, so he tentatively grasped the metal triangle and pulled it down...

 

… only to see a large, round patch over his chest with a clock face on it.

 

The long hand was moving quickly towards the top, a skull placed on the spot where usually the number twelve was, and that was the moment Naruto realized it was a bomb attached to his chest.

 

Just when he understood the meaning being it and his mistake, the hand hit the skull and the explosive charge went off, the blow tearing his chest open and causing him a horribly painful death.

With a scream Naruto felt how he fell off the path, his face looking up where he could only helplessly watch Sasuke getting blown away as well.

 

Quickly after the fall Naruto hit some hard surface, the back of his head and his shoulder almost exploding with pain. With a groan he turned onto his side, only half realizing where he was. The ugly, gray plastic floor had a horrible design and was cold and dirty. On the side of his vision he saw the frame of his bed and the white mattress, along with the blanket half-way hanging off the side. His one leg was still up there, his foot twisted slightly on a metal bar at the side.

 

Only slowly Naruto realized he had fallen out of the hospital bed for some reason.

 

Holding his head he tried to think of what he should do. His foot started stinging as well, but there was no way he could pull himself up enough to grasp the remote.

 

Thankfully his heavy thud had been heard.

 

Moments after he tried to come up with a plan the door opened, showing a quite startled nurse. At first she hadn't even noticed the patient hadn't left at all but _only_ fallen off the other side of the bed, but once she did it took only a couple of minutes before Naruto was back on the mattress. Another few later a man with quite long, silver-white hair was in his room and checked closely on his body.

 

“Does it sting when I twist it a little?” he asked while slowly turning Naruto's ankle around.

 

“A bit,” Naruto hissed while the nurse lifted his upper body away from the mattress so she could lay a large ice-bag under his shoulder.

 

“It's not broken, thankfully. Given how long you have stayed motionlessly in bed, it's close to a wonder your backbone didn't immediately snap once you fell,” the doctor explained while he smeared a bit of crème on the swell of Naruto's ankle. It even started turning a little blue thanks to a large bruise because of the twist. Next he bound a bandage around it to keep the foot still. “How come you even landed on the floor to begin with?” he asked while pulling a pair of gloves off his hands.

 

“Nightmare, I guess...” Naruto whispered, the hand on his uninjured side lifting to lay over his chest. He could still feel the ticking there and the deeper meaning of the dream ate away at him.

 

The foreign physician waited for a moment before answering, “Doctor Hatake has the emergency shift this weekend. If you like, I can make him come to you once he arrived.”

 

Naruto weakly shook his head. “Thanks Doc, but it was just a nightmare. Nothing to be worried about,” he replied, not quite believing into his own words. It had more been like a warning, as well as a confirmation his decision was the right one.

 

“I will still come checking on you later. If you need anything, just call the nurses,” the man said while putting a small pillow under Naruto's foot to keep it up a little.

 

“Thanks. See you then, Doctor...?” Naruto furrowed his eyebrows while he tried to recall the man's name. But with his little accident and the horrid dream, it was hard to remember.

 

“Doctor Kato,” the man supplied with a gentle smile. Naruto couldn't help the feeling he knew the name already, or better to have heard it somewhere once.

 

His face must have given away his thoughts since Doctor Kato released a soft laughter. “My wife, Tsunade, is your leading physician,” he explained with another brilliant smile.

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Naruto stated, finally understanding. It made sense he heard the name somewhere else already, now.

 

Doctor Kato laughed again, instructing the nurses to bring him a light breakfast and check regularly how he was doing. Naruto was really grateful for the help, especially since Doc Kato also told them to be subtle about their checks so he could get some proper rest.

 

At least _somebody_ finally respected Naruto's needs, though for different reasons.

 

Some time alone was exactly what he needed – along with the surprisingly interesting letters from Sasuke. Information about his parents, Naruto realized, was quite an effective distraction to him.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_I have arrived in the town with your mother's school earlier this week. It's a small, not too busy place with only one school. It was impossible to miss. The town is rather nice, from the appearance, and I took a few photos of the closer area until I got the permission to enter the school. You'd be surprised how picky other countries can be, especially when it's an adult man who'd like to take a look around._

_Anyhow, I eventually got into the school and surprisingly there are still photos featuring your mother on the walls close to the trophy locker. She was impressive at sports and won several prizes for the school. The current headmaster, Mr. Sarutobi, even knew her personally. When she attended school he used to be one of her teachers. He told quite a few interesting stories about her; for example, she used to come late to class and her greatest joy was to play sometimes rather evil pranks to her teachers and fellow classmates. Once she even smeared all over the faces of the former headmasters (they have them crafted into something like a stone wall on the far end of the schoolyard) and had to clean them all off for an entire week. The best thing though was how they figured out it was her – proud as she was about her graffiti, she signed the work with her name in fire red._

_After explaining the situation to Mr. Sarutobi, he agreed to me taking a look into her old file. He kind of liked your mother and despite all the trouble she caused, she was very popular among the people. The students even made her the speaker for the graduation and there are even old tapes with it. I took them to a nearby shop and had the clips being copied on DVD. I also watched the speech myself and it was extremely interesting and also inspiring what she said, though her nature came out without the slightest change. When I listened to what she said and how she said it, I believe it could have been a speech written by you._

_In addition to the videos and the file, Mr. Sarutobi also confirmed she had an older brother. His name is Kurama Uzumaki and he too attended the same school as her. He is a couple of years older than your mother was and also won quite a few trophies for the school. As far as Mr. Sarutobi could tell, they used to be very close to each other. Once their parents passed away, Kurama took over the job of raising your mother and taking over the farm they had. I also got an address from Mr. Sarutobi; I will check it out once I finished gathering all the information here. Besides, the weather is pretty crazy over here. It's so burning hot some of the planes won't depart at all. It will take a longer while before I can go to the farm._

_Oh, I forgot to mention something: the school your mother and your uncle attended is a private one. Their home was pretty far away, in the most rural part of this country, so they used to live in a room here at the school. It's a rather exclusive place and since they were rather far apart in age, they even ended up sharing a room until your uncle graduated._

_I wish there had been some records or old things from them here, but the room is already rented by two other students now so I could take any photos. But in exchange I took plenty of shots of the school itself, the classrooms, and the trophy locker._

_Once the weather turned more bearable, I'll depart for the next bigger city before trying to drive out to your uncle's farm. I wonder if it's still there and if I can find him. Though, since the place is so far outside and rural, I was warned he might own a rifle and be not exactly happy about visitors. Maybe I can get a number and call him up before I pay him a visit; if I got my head blown off it won't exactly benefit the whole purpose of my trip. I will also have to get a car to even get out there. There is also a bus going, but given he doesn't want me around – which can be the case, as Mr. Sarutobi implied – I'd rather have an individual mode of transport so I can at least get to a motel or something._

_I wonder if they even have something like a postal office out there so I can send my letters to you._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Nightmares can be tricky. I am pretty proud of this one, especially since it has a deeper meaning.   
> Also - yep, Dan exists in this universe. I actually like him a lot! 
> 
> We are steadily heading for the end... Soon this story will reach its great final. 
> 
> Hope you guys will stick with me up to the end! 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	51. 50th Letter - The Past

Even after a longer while had passed, the pain in Naruto's shoulder and foot remained. He must have fallen pretty hard once he jerked out of the nightmare... Maybe the doctor had been right about him almost breaking his own neck.

 

The new letter managed to distract him at least. He wasn't exactly eager to think back to the horrid dream he had had, especially since it seemed to have a deeper meaning, if the ticking time-bomb on his chest had been any indication.

 

While reading the words, Naruto couldn't help imagine his mom in a smaller size, the red hair like a cape behind her while she ran all over the place, causing trouble. It was quite odd given he only had pics of her as an adult or older teen. He wondered what she looked like back then; was her face still like Naruto's? Surely she was fun to hang out with, especially if she played pranks. They had quite a lot in common, now that he thought about it.

 

Though, Naruto was also quite interested in his, apparently still living, uncle. If he was quite a bit older than his mom, the chances he'd remember closely about her were high.

 

Quickly Naruto glanced down at the letter. Kurama Uzumaki – what that man could tell him was beyond all possibilities. Did he know his mom's favorite color? Did she also push the vegetables into the corner of the plate? What used to be the games she enjoyed most? Naruto could think of a thousand and one questions, still a more reasonable part inside him tried to stop his enthusiasm.

 

Just because there _was_ something like an uncle didn't mean said uncle was also interested to as much as talk with him. From what the headmaster or whatever had said Kurama sounded not exactly friendly, at least to random strangers. Plus, Kurama and his dad seemed to have had some issues, judging from the novels.

 

To say Sol hated Arashi was putting it very, very nicely. Naruto had immediately noticed there was a whole new tension in the book when he reached the point when Sol first appeared. The moment he and Arashi ran into each other, the plot used to have parts in it showing how much they disliked each other. No idea what, but his dad must have done something quite horrible to his uncle to deserve such a treatment. Then again, Naruto knew quite little about his dad. He might have exaggerated their relationship in his novels.

 

It worried him a little bit. Before he had been rather proud to have the same hair as his dad and, as things looked like, also getting more and more of his facial characteristics now that he was older. But with the idea of his uncle pretty much detesting his dad, Naruto was quite worried if he would even want to have contact after seeing how alike they were. Then again, didn't he have the face of his mom? With a bit of luck, Kurama might only see the similarities to his little sister in Naruto. Or, at least, get curious enough to grant Naruto a single meeting. He was sure he'd get his uncle around as well once they saw each other face-to-face. Naruto was quite the charming little devil if he wanted to.

 

If he could get more information about his mom that way he didn't mind taking advantage of people – momentarily. In the end Naruto would always let them out of his spell again, mostly because he didn't have the heart to be a manipulative little bastard like others. For example, Itachi; the man appeared nice and caring – and mostly was like that, too – but still there were situations where Itachi was a damn manipulative asshole. In fact, the guy was _so good_ at it people usually realized only at the very end they had been influenced by another person – if at all. Sasuke tried it out a couple of times as well, sometimes even succeeded, but he was still nowhere close to his older brother in that field. And partly sick like all Uchiha were, Itachi enjoyed the power he held over others. Not as much as to constantly use it, but Naruto could tell he was quite delighted when he manipulated somebody once in a while. He couldn't help the grin when he thought back to the few times when he witnessed from the first row.

 

However the grin soon faded again, leaving a rather bitter feeling in the pit of Naruto's stomach.

 

Itachi Uchiha...

 

If he decided to never see Sasuke again, it also meant never properly making peace with Itachi either. But then again, couldn't Itachi actually rest better now that they separated? Naruto, the cause for all his recent pain and most of his issues, was officially gone from their lives. There wasn't really much more he could have hoped for. Sasuke was safely far away from the detested comatose brat, would maybe even move into his house once Naruto got back to the apartment. Things were developing rather nicely for Itachi.

 

Perhaps that was all Naruto could do to apologize for the hell he sent both brothers through – just leave them alone, allowing them to get back to how they used to be when it was only the two of them. Naruto had invaded their relationship, even if it was in a good way at first. They deserved a break after the tests they faced, some time to recover from the mental wounds they suffered.

 

Deep down, Itachi maybe even forgave Naruto once Sasuke told him about his decision.

 

Sighing heavily, he decided to lay down for a while. He reached for the remote and pushed a button, however quickly jerked his hand away once the bed started moving. The change of position, even if it was only briefly, had stung like a bitch on the newly damaged part of his body. As soon as his shoulder got more pressure his body started hurting, way too much to simply lay down again.

 

For a moment he thought about calling a nurse and get some pain-killers, but stopped once his fingers were inches from the remote.

 

The door had opened, the person not having even bothered to knock.

 

Out of habit Naruto had turned his head around to check on the visitor, however released a loud gasp when he saw the person.

 

“S-Sa...?!” he stuttered, shocked so much his face lost all its color for a moment.

 

When the man looked right into his face he managed to calm down a little.

 

It wasn't Sasuke, thankfully... though the didn't know if he exactly liked the visit anyhow.

 

The man huffed, not even as much as glancing properly in Naruto's way. Instead he put the small vase he had brought onto the cupboard, carelessly tossing the short sunflowers he had in his other hand into it.

 

“Thanks,” Naruto stated, rather clumsily. “For the flowers, I mean.”

 

The man looked at him briefly before crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. God, he was so _alike_ him; if the hair was just a bit shorter and the face smoother...

 

“Don't get me wrong,” the man flatly replied. “Nothing like sympathy to you brought me here. I am merely doing my little brother a favor.”

 

Naruto swallowed hard while he glanced over at the sunflowers. So much about being forgiven, he thought. He could clearly sense the chill radiating from the other man, how it cooled down the temperature in the room by a few degrees.

 

For the longest time it was silent, but since the man had yet to leave, Naruto eventually gathered all his guts and said what he sought to.

 

“I'm sorry, Itachi.”

 

Again Itachi looked in his direction for a moment, just like the first time Naruto had spoken. His dark eyes were cold and hard, showing mercilessly he didn't give a damn about the apology. It was the fist time he ever saw him so upset.

 

“I know it's not enough to make up for what you went through, but-” Naruto moved on but got suddenly interrupted.

 

“Don't dare as much as imagining what I went through,” Itachi ordered, his voice sounding tensed with fury though it didn't sound all too different from usual. Naruto had learned rather fast how subtle the changes were once the Uchiha started getting emotional. And for the first time since he met Itachi he wondered if he, too, could get the outbursts like Sasuke used too when the feelings turned too overwhelming. Before Naruto would have never thought Itachi was even capable of being anything but nice and gentle – but now he became painfully aware what traumatic accidents could do even to the most settled of people.

 

“Yeah... yeah, of course. Sorry,” Naruto murmured in response, pretty confused. He had hoped to speak calmly with Itachi, having expected him to patiently listen to what he had to say. Having that gentle person suddenly get into the offensive was kind of... unnerving.

 

“Why am I even...” Itachi whispered at some point, a hand laying over his face. After a long sigh he then said, “I brought these flowers to you today as a reminder of your anniversary. My brother picked them and asked me to bring them to your room today. He also requested for me to tell you about their meaning.”

 

Naruto was about to open his mouth and answer, however after a hard glare from Itachi he slowly closed it tightly again. The message had been rather clear – if he wanted to survive, he better kept his big mouth shut.

 

“Sunflowers represent pure cheerfulness, fun, and warmth. They are also a quite popular flower for visits to hospitals and to the sick. Very fitting to you as well since it's usually a gift for affectionate people,” Itachi told, though it sounded more like he just read out some phrases written on paper, he was so bored. Then again he had tensed his voice up at some parts, as if he felt something alike disgust when he said those specific words.

 

Silence grew again, but Naruto was still too insecure to even speak. He hadn't expected Itachi, from all people, paying him a visit, especially at such a time. Therefore he was taken pretty off-guard on how to deal with the situation, more so since he had no real clue what kind of anniversary Itachi talked about.

 

As if reading his thoughts, Itachi asked, “You don't even know today's date, do you?”

 

“Not really, no,” Naruto truthfully replied. What else should he say? Lying was out of the question – Itachi used to sense a lie from a mile away and would _know_ he was just bluffing.

 

Awkwardly enough, Itachi chuckled faintly – one of the most desperate sounds Naruto had recently heard – before drawing in a hissed breath. “To think I end up wasting my time with this is ridiculous,” he snorted, mostly to himself. It was quite irritating. Naruto knew him for a couple of years already, yet Itachi had turned into something like a stranger by now. Speaking to himself, the care vanished from his being... This was nothing like the Itachi he knew.

 

“You aren't obligated to be here,” Naruto implied with a neutral voice. “You brought the flowers and the message. I'd understand if you want to leave here soon.”

 

Again Itachi chuckled, faintly as before. “That's the point,” he stated and for the first time he looked Naruto straight in the eye.

 

His dark orbs carried a single clear emotion:

 

Complete disdain.

 

“You think you understand while, in fact, you couldn't know any less.” Itachi spat every single word out like he was borderline disgusted by the topic.

 

“I know painfully well I caused a lot of pain,” Naruto threw back, suddenly feeling threatened. This side of Itachi was new. Scarily new. “And I also know some of it is unfixable.”

 

“Let me tell you one thing straight, boy.” He turned his head, some of the long, black bangs shifting at the motion. “The truth is you have been laying comatose in that bed for over a year. You _think_ you might know a little of what happened by reading those letters and hearing what other people tell you, but in point of fact you can never as much as fathom what goes on inside of the people and even less know what to do to 'fix' what you did.”

 

Naruto bit his bottom lip as hard as he could, the words hitting him in an uncomfortable way. It had been blunt and thorough honest – maybe too honest for him.

 

“Atop of that, you naively believe you can just somehow smooth things up again if you just try hard enough. But what came to surface can't be simply pushed back down into the abyss,” Itachi went on, his hands tightening around his upper arms.

 

“I just want-” Naruto began, trying in vain to defend himself.

 

“No matter how much you apologize and no matter how much you try – as soon as I hear your name, a single picture will come haunting me for the rest of my life.” There was a pause, the heavy breathing coming from Itachi clearly noticeable in the room. “I will always see the limb form of my brother laying in a bed, his unfocused eyes searching desperately for help while he can't even mouth a single word.”

 

“I know! I fucking _know_!” Naruto suddenly shouted, eventually breaking down under the massive pressure. “I know it would have been better if I just died or if we'd never met at all! But I can't help it, alright?!” He stared at Itachi, his body shivering with emotions. Naruto couldn't tell which; all he knew was he was trembling all over with their intensity. “I know I can never make it undone, but I _don't_ know how I can at least ease the pain!” Gritting his teeth he drew in a breath before growling, “You say I can't fathom what you or Sasuke went through, but you have no idea of what's going on inside _me_ either.”

 

By then he had expected Itachi to throw something back at him – something much harsher and painfuller than anything Naruto could ever say. He had expected Itachi to start naming things off his endless list full of grief and agony. He had expected Itachi to tell about the horrors Sasuke went through over the last few months.

 

But instead, Itachi only loosened the grip on his upper arms as he replied, “You're right. People have no idea.”

 

With that he calmly picked up the vase with the sunflowers and left through the door, his steps almost silent.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_I wonder when this letter will actually reach you. To say this place is rural is a clear understatement; I am impressed there is as much as a road with a gas station once in a while. It took me most of the week to actually find a hotel where I can stay for a while. The next problem was providing a vehicle. Took me another two days to rent one and get a map of the town I stay in and the closer area. Many large fields are here, full of yellow corn. The burning heat dried them out mostly and I heard the farmers will harvest it soon._

_Though the farm of your grandparents is rather far off, I took the last few days of this week to explore the small town. It's the only place where the farmers can go shopping and drinking, so your mother might have spend some time in here, too. The old woman who owns the place I live in actually knew her, from the times when she was young. She wasn't able to tell me much though; all she knows is that your mother apparently left rather suddenly and since then your uncle Kurama hadn't been around the town either. He seems to mostly send out his employees to run errands while he stays at the farm. According to the old woman, he changed once she went away and he would also refuse to accept mail for a few months after her departure._

_Anyhow, since I have an address and a car, I decided to drive there next week. He doesn't own a phone, or better refuses to answer it, so I will just keep my eyes open for his errand boys while I rest a bit. The weather is truly horrid; it's never this hot back home. I feel like I might melt away any second. But from what I saw, the town is rather nice so far. They lack the stressing rhythm of the city and still take their time, though you can feel how busy the farmers are since harvest is soon. It's a good experience. Maybe you should take a couple of weeks off and make a longer vacation here. It would help to tame your restless spirit, especially soon after you woke up. I believe you'll turn close to mad since you can't properly move the first few months. Kakashi will surely get a handle of it, still the first days will be truly exhausting for all, you and the doctors._

_The old woman told me a little about your grandparents though. Your grandmother, Mito, came to this country when she was young and was supposed to do some work in the farm she later owned. She was kind of a bad kid with lots of problems; she was originally send there to learn some proper manners and some lessons of life. However, she kind of fell for Hashirama, the son of the owner, and both changed quite a bit since then. Mito became rather calm and controlled while the reserved Hashirama warmed up a lot. They never got married though, therefore your mother and your uncle still carry the last name Uzumaki._

_It was a nice story to hear. The two of them had quite some impact on the closer area; they quickly enlarged the originally small farm to a big and successful business. In fact, your uncle Kurama Uzumaki is pretty much the owner of the farms around as well, but still has families live and cultivate the land for him since he cannot take care of all of them by himself. A total of eight people are under his direct order and keep an eye on the farms. I will try contacting them first, though I'd rather go directly for Kurama. I don't want to waste too much time given the goals I have, plus I only got another two weeks before I scheduled my return._

_I am really curious, too; I wonder what this new Uzumaki will be like._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Intense chap. I decided very early in the story I wanted to add Itachi, to fuel more tension.  
> Their meeting is inspired by a silimar moment in the Canon, before it went completely downhill. I think Itachi was a zombie already and broke to Naruto he couldn't keep doing everything on his own and needed to accept assistance was needed. It was also the moment where Naruto told him he was a better brother to Sasuke than Itachi ever was. 
> 
> The end is coming nearer and nearer. I may update the chap a bit sooner in two weeks since then I'll be off on vacation.  
> Ooooor I could be sadistic and just post it later, once I returned again :) 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T
> 
> PS: No real clue if Mito was a troublemaker. Just shot it out in this AU so she had a reason to meet Hashirama xD


	52. 51st Letter - The Uncle

Naruto was tired. So, so tired... He seemed to get more drained with every passing hour. The visit from Itachi gave him pretty much the rest; by now, he had the feeling the world was narrowing down on him while there was nothing left he could actually do. He couldn't get up and leave. He couldn't prevent people from randomly getting into his room. He couldn't know what the right thing to do was.

 

He simply couldn't.

 

And it ate terribly away at him.

 

Out of habit Naruto had read the next letter, though it helped to only depress him further. It was painful reading the things Sasuke had to tell – how he struggled to keep his promise. Traveling across the world, threatening to get shot somewhere on the line... The risks were there and the outcome uncertain, yet he fought to move forward. He just kept going while willingly accepting whatever came along with it.

 

And for what? So that Naruto would have more relatives? To some degree, but not only. Sasuke was also motivated by his own selfish reasons. If it was purely about the investigation, they could have done it together. It didn't matter if Kurama was found today or in a couple of months. Actually, it might have been smarter to wait for Naruto before even considering a trip; once awake and hearing all those things, Naruto would have wanted to see his uncle, though the trip was most likely too expensive for him. No way he could afford a longer travel, let alone a stay of a few weeks. Sometime in the far future, maybe, if he saved up every single coin he could spare. But Sasuke, ooh, Sasuke could easily book the next flight even if it was full already, going as far as to delay the start if he just felt like it. Naruto would depend on his help and while Sasuke would, generously, never expect the money back he'd still use the favor to his advantage. He'd perhaps demand to be part of the trip, putting pressure on Naruto since they would have to spend time together that way. With that in mind it seemed borderline stupid to depart to a trip where he benefited so little.

 

Still, Sasuke had his selfish reasons for leaving. One might have been the forced distance he got that way.

 

While in town, he probably struggled to keep on his own decision of breaking up their relationship. It must have constantly hurt seeing Naruto better and get more active just to drop back to motionless as soon as Sasuke was around. In addition, the feelings they had for each other couldn't be simply wiped away so easily. Their love had been too destructive, too good, way too intense to simply be done with it from now to soon. Actually, Naruto wondered if he could ever stop loving Sasuke to begin with. Even now, after having decided to never as much as see him again, his entire body cried out with sorrow and longing to have him back. If Sasuke felt the same way, he must have greatly suffered while fighting the urge to simply give in and visit the hospital, even if he wouldn't do more than glance briefly towards the bed.

 

From the other side of the world, the story looked entirely different. Even when Sasuke died with the wish to see him he wouldn't be able to; Naruto was no longer in his reach. He couldn't just jump into his car like he used to and simply drive off to the hospital – the physical distance was too great for it. And maybe that was the good thing about it; so far away, it turned easier to deal with 'being apart'. In addition, Sasuke also had some time off all the things going on in his life, at least for a while. No reporters, no friends of Naruto, no pity-filled glances from the staff of the hospital. Actually, the investigative trip was even something like a vacation for him, in a twisted way.

 

Another big reason was probably his borderline desperate tries to win Naruto over again.

 

Sure – if he pulled the thing with the expensive trip, he could force them to be together or at least closer than before. But then again, Naruto might have just left once it was all over, without a second thought. No wonder if Sasuke used such aggressive ways to get what he wanted. Given they got closer through the trip, it would all turn meaningless once they were back. However when Sasuke worked subtly, steadily building up emotional pressure in Naruto... then the chances they got together again turned extremely better. By gathering information and collecting more relatives, Sasuke created also feelings of obligation in Naruto. He pretty much said 'Look, I do this for you to prove how much I care' with every single of his actions; he wanted to impress and prove himself to Naruto in all the ways he could think of, growing the pressure until he left no other _choice_ but renewing the romantic relationship they once had.

 

But the plan wasn't going to work out.

 

The selfish desire of them turning back into what they used to be was never to come true – even if Sasuke tried with all his being, Naruto had decided he'd stay hard. He wasn't going to acknowledge the efforts and neither was he going to step back from what he had planned. The pain of having separated ways could never be worse than the agony of them hurting each other like they used to.

 

Though... it still hurt watching while knowing painfully well it was in vain. Sasuke had no idea of Naruto's true motives yet and would probably have something like a new breakdown once he knew how pointless everything he did was.

 

Not entirely pointless, but pointless for his purpose of bringing them back together.

 

Closing his eyes Naruto turned his head a little, thinking back to Itachi specifically. He was better to focus on than the rest currently roaming through his head, though his visit had made Naruto feel rather worse than anything. However, his strange words and comments had also kind of awoken something like curiosity and confusion in him.

 

For example, his entire presence. He had been tensed and full of ill emotions – Naruto was rather sensitive on sensing the mood around and he had immediately noticed something was off about Itachi. Unlike before he was unbalanced, shaking even; nothing like the secure, strong man he used to be. It made Naruto wonder what went through his head.

 

Obviously, Itachi was extremely angry and frustrated. Naruto could even think why exactly: Sasuke and his obsession. Sasuke had turned blind to most of the things around, putting himself into quite some danger that way. In addition, with his fixation on Naruto Itachi had also no real chance to approach his brother, forced to witness how he slowly wasted away. It must have been a new experience to Itachi – having no way to as much as affect Sasuke. Apparently it went even as far as to Sasuke having completely shut down. Otherwise, Naruto couldn't really think of a reason why Itachi would visit him and bring flowers to his room – other than an attempt to keep at least the weak connection to Sasuke up. The entire thing had probably been a request from Sasuke and in order to play nice Itachi had gone through with it.

 

Then again, why was Itachi frustrated anyhow? Naruto had thought about it earlier already, but it still made no sense to him. If anybody, Sasuke would have told Itachi he broke up, wouldn't he? That meant Itachi knew and, by all means, he couldn't be happier. Sure, Sasuke was still hurt and pained, but at least he got rid of Naruto. But during his visit, his anger and frustration seemed to have grown with each minute he spent inside the hospital room, almost like he knew he had to deal with Naruto beyond the short visit as well. And then the mysterious comment at the end – people not knowing.

 

He didn't get it.

 

The pain on his shoulder still present, Naruto eventually decided to call for a nurse. It was close to noon, but since he lacked appetite and was rather tired he'd settle for a nap. Maybe there was even something which went along with the pain killers, a sedative of some kind.

 

~*~

 

“Naruto, it's time to wake up,” somebody gently called while shaking his shoulder. Thankfully it didn't hurt, but the sedative wore off rather fast. He had been laying awake for quite a while already. “You should try having at least _something_ ,” Yurika insisted while forcing him to open his eyes completely.

 

“I don't feel hungry,” Naruto replied, the thought of food all but appealing to him. At least he was told the pain killers might affect his appetite as well, so it was easy to refuse food.

 

“What about drinking? The least is you having more juice or maybe milk if you can't eat,” she suggested, already filling a larger bottle with orange juice. She held it right into Naruto's face moments after putting the lid over it, the straw still moving because of the liquid inside sloshing a little.

 

Rolling his eyes Naruto eventually rose his bed, his lips closing around the straw when he drew in some of the juice. It was quite tasty, he had to admit. He wouldn't mind having a bit more, especially since it was damn hot.

 

“There you go,” Yurika commented with a smile. “Now that wasn't so difficult, was it?”

 

“Alright, I give up,” Naruto sighed before closing his hands around the bottle. Since it was rather big and out of plastic, it was easier for him to keep it securely in his hands. Plus, he could also rest the bottle against the mattress until it was empty enough for lifting. “But damn, this is really tasty,” he admitted at some point. He was still nowhere close to hungry, however he wouldn't mind having more of the drink anyhow.

 

“One of the nurses has something like a whole plantation of orange trees at her place. She would make mostly juice out of it and store it for the summer. It's very healthy, so the hospital settled for buying a lot for giving it to the patients,” Yurika told while putting the lid back over the untouched food. “Especially the kids love it. They used to draw and make little presents for her in exchange for the drinks.” She suddenly leaned closer, her hand partly covering her face as she added, “I heard rumors she makes the drinks for the kids extra-sweet.”

 

Oddly, Naruto found himself chuckling lowly at the comment. He couldn't wait to get more mobility. Until he was out of there, he'd love to spend some time playing with the kids. He'd be able to forget the world around him then, if only for a while.

 

“Doctor Kato announced he'll come for a check-up later in the afternoon,” she told while looking down Naruto's body. The blanket was laying at the bottom of the bed, mostly because it was simply too hot to keep oneself covered. Carefully she adjusted the small pillow under Naruto's still swollen foot. “Does it hurt?” she asked, her fingers gently brushing over the clear bulge on the side.

 

“Actually not that much,” Naruto replied, thankful for the pain killers and the crème. “My shoulder was worse off.”

 

“How did you even end up falling out of the bed?” Yurika asked with a faint shaking of her head. “I have been working for a few years already and never did somebody tumble out of bed while sleeping. It's a wonder you di... ”

 

“Didn't break your neck,” Naruto echoed the exact same words as her. She softly laughed at the action.

 

“Anyhow, you should try to rest as much as possible. Doctor Hatake is also in, in case you wish to talk with somebody.” Naruto sighed loudly at the suggestion. “It's very unusual for somebody to jerk that much during the sleep,” she added, more serious. “This restlessness can be quite dangerous. Don't overdo it.”

 

“Right. I'll call you when I need anything,” Naruto stated, his head leaning back against the mattress. He was quite annoyed by the constant push to him seeing Kakashi by now. Wasn't it his decision what kind of help he accepted?

 

“Should I give you the next letter?” Yurika suddenly asked, making Naruto freeze for a moment. Shortly later he nodded, watching her move around the bed and reach for the box. “Oh, wow,” she said while reaching inside. “There's only one more left after this one. You sure read a lot, Naruto.”

 

He stared at the white envelope marked with '51' for a long moment before replying, “They're interesting to read and somehow got shorter recently.”

 

“It's good you have something other than laying around to do,” she said while handing him over the letter. “Especially at the beginning. Hopefully you'll be allowed to listen to music and watch some TV next week, now that you finished them.”

 

“Hopefully,” Naruto repeated, his stomach cramping a little. Almost finished... just two more letters and he reached the present. Perhaps three, if he counted the one of the present week. That one might still arrive before Sasuke would realize he could finally stop sending them. After all, the point of them had been to also keep Naruto updated, right? However once he woke up, he could keep himself updated on the latest developments in his environment. The purpose of the letters was completed – at last.

 

Somehow, Naruto's fingers trembled slightly when he tore open the new envelope.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_It has been a rather tough week, I guess. I hope you are doing fine back there; since I left my phones and wireless internet at home, I have had no contact to either the hospital or Jiraiya or anyone else. Who knows? Maybe you can already move again in your sleep by now. I find myself quite curious about that and sometimes even regret being so cut off now._

_However, with little distraction I could focus better on the current task. I have been visiting a few of the farms in the area and tried to properly track down your uncle. Turns out he is a rather retired man living on the smallest of all the farms – the one originally build by your grandparents. I also got some older photos of them from the people at the farms. The people in charge are quite different from one another, but they're still all grateful for the effort your grandparents put into the land and also kept whole families employed for decades already. In fact, most of the guys in charge are sons and daughters from the original people your grandparents hired. Upon hearing Kushina has a child, they immediately offered to take you in if you ever decide to come for a visit, regardless of what Kurama decides._

_Speaking of him, by the end of the week I managed to finally meet him. I have been warned he doesn't like strangers, let alone those who are connected to Minato Namikaze in any way. At least he agreed to as much as see me, after some of the guys gave him a call and spoke with him. It was a rather long drive, but sometime around the early afternoon I finally reached the large house. Some of his employees guided me inside. Thank God they have air conditioning – if possible, the temperatures rose even higher recently and some of the farmers started with the harvest. After a couple of hours he eventually came in and I could see him for the first time for real._

_I have to say, he is quite... special, I guess. His looks are very exotic and handsome, though he is over double as old as us. He didn't look all to happy to see me though; didn't even bother to take a seat when we talked. His hair is quite a few shades darker than your mother's and quite short, though he has a pony tail on the back of his head. Though, his character is quite wild and stubborn, from what I can tell. He all but shouted at me most of the time, especially after I told him who I am and why I came. For a moment he inched for the gun on his belt, but got a hold of himself again._

_After the first shock, he turned quite silent towards me. He only asked short questions in between, leaving most of the talking to me. I pretty much explained the situation to him and that his younger sister has a son, meaning he's an uncle. At some point he also wanted to see a photo of you, but he somewhat grimaced once he glanced at it. Apparently he does hate your father, just like Sol detests Arashi in the novels. Hard to tell what went through his mind while we spoke, but in the end we spent several hours in the small office I was led to. He didn't give away much though; he answered most of my questions with 'None of your business' or 'I don't feel quite like telling you'. It was a rather unsatisfying meeting. I didn't feel like I made much of a progress._

_However, once it turned late and I settled for calling it a day and return to the hotel, he said something very funny. Suddenly he approached and told me to pack all my stuff into the car and come again the next day. He said he'd need a hand with the harvesting next week and wants me to work for him. It was quite a surprising offer and I don't really see his true intentions in it just yet. In the end I took the offer and moved into the farm the same day I am writing this letter. I feel like he is plotting something, but also that, if I can prove myself to him, he'll answer to some of my questions. I think he is also curious about you, to some degree, and plans to approach me a few times within the next week._

_Still, I believe the work will be harsh. Beside being antisocial, his guys said he's also quite on the sadistic side when it comes to work. I believe he'll have me work my ass off, quite hard. However I'm still taking this opportunity. After all, I get to spend a few nights in the house of your grandparents – and also the place where your mother grew up. I'll make sure to take a lot of photos and see if I can find a few belongings of her when she was younger._

_I wonder if I'll sleep well, inside this interesting house._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Kurama has appeared. Naruto is depressed. Everyone is a mess xD   
> Including me, actually. I went lasertagging with colleagues and my muscles are sooooo sore... 
> 
> Anyway, I realized the next chap needs quite a few adjustments.   
> Therefore, there will be NO nex chap next week.   
> It's the last few days before my long vacation and I'm busy with stuff. Plus, I'll depart for a couple of days abroad and need to pack my stuff.   
> Fixing that chap and doing final brushes on the epilog would be waaaay too stressing then. I don't want to mess it up by rushing, so please be patient! 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	53. 52nd Letter - The Farewell

Naruto glanced up from the letter and instead gave the box on the nightstand a sorrowful look. Only one single envelope was left... One last letter and it would be over. Then Naruto had read about everything that had happened in the last year, his mind filled with possible memories.

 

One last letter and he'd never read about his friends coming to visit him, about his health improving. He'd never read about meanings of beautiful flowers which were brought to his room as a form of support.

 

He'd never read about Sasuke's most inner feelings again.

 

Everything became painfully final to him with those thoughts in mind.

 

Sighing he rolled onto his side, wishing to bring his legs up close to his body. However once something like a shock of pain shot up from his foot he regretted the decision. Why did he fall out of bed to begin with? Damn, it hurt so much he would probably have to skip the stretching next week if it didn't get better soon. No way he could tense his muscles when his ankle stung with a mere brush from fabric.

 

Having no other choice, Naruto turned onto his back and stared forward, right at the poster of his greenhouse. What would he do to be there, right now... bathing himself in the soothing company of his plants. They knew him though they could not tell him so directly; whenever he was down or sad or thinking too much, one of his plants would suddenly get sick or grow too fast. In any case he'd end up turning most of his attention onto the sick plant, its care keeping him busy enough to forget everything for a blissful moment.

 

Though right now, his entire collection had to get sick for distracting him.

 

“Holy fuck, stop that.” Quickly Naruto covered his eyes with one hand, ashamed. What horrible things he thought! How could he want all his plants getting ill just so he could escape the questions bothering him so much? Even if he could forget about them – eventually he had to deal with every single one, as well as make the inevitable decisions bothering he kept sliding on.

 

Deciding to leave Sasuke was not only an emotional cut, though that one was probably the worst of all. Beside the mental agony, he would also have to look for a new place he could afford alone, as well as change his way of living. They also had some contracts running under both their names, plus they had to somehow come to an agreement about the furniture they bought together. Though in favor of not dealing with Sasuke, Naruto was inclined to just leave him everything. Then again, Sasuke might go for the same thought and leave all to Naruto, finding some bullshit excuse like him being able to buy an entire furniture store if he felt like it.

 

“God damn it,” he cursed while clenching his eyes shut. Like always he made up his mind out of nowhere, not bothering to think about the consequences at all. Naruto's life would be essentially easier if he simply started thinking things _through_.

 

That reminded him, he'd have to take care of that, too. Usually Sasuke was the one planning everything for them, mostly because he actually knew what he was doing – or at least he seemed like he did. Whatever happened, Sasuke always radiated security and stability – becoming the pillar Naruto needed so to not lose himself in his own diffuse and restless spirit. When Naruto was about to drift away, Sasuke would turn into a heavy anchor and keep him settled in the here and now, even when the entire world seemed to turn upside down around-

 

Suddenly an almost unbearable aching took over Naruto's head. It was so painful he reached up with both hands, his fingers clenching into his hair while he tried to hold his pulsing skull. It felt like his head was going to explode and his eyes filled with tears of pain, his teeth gritting so hard they hurt.

 

Images appeared before his inner eye, pictures held back until then.

 

Naruto was laying. He laid on his back while he saw a thick, red substance creeping into his view. The pavement under his body was hard and cold while he kept bleeding, the sight before his eyes turning darker and darker. His breath was even and weak – Naruto could barely draw in air, feeling like his chest was not working properly. When he tried moving his hand he failed, his fingers ignoring the command from his head. Voices and noises were all around him, deafening loud at first but quickly turning something alike mute.

 

And then he heard something, crystal clear.

 

“Naruto!” somebody called and he could hear the quick steps racing towards him. The little stones cracked over the pavement under the sneakers and he noticed a loud thud when a body fell down right next to him. “Oh shit,” the voice added, lowly, and next hands were over Naruto's body. He was put onto his side and once he laid differently he noticed he could finally breathe again. Little, but better than before. He coughed loudly and something wet spilled over his lips at the motion.

 

“Naruto, you have to stay awake,” the voice said, shaking a little but still providing security.

 

He coughed again, his vision darkening a little more.

 

“Shit!” The hands gently closed around his face, turning it upwards. It was dark and still blindly bright, but Naruto could make out familiar features and piercing dark eyes. “Naruto, stay with me! Don't fall asleep, love...”

 

“Sa...” he breathed before his vision turned entirely black and he began drifting away. It felt like he was floating in warm water while he was pulled further and further up.

 

Suddenly he was jerked out of the water, his vision returning when he released another cough. Immediately the close-up face moved away from him again, terrified dark eyes searching for his. “That's it, love,” Sasuke panted, his fingers trembling when they stroked over the side of Naruto's face. “Stay here. Stay with me. The ambulance is on the way,” he added, his lips and chin coated with blood. His dark eyes turned away, looking down Naruto's body. “Shit...” he whispered before closing his hand around one of his. The digits were so slippery Naruto couldn't as much as properly grasp them. “Press down here. Can you do that for me, love?” Sasuke asked while he pressed his hand down hard against Naruto's stomach.

 

Naruto tried, but his hand refused to listen. At some point his lungs stopped working, too, like they wanted to rest a bit. He couldn't deny it to them though; he felt very much like sleeping himself.

 

“Shit, no!” Sasuke snarled before his face moved down again, the hand on the stomach momentarily leaving when he grabbed Naruto's face. Next he breathed out, forcing his warm breath into the tired lungs and making them work again. Weakly Naruto coughed, his eyes blinking when his vision returned again. “Naruto, I'm here! Listen to my voice,” Sasuke all but begged, softly adding, “Love, open your eyes. Look at me.”

 

His eyes fluttered close again, his hand too weak to press over the deep wound on his side. “Naruto! Naruto, love, stay with me!” Sasuke all but shouted, his head lowering down to his chest, as if he was checking if there was a heartbeat. “Love... don't die...!”

 

Something blue flashed over Naruto's eyes – the light of an ambulance.

 

“Over here!” Sasuke shouted, his head turning away for a single moment when he called out. Crimson blood was all over him, tainting his entire appearance, yet Naruto could not stop staring at him, suddenly aware he had been dying just moments before...

 

But Sasuke had come and saved him.

 

~*~

 

At first, Naruto didn't even notice the memory was fading away and he was back in his room at the hospital. The images had penetrated his mind so hard he had felt like he was actually laying on the pavement, struggling with death while Sasuke reanimated him every time he slipped away. For a few seconds he had even been gone, drifting away in the warm abyss – however Sasuke had taken him back. Like a snake he had closed around Naruto's spirit, so tightly it hurt, and become a weight which jerked him back down to earth. The security radiating from him had taken over Naruto as well, keeping him save and calm while everything around came undone.

 

Sasuke had rescued him.

 

Thinking of Sasuke as a heavy item must have greatly triggered his memory. Upon the mental image his brain had recalled the happenings of about a year ago – the moment when Naruto needed help more urgently than ever. Thankfully his prayers had been heard, his significant other racing to him and staying by his side until they overcame the threat.

 

If it had been somebody else than Sasuke... Naruto wasn't sure if he would have made it. There must have been a deeper meaning in him hearing Sasuke's strong voice through all the chaos, seeing his striking eyes while everything else was blurred.

 

Sasuke was the reason he had decided to stay in his broken body on the cold pavement rather than drifting away into the warmth.

 

And he had actually decided to never see that man again?

 

For the first time since his decision, Naruto was about to just toss all his worries away and change his course entirely. The overwhelming memory had shaken him up to the very core, showing him just how much his entire being needed Sasuke. How much it sought to lean against that unshakeable presence and be guided by it. He wanted to follow Sasuke as he stepped down the path securely and convinced, his hand tightly closed around Naruto's.

 

That was all his soul wanted.

 

Yet the tiny, ill voice in the back of his mind remained.

 

With an almost sinister sound it reminded Naruto of the latest nightmare – asking him to think about just how 'secure' the path they crossed was in a total. No matter how secure Sasuke's steps were, once the ground gave in under them nothing could stop them from falling. While they turned a blind eye to everything else, it was easy for them to get lost and find themselves walking on very thin ice. It was just a matter of time before it would get dangerous – and Naruto was unsure if he was willing to take the risk to find out where their limits were.

 

His soul cried out at the tension, torn between two opposites.

 

He was starting to lose his mind, bit by bit...

 

“Please, make it stop... somebody make it stop...” he lowly begged, his hands laying over his face. Naruto couldn't take it anymore – the agony of separation, the sadness of finality, the hope of love. It was all getting too much for him, way too much, and while he wished nothing more than Sasuke to be there and hold him he also wanted to keep him across the globe for the rest of their lives. It was so contradicting it lacked any kind of sense and reason, making Naruto truly insane that way.

 

“Looks like I came just in time.”

 

Slowly Naruto pulled his hands away, cautiously blinking in the direction the voice came from. He spotted Kakashi immediately, sitting in the chair like every other time.

 

“Go away,” he whispered, lacking the strength to shout.

 

“I think it would be a mistake letting you alone in a moment like this,” Kakashi calmly replied. Slowly he crossed his legs, making himself comfortable while he observed Naruto closely. “It seems it has finally caught up with you,” he added after a moment of silence.

 

Naruto felt all but like talking, yet he spat, “What do you mean?”

 

“The awareness,” Kakashi told, his head tilting slightly. “Your mind has become aware of what can happen during the daily life. You can lose everything you cherish within the blink of an eye – be it property, people important to you, or even yourself. And with that in mind, the own character changes; we start seeing things very differently from before, putting our priorities elsewhere and thinking in ways we would have never imagined. What we take as self-understanding becomes special and what we thought of good can alter into the exact opposite.” There was a short pause where Kakashi looked intensely at Naruto, as if he was debating about his next words. “The strong feelings and bonds you had... you're afraid of losing them,” he spoke, softly.

 

It was then Naruto realized he had tears running down his cheeks and low sobs escaping his throat. “Yes,” he weakly confirmed. “I'm scared... so scared to lose everything,” he added while wiping away the wet trails from his face.

 

“The fear might paralyze you, but the world keeps turning, Naruto,” Kakashi said with a gentle voice. “Even if it looks like you will never find peace again now, with time passing on you will see clearer. Then you'll be able to decide how you wish to move on.”

 

“What if I can't?” Naruto threw in, the tears still running down his cheeks. “What if I can never decide? I... I need help.” He started trembling, his entire body shaking with terror.

 

“Sadly, nobody can make the decisions _for_ you, Naruto.” The chair made a horrible noise when Kakashi got up and, instead, took a seat on the edge of the bed. He was close enough to Naruto to touch when he as much as reached out. “This is something you have to do alone. But remember you don't have to decide immediately. You can still make up your mind once the road became clearer to see.”

 

“What if I'm too afraid to see it...?” Naruto inquired, still dominated by angst.

 

Kakashi didn't answer right away. Instead he reached for the box and removed the last letter from it. Just seeing it rose in Naruto the need to throw up.

 

“Life can be like a book,” Kakashi started, turning the white envelope in his hands. “The different parts can be the chapters. While you're reading one, you don't know what can happen in the next one. All you can do is guess and hope for it to be like you want it to.” He kept the letter gently in his hands for a moment longer before he held it out, right in Naruto's reach. “The end of one chapter means also the beginning of a new one. And if you can't tell about the content from the cover, all there is left is turning the page and keep reading.”

 

Hesitantly Naruto accepted the envelope, his face still damp from his tears and fingers trembling with exhaustion. In the meantime, Kakashi silently left through the door.

 

+*+

 

_Dearest Naruto,_

_Sorry if my handwriting is messy in this one; I'm so tired I can barely hold the pen properly. To say your uncle is a sadist was quite an underestimating. That man wants to see me dead, or at least it feels like it. Of course farming is more physically exhausting than a job inside an office, but Kurama truly knows how to drive people to their limits. But to say the work was hateful would be a lie; it was quite enjoyable, especially since your uncle is working on the front alongside his employees, too. He is also way more open when he's outside, working in the fields. He'd even play some pranks then, too. Looks like that hobby runs along the family._

_Once the workday was over, we usually spent some time sitting together and have some fun. The other people accepted me in the group rather fast, though I think that's only because Kurama started respecting me as well. After the rest went to bed, he'd keep me up half of the night with interesting stories from his past and occasionally ask how you were doing. He also told me a few personal things, like the reason he had no contact with your parents. The main problem seems to have been your father; not because he had a bad character, but more because he was the reason your mother left the farm. Since your father came from abroad and had started building his own existence there, your mother decided to go with him. However, Kurama couldn't simply let down what his parents build up and ended up hating your father for taking his beloved little sister away. She kept sending letters, but since Kurama never answered those, he figured she simply gave up eventually. He was quite shocked to hear the letters stopped coming because she had a terrible accident._

_It looks like he is regretting it now. Perhaps that's also the reason why he opened up to me – to make it up to his sister, he wants to be there for you, her son, at least. Through me he can learn more about you until he gathered enough courage to face you. It might take a while, but he wants to come visit you once the harvesting season is over. He also asked me, one evening, how you might feel about the opportunity to spend some time with him in his farm. Of course I can't speak for you, so I suggested him to plainly ask you himself. I'm certain you'll agree though; Kurama has a few horses and usually moves around with those rather than with the car. Since I tried riding myself this week, I think that'll be something you'd enjoy a lot._

_Beside the talking, Kurama also showed me a few old albums showing your mother as a kid. He also has a lot of her old stuff stored back in her old bedroom. Even when she had told him she was going to leave, he never gave up on the hope she'd come back one day so they'll be together again. Kurama has spoken to me, too. As a big brother, he told me about the worries of the older siblings and I came to realize how much I must have hurt Itachi over the last few months. I kind of regret not having taken at least a phone along so he could reach me. This trip has brought an enlightenment to me for various reasons. This short week has shaped me more, but in a different way as the trip did. I came to a few conclusions for myself and I will change a couple of things once I came back home._

_Speaking of coming home; I booked another flight, pretty much the latest one back. I want to spend a little more time with Kurama and get to know him a bit better. He is a nice guy, once he warmed up. You'll have a great time with him as your uncle._

_Anyhow – so, I will spend as much time as I can here, but I want to be back by Saturday. I hope that'll work out since the schedule is rather tight. However, I am determined to be back by that significant day._

_You know why?_

_The next Saturday will be our anniversary. The mark of the day I first met you._

_Even if we decided to part ways, that momentum is still so very important to me. Only that this time... it will mark our farewell. Since you are scheduled to wake up soon, this might also be the last letter I will be writing you._

_However I will still wait – until the day when we can be together again._

_Forever yours,_

_Sasuke_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Ugh, this one got only a half-assed editing. I just got home from my trip and it was extremely tiring; meeting the family is always hard, and to make things worse I had an accident on my way South. Thankfully I was lucky as shit - neither I nor the car got damage safe for the one wheel of one tire. I slipped and lost control over the car, making a 360 on the road. 
> 
> Suggestion, people: Keep a close eye on your tires. Worn ones are a SERIOUS threat man x.x   
> Ofc I fucked up for various reasons (overestimating my skills, underestimating the mountains, waaaay too much speed...) but if the tires were in better shape I wouldn't have lost complete control. 
> 
> I'll see if I can finish up the epilog this weekend, but IDK really.   
> I AM pretty exhausted v.v 
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	54. Epilog

After the emotional stress and the last letter, Naruto was so exhausted he fell asleep the moment he finished. Surprisingly enough, no nightmare came haunting him that time. Instead a calm, borderline nice dream engulfed him. 

 

It was warm, though not as bothering hot as recently. The smell of the fresh orange juice lingered in the air and mixed with the faint scent of the sunflowers, even if Itachi took them along as he left. Soft fabric caressed his skin, the cotton feeling as smooth as velvet. 

 

At some point the door opened, the air in the room shifting ever so slightly at the movement. Through the veil of his lidded eyes Naruto saw a person standing by the doorway, the strap of a traveling bag over one shoulder. A dark shirt covered the chest, the skin of the arms, neck, and face pale and yet carrying a healthy tan. On some spots it was red, a sunburn obviously from the sane heat that also caused the nice complexion. 

 

With hesitant, almost heavy steps the man walked closer, the heavy bag rustling as he moved. The smell of corn and meadows accompanied him, along with a crisp aftershave that reminded Naruto of someone. He was too sleepy to properly move though, let alone react once the man shifted his weight and dropped his bag on the single chair. He didn’t speak as he stood there, his body completely motionless safe for a light twitch of his hands. 

 

Then, out of the blue, the man released a gasp - and hence Naruto recognized him despite his foggy sight. 

 

For a moment he wondered how his dream would develop: Would Sasuke instantly flee or would he stay? Undoubtedly he noticed Naruto must be awake; the last letter laid folded on the small nightstand, the glass of orange juice with the straw still had a small bit left at the bottom. The azure necklace he gave him as a present laid against his chest, the stone warm thanks to the direct contact to the skin. If those weren’t enough hints for a genius like Sasuke was, his senses must have horribly dulled down. And given his shocked gasp, he _did_ notice the change in the room all too well.

 

As he waited for his subconsciousness to decide for the direction, Naruto tried to figure out what his mind wished for. On the one hand he wanted Sasuke gone, disappearing from his dream like he did in reality so he could try to stomach the pain and loneliness. Then again he wanted him to stay, showing he cared enough to stick around and slowly begin to fix whatever damage they did to each other by breaking up. 

 

He saw, blurred, how Sasuke opened his mouth several times to speak but no word came over his lips. Eventually though he reached out, endlessly gentle fingers brushing over Naruto’s lower arm, light enough to tickle. And then he finally, _finally_ spoke. 

 

“I thought I had more time,” he whispered, voice a mere breath. A snort escaped him, the noise strangely desperate. “Guess you woke up a while ago, hu? Seeing you’re wearing the necklace.” His fingers reached up and caressed the stone against Naruto’s chest. 

 

His hand paused, thin lips pressing tightly together. 

 

“I…” Sasuke took a shaky breath, the air hissing as it passed his gritted teeth. “I wanted to be gone by the time you awoke. Because I knew I’d sway as soon as you look at me.” 

 

At the words, whispered with so much insecurity, Naruto felt his heart swell. 

 

“Just…” The hand wandered higher, gently stroking a scarred cheek. “Just one last one, love. Will you grant me this…?” Sasuke leaned down, so much his tousled hair fell against Naruto’ forehead. “This is the last…”

 

Tenderly, shyly, trembling lips laid over relaxed ones in a soft kiss. 

 

It didn’t last long; after a few seconds Sasuke pulled away, his face still close as he sunk together and rested his forehead against Naruto’s temple. He was so heavy, the skin warm and sweaty. And then Naruto heard a muffled gasp, heard the rustling of sheets when Sasuke gripped the covers tightly with his hands. “Farewell, my one and only…!”

 

Was he crying?

 

Blinking rapidly, Naruto forced his sight to clear up. Immediately his vision was filled with spiky black hair, the bangs on the back sticking upwards stubbornly while Sasuke kept his face lowered. 

 

“Hey,” he called, ever so softly. Forcing to smile Naruto reached out with his other hand, hesitantly resting it against the tensed shoulder he could spot. “Don’t cry, Sas.”

 

It was just a dream, yet Naruto couldn’t see Sasuke suffering like that. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to comfort him in reality, cheering up the dream-Sasuke was the only way to balm his own aching soul. 

 

Shocking though, the way his hand hurt when Sasuke jerked away felt incredibly real to him. 

 

Teary black eyes stared at him in disbelief, the tan and sunburned skin going so pale Sasuke looked like himself for a moment. “Na…!” he gasped, unable to fully speak the name. Instead he gritted his teeth, bottom lip caught between them so hard the flesh turned purple as he pulled further away. But Sasuke had lost control not only over his face but also his body; he lost his balance and fell onto his butt with a thud, merely a few inches of ground between them. 

 

Hand still throbbing Naruto sat up as far as he could, his eyebrows furrowing at the more than unexpected reaction. It was unlike Sasuke to act that clumsy - so, just where did his brain get that idea?

 

Unless…

 

Unless he wasn’t asleep.

 

Just like Sasuke, Naruto paled in the matter of seconds. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of it being reality - of them really meeting, after such a long time and everything which happened in the meanwhile, in an atmosphere so light and warm it felt completely surreal. After all the pain and suffering of severing their bond, the wounds still too fresh to heal, the agony still pulsing with every breath, every heartbeat.

 

Fate was truly cruel for turning the events in such a way.

 

“Sas…” Forcing back his tears, Naruto tried to keep his control but still could barely mouth out the entire name. His voice cracked and lips trembled with every letter, too much for even properly gasping. 

 

It was Sasuke who reacted first. 

 

Face freezing to an indifferent mask - an expression Naruto hadn’t seen in several years - he got up from the floor. Just barely his hands trembled while the rest of his body was tensed, almost all of the muscles flexed under the creamy skin. Unbearably hard eyes locked with Naruto’s, the black orbs as firm as steel. 

 

“I’ll be going now.” It was a simple statement, dripping with sternness. Sasuke’s voice was so cold as he spoke, forcing distance between them even on a vocal level. He didn’t flinch as he turned briefly around, barely enough to grab his traveling bag from the chair, the fabric rustling as he pulled the handle over his shoulder. 

 

Pressing his lips together, Naruto forced himself to stay still. After all… his mind was made up. He had decided, on his own, that a break in their relationship was needed. Though hurt by Sasuke’s action and distance, he knew they both wanted the space. Needed it even. And Naruto simply  _ knew  _ it was just as hard for Sasuke to leave as it was for him to not stop him. Why else did the seconds seem to stretch on for an eternity. 

 

Eventually, finally, Sasuke lifted his foot and made a first step away, his broad back tensed visibly beneath his shirt. His free arm swayed a little, swinging back ever so slightly as he moved forward.

 

Suddenly Naruto felt a spark on the fingertips of his right hand, the sensation so strong it felt like a jolt rolled through his body. Shocked he looked down, startled still by the happenings - and furrowed his eyebrows at what he saw.

 

His hand was outstretched, reaching out desperately as its owner was too busy with his mind and thoughts. The index and middle finger were curled up, grasping for a hold on a couple of paler digits. The muscles strained at the force the fingers used, trembling slightly as they tried to keep the contact though the gravity was pulling down so hard… so hard the entire arm could barely stay up, losing the fight against the force of the earth. Yet the fingers remained stubborn, keeping up the contact with Sasuke’s even if it was so faint and brief he could hardly feel it.

 

Oddly enough, Naruto had the impression Sasuke tried keeping the contact as well. 

 

At some point the gravity won - and Naruto’s fingers slipped from the lose hold despite his will to stay. He didn’t want to let go, to lose the warmth radiating from the gentle fingers he knew so well. No matter how small the contact was, how plain… his entire being longed for it. Even as he made up his mind to stay away, letting go hurt so unbearably much Naruto had to suppress a hiss. 

 

And worse, Sasuke, who still had his back turned towards him, got it all wrong. 

 

The moment their fingers stopped touching, a shiver ran through his body and a gasp escaped his lips. The dark hairs on the back of his neck rose, the pale fingers of his hand clenching into a painfully tight fist. It was so obvious, what he read in the act; Sasuke believed Naruto, yet again, rejected him physically. Like so often when he was comatose. The idea that, perhaps, his muscles were too weak to keep his arm up and gravity forced them apart didn’t even cross his mind. 

 

Naruto couldn’t let him leave like that. He couldn’t watch him go while his usually smart brain harvested ill, wrong ideas like that. If Sasuke believed he was still unwanted, unaccepted, he may come to the crazy conclusion their break was permanent and leave for good. 

 

No… he… Naruto couldn’t allow that to happen. 

 

Despite all that happened, all that he thought, he just discovered yet again how he simply couldn’t go through with his plan. A life, even a period of time, without Sasuke was hurting so badly - was making his chest feel tight and blood run cold. Naruto didn’t expect them to be sticking together like lovebirds or even for Sasuke to move outside his own comfort zone, but still… he wanted him there. He wanted his company. His presence. He wanted him to stop hurting and start healing, to hn at him when he was getting crazy over something, to chuckle when he was acting dumb, to sigh when he asked for impossible and childish things such as a cup of instant ramen or some candy. 

 

No… Naruto couldn’t bear the thought of being abandoned, just as much as he couldn’t bear the thought of Sasuke suffering. 

 

Again his body reacted on its own accord - before Naruto realized it, he already leaned himself towards Sasuke, his hand grabbing for his in a last try to stop him. If he just managed to clench his hand around his wrist, he’d buy enough time to explain himself. To say what was on his heart. But his forces were less than Naruto even imagined:

 

He missed the wrist by far. And worse, by leaning so far off his bed he lost balance and tilted forward, the muscles on his back still too weak to keep him up. A surprised shout came over his lips, out of reflex mostly, and he flailed his arms in a desperate attempt to grab a hold before he crashed against the floor. Naruto still felt the throbbing from his last excursion - he didn’t even want to imagine how it felt if he _actually_ hit his head. 

 

Gasping he squeezed his eyes shut, arms moving in front of his face in order to briefly protect his sensitive skull. 

 

But the impact never came. 

 

Confused Naruto breathed out, feeling how he got dizzy. Probably that came from his odd position; he didn’t touch the floor, but he was definitely tilted forward enough for the blood to flow into his head. Ears ringing he tried to open his eyes, his vision dark for a moment while he felt terribly squeezed. 

 

“Idiot.” A soft voice whispered the insult, strong arms quivering slightly as Naruto noticed movement. He was straightened up again, easily lifted from the odd position until the blood stopped throbbing in his head. 

 

No idea how he did it, but somehow Sasuke had whirled around quickly enough to catch him mid fall. But he was fighting - the muscles twitched and the breathing was different, heavy, uneven. A little bit agitated by the sudden closeness. Naruto could feel his heart hammering under the ribcage, the scent of corn was even stronger than before. Had he even changed before he flew off? Sasuke smelled like how Naruto imagined the farm did, where his mother grew up and uncle still worked. 

 

Fluttering his eyelids close, Naruto took a deep breath through his nose while his hands grabbed a hold on the shirt. In the matter of seconds Sasuke had him back in a sitting position, his arms retreating quick enough to cause a twinge in Naruto’s chest. He tried to pull away next - but the hands on his shirt kept him close. 

 

“Hear me out.” Knowing full well Sasuke could easily shake him off, Naruto forced his mind to work fast. This might be the only chance he was offered to explain himself, his needs, to start fixing up the damage between them. 

 

As Sasuke made no move to force away, Naruto gathered his courage and started speaking. “I read the letters and know what you decided to do. And I think that, yes, we need a bit of space.” He felt Sasuke go stiff under his touch and though he craved to see his face he still kept his hidden against his chest. “But know that... “ He hesitated for a moment. “You mean as much to me as I mean to you. I love you, Sas.” 

 

Damn, this was harder than he thought. His eyes started watering the moment Sasuke’s breath hitched. 

 

“My memories from my coma are kinda foggy, but I’ll be honest. I don’t really know why I rejected you before I woke up. So, I don’t know if it’s right to apologize for it. Yet I,” rapidly he blinked some if the tears away, “I don’t want you gone. Never. But I also don’t want you hurting anymore. So… if you…” 

 

He had the feeling of losing track, as well that the blabbing he was currently producing may make little to no sense. But then Sasuke lifted his arms again, loosely wrapping them around his shoulders and brushing his back. That was enough to give Naruto the security to move on. 

 

“I’m sorry for all the ways I hurt you. Though it’s a bit lame and too little to make up for it… I just want to apologize.” He sucked in a breath through his nose, his fingers tightening around the fabric of the shirt he was holding. “I’ll work hard on myself, just like you do. I don’t want to pain you any more, Sas…” Narrowing his eyes Naruto stared at the fabric before his sight, steel determination reflecting in his orbs. “I can’t swear it won’t happen again though. I’m sort of… clumsy at times.” Biting his bottom lip he drew a shaky breath. He wouldn’t lie to Sasuke any more and make promises he couldn’t guarantee to keep - but the amount of honesty could easily backfire, especially considering the pure agony Sasuke went through the last months. 

 

As hard and painful as it would be, Naruto would respect the decision… even if it meant rejection. 

 

Time seemed to freeze between them, the embrace warm and somehow inept, and with each second ticking by Naruto felt his hands getting more tired and his fear growing. In fact, he was so tensed and anxious his heart gave out when Sasuke released a soft, heavy breath. 

 

“That’s enough for me.”

 

Naruto felt so light-headed his vision started spinning, the words relieved him so much. Sasuke was granting him a chance, as small and fragile as it was. Even if he claimed to accept the offer, it didn’t mean a change, as slight as it was, would make him reconsider. But Naruto was willing to go all the way to hell and back to protect their newly forged bond, he cherished it so much.

 

Finally he gathered the courage to lean back, resting his tired body against the mattress. He sunk down with a light rustle, a small smile gracing his lips when he noticed Sasuke’s hands securely aided him. However a look at his features made it vanish again. 

 

Naruto could see insecurity in the dark orbs, as well as wary. His guard was up, though barely covering the utter vulnerability. He couldn’t recall seeing Sasuke in a similar state before. 

 

However soon a new emotion flashed across his face:

 

Utter exhaustion.

 

The pale eyelids fluttered every once in a while, as if Sasuke had trouble keeping them open, and the corners of his mouth began relaxing in their own accord. Probably he was already jetlagged, considering he had spent the last few weeks across the globe, and the long flight back along with their reunion did nothing to improve his state. Naruto knew how much such emotional moments drained Sasuke, so much he actually felt a physical impact. 

 

A light chuckle came over his lips when the pale mouth began twitching, along with the dark eyes. Sasuke always made that funny face when he tried suppressing a yawn, or better when he felt too lazy to lift his hand to cover it. 

 

“You should take a rest before heading home.” Mid-sentence Naruto furrowed his eyebrows, momentarily unsure what ‘home’ exactly meant for them now. “Or, better, before driving away. You might wreck your car if you fall asleep behind the wheel.”

 

Indifferently Sasuke stared at him, his eyes focused when he tried following the sentence. “I don’t know,” he eventually uttered. “What if this… is a dream after all?” His voice grew quiet as he spoke, either because of the tiredness or insecurity. “What if I wake up… and you’re still comatose?” He pinned Naruto down with his eyes, suddenly very clear and awake. “What if I just dreamed about everything and, in fact, you push me away once we talk? I don’t want this to disappear.” 

 

Carefully he reached out, gently touching Naruto’s hand with his and squeezing. 

 

Quietly Naruto sighed, understanding him all to well. Just a while ago he, too, thought he was merely dreaming. Turning his wrist he opened his hand, intertwining their fingers loosely. 

 

“Well, only one way to find out.” He flashed a reassuring grin at Sasuke, one actually surprisingly bright considering the heavy situation they were in. “Besides, you can’t stay awake for the rest of your life.”

 

Sasuke merely hn-ed at that, the exhaustion catching back with him once more. Reaching for the chair he pulled it closer to the bed, enough for him to lay down his upper body onto the mattress as he bend. Flopping Naruto made a little more room, just enough for him to fit his head onto the mattress close to their hands. For a moment he considered pushing further away so Sasuke could lay down as well – they had slept in much more cramped spaces before – but eventually decided against it. That kind of intimacy was too much too soon; it would take time for them to ease into the idea of closeness again. 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll be here once you wake up,” Naruto whispered quietly, hoping that, at last, they both could finally find some peace. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> The next chap is merely some kind of afterword, so most from me is stated there :) 
> 
> I will start answering the old comments later today, too, so please be patient!
> 
> Regards,  
> -T


	55. Extra: Afterword from Taua

Hi everyone!

 

It's the first time I actually ever put some sort of afterword to my works, and tbh I just came up with it last minute. One of the reasons is that I often add very subtle and hidden meanings in the work itself, another bc I kind of enjoy talking about my fics and plots and everything xD

 

Since this fic was quite unique on many aspects, I figured I might as well clear a few things in the afterword and share my experiences with the readers. Plus, if you feel like discussing anything regarding this work, just comment on here (perhaps be as kind as to put a #afterword on the beginning or something; I have absolutely no clue on which chap exactly the comments come in, or I'm too dense to figure it out v.v).

 

First off, I wrote this story back in 2012 as a submission to the SasuNaru Contest back at Y!Gallery. Some of you may know the website from the past, though unfortunately it got completely destroyed by some meany hacker asshole so it's unavailable. However I personally know (quite well actually) that the page is being reconstructed behind the scenes and will definitely come back online! I don't know if there will be yet another kind-of club for the SasuNaru / NaruSasu Day celebration, let alone contests, but I'm looking really forward to reposting the story there :D

 

Anyway... back to the main topic. So I wrote this fic for the contest and had a really tight schedule. It was uncertain whether there was an overall theme coming up, so I only managed to start working as the original post came up, which left a time of roughly 3 months for writing, editing, and actually posting the fic... plus developing the plot!

 

Back then a classmate made a report about the book PS: I love you (which I personally never read or watched) and the concept about letters felt interesting to me. Soon enough I decided to put Naruto in a long coma with Sasuke writing letters to him, though none of them was gonna die. At first I thought about making the coma much shorter and have Sas write daily letters, but then I tossed away the idea. I mean, the story feels stretched as it is... and what could happen from one day to the next? So I ended up doing weekly letters with a shitton of random stuff added. Those who know me and my stories know how I act when I'm desperate... and I hardly ever plan ahead when it comes to writing (and many other things regarding my life LOL). So, I ran out of stuff to add to the letters so I included flower language. In fact, it's still with me up to this day and I like to act flashy and tell colleagues and strangers about the meaning of flowers ;D

 

So, I had the schedule, I had the theme, and I realized I had to come up with the discipline to actually write the stuff down. As I wanted to make the chaps roughly alike in length, I also limited myself to a certain word count and had to somehow still keep motivated to write it. Oh, and the research; God was that annoying =.= I hardly ever look stuff up other than words and I just roll with it. This project bend me in several ways I never felt comfortable with, and still feel odd about. But I had set the goal – I wanted to _win_ the contest, especially since some people I competed with in my early days of English fanfic were joining too. And while doing so I also wanted to win with class, without adding any sort of sexual content beside the one kiss at the end. I just mentioned enough to assure Sasuke appeared as the one initiating and dominating their sexual encounters so it would fit the SasuNaru theme.

 

To keep an overall look on the developments and timelines, I actually added significant information into an Excel-sheet. I am good with memory and I didn't take any medication back then, but keeping an eye on 54 chaps over 3 months was too much even for me. I hated it from the start till the end, but it was needed to at least half-way tie up all the loose ends by the time of the epilogue. And I realized early on that the end – the moment when Sasuke and Naruto _finally_ meet – would be a true bitch. There was so, so much build-up throughout the story which needed to somehow peak and finish off... and I came to the conclusion that, oh my fucking shit, I couldn't come up with an end fitting enough for it. I played out several sceneries in my head, but none felt fitting and I was extremely unhappy with the original ending. I can't say I approve this one to 100% either. In fact, I remember one of the readers at Y!Gal stating that the end felt 'like a normal chap, just a bit longer'. But then again, by the time I wrote the end I encountered one of my... as a friend would say, _darker_ habits:

 

With the last dot I decided I hated the entire story.

 

It's not that unusual for me to invest several hours, even up to weeks into a fanfic and then decide I detest it. The plot being too cheesy, the scenes being too dull, the style being detestable. Often I add the last dot and decide, _damn, this is bullshit, I can't show this to anyone_ and just hit the delete button. Deep down I'm a terribly self-conscious, insecure woman who fears the judging of other people. Even after over ten years of writing and posting fanfics I still feel my heart speed up when I post something new, afraid of the readers' reactions to it. I'm not exactly scared of the reactions, but more uncomfortable. It's extremely rare I enjoy one of my works, all the more after a few years (such exceptions are The King's Shadow and True Colors [sequel to My Beloved Naruto]). Since this story is very unlike my usual works, I wasn't surprised to come disliking the fanfic and feeling the urge to delete it. However, time was almost up and I couldn't really come up with something new for the contest, so I just rolled with it. To actually win the contest with this story felt out of reach for me, so I was surprised I won after all (with more than double as many votes as the 2 nd place, who added a hot steamy lemon to their story).

 

Beside all the struggle with the theme and the elements, I actually enjoyed adding so many different characters from Naruto into this plot. Beside the obese nurse and possibly the driver of Mei's car, every single character is from the Naruto-verse. I tried fitting them in according to their role in Canon and based most of the little things like hobbies and favorite foods on the encyclopedias from Kishimoto himself (I have the books up to Sha, but hell will freeze over before I purchase anything above that; I detested how Naruto developed almost as much as I detest my own works). Ofc Gaara is not into _videogames_ in Canon, but Naruto's hobby is, in fact, gardening, just to name an example. Also A, the Raikage, was an actual competitor of Minato and wanted to face him in battle, but never got around because of the Kyuubi attack where he died. That was also the time where I grew liking Mei as an overall character – from design to her acting and wording – so I added her in a rather weighting role in this universe. Including so many sidekicks was a new challenge I never came around before and one of the readers at Y!Gal actually pointed out they liked how I didn't just randomly coupled them up. Like, Kakashi and Iruka never got involved and other that Sasuke and Naruto only 3 pairings are real while one is hinted (SaiSakura, though that changed in True Colors drastically).

 

A dear friend read this story over and pointed out many flaws of it, which are undoubtedly there. Like Naruto's reaction when he first woke up wasn't believable (I may change this up in the future) while Kakashi is extremely questionable in his role in this universe. Plus she hates Sasuke, which only made it all the more worse since this story is pretty much _only_ about Sasuke. He's always there and in focus, instead of Naruto and his own being. However, she also pointed out she felt the urge to read this story since it's overpouring with _me_ ; from the style to the themes and elements. That got me thinking, since I actually try to avoid auto-biografic content like the plague. I'm... afraid and conflicted about people reading me and use whatever they know against me. My therapist said I'm progressing overall, but I'm still terrified about people _maybe_ picking up details and hurt me with it in everything I do – from writing to moving or as much as a twitch on my face – so I pretty much freaked out as she told me and re-read the entire story in paranoia. That also forced me to look at the story with another view – and that kind of raised the urge in me to write an afterword, only enforced by the overall reaction of the readers.

 

It is true that the story circles around Sasuke and Naruto and the relationship they have. However, there is also so much going wrong in it... from how Sasuke tries to manipulate Naruto and send him on a guilt trip to Naruto actually rolling with it and focusing his everything on Sasuke rather than himself. They do have a deep relationship in this universe, but it's anything but healthy. It's also hurtful how they treat everyone else, including themselves.

 

At the beginning both feel frustrated over the other. Whatever they do – from being considerate and romantic to make presents – the other doesn't really acknowledge it the way they should. Both Naruto and Sasuke pour their everything into their feelings for each other, but have the inability to accept and embrace the affection the other shows for them. They both have the feeling they don't deserve the other and burn out, slowly but steadily. By the end of the story that changes; instead of keeping their focus _only_ on the other, both start to give more attention to themselves and their state of health. And so they could concentrate on themselves, they both understood they need the break in their relationship, as harsh as it was. Love is nice, passion is amazing, but in a healthy relationship you also need to love yourself some, too. I'm currently learning that myself and, on second look, it seems I already knew that a few years back.

 

That said, I rewrote the epilogue from scratch. It's calm and tamed, wary and careful. I'd dare to say it's much more mature than the original ending was and anything I could add in at this point. As I edited this fic I realized it may need another, last sequel – where this theme and aspect is more deepened. It would be from Sasuke's POV and focus on Naruto instead, on how he reminds himself to _show_ Naruto he accepts his affection and enjoys it. It would also take place several years after the second sequel and show bits and pieces on how they improved their relationship during that time with aid. I don't know when and if I'm going to write it, but if I come around to it I'd keep a close eye on this theme.

 

Speaking of sequels: Those from Y!Gal know that this story has, in fact, one. I don't think I'm going to post it here on AO3 (minors have way too easy access to it and it has themes of bloody violence and a sexscene in it), so I'm going to give you the highs and a brief summary here.

 

Since I wrote it for a club about Itachi and Sai (and a dear friend that is), this is the main pairing in that story. It takes place a few months after the end of MBN, where Sasuke is still very much obsessed with Naruto and Itachi struggles to get a grasp on him. He practically rose Sasuke and saw how he was wasting away after the accident without having the ability to reach him. He's scared Sasuke will eventually drift away entirely and that he loses the part he owns in his heart. Itachi never bothered much about stuff beside running his company and raising his brother, so he's pretty... issued in this universe. On the other side, Naruto wants to somehow make peace between all of them again and asks Sai to observe Itachi and see if he finds an opportunity where Naruto can worm in again. Since Itachi loves art and Sasuke introduces Sai to him, they are spending a lot of time together. After an incident Sai followed Itachi to a bar and they bonded a little there, forming a friendship. Over time it grows deeper and stronger, and with it also the pressure on Sai increases since he feels like he is betraying Itachi by slipping information to Naruto. Naruto notices that too and tells Sasuke about it, who is quite angry about the situation since he _knows_ shit will blow up once Itachi finds out. In the end Sai confesses, they have a round of hard sex, and Itachi lets slip he may or may not want to keep seeing Sai in the future. It's an ending quite like MBN – open but with a spark of hope for their relationship. As it circles around Sai and Itachi and their changing sentiments for one another, the title True Colors marks how they developed over the story. I liked working on it a lot more than on MBN... so, if I ever plan to post that story anywhere again (which will likely be Y!Gallery once it's up again) I needed to repost MBN as well, otherwise everyone would be lost xD

 

Okay... I wrote quite a bit here. I never did any kind of Afterword before, so I hope it came out alrightish at least v.v

 

As I said at the beginning, if you have any sort of questions around the plot of MBN – be it events or things you picked up or whatever – feel free to post it here! I'll gladly answer everything to tie up the loose ends for good :)

 

If you prefer a more private setting, you can also poke me on skype over taua-auat. I'm forever ghosting there so don't be surprised if I suddenly answer anyway xD

 

And with that, a last kind regards,

 

\- Taua

 


	56. Extra - Sequel Online!

Hello everyone!

 

I'm currently writing on my phone since my tablet is annoying still and I'm too sick to get up and sit on my desk :( 

Stupid influenza got at me, maybe it's a pneumonia. Oh well. It shall pass eventually. 

I've been thinking and debatting and thought, while I work on a supernew fantasy AU I might as well post something in the meantime. And since this story got so much attention, I figured, hey why not post the sequel which I personally love so much? 

And then it happened v.v 

The story is called 'True Colors' and is posted in the restricted area since there is some very explicite content in it.

Before you rush over and read it though, here some facts about the story:

As it's a giftfic/post for a fanclub of a dear friend, the main couple and focus is one of her favorite ones - namely Itachi x Sai. Sasuke and Naruto still appear and still got very important roles im this fic, but the POVs are strictly from Itachi and Sai. 

The story has roughly 40k words. I don't know how many chaps it's gonna be, but with this info you can keep a good guess how far the story proceeded already.

There will be some references to MBN which are not thoroughly explained in that fiction. So if you're confused, feel free to poke me or look up stuff in the main story. 

Beside everything and all the context, please remember that the characters are generally rather issued and handle problems not how a reasonable human would. Violence, drug abuse, and sex all happen in that story - I know I can't stop minors from reading and accessing the story completely, however please keep in mind the story is featuring fictional characters dealing with remotely real, adult situations coming from my twisted spych. Hence they are **NO** good material for advice for your own life. 

 

Especially the last part may seem folish to some of you, but personally I think it's important that writers (who actually STAND behind what they create and post) should take responsability for it. 

 

If you're still not scared and interested, feel free to stop by the story!

 

Regards,

-T


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